He's Just Not Good Enough!!!

Can you learn to love somebody?  I hear tons of men talk about how women don't want to be with "nice guys" and that many of them end up dealing with the jerk who treats them like a second-class citizen - but what about the fact that chemistry and an attraction is needed in order to have a promising connection?

I would argue that it's pretty hard to force yourself to feel a way you naturally don't.  It's almost a "catch 22" situation because what if you naturally have chemistry with a womanizer who tells the best jokes in the damn world? Or a dude who has more PMS than a woman on two birth control prescriptions but his shoulders and smile and walk makes you want to create a sex sandwich out of him?  There's so many complexities when it comes to dating and relationships and honestly, it's so much easier said than done when it comes to avoiding a person that may be "bad" for you, but you are naturally drawn to that person.

So what do you do?  Then there's that saying that there IS no perfect man so does that mean that some of the "bad guys" should be given a break?

Females often get a bad rap when it comes to their selection process and really, in many ways we're damned if we do and damned if we don't.

I say that because nobody seems to address the deeper issue of why so many women make poor choices when it comes to their love lives.  I hear tons of ridicule about a woman who would continue to waste her life away with a "loser", but never look at the fact that many women are damaged, insecure, afraid, or uneducated about the concept of having standards.  They might not have a good example to follow when it comes to self-respect and in turn, their encounters with men reflect that lack of respect.

Take me for example, my miseducation of the opposite sex began early in my teens with a very close male "best friend-like" individual who was the epitome of a womanizer teaching me what men say to get what they want.  That resulted in me being overly cautious of most men and not believing what they say - I thought for the majority of my late teens AND 20s that men are just after your vagina.  Although I still at about 30 years of age find that to be true in many ways, it's not true if your standards are in the right place and you require respect.  But I learned that by the grace of God and after a great deal of heartbreak.

So I ask, is it a balance?  Or is it just that sometimes in life you just have to compromise...ESPECIALLY IN MATTERS OF THE HEART???

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“YOUR NA-NA IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE (PART THREE)

"Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON’T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat." - anonymous MAN

Let's define the word KNOW.  Do you know a dude just because you've been talking to him for a while?  He took you out a few times?  Maybe you even met his twin pitbulls?  Fed 'em a few times?  Or maybe you studied ESPN for a week and shot the breeze about his favorite foozeball team so you would win brownie points and get a few laughs out of him?  Hmmm?!

REALITY: You don't know a man just because you believe you've uncovered a few details about him.  You know a man when you get to the core of what his life consists of.

"Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he’s married or engaged? How does he treat other people? Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear." - anonymous MAN

It's called having a high standard.  And not the type of standard where you only deal with guys with money or status (whatever that is).  Having a high standard means ANYONE who wants to achieve a place of intimacy with you (physically AND MENTALLY) needs to meet certain requirements that you have.  (Requirements such as being a good listener, calling several times a day and checking on you, quality time with deep convo, introducing you to his family, being motivated, hard-working and most importantly, HIS WORDS AND ACTIONS MATCH.)

I mean...aren't you worthy of that?  Stop letting your butt cheeks define who you are and let your personality win the love and attention of a man.  Yes...I'm especially talking to the chicks who have pictures online showing every area but their face. (Y'all heffas need a hug).

Can you imagine how the rate of infidelity would decrease if women would have a MORAL requirement for sleeping with a man rather than a financial or physical one?  (I know it's got my head spinnin' too).

It takes TWO TO TANGO.  We all hear how some women say men are dogs...sniffing around and waiting to pounce on the next big butt and a smile.  BUT WAIT...DID HE RAPE HER?  Or did SHE want it just as bad as he did?  Ummhmm...

And honestly...I think that many women who claim to prefer only a physical connection with a man are just afraid of giving away control.  Often times I believe she uses the "get to you before you get to me" mentality.  Only problem is, your sexual high comes down at some point.  And afterwards, your conscience (hopefully you have one of those) rears its head and reminds you that you need to have a seat (and an appointment with your gynecologist).  

Yeah I know hormones are a b*tch, but if you wonder why you can't trust a man's behavior...it's usually because of some woman who LOWERED HER STANDARDS to let him do what SHE ALLOWED HIM TO DO.  Or, he responded to the advances that she threw him.

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“YOUR NA-NA IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE (PART TWO)

DENIAL and more DENIAL.  If I had a penny for how many times I run across a female that believes she has a man (or a situation with a man) figured out I'd have residual income.

He said that "WOMEN WILL DENY THAT THEY THINK LIKE THIS" - "THIS" meaning women who want more from a man emotionally when they only have a physical connection with him.

And how many ladybugs are out here like that???  Hmmmm...a TRILLION GA-ZILLION maybe?  And why is that?  Are all the women who accept meaningless sexual rendez-vous JUST OKAY with being a booty call?  Some women will say YES...they're fine with it.  Some women will say that they can reap the same benefits as a "main chick" aka the woman with the relationship, without having to deal with the emotional stress and drama.

Other women will scream "HELL NO!" right after they just got done washing off bodily juices from a repeated episode of "Lowering Your Standards".   And some of these women not only lie about the fact that they entertain booty calls but they also deny that they have any emotional attachment to the guy in an effort to claim their pride and look like the person in control.


The guy in my previous post said:
"Black men do not have to lie when so many black women are already deaf"

THESE ARE EXAMPLES OF BEING DEAF ~~~~~~

1)  He tells you that he's not ready for a relationship because he's afraid of titles messing up things, or he's been hurt in the past.

YOUR INTERPRETATION:  Oh, he's not ready NOW but I can change that one day.

THE TRUTH:  NO HE WON'T DEAF LADY.  HE SAID THE KEY PHRASE.  I'M NOT READY.  BELIEVE THAT AND KEEP IT MOVING MA'AM.  AND SURE! YOU CAN KEEP SCREWING HIM BUT JUST KNOW YOU ARE SCREWING A DUDE WHO WILL NEVER WIFE YOU.  LIKE, EVER.

2) He tells you that he's eventually leaving his wife but at the moment he can't because he's taking care of her bills, their children or whatever.  He is also telling you this when you see him once or twice a week if you're lucky - mostly at night, and in private.

YOUR INTERPRETATION:  I just need to be patient because I put that "thang" on him and he wouldn't be coming to me if he was so in love with her.

THE TRUTH:  YOU are a SIDE-PIECE.  YOU are something to do when he is bored with being at home.  He has NO intention of leaving his wife and if you are lucky enough to get him to leave, keep a stopwatch ticking to figure out how long it's going to take him to do the same thing to you.  If he sees you in public, he WILL look like a deer in headlights and he WILL either avoid you like the plague or give you the puppy dog eyes pleading you to stay in your place...which is NOT with him.  But oh yeah, that's cool because thanks to denial, "you're not emotionally attached to him anyway".

3) He comes home late often, from "meetings".  Or from being with the "guys".  His phone stays on silent but it's okay, he just doesn't want his Facebook alerts to wake you both up.  He's had a few women calling his phone that you found out about too.

YOUR INTERPRETATION: It's all about me because I have the ring and the last name.  OH YEAH...and the mortgage is paid and whatever else I want.  I think.

THE TRUTH:  Whatever him and his little girl toy do...affects YOU.  If she has crabs or any other seafood situation in her panties....he probably does too...and sadly...so would YOU.  Yeah I know, your man isn't that type of person.  He just works too much.  Yep, you're right.  He humps other chicks for his other full-time job and that can be hard work so yes, I guess you're correct.

And I'm aiming this commentary at the WOMEN more than the men for ONE REASON.  He can't do what you don't LET HIM DO.  But I know, he's too cute, you're too curious, he flashed a little money,  you'll be damned if you pass up free food, you're comfortable, the sex is good, and yadda yadda yadda.  Nobody told you to clap your cheeks for him though.  Nobody told you to be in your own fantasy world and twist his words and actions to fit your agenda. You thought of all that extra-ness on your own.  All by yourself.  Look at the sentence before this one.  Reckless humping usually leads to that.  Especially when it's someone else's man you're doing it to. 

At some point we have to stop using the male to female ratio, gayness among males, incarcerated men and etc. as an excuse to settle for less and (for lack of a more tactful way to say it) being just plain stank.

There is a reason why your rendez-vous with these men are mostly in private and at times where there's nothing open besides 7-11 and legs.  Um...yeah.

I SAY ALL OF THIS WITH LOVE.  I HATE TO SEE MY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OF ALL COLORS HURT BECAUSE THEY SETTLE FOR LESS AND PROLONG THE INEVITABLE HURT THAT THEY WILL FEEL WHEN THEY TURN A BLIND EYE AND DEAF EAR.  IGNORANCE IS BLISS UNTIL REALITY SNEAKS IN UNEXPECTED AND ABRUPTLY ENDS YOUR AIRHEAD PARTY.  START PAYING ATTENTION AND STOP LIVING IN DENIAL.

(special shout-out to my BFF Jay and her father ~  Mr. Ray Brown (RIP) for the "7-11 and legs" expression...I love you.)

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“YOUR NA-NA IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE (PART ONE)

For all the ladybugs that believe that their "na-na" is made of a rare platinum...please read this commentary FROM A MAN about the price of your goods.

AN ANONYMOUS MAN:

Bottom line–if I sleep with a woman I don’t know or care about, SEX is NOT going to make me care. (I stopped doing that years ago) That kind of sex is like scratching an itch. Once a man scratches, he’s through. He ain’t sitting around thinking about that spot that itched or how good it felt scratching it. He’s moving on with his life until that spot itches again and it don’t matter which hand he scratches it.

Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling, but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we’re having a “relationship” when it’s NOTHING but a booty call. Come on, ladies, y’all know I’m telling the truth.

Unfortunately, ladies, you are part of our problem. You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we’re about. Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a “relationship”. Many women will deny they think like this but I’m speaking from personal experience. Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman.

Now, what kind of sense does that make? Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life? IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE. The “other woman” is not breaking up a “happy home”.

Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk down the aisle didn’t change who he was. Why should he change? YOU let him know it was acceptable by sticking around that long.

Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN. Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days. Women have to stop “rewarding” unfaithful men by pretending it ain’t happening. All of us Black Men (BM) do not cheat. I do not cheat on my lady so don’t buy the hype. I know other BM who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it.

Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON’T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat. Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle. Worry LESS about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women. OPEN those ears and listen. Does he put down his ex-women and blame them for everything? And don’t be so vain. You are NOT a better woman than his last. If he dogged her out, you will probably be NEXT.

Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he’s married or engaged? How does he treat other people? Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear. Stop INTERPRETING the meaning of what he says to fit your purposes. If he says, “I’m not looking’ for nothing right now” — DON’T tell yourself, “Aw, he just scared of getting hurt. I can change his mind…” NO YOU CAN’T. He said exactly what the hell he meant. BM don’t have to lie when so many BW are already DEAF.

If you can’t answer BASIC questions about a man DON’T OPEN YOUR LEGS. I could kinda understand back in the days when sex wouldn’t KILL people but now? There’s no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself — sexually AND emotionally.

Show our ass to the door if we pressure you for sex too soon. Don’t be afraid to be alone. After you give our ass some you will probably be alone anyway but now you feel like a fool. In other words, take your time and check us out. If we REALLY like you, we’ll stick around. BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO. We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us.

I have TOO many female friends who give me horror stories that could have been avoided if they’d done their homework first OR moved SLOWER before giving up the panties. I try as a BM to give them the best advice I can but that won’t mean a thing if BW continue to live in a dream world. You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for your own sexual behavior the same as I am. Blaming the man won’t change a damn thing. BW have to look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what’s wrong with BM/BW relationships. Let me end by saying….

SEX DOES NOT = A RELATIONSHIP

GIVING A MAN A READY-MADE FAMILY WILL NOT MAKE HIM COMMIT IF HE DOESN’T WANT TO

A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY

IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF

IF HE DOESN’T TAKE CARE OF HIS OTHER CHILDREN WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HIM?

IF YOU REWARD A DOG WHY SHOULD MEN STOP BEING DOGS?

BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY. NO YOUR ASS IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS.

BW are going to have to raise their standards if they expect BM to do it. The question is, are my beautiful BW up to the challenge? Are you willing to be strong and stop taking the easy way out? Ladies, ladies, ladies, hit me back with some truth, not some bull****. I don’t want to hear: “What you said don’t refer to me ’cause I got my **** together and I’m a proud black woman who intimidates men and I never made no mistakes, it’s those other women who do things like that.”

What are BW going to do about these shady, shaky relationships that wind up in divorce court 60-70% of the time?

Sincerely,

A truthful man. 

(BM and BW = Black men and women in case someone didn't catch that)

I HAVE TOO MANY THINGS TO COMMENT ON WITH THIS ONE...BUT TRUST AND BELIEVE THERE WAS CHURCH ALL UP AND THROUGH THIS COMMENTARY.  I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING A HALLELUJAH RIGHT NOW!  LOL


LADIES LADIES LADIES...YEAH I'M BREAKING THIS DOWN PIECE BY PIECE SO PLEASE STAY TUNED AND IF ANYONE DISAGREES WITH ANYTHING PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HIT ME UP AND SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!

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