Do Men Truly Appreciate Aggressive Women???

Not according to Mr. Davis. Melvin Davis (author and writer) says,

Aggressive women can be defined as women who: 1. Would ask for a guys number. If a man is interested, he'll ask. 2. Corner you with questions, kind of like a check-off list. For example: a. Where do you work? b. How many kids you have? c. Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Of course these are all plausible questions to ask to gage someone, but not in the first encounter. At least the second or third outing. I've had this happen before. 3. Women who continue to reach out when you've told them you're busy with something. Patience seems to be a issue here. Some women fear they'll lose or miss out if the guy doesn't respond them in the timeframe they see fit.


I was talking to one guy on Melvin's comment thread after he made a status about this and the guy said that he wouldn't have linked with his (now) wife so early if she hadn't made action to pursue him the way she did.  

She basically asked for his phone number and told him she wanted him to take her out - which I think is fine personally. I don't think there is any reason at all to play games if you are genuinely interested in a person. 

I think the problem comes in (however) when a woman plays more of an aggressive role than the man overall. I don't think any of that is natural and I (personally) would not be attracted to a man who would want me to come after him.

I would think most women seek masculine men that would make them feel protected and like a woman. I was raised looking at my dad who straight up goes after what he wants. No ifs, ands or cut cards. That directness is comfort in my eyes and would make me more drawn to a man in terms of a suitor. Indirect behavior is not something I was raised to appreciate, but that's just my preference. I know there are many people who wouldn't hold it against someone, but i'd be lying if I said I entertained it or appreciated it.

In my 20s I was extremely shy so I was very awkward about my feelings and how to express them, but now in my 30s, I feel I show genuine interest in someone special, but still allow a man to be a man.

I know there are lots of men (however) that feel like a woman should go after what they want. I can understand not wanting to guess what a woman feels, but not to the point where she should come after you. That I don't agree with from a biological standpoint or societal. I don't care if it's 2014, ((snaps fingers with the ratchet head roll)).

Here's what my dad had to say when I asked him if he thinks it's cool for a woman to pursue a man:

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Amel Larrieux Cries On Stage About Her Supportive Husband

Most people remember her as the ladybug from the 90s group, Groove Theory - Amel Larrieux.  She came to Washington, DC at Howard Theatre today for a performance that left me feeling like I was on Cloud 99 1/2.

Aside from my publicly admitting that I am a proud stalker of this beautiful singer and the fact that I was blown away by her classically trained, neo-soul mixed with a dash of hip-hop vocals, she had several messages during her show that hit home.

Watch the video:

When I was there assisting with engineering and production, I saw the way Amel and her husband/manager, Laru Larrieux (yes his first and last name are both pronounced the same) interacted with one another.  Laru was protective and very in sync with Amel when it came to what she needed.  He catered to the things she needed before her performance that would enable her to do her very best.  

What I saw wasn't a man being run by his famous wife - I saw a bond.  I saw a genuine connection and unity that strengthens Amel's success.  

How many of us have had a goal, a want, a need, or an interest that was shot down, belittled or ignored by someone who should have not only your back, but your best interest at heart?

Amel said one very true thing:  "You've got to have your TROOPER behind you".  That is REAL. When you have a combination of supportive people behind you and rooting for your success, the entire unit can thrive.  I can say I don't deal with too many people because unfortunately some folks I've entertained in the past were deadly to my progression.  You can't expect to stay motivated when you have naysayers and skeptics in your ear on a regular basis.  I don't care how much a person believes they are immune to it.  

NOBODY SHOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH A SPOUSE, SIGNIFICANT OTHER, FRIEND, OR RELATIVE WHO WILL TRY TO CRUSH YOUR AMBITION OR YOUR SPIRIT.  IT'S ONE THING TO TELL YOU THINGS YOU NEED TO HEAR, BUT NOT IN A WAY THAT KILLS YOUR PASSION OR MAKES YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR HAVING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

That's why it's important to choose that special someone wisely.  Amel is truly blessed.

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Pointers for Dealing w/ an A**hole

When you are in a situation where you are directly addressing an a**hole, there are many things you can do that will immediately place you on their level.

I REPEAT...

When you are in a situation where you are directly addressing an a**hole, there are many things you can do that will immediately place you on their level.

"Knuckle Sandwich Approach"

Alright kids, now I understand that watching the infamous buffet of designer label hoodrats (aka Basketball Wives) may subliminally influence you to stir up a blackeye salad.  Understand that even taking your mind there is bad for your overall mood and mindset.  This will automatically raise your blood pressure and I'm tired of seeing pharmacies in bedrooms from people that needed a nice dosage of woo-sah in their diet.  Seriously.  

"Yes, I'm Judging You" Face

I have a best friend that is worse at this whole situation than I am - which is pretty bad because there are many people like us that can't do the Poker Face hustle.  It just won't work.  HOWEVER, you are automatically making the exchange more long and drawn out by responding this way.  If you want to keep the convo with the a**hole short and sweet, just chill and focus on ending the encounter rather than escalating it to the "Knuckle Sandwich Approach".

"F You and Your S---" Approach

Um...yeah so the whole vandalism thing.  I would HIGHLY suggest going to the dollar store and buying about 5-10 dollars worth of cheap glasses and dishes and go to town breaking them in an abandoned parking lot with a loved one.  A punching bag would be the next best thing.  Be sure to adhere to the littering and loitering notices at said park and/or parking lot.  We have to be strategic about our tantrums folks.  Let's not be sloppy and get hit w/ an expensive citation.

"You're Going to Go Deaf When I'm Done w/ You" Approach

We all know the whole expression, "Don't argue with a fool because they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience" - meaning, you will kick yourself after the fact for wasting your time and precious oxygen.  Pay close attention to the person you decide to blackout (aka - yell uncontrollably) with.  If they are calm and collected while you're doing sign language for kickboxers, you might want to tune into your inner yoga and pretzel your legs along with your tongue.  You will always make a stronger point delivering it in a calm fashion.

The most important thing to remember when dealing with an a**hole is that you can easily frustrate your whole day, week, month (you get the picture) by giving them too much of your mental space.  You have to pick and choose your battles wisely and decide if it's really worth the migrane, hangover, or any other result of your stress.  It really does take two to argue, fight, and tango.  Having the last "word" should only be important when you're a kid.  Seriously.

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I Gave Her 5 Times to Piss Me Off...

For the most part, people start off with a very pleasant and clean slate with me when I first meet them - regardless of what i've heard about them.  I know that sounds very "politically correct" to say, but I usually try to build my own opinion of a person without biased information influencing me - mostly because people can lie and you never know who could be "hating" on who.

So, I was hosting an event and there was this "lady" (I'm saying lady like she's older than me...she's not) but she was a contributing speaker for the event and I was definitely looking forward to meeting her.  I began the event pronouncing her last name wrong and needless to say, I believe it set the tone for the rest of our brief exchanges we had there after.  I believe the problem I truly have (note the present tense) with this person is the fact that instead of taking the time to feel me out a little better, she treated me like she already had me figured out.  Have you ever encountered someone where you feel like they have pre-judged you and are already acting out what category they've subliminally put you in?  Well, I definitely felt the vibe from this woman and needless to say, I eventually gave her the "I will stab you in your pinky toe while you're sleep" face.  


I don't understand why people take common courtesy for granted.  Even if she initially met me thinking "who is this b#tch", I would think the mature way to engage me would have been in a manner that she would want to be addressed herself.  I could be absolutely ANYONE.  How does she know?  I could hold a key to a door she would like to have opened one day, but because she made the decision to stick her nose up in the air and express a subliminally negative attitude, the door would be locked by most people if they were in my position.   


It's a problem I usually see with people that have made some level of accomplishment - they put themselves on an imaginary pedestal.  The word is PRETENTIOUS.   CELEBRITIES that I've met with FAR more credentials and accomplishments have taken time to humble themselves for a friendly exchange with me, but a person who is still in most cases a "squirrel still trying to gather her nuts" places herself above me because of what?  Your guess is as good as mine.  


Anyone who truly knows me knows that I support talented and hard working individuals 1000% - ESPECIALLY if they represent the area that I am from (Washington, DC area also known to some as the "DMV").  I gave this person MULTIPLE TIMES to show me that she had the attitude of a good ass kicking recipient (I'm not violent, I swear lol) before I made up my mind to delete her from my long list of people whose mission I support.  Not like she needs me, but karma is a real thing for people whose representatives are a far cry from who they really are.  


Okay, I think I'm done venting about Cruella DeVille.  I think it wouldn't sting as much if I hadn't opened a door for her that she didn't even acknowledge me for - but that's when I try to remember that any time I lend a hand, referral, or any of the like, it really is because it's in my heart to help people as much as I can.  See, I tried to bring it back to love even though it would be nice to drop a 10 pound weight on her foot.  ((sings "Woo-sah" song now))

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THIS Is What Will Save Your Relationship!!!

Click on the video below where I break down the necessary elements needed to play the relationship game.  Don't over-analyze the fact that I just said relationship "GAME" either. It's just an expression...calm down. ((smiley face))

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Get That Phony Smile Outta Here!!!

Do you ever get around someone and want to gag yourself because of how disgustingly "happy" they always seem?  Personally, I LOVE being around others who are cheerful and their energy is good - but ONLY if it's GENUINE.  When I'm around someone who I sense is only "wearing" a smile, it really really irks me and makes me want to drop a bowling ball on their foot.  Like 3 times in a row.  While I'm mean-mugging them with duck lips.

Case in point, a guy friend I have.  He has always wanted to be more than friends with me, but the feeling definitely isn't mutual. He always comes across polite and cheerful, but he's never been straight up with me about negative feelings he's had towards me.  Not that I want someone to beef with me, but I crave authenticity in my connections.  The second I feel that someone is being phony with me, I immediately begin to drift away from that person.  It's almost like a hidden defense I have built up.  Right or wrong, that's how I've always operated.

This is along the same issue that I have with people who preach the "HI HATER", "I LOVE MY HATERS", "HATERS ARE YOUR FANS" crap that nobody really feels deep down.  This is TOTALLY the wrong type of mentality to train yourself to have.  What is the point of preaching lies like this to make yourself appear strong and unaffected when you spend energy and time out of your day venting about people that fit this description?  Most of us that pump blood ARE affected when someone crosses us in a negative way.  And no, I'm not saying that we shouldn't boost ourselves to accept the fact that people will always have an opinion - good or bad.  However, dismissing the situation on the surface just because it's cute to say in a Facebook status will not make your emotions any stronger.  The only thing you're doing is showing others that you need to convince yourself you don't care.   Think about it.

A large part of my 20's was spent making an effort to "save face" and not appear emotionally weak with certain people - even though in many situations you could see right through me.  What I needed to learn is that by going through the conflict (which is a weak area for me), it really helps to make a bond stronger - because you are learning more about the person who you have the difference with.   If there is any amount of respect (and honestly, home training) present, then all parties involved will grow from the experience.

So cut the "nobody affects me" crap.  You just look like a LL Uncool J = Lame Lying Uncool JACKASS.  (Yeah, I'm corny...so what.)

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He's Just Not Good Enough!!!

Can you learn to love somebody?  I hear tons of men talk about how women don't want to be with "nice guys" and that many of them end up dealing with the jerk who treats them like a second-class citizen - but what about the fact that chemistry and an attraction is needed in order to have a promising connection?

I would argue that it's pretty hard to force yourself to feel a way you naturally don't.  It's almost a "catch 22" situation because what if you naturally have chemistry with a womanizer who tells the best jokes in the damn world? Or a dude who has more PMS than a woman on two birth control prescriptions but his shoulders and smile and walk makes you want to create a sex sandwich out of him?  There's so many complexities when it comes to dating and relationships and honestly, it's so much easier said than done when it comes to avoiding a person that may be "bad" for you, but you are naturally drawn to that person.

So what do you do?  Then there's that saying that there IS no perfect man so does that mean that some of the "bad guys" should be given a break?

Females often get a bad rap when it comes to their selection process and really, in many ways we're damned if we do and damned if we don't.

I say that because nobody seems to address the deeper issue of why so many women make poor choices when it comes to their love lives.  I hear tons of ridicule about a woman who would continue to waste her life away with a "loser", but never look at the fact that many women are damaged, insecure, afraid, or uneducated about the concept of having standards.  They might not have a good example to follow when it comes to self-respect and in turn, their encounters with men reflect that lack of respect.

Take me for example, my miseducation of the opposite sex began early in my teens with a very close male "best friend-like" individual who was the epitome of a womanizer teaching me what men say to get what they want.  That resulted in me being overly cautious of most men and not believing what they say - I thought for the majority of my late teens AND 20s that men are just after your vagina.  Although I still at about 30 years of age find that to be true in many ways, it's not true if your standards are in the right place and you require respect.  But I learned that by the grace of God and after a great deal of heartbreak.

So I ask, is it a balance?  Or is it just that sometimes in life you just have to compromise...ESPECIALLY IN MATTERS OF THE HEART???

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MICHAEL EALY SPEAKS ON RELATIONSHIPS, LOVE AND THINKING LIKE A MAN.

Michael Ealy visited Howard University to talk about his movie that just dropped over the weekend, "Think Like a Man" and I had the privilege of hearing his thoughts about dating and relationships.

CHECK IT OUT HERE:

I've heard a LOT of people with strong opinions of this movie before it even dropped in theaters.  Most of the opinions that have said that it wasn't worth watching seem to have more of an issue with Steve Harvey, the author of the book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" than knowing if the actual content is worth giving mental space to.

Personally, I feel like anyone could take a lesson from the concept of this movie.  It is difficult for men and women to co-exist and I think half the battle with finding more common ground is to approach different thoughts and perspectives with an open mind.  Most of the time, we all can take life examples from experiences that we've either seen or been through ourselves to help us through our own situations.

Case in point, Michael Ealy thanked Meagan Good for her contribution to the "Think Like a Man" movie right here:

My advice: checking out the movie would make for a great conversational piece.  I also noticed that most people after having watched the movie said it was worth going to see.

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MICHAEL EALY UP CLOSE...YES, HIS FACE.

Michael Ealy stopped by Howard University last week to promote the upcoming movie, "Think Like a Man" that drops on April 20th.  The day before, I couldn't help but to notice that people were tweeting like crazy about him coming into town and I retweeted a mention about him coming myself.  But then I went to his "Twitter Account" and noticed that it only had like 450 followers -- it really didn't make sense to me.  I also know there are plenty of pseudo-celebrity accounts NOT TO MENTION people that have official pages but nobody knows who the hell they are.  I digress.

CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO WITH MICHAEL EALY TALKING ABOUT HIS TWITTER ACCOUNT ON APRIL 10TH, 2012 ------  (of course I had to be the loudest person on the video...)

He actually DOES have a Twitter account now and you can follow him at @MichaelEaly

I did have a "woo-sah" moment after being that close to all his deliciousness.  Ladies, don't slap me, I got you a REEEEALLY close up video of this man.  Don't ever say I didn't do anything for ya!!!!

(I WILL BE POSTING THE INTERVIEW WITH HIM REALLY SOON HERE AND ON DCLIFEMAGAZINE.COM!!!)

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STOP TRYING TO FORCE A SITUATION

I always wondered what that meant when my ex used to say that to me.  I was about 21...22 and he would always say that I wasn't acting normally.  I kept racking my brain and trying to figure out why he was giving me such a hard time because although my mind was moving at 3000 miles per hour, I felt like I was being myself.  We went out to a party one time and there were a ton of chicks there that I thought looked more voluptuous and prettier than I did.  I tried to be chill about my insecurities and "drink it off", but it came out through my slick remarks and "sideway" comments about how I knew that my boyfriend (at the time) was looking at the other women in the room.  It got even worse the more I drank and I treated my boyfriend like he had already done something because I was insecure deep down and wanted to mentally prepare myself for the worst.

This is one thing I realize now that I am older and more educated (book-wise and about life).  Your subconscious mind is just as powerful as your conscious mind.  Most of what you contain internally comes out in some way and if you are insecure - there is little you can do to truly hide that from a person that knows you.

I'm not saying that you can't fool anybody about what you're thinking or feeling, but I am saying that the things we dwell on in our minds WILL END UP BEING EXPRESSED THRU OUR ACTIONS IN SOME WAY.

This is why it's so important to be honest with yourself about things that you feel.  Negative thoughts DO become negative actions unless you fight negativity with POSITIVE ENERGY.  If you are constantly around someone who feeds you negative emotions or energy, it will impact you and influence you subconsciously.  And like I said before...

Your subconscious mind is just as powerful as your conscious mind.

And why you ask?  Because of THE POWER OF REPETITION.  That's how we memorize information right?  That's how things stick in our head.  And if actions do more than words, why wouldn't repeated acts of negativity do the same thing in our brains?  Our subconscious mind helps us store information. (I'm really not trying to sound like a science book but I'm telling you some good stuff right here so keep reading damn it...)  The more you feed your mind with negative thoughts or insecurities, the more you will act the way you think.  

If this applies to anyone reading...  Ask yourself WHY you don't act naturally?  Or better question, does the person/people you are dealing with make you feel as if you have to be aware of yourself in order to be around them?  

Being comfortable in your skin is communicated by what you do...not what you try to convince others.  Your mouth may say you're being YOU but your body and eyes might be showing others just how afraid you really are.  Think about it.

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THE STRIPPER POLE

Okay so, this was about 2009 or something.  I was desperately trying to find a way to make more money for my family.  I kept thinking my skills that were the strongest outside of my day job weren't going to land me a profit anytime soon.  I also couldn't rely on extra income from recording people in the studio because it was too inconsistent. That's when I found Lil' Mynx.

I decided to invest in a stripper pole to take around to ladies' houses and have pole parties.  I felt like this was the perfect way for me to make quick money by holding events for ladies who wanted a slumber party-esque experience with their friends.  Plus it sounded like fun.

I actually threw a pole party for my 25th birthday so I was like...HEY! I can pocket off of all the birthday girls who want to act up with their friends!  I went online and found Lil' Mynx poles (which definitely have more affordable poles) and ordered mine.

Now there are two types of poles that I'm aware of.  The first pole has a unit that suctions into the ceiling and is easily removable and can be transported to different locations to be used.  The other type of pole has to be mounted into the ceiling - meaning you have to drill a hole into the ceiling to connect the device that the pole attaches to.

Now me being the intelligent African-American that I am, I didn't make sure I knew which pole I had when I made my purchase.  I ended up buying the one that I had to bolt into the ceiling...in my apartment...that I rent.  This also meant that the pole could only be used at my house unless I felt like drilling a hole into everyone else's wall before we got started.

So yeah I know...I should have just sent it back to make an exchange right?  Um...well...that would have worked out for me if I hadn't waited 2 months after it was delivered to me to finally open it.  I was trying to finish out a semester at school so I said I would focus on that before I opened the pole to get started on my new business venture.  The warranty was only for 30 days. (Womp-Womp-Womp)

Okay, so I took it out and used it anyway.  The best use that I got out of the pole after I finally destroyed enough of my ceiling to put it up was for my sister's 21st birthday party.  There's just something about drunk chicks falling off a pole that just makes any night worth having.

Over time the pole began to loosen and stopped being sturdy.  I know there's a weight limit for it but I won't even go there...I'll just say the wear and tear added up fast.  The worst part was that it was a constant reminder that I had made a failed investment.  Minor as it was, it was still almost $400.  I'm not a baller so for all of you that wipe your bootys with that...how about you kiss mine.  (Just kidding.)

I ended up selling the pole a few months later to some pregnant chick. (I'm so sincere...she had to be about 8 months preggo) ::shrug face::

My point is:  Some investments are made to help you thrive.  Some investments are empty.  I honestly think it was meant for me to mess that up so I would understand that sometimes things fail because they weren't meant to be.  Sometimes when we find ourselves struggling to make something work, it really means that our direction may need to take a shift.   Not to say that you don't have to work hard... YOU DO, but if you believe in GOD, he allows things to happen (good and bad) that help us understand the direction we need to take. 

I definitely know he was trying to tell me I have talents that far exceed me trying to use a gimmick to make a living.  No disrespect to anyone making money off of that but we all have to know our individual purpose.  When we are in tune with that...we will succeed.

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