ALL THAT SHIT BELOW IS NOT ME!!!!!

MAN.  Sometimes finding yourself is one of the hardest things to accomplish in life.  We play roles that we feel make sense at the time, many roles we fill are permanent ones as well....but nothing is worse than filling a role that you know deep down was never meant for you in the first place.


GROWING PAINS ARE A BITCH.  And so are some of the folk who have inspired the content that will follow this post.

  
What I meant by the title of this post is that I personally don't give one 1/2 of a desirable SHIT STAIN about most of the details of these celebs.  I care about as much as a person that is more inspired by dope shit like getting fucked doing a handstand or making Hennessy come out of your nose without needing to visit Urgent Care.


So while I am interested in some of the famous people crap... (I love how I put that)...


I am NOT interested in "keeping up with the Joneses" of all their stupid business.  Like, OMG you have no idea how much I don't give a flaming Young Thug feminine F**K!!!!


((Long deep sigh))  That felt kind of good to write.  It did.

(thought i'd give a little forehead action...)

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10 Things I'm Glad I Didn't Do In My 20s...

(Me at 30...but don't I look 20?! -- ((snort laughs))

1) Get Married -   As much I can't wait for that magical day to walk down the aisle and begin that lifetime journey, I realize how underdeveloped I was as a person.  As much love as I had in my heart, I was in no way, shape or form ready for the responsibility and understanding that comes along with having a strong and functional marriage.  I think it will always be a learning experience as you go, but I know many people who say they wish they would have waited until they were more mature and gotten more experiences out of their system before making such a big step.


2) Get A Billion Tattoos -  If I acted on every impulse I had for some ink in my 20's, I would have a lot of sh*t on my body that I'd frown upon now.  I'm not knocking anyone who has that fancy graffiti but personally, I think that the permanent nature of a tattoo should have some in- depth thought involved behind it.  I know there were some times back then that I wanted to get one just for the sake of having one.


3) Being Afraid Of Friend/Family Opinions - I was very affected by the opinions of others as a child.  I was too self-aware and I was miserable because of it.  At some point of being treated very poorly by people that I cared for the most (mostly people I called my friends), I woke up and realized that I had to start listening to my heart and trust God more.  I tapped into my passions and let go of my doubts.  I took more risks and didn't apologize about it.  I knew the people that were meant to be in my space would still be around and respect my independence.


4) Blaming Others For Choices I Made -  At the end of the day regardless of what I wasn't taught or where I came from or who I came across, THIS IS MY WALK, MY JOURNEY, MY LIFE. Playing the blame game for anything I don't have or didn't like that happened is only hurting my own growth and progress.  I am thankful that I learned (somehow miraculously) to hold myself ACCOUNTABLE for what I have or don't have in my life.  This is how I operate and that mindset has carried over into the present day.  I believe THIS is what it takes to grow in so many successful ways and areas of life.


5) Sticking With Jobs That Didn't Teach Me Anything -  I am too talented of an individual to have my time and energy wasted where it is not being properly utilized.  There is a question with employers about an individual's longevity and commitment to a job, but for entrepreneurs like myself, my commitment to authenticity and life purpose is more important.  The longest position I have held (personally) was 4.5 years at a bank (hated it).  If you are stagnant and miserable working at a job, make steps everyday to finding out (1) what you would rather be doing (2) what steps you need to take in order to qualify for the job/business (3) don't allow people to diminish your desires (4) remember that life is too short to be confined 8 or more hours a day doing crap that means nothing to you.


6) Following the Crowd -  F*** the crowd.  Like, seriously...  I don't know too many substantial people that fulfilled their destiny by copying the footsteps of others.  I don't try to give myself credit for being influential, but I know I am - however small the influence, I know I do.  I believe that when you tap into your spirit and understand that we all have unique gifts from a higher power that were made for something bigger than us, it is easy to let the crowd be there while you shine and stand out.


7) Holding On To Friends That Subtract From My Life Value -  There are some people who will never be 100 with you.  Some won't even give you 50.  I refuse to keep people around for the sake of not being lonely because I would still feel alone having 20 friends around knowing none of them truly gave a damn about me.  I don't care about stunting for Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and trying to make it look like I have an entourage.  Some people are assholes and treat you like shit and I refuse to be a part of nonsense when there are better alternatives.  You better believe the people I rock with go just as hard for me as I do for them.  #Thankful


8) Ignoring Karma -  I promise on everything I love, I have so many reasons to be spiteful, bitter, angry, just an awful person in general based on things some have done to me in the past.  For a few people that have caught me in the morning, they might say they know that chick (I apologize for my Tourettes at the top of the morning by the way), but I have morals.  For all the wrong that I know has been done to me in my life, I realize that some situations are bigger than me.  I am a firm believer that things come back to haunt people that do jacked up things to folks.  I don't even anticipate that though.  I thank God that I have the type of heart where I don't harbor hatred for people.  Hatred is a prison for some people and they don't even realize it.  It's crippling and it can eat away at you.


9) Settling -  If you aren't happy, you just aren't happy.  I know that the times I felt need for a change, I tried to make steps to fix the problem.  I definitely made mistakes, but I refused to settle for things that I knew deep down in my heart were just wrong.  And more importantly, wrong for me.  I have no regrets because I know that in many important areas of my life, I put forth my best effort to improve things that needed changing.  (Advice: Don't ignore problems, face them and know that you have every right to have peace of mind within your life).


10) Have Drake To Hear On the Radio -  YOLO has a lot of dumb ass young people doing dumb ass shhhhhh...  Granted, I could make the same list of things I'm not glad that I did do in my 20's, but one thing I knew was that with certain things, you have to be careful.  I said goodbye to a dear friend when I was 20 who died in a car wreck and a host of others that were in bike accidents, and lots of other things that took them away from this life.  And more than the possibility of the worst happening, I believe that people in their 20s should have some aspect of the future.  There are too many of you who don't have a direction, a desire you are aware of, a PURPOSE.  And not having these things turns you to the wrong things and people for a false sense of fulfillment.  Living and experiencing is fine, but knowing to LEARN FROM YOUR EXPERIENCES is an invaluable skill to have embedded in your brain.

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Pet Peeves Women Have About Their Men (Reader Responses)

SO...
My ladybugs in RELATIONSHIPS gave me some very thoughtful feedback on this topic. So I dropped my 99 cents.... 



I don't like my boyfriend's friends because all of them chase skirts as a hobby...
I would let him know how you feel about his friends and if you're uncomfortable.  Respectfully, but he should know that you're aware of their behavior.  You should be able to tell if he thinks like his friends by his overall philosophy about things/people/women.  Just pay attention and communicate.

He's always asking me what I want to do instead of just taking me somewhere...
Tell him what you would like him to do.  He can't read your mind, but also let him know you appreciate spontaneity (whispers...) tell him it turns you on! LOL

I have to remind him to pay his bills and keep track of everything.  I'm his wife and his secretary!
If that's a weakness he has, sometimes our strengths can balance out things like that.  I would get over it unless it's truly inconveniencing something you need/want to do.

He leaves the bathroom looking like a war zone with hair, clothes and crap everywhere...
Sometimes we have to take the good with the bad.  I would say balance is the key.  Nothing wrong with cleaning up after the hubby but if he's taking advantage and treating you like his maid service, I would bust him upside the head with a box of cereal.

We never want to do it at the same time!!!
This always sucks but communication is the best way to handle this.  Compromise too.  If you know you've bended (in more ways than one) with this, then tell him what you want from him as well.  Make it worth his while to be more on your schedule too...lol

I don't think his mom likes me.
Well, I think the important thing would be trying to figure out why you feel this way.  If you know why she may not like you then I would go with my instincts.  If something is telling you to reach out to her, do that and see if it makes for a better situation.  Some men are "mamas boys" and are the "main men" to their moms (especially single ones).  Just make sure you aren't being neglected in that sense but if it's something else, try to search for answers and go with your gut.

Anytime I hang out with my girlfriends he gets an attitude with me, but when he wants to hang out with his friends I'm supposed to be okay with it.
The good old "double standard".  We should all know who we're dealing with when it comes to our other half.  The best way to deal with this is to be straight up about how you feel.  Don't do the "tit for tat" game.  Emotionally it can be hard to express yourself when you feel attached and don't want to come across clingy, but you have to be real with yourself and honesty is better than trying to act like you're unaffected if you really are.  TALK ABOUT IT.  Respectfully.

He lets his kids destroy the house and when I say something to them, he yells at me.
Unfortunately if you aren't his wife (which I know you aren't yet), you have to step back and woosah at the situation.  Some battles we have to pick and choose.  If you are paying rent with your man (however), you have every right to speak up about the upkeep of the house and what you want him to do.  Again, COMMUNICATE.  But do it when you are not upset.  Respect is always the key.

He's too lazy when we're having sex, he always want me on top.
Try to introduce something different in your sex situation like a game, new location, video, play fight, etc.  I say this because he might be bored with the regular routine so switching things up by being spontaneous may be what you need to inspire him.  If that doesn't work, shove a sock in his mouth while he's sleep.  (I kid...I kid)

We never have any alone time, it's always family night.
SCHEDULE IT!!!  SCHEDULE IT!!!  SCHEDULE IT!!!  Find a sitter one night and plan something special.  You can have fun with your girlfriends shopping for some sexy lingerie and smell goods.  Planning is the key!


He works less than I do, but I'm always doing the cooking.  He sucks in the kitchen.
Tell him some nights you aren't going to cook.  You shouldn't feel like a slave to the stove so don't put that pressure on yourself.  He should know you will take care of home but not at the expense of feeling run down.  BALANCE my dear!

He's always buying some damn sneakers!  Priorities are trash, he owes everybody including me!
No one can take advantage of you unless you allow them to.  If he's abusing your generosity then you have to let him know you can't continue to enable his bad spending habits.  Of course you want to make him happy, but your happiness is important too!  See how bad the situation is and trust your instincts.  Let him know it's okay to spend but ONLY IF YOU HAVE THE MEANS TO!  

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Disgusting Things Women Do That Men Hate

1) Leaving traces of your "lady time" products around the bathroom.
One guy actually said he walked in the bathroom to find a tub full of red water with his wife's underwear floating.  (Yeah, I'm dry heaving too sir.  On behalf of the XX chromosome party, I deeply apologize for that entire situation.)

2) Making an explosion out of your underwear instead of hauling it to the bathroom.
I can understand a friendly "poot" but if you have to launch the grenade factory from your panties, haul your smelly booty ass into the restroom and be a lady.  10 year relationship my ass, you STINK.

3) Toilet paper being stuck in your tush.
If you use the bathroom before riding the rodeo, PLEEEEEASE double check your lady holes before assuming your little sexy position and getting the party started.  Especially from the back!  Sheesh!

4) The fingernail struggle.
We all have bad habits sometime but if you know you bite your dirty nails constantly then try to lay a smooch on your hubby's lips, YUCKO.

5) Asking to have a pimple, lesion, crater, alien popped somewhere on your body.
This is love right here.  I'm not saying don't do it, but if you haven't married that man and he's squeezing slime out for you...he deserves for you to propose to him.  ((I have the Heebie Jeebies now. And yes, I really said Heebie Jeebies in 2014)).

6) Lazy hygiene.
There are actually men out here who speak on the fact that he knows his woman does not take daily showers.  I'm quite speechless on this one.  I can understand if you're sick or if you've been home all day and just haven't made it there yet, but he said she actually has left in the same underwear/underclothes and bird bathed the situation?!  Girl, who raised you?


I'm surprised my stomach survived writing this up.

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Strippers: Wifeable or Nah?

I know some people looked at that title like..."what the hell Mo?"  ((chuckles))

Alright so me being in the midst of my Instagram browsing, I stumbled across a promoter I follow that works at a few clubs in the DC area (mind you, I don't know this person beyond Instagram) and he happened to take a picture with a very beautiful woman who I believe was a guest at one of his parties.

When I went to her profile, I realized she was a stripper with about 15,000 followers.  She was into fitness as well, but there were more pole flicks than gym, so I was like alrighty!

The only thing that threw me off was the fact that the dude who was a promoter was talking about how this woman was a "triple threat" because of her brains, personality and beauty.  In the comment thread he was talking about her like he was checking for her.

So a Black person like myself was stuck for a moment like...is he just gassing her to put in "potential na na" points or do dudes really bun up strippers?!

I know everybody says, "Hoes be winning", and this isn't to shade anyone - I know some women have had to pay bills by popping the cheek sandwiches for tuition/book/dorm/rent/food/sitter/car note/survival money.

I'm not here to cast judgment in the least...like, who the f--- am I anyway?  BUT...I am speaking on the fact that a stripper's job is to create a sexual fantasy for a population of men on a nightly basis.

MEANING...men other than your MAN will see the goods and tip you handsomely for lap dances, booty claps, body twerks, and perculations (yes, I'm making up words now).

So with all that being said, is there a man who would really bun up a stripper?  Let me know. Obviously I would say the average man would never in a million years of standing up to do #1 would consider taking a stripper seriously, but I actually do know some exceptions with former strippers. Again, help me out and give me some perspective on this.

Was the Instagram dude just talking or nah?

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Chris Brown Is BiPolar: Is This A Common Overlooked Issue?

Chris Brown is said to be diagnosed with Bipolar II and an untreated case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder which has been the cause for his reoccurring anger issues - this information came out in the ongoing Rihanna beating case.

One thing that concerns me is the fact that many of us in the Black community do not acknowledge that sometimes, we are just not okay (mentally).  Many people will dismiss dark emotions and say things like:

"you just need to pray" 

"there's nothing wrong with you, stop speaking that over yourself"

"all you need is to pull yourself together"

And part of these sayings are added to the fact that Black folks rarely will say they need therapy or to speak to a counselor.  Many people think that if they go along with that it's like admitting you're crazy or that something's wrong with you.  Seeking God is the best thing in my own opinion, but to dismiss someone from trying to sort out their emotions - this is the part we need to steer away from.

Sometimes, what we need is to talk to someone who doesn't have anything to lose or gain from helping you through your problems.  When we turn to people we know, we often get bad advice from our loved ones (whether they mean to or not) because they don't always speak from a clean slate.  Sometimes the background info is useful, but then sometimes it's just added baggage to make a person judge you more harshly.

In terms of Chris Breeze, it's not my place to say how valid that diagnosis is in relation to him jacking Rihanna up, but I do know that when we have past trauma and hurt, burying our emotions is usually the very reason why we can't get things right later on with our personal lives.  

We should encourage one another to step outside our comfort zones and try to acknowledge our weaknesses and skeletons.  We truly need to be more supportive of one another, LESS JUDGMENTAL, and help build each other towards success in all areas of life.

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So Apparently The Game Is Added To The "Kooch Fax" for Kim K.

How does this work exactly?  Normally when someone finds out his girl tag teamed the entire league, they don't usually have tabloid reports of becoming engaged with them around Valentine's Day.  I'm still not convinced the ring Kimmy showed off after V-Day signified anything in terms of matrimony.

But The Game allegedly has lyrics on an early demo of Ray J's infamous "I Hit it First" single where he references her store named "Dash" among other references that would link him to her and getting some "knowledge" from her on a private jet.

Alrighty roo.

Fellas, please provide some insight on this one.  If you were dating a woman only to find out that she's been with the team (in Kimmie's case, I know Kanye was acutely aware of her Kooch Fax), what do you do with that information?  If you found out about one guy is that the same as finding out she had been with more?

What are the personal guidelines men have for this type of thing?  Mind you, women can't have this same standard.  We'd never be able to date you.  (I kid...I kid...) LOL

But is it a case-by-case type of thing?  The next post, I'll have feedback on this one.

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How To Tell If A Man Is NOT Into You....

The fact of the matter is, there are too many women who play themselves dealing with guys who could give two damns about anything going on with you beyond the treasure chest between your legs.

So I've compiled a thoughtful list from the male side of my Doodle Family that illustrates a man who could take you or leave you:

1. There is no consistency in communication.

2. If the girl initiates the communication like texting, there is a huge delay in the response. Or if its via phone, he says 'let me call you back' frequently.

3. They both talk about the same subjects all the time, and he never talks to her about anything that requires feelings/emotions.

4. He gives her little to no eye contact when they are face to face.

5. He does not compliment her. If he does, it's rarely and definitely not consistent.

6. He is only affectionate in PRIVATE with you. PUBLIC affection is slim to none.

7. You barely know anyone who he is close to (i.e. friends, parents, siblings, etc.)

8. He cancels plans very easily with you (if he makes them at all) - you are more on HIS schedule than a mutual collaboration.

9. Your rendez-vous are usually more convenient for him than for you.

10. He doesn't remember anything significant that relates to the two of you.

The fact is, a man will always provide all the signs to see where his head is. It's up to you to get hip. If there is a question of what he's thinking, it's probably because he's not thinking much of you. Fellas, let me know if I left out anything.

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Advice from A Guy Who Gets Laid Every Night (Mature Content)

DISCLAIMER:  I HAVE FRIENDS IN MY DOODLE WORLD.  I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO ROB AKA CRAZYBUG.  (I JUST MADE THAT UP...HE'LL LOVE THE NICKNAME, I'M SURE.)  ANYWAY, THIS IS WHAT HE HAS TO SAY ABOUT MEN WHO TAKE THE GENTLEMAN APPROACH TO FINDING A LADY.  HIS WORDS, NOT MINE...BUT THAT'S MY NINJA 5000.  ALRIGHTY?!  ALRIGHTY.  LET'S GO.

Dear Mr. Nice guy,

First, allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Rob. R to the ob. I used to move snowflakes with a shovel when it snowed in New Jersey. Second, fuck you for rolling your eyes at my intro; that shit was clever. Thirdly, I’m a natural born hater, and I think that your beta male mentality is fucking pathetic.

Let us begin…

Sir, you do realize that nice guys always finish last? That putting yourself in the homegirl/homeboy situation will always get you second runner up? You must be one of those super faithful guys who sends “good morning beautiful” text messages to every cute bitch you meet. That shit is played out son. Stop it. I remember fucking this girl and she got six good morning text from six different dudes. Six texts! She’s gargling my balls while you assholes are sending her a “good morning beautiful” text with the kissie face emoticon. Ugh. You make me sick. And I feel sorry for you because I was just like you.

Yes, a younger Rob was a nice guy. I wasn’t always the strapping bearded lad who had his way with the ladies. Nope, I once believed that chivalry was the best way and man whores were evil. I bought flowers, took chicks on dates, wrote poems, etcetera etcetera. I did all that Drake shit and thought it would work. But more often than not, I found myself holding my dick after a date or a night out at the club.

Why? Because I was corny. Because I didn’t engage their vaginas. Because I thought that saying all the right things would get me somewhere.

“But Rob, I got a gang of bitches I hang with. Suzy with the fat ass. Shanel with the perfect figure. I got pictures with these girls all on my Instagram and Facebook.” Cool. Real cool. Nothing wrong with having female friends playa. But real quick? How many text do you get at 11 pm that say “Gimme the dick?” None. (Quick note. Fuck you for thinking that fat/ugly chicks counts. They’re always available. To everyone.)

See, I’m not advocating that you do anything but be yourself. But there must come a time when enough is enough. Are you not a man? Be a man! Conquer that pussy! Make her want you! I remember asking a number of women “Why aren’t we fucking? Pure and simple. What makes you want that asshole and not me?” Truth be told, they thought I was too safe. Too comfortable. Too boring. I was squeaky clean on paper and did everything right, but not giving them any reason to drop the drawls. Even worse, when I eventually did get some cootch after weeks of waiting, it was a 15 minute romp and she never called me again.

I wasn’t sexy and I didn’t stimulate women to want me.

Being sexy and being attractive are entirely different things. And it isn’t physical at all. Can you command her inner freak with words? When you tell jokes, are they flirtatious and intelligent with slight double entendres? Do you even tell jokes? Comedy and liquor are the quickest ways to having sex. Hell, comedy and liquor are the quickest ways out the friend zone. Tease her ever so slightly and she’ll give you that playful “Stop it!” with a grin and a shove. Then she’ll fix her hair and look at you with her beautiful brown eyes and think “I want his penis.”

Being sexy is wearing your button up and jeans with confidence. Roll up a sleeve and add a cheap watch and a bracelet. Stay away from a fucking blazer and jeans. You don’t stand out. Stop it. Wear a cheesy t-shirt from Spencer’s and dare her to be offended. And when she asks you what you do for a living, give a cool but crazy answer; “I’m a professional athlete who’s never played for a sports team. In the meantime, I make cat porn in my mother’s basement. What do you do?” Are you lying? I sure hope so. But that shit is interesting. Be interesting. Exude interesting. Be the penis she wants. Fuck her brain you moron.

Mr. Nice Guy, it is your duty to please that booty. Don’t be a creep, but be a creep. Don’t be an asshole, but be an asshole. Make her want you. She should go home and think “man, that guy was the shit.” Every non platonic female interaction you have should leave her thinking about you. Wanting you. You need to be the envy of all without even trying.

I’m rooting for you man. I hung up my player card and I’m passing my wisdom and knowledge to the younger generations. I know that you can do it. Call that broad up and tell her to meet you at a museum.  Bitches love museums. And when you get there, change plans and watch a hockey game followed by bar hopping at different strip clubs. Trust me, it works. Shit is interesting and fuck you for disagreeing. I’m getting my dick licked tonight. You think that hookah lounge date is going to get your dick licked? Didn’t think so.

With hatred and love,

Rob

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Signs A Woman Is GENUINELY Interested In You

Because I think some people get this confused on a regular basis -  I know women do too, but both are equally annoying.

I truly understand the fact that many men would love for women to be more forward in 2014 (it's just a different day and time for some who don't want to guess what the woman is thinking), but since you can't always read her mind or get her to come to you, you should at least know the SIGNS.
1) SHE STALKS YOU ON FACEBOOK OFTEN -
You usually know when she mentions something about your activity or maybe a comment she questions you about.

2) HER JEALOUSY COMES OUT -
Most women that are genuinely interested in you will show her disapproval when someone else appears to be lurking.  And definitely if you are entertaining them.  This will likely come out in the form of questions or smart a** comments.

3) SHE STAYS IN KISSING DISTANCE OFTEN -
Most women that want you will give you both the opportunity to create that aura of intimacy.  If she's distant, it probably means she'd prefer it that way.

4) SHE STARTS TO SAY THINGS YOU SAY -
A woman that starts to mirror your language and mannerisms is someone who probably wants to get closer to you (or already feels close to you) in the back of her mind.

5) YOU RARELY CATCH HER SLIPPING -
A woman should definitely feel comfortable in her skin around you, we all know this. But if you can tell she always smells nice and looks edible around you...I would bank on the fact that she's doing this on purpose to heighten your attraction for her.

6) SHE WILL TRY TO DO DOMESTIC THINGS FOR YOU -
A woman wants to show her tender, caring side to a man she's feeling attached to.  And while there are some women who give boyfriend/husband benefits to anyone...there are those women who reserve that special treatment for a man she is into.  She will also boast her skills (if she has them lol) in the earlier phases of interest.

7) SHE LAUGHS AT YOUR STUPID JOKES -
A woman who wants you will always receive your attempts at connecting with her with open arms.  That simple.

8) SHE IS EASY TO FIND -
If you have to put out the SWAT Team, Police dogs, smoke signals, and holla at Olivia Pope to find a woman you're into, I'm willing to bet the bank on the fact that she's not trying to be found.  At all.  It's one thing if she's genuinely busy and apologizes but a woman will rarely disappear on a man she wants a deeper connection with.




(I'M POSTING THE MEN NEXT....)

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Sex Has Changed The Upper Hand...

My friend sent me this video that at first I wasn't sure if I wanted to watch because it was 10 minutes long (my ADD and fatigue were on full blast), but I was really glad I did.

YOU NEED TO SEE THIS THO!!!  There are so many factors to add to what they were trying to say in this video, but a lot of it is valid.

My question after watching it would be is this change RIGHT or WRONG?  One thing that is certain is that things will always evolve and change over time.  Is this a good example of the times we live in? (That last sentence I just said is clear proof that I'm getting OLD - only old people say "the times we live in").  Anywhoo...




I feel like in some ways, we should respect the changes and the way our freedoms have evolved, but I have one big question when it comes to the freedom of sex without commitment.

Are the lack of families helping us?  Do they hurt us?  Or does it matter?  Because throughout my years and meeting people that had an unstable family dynamic, I have always have heard from THEIR OWN MOUTH how not having a completion of family made things hard for them in terms of emotions and development.

Or is the relationship directly with the parent the only important factor?  I would say no because children are always going to observe and take notes about the way a parent treats other people and if that child sees negative behavior from the mother or father towards each other, what does that in itself communicate?

Are we all a product of our environment who have been influenced or do we instinctively have built in desires like companionship and belonging when it comes to having a mate?  Because you find more and more people who have personal issues with religious practices going completely against things like marriage being a sacred/respected obligation or practice.  But let's remove religion and talk biology.  We all get horny right?  Now whether it's heterosexual or homosexual you still desire another person right?  So what does it all mean?  Why do people get jealous?  Is that a societal condition that was subliminally instilled or can we all agree with the fact that most of us genuinely want love, companionship, and ultimately a significant other who we wouldn't want to share if we were GENUINELY ATTACHED TO THEM?  

Please talk to me on this one.  And keep in mind, I wrote this for everyone.  People who believe in marriage and family values, as well as ones who are open to all the possibilities.

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Name a Hollywood Couple Who You Believe is Faithful....

CAN ANYONE THINK OF A HOLLYWOOD MARRIAGE WHERE THEY HONESTLY BELIEVE THERE IS NO INFIDELITY???  SERIOUSLY, NAME ONE DAMMIT!!! I NEED TO HEAR THIS (LOL)

The only one I could think of off the top of my head would be Brad Pitt and Angelina or Denzel and his wife.  And I ONLY SAY THAT because they seem so genuinely attached in the public eye (or clean besides the whole Jenn Aniston situation in the beginning).

So when I think about Robin Thicke and Paula Patton, I (like everyone else) am not really shocked at the situation. Disappointed maybe, but not shocked.

But one thing I've always wondered is the mindset of most Hollywood couples and if many of them have a pact or understanding about people they may come across outside their relationship.  Or do any of them have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy?  Can that even exist when you have paparazzi times infinity nowadays with journalists on a large scale and bloggers from the highest and lowest of viewers? (Shoutout to DoodlebugDiaries.com and whoever that broad is writing for 'em).

But for real.  You have dudes that are complete and utter BUMS with a capital WTF who get booty without even asking for it or doing anything to get it.  So what the entire hell would a celebrity who makes nothing but child conceiving music do with all the scattered ass in the Hollywood world?  Seems like logic that most women would already be hip to the program.  Paula was married to Robin for nearly a decade (around the time he blew completely in 2005), but even before that he was doing production and writing/co-writing for Christina Aguilera and Brandy, etc.  - meaning, he was in that loop with all the various options of street booty.

I feel like, it's probably good that now Ms. Patton doesn't have to remain "PC" anymore about the fact that ol' boy was clearly channeling his inner Quagmire one too many times.

And that's where I feel like if it was flipped and Paula was the one with pics of someone squeezing her cakes, their relationship would've been over at LEAST a year ago.  Just saying.

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Do Men Truly Appreciate Aggressive Women???

Not according to Mr. Davis. Melvin Davis (author and writer) says,

Aggressive women can be defined as women who: 1. Would ask for a guys number. If a man is interested, he'll ask. 2. Corner you with questions, kind of like a check-off list. For example: a. Where do you work? b. How many kids you have? c. Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Of course these are all plausible questions to ask to gage someone, but not in the first encounter. At least the second or third outing. I've had this happen before. 3. Women who continue to reach out when you've told them you're busy with something. Patience seems to be a issue here. Some women fear they'll lose or miss out if the guy doesn't respond them in the timeframe they see fit.


I was talking to one guy on Melvin's comment thread after he made a status about this and the guy said that he wouldn't have linked with his (now) wife so early if she hadn't made action to pursue him the way she did.  

She basically asked for his phone number and told him she wanted him to take her out - which I think is fine personally. I don't think there is any reason at all to play games if you are genuinely interested in a person. 

I think the problem comes in (however) when a woman plays more of an aggressive role than the man overall. I don't think any of that is natural and I (personally) would not be attracted to a man who would want me to come after him.

I would think most women seek masculine men that would make them feel protected and like a woman. I was raised looking at my dad who straight up goes after what he wants. No ifs, ands or cut cards. That directness is comfort in my eyes and would make me more drawn to a man in terms of a suitor. Indirect behavior is not something I was raised to appreciate, but that's just my preference. I know there are many people who wouldn't hold it against someone, but i'd be lying if I said I entertained it or appreciated it.

In my 20s I was extremely shy so I was very awkward about my feelings and how to express them, but now in my 30s, I feel I show genuine interest in someone special, but still allow a man to be a man.

I know there are lots of men (however) that feel like a woman should go after what they want. I can understand not wanting to guess what a woman feels, but not to the point where she should come after you. That I don't agree with from a biological standpoint or societal. I don't care if it's 2014, ((snaps fingers with the ratchet head roll)).

Here's what my dad had to say when I asked him if he thinks it's cool for a woman to pursue a man:

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Marriages That Last Are Because The Other Person Is FORGIVING!!! (A FORMER WIFE'S STORY)

THIS STORY IS BASED ON A PERSON I KNOW WHO WAS MARRIED FOR ALMOST A DECADE. WE CHOPPED IT UP AND SHE SPILLED HER EXPERIENCE AS A MARRIED WOMAN. PLEASE LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS, REACTIONS, QUESTIONS, COMMENTS...I'D LOVE TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS ONE.

((HER BEGINNING QUOTE THAT STARTED THE WHOLE CONVO!!!!))

"Marriages that last are usually because one or the other partner is very forgiving!!! They chose to suck up and ignore the other person's faults rather then see their family fall apart!!!!"

HER STORY:

I was was married for 8 years and I trusted the guy blindly for a long time until one day I got a phone call. It was a girl that he had lied to and told he was single. She kindly told me she had slept with him. I thanked her, and began packing my shit.

As I was crying and packing, a friend of mine (male) called me and I told him what happened. He convinced me to stop packing and take it step by step.

((This was the convo with my friend)) He told me to calm my ass down and said that I should not ask him (my husband) anything right away. I should let him come home as usual and wait until he was relaxed and then mention the phone call with out starting an argument.

He said that if I was calm, I could focus on his reaction more and that would tell me more of the situation way more then the words that were going to be said.

So I did that.

And of course my husband denied everything, but his body language and defensiveness towards the entire conversation made it obvious that the girl had told me the truth.

You see at that moment, all I could think of was my son. So I gave him options.

1) Me and my son would leave.

2) He could be honest with me and see how we could work on the marriage.

3) Two can play that game (aka an open marriage) - that way he could do him, I could do me, and we would stay together mainly for my son.

He said he would do anything to keep us together, so I gave him the benefit of doubt and stayed. BIG MISTAKE. Once you lose trust, you lose everything. If you're looking for something and begin to dig, eventually you will find something.

But I was young and dumb, so I had to learn.

Even if he was telling the truth, I imagined the worst.

I wasn't myself anymore.

I became a crazy ass woman.

The FBI and CIA had nothing on me.

That was he biggest mistake I made. I refused to get hurt, so all love was lost.

I refused to be the fool, and began to do things that aren't in my character.

When I found proof that the girl who called me wasn't the only female he dealt with, that’s when things got real.  I made the choice for him.  Remember, my friend was the one who convinced me to stay.

His wife cheated on him around the same time. This is where the fun began.

I clearly told my husband that we would be in an open relationship, but he didn't believe me because he knows, that's just not me. I did (however) start going out more often, and we would take turns with that. He had one weekend, I had the next.  We completely stopped going out together as a couple.

The guy who convinced me to stay became my best friend.

We would spend all day and night talking and texting.

I talked to him more then I talked to my own husband.

We were both hurt and angry at our significant others, so we had that common ground.

Any free time we had, we would spend with each other.  We were there for each other mentally, emotionally, and sexually.

I guess he was my comfort and I was his.

Being cheated on fucked my head up really bad to the point that I began to have self-esteem issues - something I never had, but having my best friend around made it so much easier to deal with.

I can't lie, the physical part of cheating was nice - we enjoyed the connection we shared. He picked at my brain as much as I picked at his. The worst way a woman can cheat is emotionally, and I did both.

I ended up leaving my husband without him knowing that I cheated. Unfortunately, that was a mistake as well. He had not given up on us for some odd reason and did everything to get me to come back home.   (Side note: I still kept in touch with my friend).

So fast forward about a year after we had been separated and living apart, he was still trying to win me back.  I had told the other guy (best friend) he needed to go make his marriage work for his kids.  At the end of the day, I couldn’t continue what we were doing.  I know his kids, and love them. I couldn't keep taking part in breaking up their family.  His wife ended up finding out about the situation.

Then I ended up giving in to my husband.  I wanted another baby.  I told my husband that I was going to have another one with or without him.  He was all for it.  So we tried to work our marriage out again.  I was really coming back with the idea that I had forgiven him and would wipe the slate clean.

He took me to Puerto Rico, and I came back expecting! Unfortunately, I lost the baby. Too much stress probably caused it.  We talked about it and decided not to wait long before trying again and a few months after, I was pregnant again.

I was miserable most of my pregnancy. I still felt like I couldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.  I began to dig for dirt again.  Like I said before, I never stopped talking to my friend, but he didn't know I was pregnant.  He asked me to meet him for lunch one day to catch up.  And I did.

He told me his wife had moved out and that he had physical custody of his kids. He kept glancing down at my stomach though.  When I told him I was pregnant, he congratulated me, but the look on his face, I will never forget.

Things with my husband got worse and worse.

My baby was born on my best friends’ youngest sons birthday, and when I began to feel contractions, I told him before I told my own husband.  After I gave birth, I really couldn't take living in the same house as my husband, but he refused to let me move out at the time.

So I intentionally left my email open one day.  It was open to all the messages I had exchanged with my friend (for years by that point).

 His brother was staying with us and found them.  My husband did not forgive me for what he found, which was me playing the same game he had played on me.  When he first confronted me about it, I denied it.  I told him that it was just emails when I was hurt by the things he had done.

After the fact, I felt awful.  I felt dirty.  I had lost myself.  I was very unhappy with life.  I had not forgiven him, nor had I forgiven myself.

Little by little, I had to find myself again!!!

He let me leave with the idea that we just needed time away from each other to sort out our feelings.

I knew I couldn't go back though, and he was very angry. He ended up moving in with one of the girls he cheated on me with and now, she's the one getting cheated on.  He has not changed at all.  I know he’s cheating on her because of his mom telling me and he’s pretty open about doing it himself.  My kids also come back telling me about the arguments they have.

As for my (at one time) best friend, I still talk to him. His wife came back to him.

He (the best friend) would sometimes send me, "you know I love you messages".  His Instagram would show them going out to dinner and a few minutes after dinner, I would get a message saying he's thinking about me, it’s crazy.

It's not physical though because he's not getting anything from me.

But I go back on my original statement.

They recently had an anniversary. He posted a picture of her and wrote: everyone asks what's the secret for us being together for so long, the secret is no secret.  My wife just happens to be a forgiving wife.

I've seen how my aunts, cousins or friends get cheated on and how they stay to keep their families together.

They just happen to be forgiving people, and if that's what it takes to keep a marriage, I honestly don't want one.

I'm not single because I can't find anybody.  I'm single because I'm not going to settle for just “being forgiving”.  F**k that.  I'll buy my own roses for Valentine’s Day gosh darn it!!! But I refuse to settle for less then I know I deserve.  (END OF HER STORY)

So, what do you think about that????

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