Showing posts with label Philia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Philia. Show all posts

I DIDN'T REALLY LOVE MY EX



I was so confused about my ex that (at the time) I had invested 6 plus years into. No matter how many times I tried to work things out with him, I was always reminded how much he was Mr. Wrong.   I was at a point of my life where I knew that inner growth was mandatory because I had spent so much time running from my problems - especially with him.  I prided myself on being a strong woman because the tears my ex used to inspire from my eyes had dried permanently.  I couldn't even cry if I tried by the end of the relationship.
  
But this "strength" was coming from a deceptive place.  I was "strong" because I ran.  I had grown accustomed to looking through him instead of at him.  I had judged him, the situation and had a mentality of "F-CK EVERYBODY" when something went wrong because it was easier to detach myself from the source of pain.  I had no idea how much how much I needed to learn about life and love.


I had a good friend sit me down one day and ask me did I truly think I loved my ex.  Of course I said yes.  More than he ever did as far as I was concerned.  But did I really?

At that moment my friend introduced to me the DIFFERENT TYPES OF LOVE that exist.

AREAS OF LOVE ~~~~~  (the names are of Greek origin)

First, there's "EROS".  Eros can be remembered easily from the longer word erotic.  Eros is a type of "love" that most people base their romantic relationships on.  This love can be the butterflies in your stomach to the passion you share sexually.  THE SAD PART IS...THIS TYPE OF LOVE IS TOTALLY DEPENDENT ON THE CIRCUMSTANCE.  It is a PERCEPTIVE love.  Perceptions and feelings often CHANGE - which is why there are so many song lyrics about falling in and out of love.  EROS is a conditional love.

Then you have "PHILIA".  You can remember this one from Philly aka - "the City of Brotherly Love".  That's exactly what Philia is.  It's the fellowship you have with your roll dawgs.  Philia has the same problem that Eros has - it is totally dependent on what's going on at that time.  If something is perceived wrong, or if there is a argument/fight...this could end the bond.  

REMEMBER THIS:  If the basis for your relationship thrives on Eros or Philia...the foundation is weak.  
Finally we have AGAPE love.  Agape is the gangster of love.  It isn't a slave to feelings, perceptions, and circumstances.  AGAPE IS ABOUT MAKING A DECISION TO LOOK OUT FOR A PERSON'S WELL-BEING.  IT CHANGES LOVE FROM A FEELING TO A CHOICE. 

Now, some people may say...'you can't help how you feel about a person'.  And they're right.  Sometimes you can't control a feeling you may have about another person.  But that's just the thing.  True love has nothing to do with "feelings"

When you make a personal commitment to truly LOVE a person...to "Agape" a person, you take control of the situation and your happiness.  For these reasons:

1)  You choose to understand the situation and the person in that situation.
2)  When you allow the other two types of "love" to be the dominant factor in your relationships, you  are subject to much more confusion and conflict.  Your patience and mood can be affected by Eros and Philia very easily thus resulting in unnecessary stress.  
3)  It is exercise for the mind and spirit.  It's like giving your soul a workout.  When someone hurts you and you dig deep within yourself and trust God to strengthen your faith by forgiving them and looking past the circumstance...it's a gift of power and control for your mind.

I honestly don't want to kick my ex down a flight of steps anymore.  To truly LOVE is to embrace those who you have an indifference with.  It's HARD.  Yes.  But that's the test.  Life is meant to LIVE IT AND PAY ATTENTION TO THE MORAL OF YOUR STORY.  

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