I was so confused about my ex that (at
the time) I had invested 6 plus years into. No matter how many times I tried to
work things out with him, I was always reminded how much he was Mr.
Wrong. I was at a point of my life where I knew that inner growth
was mandatory because I had spent so much time running from my problems -
especially with him. I prided myself on being a strong woman because the
tears my ex used to inspire from my eyes had dried permanently. I
couldn't even cry if I tried by the end of the relationship.
But this "strength" was coming from a deceptive place. I was "strong" because I ran. I had grown accustomed to looking through him instead of at him. I had judged him, the situation and had a mentality of "F-CK EVERYBODY" when something went wrong because it was easier to detach myself from the source of pain. I had no idea how much how much I needed to learn about life and love.
I had a good friend sit me down one day and ask me did I truly think I loved my ex. Of course I said yes. More than he ever did as far as I was concerned. But did I really?
At that moment my friend introduced to me the DIFFERENT TYPES OF LOVE that exist.
AREAS OF LOVE ~~~~~ (the names are of Greek origin)
First, there's "EROS". Eros can be remembered easily from the longer word erotic. Eros is a type of "love" that most people base their romantic relationships on. This love can be the butterflies in your stomach to the passion you share sexually. THE SAD PART IS...THIS TYPE OF LOVE IS TOTALLY DEPENDENT ON THE CIRCUMSTANCE. It is a PERCEPTIVE love. Perceptions and feelings often CHANGE - which is why there are so many song lyrics about falling in and out of love. EROS is a conditional love.
Then you have "PHILIA". You can remember this one from Philly aka - "the City of Brotherly Love". That's exactly what Philia is. It's the fellowship you have with your roll dawgs. Philia has the same problem that Eros has - it is totally dependent on what's going on at that time. If something is perceived wrong, or if there is a argument/fight...this could end the bond.
REMEMBER THIS: If the basis for your relationship thrives on Eros or Philia...the foundation is weak.
But this "strength" was coming from a deceptive place. I was "strong" because I ran. I had grown accustomed to looking through him instead of at him. I had judged him, the situation and had a mentality of "F-CK EVERYBODY" when something went wrong because it was easier to detach myself from the source of pain. I had no idea how much how much I needed to learn about life and love.
I had a good friend sit me down one day and ask me did I truly think I loved my ex. Of course I said yes. More than he ever did as far as I was concerned. But did I really?
At that moment my friend introduced to me the DIFFERENT TYPES OF LOVE that exist.
AREAS OF LOVE ~~~~~ (the names are of Greek origin)
First, there's "EROS". Eros can be remembered easily from the longer word erotic. Eros is a type of "love" that most people base their romantic relationships on. This love can be the butterflies in your stomach to the passion you share sexually. THE SAD PART IS...THIS TYPE OF LOVE IS TOTALLY DEPENDENT ON THE CIRCUMSTANCE. It is a PERCEPTIVE love. Perceptions and feelings often CHANGE - which is why there are so many song lyrics about falling in and out of love. EROS is a conditional love.
Then you have "PHILIA". You can remember this one from Philly aka - "the City of Brotherly Love". That's exactly what Philia is. It's the fellowship you have with your roll dawgs. Philia has the same problem that Eros has - it is totally dependent on what's going on at that time. If something is perceived wrong, or if there is a argument/fight...this could end the bond.
REMEMBER THIS: If the basis for your relationship thrives on Eros or Philia...the foundation is weak.
Finally we have AGAPE
love. Agape is the gangster of love. It isn't a slave to feelings,
perceptions, and circumstances. AGAPE IS ABOUT MAKING A DECISION TO LOOK
OUT FOR A PERSON'S WELL-BEING. IT CHANGES LOVE FROM A FEELING TO A
CHOICE.
Now, some people may
say...'you can't help how you feel about a person'. And they're
right. Sometimes you can't control a feeling you may have about another
person. But that's just the thing. True love has nothing to do with "feelings".
When you make a personal
commitment to truly LOVE a person...to "Agape" a person, you take control of the situation
and your happiness. For these reasons:
1) You choose to
understand the situation and the person in that situation.
2) When you allow
the other two types of "love" to be the dominant factor in your
relationships, you are subject to much more confusion and conflict.
Your patience and mood can be affected by Eros and Philia very easily thus
resulting in unnecessary stress.
3) It is exercise
for the mind and spirit. It's like giving your soul a workout. When
someone hurts you and you dig deep within yourself and trust God to strengthen
your faith by forgiving them and looking past the circumstance...it's a gift of
power and control for your mind.
I honestly don't want to
kick my ex down a flight of steps anymore. To truly LOVE is to embrace
those who you have an indifference with. It's HARD. Yes. But
that's the test. Life is meant to LIVE IT AND PAY ATTENTION TO THE MORAL
OF YOUR STORY.
