#REASONSTOHAVEGUYBESTFRIENDS

 Okay so this is a trending topic on Twitter right now.  First of all, if a woman is single and is doing whatever the heck she feels like doing, then more power to her for having a bunch of boy toys around that can give her sound advice when they're not trying to subliminally sleep with her.

Yeah I said it.

Unless the girl is not very attractive to the guy at all (intoxicated or not), there is a huge chance that the whole "guy best friend" situation is just an excuse to have someone around as a possibility for more.

When two people are in a relationship, the goal is to be on the same page and make one another happy.  I very seriously doubt that a husband or boyfriend (with any backbone) would be alright with his girl giggling on the phone with her friend that happens to be a guy.  The only word that would stick forefront in the guy's mind would be "opportunity".  He knows the average man will seize various opportunities that come through his radar.  So why wouldn't a guy that was lucky enough to have a "best lady friend" do the same thing.

When there is an argument, disagreement or fight...could she be running to the Best Guy Friend and telling him all of the intimate details of the relationship?  Could she be using this Best Guy Friend to radiate any emotions on since she may be feeling a void in her actual intimate relationship?  Ummhmm.  Probably so.

When you are in any relationship (not even just an intimate one) it is highly necessary to put yourself in the shoes of the other person.

ASK YOURSELF HOW YOU WOULD FEEL IF YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH YOURSELF.

That humble pie might not be so sour if you looked at a situation like that.  #ImJUSTSAYIN.

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DAMN I WANTED TO SEE HIM...

I made sure the hair was right...my curves were noticed and that my smell was one he wouldn't want to get out of his system.  It was a fall night.  That "stroll in the park" type of weather and I couldn't wait to see what my old crush from high school was up to these days.  We were linking up that night after I spotted him on Facebook and quickly "friended" him.  After we exchanged phone numbers, he called me and we had the typical "catching up" convo.  He asked if we could plan a small reunion.  I said, "of course" and begin to plot on how edible I wanted to look.

He doesn't drive so I had to come to him.  No big though...plenty of people don't put money into cars.  He might be a smart man for not wanting to throw money into something that depreciates in value so easily.  He quickly complimented the edible-like nature of my appearance (I'm just sayin' I was killin 'em that night) and before we went to an area where we could see the lights hitting the Potomac River, I noticed several things.

His stature was about the same as I remember from high school.  He definitely didn't put on much weight in 11 some odd years, but that wasn't a deal breaker for me.  Not that I was trying to make a "deal" but hey, I had no idea if we would hit it off that night or not.   We talked about people from school and what we had been up to.  THEN...after about an hour into our rendez-vous, he began to make his move.

He wanted me to sit in his lap and had no problem putting his hand on my thighs.  He went in to kiss me and all the time I was thinking to myself that it's time to pump his brakes or get my slapping hand ready.  I knew it was inevitable that he would try his luck - I'm thinking most guys are going to see how far to take it where sex is concerned, but the fact that he seemed pretty confident about pursuing me sexually made me (1) question his intelligence level and (2) question how far I took it with the edible appearance situation. (I'm just saying...I was looking like a buffet of deliciousness in case you all didn't catch that).

So besides the anything-but-subtle physical contact he was giving me, I couldn't help but analyze his level of conversation.  At first it was cool because we were talking about people from school and mutual friends.  Then he started talking about how I should be his girl and we would make a great "team".

<< INSERT SCREECHING HALT SOUND HERE >>

Ex-squeeze me sir?  You wanna who, what, where, when?!  He actually proposed that we become an item within two hours of us linking up after 7 or 8 years?  Huh?  So I asked him, how does he know he wants to be with me?  I told him I could be a psycho.  Then he tells me (you're gonna love this) that if something happened to me to make me crazy after all these years that he thinks I would let him know.  Huh? Que? Come again sir? 

So unfortunately, as much as I am not the judgmental type...I put him in the "haven't gotten very far in life" category and began to plot a diabolical scheme to escape and pretend this night never happened.  I knew that he would have ran the same line to any chick he found attractive.  I pretty much had to say everything but a family member was in the hospital for him to let me leave but I managed to cut the evening somewhat short.

He called my phone everyday for two or three weeks straight after that.  His favorite line was telling me that I wasn't going to get rid of him that easily. 

And yes, you notice I am mentioning conversation that happened after I realized I wasn't interested in him at ALL.  And why was this?  Why would I continue to entertain conversation with someone who is making it clear he wants me but the feeling isn't mutual?

It was because I wanted the option open at the time.  For some crazy reason, I felt like one day maybe I would want to chill with him and I was single at the time so hey, why not?  He might come in handy one day when I'm bored.

But that very thing I JUST said is a major habit that keeps many people unhappily single for a very long time.

Why is it that so many of us are willing to entertain a person who we know damn well is in the "ignorant waste of my time" category?  I think it's because many times we are so obsessed with the "NOW" that we often neglect the concept of "LATER".  Some of y'all ladies are reading this right now knowing you're sleeping with some bastard that makes you want to bathe in some Holy water when you're done messing with him.  And for what?  A nut?  Go buy a vibrator and wait for the right one who matches what you want out of a mate.  Better yet - MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT PERIOD AND ENFORCE THAT AT ALL TIMES.  And if you aren't comfortable with loving yourself sexually then try to get comfortable.  I would say don't have sex period if I was good at fronting but I'm not.

I know this post is long...and I'm seriously not trying to sound judgmental but some people are meant to stay in the past where they belong.   Or some people are just meant to be a "passer by" and nothing more.

My point is:  HAVE A MEANINGFUL PURPOSE FOR THE CONNECTIONS YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE WITH OTHER PEOPLE.  IF YOU CAN'T SEE WHY YOU GIVE A PERSON YOUR TIME OR YOU FIND YOURSELF QUESTIONING THAT...YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET MORE IN TUNE WITH YOUR GUT.

YOU COULD POSSIBLY BE IN THEIR LIFE TO HELP THEM GROW, BUT IF YOU HAVE TO DUMB YOURSELF DOWN TO BE IN THEIR WORLD, I NEED FOR YOU TO DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND RUN IN A SWIFT-LIKE MOTION TO A MORE PROMISING SIDE OF TOWN.

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IT’S A KIM KARDASHIAN WORLD….AND I’M A HATER.

AT LEAST YOU THINK I AM.

The typical mentality of many women these days --- ESPECIALLY women who are used to being appreciated for their beauty, body, or the festivities they partake in as a result of both, are that anyone who is in opposition to their behavior are jealous, wanna-bes or bitter about their (perceived) success.

I was checking out the whole Kimmy Kardash debauchery and I read an AWESOME article right HERE that truly broke down what certain "haters" are truly "hating" on about Kim K.

And it saddens me because I feel like this is what so many people of the adult community allow their children to believe is okay to become.  Why is it okay for a 14-year-old to think that as soon as she can get out of the house long enough, she should go find a dude that makes enough money and suck her way into opportunities that will bridge her way into "success" that is defined by the media?

I ASK AGAIN....WHY IS THIS OKAY???

And the even sadder part is the fact that I think Kimmy TRULY believes (like many other lost females) that the majority of other women envy them.

So I'm about to break down what I see there is to envy:  (Fellas, don't drool too hard)

She's on top of the world, right?!  Who wouldn't want to be beautiful, the most talked about, or able to buy practically whatever she wants?

       NOW: Somebody flip this chick inside out.  Is the inside doing as well as the outside is?

How many people have lost their soul because the money just smelled too good to resist the f*ckery associated with obtaining it?

How many people have lost their lives to drug overdoses because the high of being THE MOST POPULAR, OR THE MOST IN DEMAND, OR THE MOST BROADCASTED came to a halt and they didn't know how to deal with it?

In time, that stuff fades.  Kim's beauty will fade one day.  Life is short and "living it to the fullest" DOES mean you should take chances, but not at the expense of your MORALS and definitely your CONSCIENCE.  Hopefully you have one.  And what will Kim K. have left if the whole basis of her life was subject to the visual?  Or the sexual?  I don't know this chick obviously.  But it IS obvious that a moral code is lost.

Everybody doesn't measure success in dollar increments or in media exposure.  My parents have been married for 30 years as the BEST OF FRIENDS and many people that believe in GOD honestly believe that THAT is what success looks like.  To have a true bond and have trust, and a peace of mind about both is to REALLY know what success is.  To know what it means to be able to rely on a person and to know that you have safe people to go to when you don't look your best, or feel your best, or you messed up something.  You can fall into the arms of someone who WON'T judge you or break you down because they honestly care for your well-being.

THAT IS SUCCESS.

Not the, "F the world", "get money" mentality (that really sounds like a person who's been hurt).  Not the "Get over on them before they get me" mindset.  All of that is recipe for disaster - whether it's now or later...IT ALL FADES AND TURNS TO DUST.   Because most people only want it to show it off because they want others to envy THEM.  This is BECAUSE...they are insecure -- beautiful or not.

Video vixens, World Star Hip-Hop Honeys and all the "wanna-bes":  UNDERSTAND THAT BEING GROUNDED MORALLY WILL TAKE YOU FURTHER THAN ANY HIP-HOP CAMP OR ATHLETE'S HUSH MONEY.  Notice how the Basketball Wives may enjoy nice flights, dinners, vacations, and etc. but it damn sure didn't change their drama or their emotions from being jacked up on a REGULAR basis.  But I know, you didn't even read past the part where I said nice flights, dinners, and vacations.  OR, you're a "BOSS" that doesn't get caught up in emotions.  It's just business for you...I know.

You'll learn one day though.

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