WHO HAS A SHADY CIRCLE???

 We all have heard the saying, "Watch the company you keep".  The problem is that many of us have heard it, but haven't LIVED it.  We often allow things like availability, location and boredom to help us figure out who we keep around.  The problem is our judgment system (or lack thereof) often gets us into trouble.

If you ever want to know where you are headed and what direction your life is going, it is a VITAL thing to check out who you are spending time with.  When I say spending time, I mean in conversation, in face to face time, and overall interaction.  If the majority of the people you connect with are constantly in negative situations, always blaming other people for things, have sneaky behaviors, have stolen from you, lied to you (do I really need to add to this list?) then it is time to re-construct your circle.

Many of us know when something doesn't feel right, but we fail to pay attention to our instincts.  And WHY IS THAT?  Why do many of us spend sooooo much time trying to convince others how much crap we won't take off of someone, but when it comes to actually incorporating that into our real life, we turn into Spongebob talking to Mr. Crabs?

There is an alarm in ALL OF US that goes off when we're dealing with someone who is not good for us.  And if there is no alarm, it is either because you have gravitated towards the right people or maybe the bad influence is really you (just saying).

Ladies, how many of you have a friend right now that you need Red Bull and iron pills just to talk to them because that's how much life they sucked out of you after they share their latest soap opera marathon?  I mean, there's nothing wrong with being there for your friends, but if the sum of their conversation usually involves someone potentially getting scraped up off the ground from a powerful a** kicking, YOU NEED TO RE-EVALUATE YOUR LEVEL OF INTERACTION WITH THAT PERSON.

I had a friend a few years ago who was staying over my house for a few weeks until she moved into her own place.  My boyfriend at the time was about to come over and I let her know that.  This girl proceeds to grab a can of air freshener and sprays it down the hall and straight into her own bedroom before he got there.  I was like (pause....looks around).  Now hell, maybe she just wanted to come across as being clean and fresh, but it is quite a suspect thing to observe when you know they have slept with a married man before.

The point is, you have to be aware of your conscience.  There are so many people who allow their insecurities, fears, inner demons, and other negative things influence them in relationships.  If you have people around you (even family members) who you can't be inspired by and grow from....THEY ARE MEANT TO BE LOVED FROM A DISTANCE.  <~~~~ I can't stress that enough kids.  DO NOT allow someone to hinder your evolution because they are afraid to grow themselves.

Be there for them....LOVE THEM...but love yourself enough to control who you exchange energy with.  Period.

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DAMN I WANTED TO SEE HIM...

I made sure the hair was right...my curves were noticed and that my smell was one he wouldn't want to get out of his system.  It was a fall night.  That "stroll in the park" type of weather and I couldn't wait to see what my old crush from high school was up to these days.  We were linking up that night after I spotted him on Facebook and quickly "friended" him.  After we exchanged phone numbers, he called me and we had the typical "catching up" convo.  He asked if we could plan a small reunion.  I said, "of course" and begin to plot on how edible I wanted to look.

He doesn't drive so I had to come to him.  No big though...plenty of people don't put money into cars.  He might be a smart man for not wanting to throw money into something that depreciates in value so easily.  He quickly complimented the edible-like nature of my appearance (I'm just sayin' I was killin 'em that night) and before we went to an area where we could see the lights hitting the Potomac River, I noticed several things.

His stature was about the same as I remember from high school.  He definitely didn't put on much weight in 11 some odd years, but that wasn't a deal breaker for me.  Not that I was trying to make a "deal" but hey, I had no idea if we would hit it off that night or not.   We talked about people from school and what we had been up to.  THEN...after about an hour into our rendez-vous, he began to make his move.

He wanted me to sit in his lap and had no problem putting his hand on my thighs.  He went in to kiss me and all the time I was thinking to myself that it's time to pump his brakes or get my slapping hand ready.  I knew it was inevitable that he would try his luck - I'm thinking most guys are going to see how far to take it where sex is concerned, but the fact that he seemed pretty confident about pursuing me sexually made me (1) question his intelligence level and (2) question how far I took it with the edible appearance situation. (I'm just saying...I was looking like a buffet of deliciousness in case you all didn't catch that).

So besides the anything-but-subtle physical contact he was giving me, I couldn't help but analyze his level of conversation.  At first it was cool because we were talking about people from school and mutual friends.  Then he started talking about how I should be his girl and we would make a great "team".

<< INSERT SCREECHING HALT SOUND HERE >>

Ex-squeeze me sir?  You wanna who, what, where, when?!  He actually proposed that we become an item within two hours of us linking up after 7 or 8 years?  Huh?  So I asked him, how does he know he wants to be with me?  I told him I could be a psycho.  Then he tells me (you're gonna love this) that if something happened to me to make me crazy after all these years that he thinks I would let him know.  Huh? Que? Come again sir? 

So unfortunately, as much as I am not the judgmental type...I put him in the "haven't gotten very far in life" category and began to plot a diabolical scheme to escape and pretend this night never happened.  I knew that he would have ran the same line to any chick he found attractive.  I pretty much had to say everything but a family member was in the hospital for him to let me leave but I managed to cut the evening somewhat short.

He called my phone everyday for two or three weeks straight after that.  His favorite line was telling me that I wasn't going to get rid of him that easily. 

And yes, you notice I am mentioning conversation that happened after I realized I wasn't interested in him at ALL.  And why was this?  Why would I continue to entertain conversation with someone who is making it clear he wants me but the feeling isn't mutual?

It was because I wanted the option open at the time.  For some crazy reason, I felt like one day maybe I would want to chill with him and I was single at the time so hey, why not?  He might come in handy one day when I'm bored.

But that very thing I JUST said is a major habit that keeps many people unhappily single for a very long time.

Why is it that so many of us are willing to entertain a person who we know damn well is in the "ignorant waste of my time" category?  I think it's because many times we are so obsessed with the "NOW" that we often neglect the concept of "LATER".  Some of y'all ladies are reading this right now knowing you're sleeping with some bastard that makes you want to bathe in some Holy water when you're done messing with him.  And for what?  A nut?  Go buy a vibrator and wait for the right one who matches what you want out of a mate.  Better yet - MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT PERIOD AND ENFORCE THAT AT ALL TIMES.  And if you aren't comfortable with loving yourself sexually then try to get comfortable.  I would say don't have sex period if I was good at fronting but I'm not.

I know this post is long...and I'm seriously not trying to sound judgmental but some people are meant to stay in the past where they belong.   Or some people are just meant to be a "passer by" and nothing more.

My point is:  HAVE A MEANINGFUL PURPOSE FOR THE CONNECTIONS YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE WITH OTHER PEOPLE.  IF YOU CAN'T SEE WHY YOU GIVE A PERSON YOUR TIME OR YOU FIND YOURSELF QUESTIONING THAT...YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET MORE IN TUNE WITH YOUR GUT.

YOU COULD POSSIBLY BE IN THEIR LIFE TO HELP THEM GROW, BUT IF YOU HAVE TO DUMB YOURSELF DOWN TO BE IN THEIR WORLD, I NEED FOR YOU TO DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND RUN IN A SWIFT-LIKE MOTION TO A MORE PROMISING SIDE OF TOWN.

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