THIS is Why You Cheated.

I'm tired of people cheating in relationships when they put themselves in a situation to cheat in the first damn place.  

Oh, you probably don't understand what I mean.  

What I'm saying is....some people are greedy and want to "dip and dab" with anyone who is easy on the eyes.  There's no changing those selfish bastards. BUT...some people link up with a person who they know damn well they only feel LUKE WARM about and then cop an attitude because they feel "blah" about the person.  Then someone else comes around that does one of these to your underroos: 

and then you find yourself into a marriage and/or living situation with this person you feel like slapping with a brick because they weren't the one for you -- and you knew it all along.  

One thing I know is that most of us don't want to be alone.  Even the ones who are single know deep down they would rather have someone to come home to but would rather protect their egos and save face about what they really feel.  I know that isn't everyone, but I hated it personally. 

You cannot force yourself to feel things for someone that don't come natural in terms of attraction.  It’s either there or it’s not.  I will say that I have dated a few people that I “liked” but I really wasn't doing any mental or emotional backflips for them.  Even one guy I dated that fit my personal prototype of a "good catch" (basketball player physique, gorgeous face, independent)  didn't give me butterflies at the end of the day.  I just didn't "connect" with him.  And sometimes we connect with someone, but they were only meant to be a friend.  


I can honestly say that one guy I dated for about 6 months was a perfect example of this.  He pursued me nonstop and although I showed interest for a short period of time, when I realized he wasn't my type, I tried to decrease communication and the guy wasn't having it.  He attempted to pursue me harder until I gave in.  For a split second, I admired his persistence and gave him a chance.  But you can't date a person out of obligation or pity, or compensation for loneliness.  At the end of the day, it won't work out because your real feelings (or lack thereof) will tell on itself.  


And what if I married him?  There are PLENTY of people who marry the "maybe men" and women.  


IF YOU GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP TRYING TO BE WITH SOMEONE FOR ANY OTHER REASON THAN YOU HONESTLY WANTING TO BE WITH THAT PERSON AND BUILD WITH THEM...THE RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED FROM THE START.  


You CANNOT hold together a relationship because you had children together, or you can't find someone better, or the sex is good, or you want to fit in with your married friends, or any other asinine excuse.  It has to come from a genuine place.  


None of us are perfect, we usually mess this relationship thing up once or twice, or maybe many times.  BUT, understanding that a true connection is needed and understanding that you NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT IN A MATE is of essential importance so you can let your mate (or potential mate) know what makes you happy.  


Don't cheat on Mr. or Ms. Lukewarm when you could've been with that person that makes your heart do the Love Olympics.  (I'm corny I know...whatever, you get my point).

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Pointers for Dealing w/ an A**hole

When you are in a situation where you are directly addressing an a**hole, there are many things you can do that will immediately place you on their level.

I REPEAT...

When you are in a situation where you are directly addressing an a**hole, there are many things you can do that will immediately place you on their level.

"Knuckle Sandwich Approach"

Alright kids, now I understand that watching the infamous buffet of designer label hoodrats (aka Basketball Wives) may subliminally influence you to stir up a blackeye salad.  Understand that even taking your mind there is bad for your overall mood and mindset.  This will automatically raise your blood pressure and I'm tired of seeing pharmacies in bedrooms from people that needed a nice dosage of woo-sah in their diet.  Seriously.  

"Yes, I'm Judging You" Face

I have a best friend that is worse at this whole situation than I am - which is pretty bad because there are many people like us that can't do the Poker Face hustle.  It just won't work.  HOWEVER, you are automatically making the exchange more long and drawn out by responding this way.  If you want to keep the convo with the a**hole short and sweet, just chill and focus on ending the encounter rather than escalating it to the "Knuckle Sandwich Approach".

"F You and Your S---" Approach

Um...yeah so the whole vandalism thing.  I would HIGHLY suggest going to the dollar store and buying about 5-10 dollars worth of cheap glasses and dishes and go to town breaking them in an abandoned parking lot with a loved one.  A punching bag would be the next best thing.  Be sure to adhere to the littering and loitering notices at said park and/or parking lot.  We have to be strategic about our tantrums folks.  Let's not be sloppy and get hit w/ an expensive citation.

"You're Going to Go Deaf When I'm Done w/ You" Approach

We all know the whole expression, "Don't argue with a fool because they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience" - meaning, you will kick yourself after the fact for wasting your time and precious oxygen.  Pay close attention to the person you decide to blackout (aka - yell uncontrollably) with.  If they are calm and collected while you're doing sign language for kickboxers, you might want to tune into your inner yoga and pretzel your legs along with your tongue.  You will always make a stronger point delivering it in a calm fashion.

The most important thing to remember when dealing with an a**hole is that you can easily frustrate your whole day, week, month (you get the picture) by giving them too much of your mental space.  You have to pick and choose your battles wisely and decide if it's really worth the migrane, hangover, or any other result of your stress.  It really does take two to argue, fight, and tango.  Having the last "word" should only be important when you're a kid.  Seriously.

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THIS Is What Will Save Your Relationship!!!

Click on the video below where I break down the necessary elements needed to play the relationship game.  Don't over-analyze the fact that I just said relationship "GAME" either. It's just an expression...calm down. ((smiley face))

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Get That Phony Smile Outta Here!!!

Do you ever get around someone and want to gag yourself because of how disgustingly "happy" they always seem?  Personally, I LOVE being around others who are cheerful and their energy is good - but ONLY if it's GENUINE.  When I'm around someone who I sense is only "wearing" a smile, it really really irks me and makes me want to drop a bowling ball on their foot.  Like 3 times in a row.  While I'm mean-mugging them with duck lips.

Case in point, a guy friend I have.  He has always wanted to be more than friends with me, but the feeling definitely isn't mutual. He always comes across polite and cheerful, but he's never been straight up with me about negative feelings he's had towards me.  Not that I want someone to beef with me, but I crave authenticity in my connections.  The second I feel that someone is being phony with me, I immediately begin to drift away from that person.  It's almost like a hidden defense I have built up.  Right or wrong, that's how I've always operated.

This is along the same issue that I have with people who preach the "HI HATER", "I LOVE MY HATERS", "HATERS ARE YOUR FANS" crap that nobody really feels deep down.  This is TOTALLY the wrong type of mentality to train yourself to have.  What is the point of preaching lies like this to make yourself appear strong and unaffected when you spend energy and time out of your day venting about people that fit this description?  Most of us that pump blood ARE affected when someone crosses us in a negative way.  And no, I'm not saying that we shouldn't boost ourselves to accept the fact that people will always have an opinion - good or bad.  However, dismissing the situation on the surface just because it's cute to say in a Facebook status will not make your emotions any stronger.  The only thing you're doing is showing others that you need to convince yourself you don't care.   Think about it.

A large part of my 20's was spent making an effort to "save face" and not appear emotionally weak with certain people - even though in many situations you could see right through me.  What I needed to learn is that by going through the conflict (which is a weak area for me), it really helps to make a bond stronger - because you are learning more about the person who you have the difference with.   If there is any amount of respect (and honestly, home training) present, then all parties involved will grow from the experience.

So cut the "nobody affects me" crap.  You just look like a LL Uncool J = Lame Lying Uncool JACKASS.  (Yeah, I'm corny...so what.)

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He's Just Not Good Enough!!!

Can you learn to love somebody?  I hear tons of men talk about how women don't want to be with "nice guys" and that many of them end up dealing with the jerk who treats them like a second-class citizen - but what about the fact that chemistry and an attraction is needed in order to have a promising connection?

I would argue that it's pretty hard to force yourself to feel a way you naturally don't.  It's almost a "catch 22" situation because what if you naturally have chemistry with a womanizer who tells the best jokes in the damn world? Or a dude who has more PMS than a woman on two birth control prescriptions but his shoulders and smile and walk makes you want to create a sex sandwich out of him?  There's so many complexities when it comes to dating and relationships and honestly, it's so much easier said than done when it comes to avoiding a person that may be "bad" for you, but you are naturally drawn to that person.

So what do you do?  Then there's that saying that there IS no perfect man so does that mean that some of the "bad guys" should be given a break?

Females often get a bad rap when it comes to their selection process and really, in many ways we're damned if we do and damned if we don't.

I say that because nobody seems to address the deeper issue of why so many women make poor choices when it comes to their love lives.  I hear tons of ridicule about a woman who would continue to waste her life away with a "loser", but never look at the fact that many women are damaged, insecure, afraid, or uneducated about the concept of having standards.  They might not have a good example to follow when it comes to self-respect and in turn, their encounters with men reflect that lack of respect.

Take me for example, my miseducation of the opposite sex began early in my teens with a very close male "best friend-like" individual who was the epitome of a womanizer teaching me what men say to get what they want.  That resulted in me being overly cautious of most men and not believing what they say - I thought for the majority of my late teens AND 20s that men are just after your vagina.  Although I still at about 30 years of age find that to be true in many ways, it's not true if your standards are in the right place and you require respect.  But I learned that by the grace of God and after a great deal of heartbreak.

So I ask, is it a balance?  Or is it just that sometimes in life you just have to compromise...ESPECIALLY IN MATTERS OF THE HEART???

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The "C" Question --- WOULD YOU DO THIS ON A DATE?

So, I'm out at a restaurant hanging out with a friend and getting to know his family and friends a little better.  I'm checking out the menu being pretty aware of prices of the things I had my eye on because I always try to be respectful when it comes to what I'm ordering if someone else is paying (I mean, that's just me.  I know some of you all wouldn't think twice about ordering that $40 filet mignon and darting your eyes at the dude if he looked like sneering at your choice).

But my friend exchanged looks with his father and then said he wanted to ask me the "C" question.  So I'm like, what the hell is the "C" question?  He then smiles and asks me:

"If you were out on a romantic dinner with me and everything was going great and when it came time to pay for the meal, I pulled out a coupon.  Would you let me take you out again or would you lose interest because you believe that's lame?

And I'm like well shoot, that's an interesting question.  But more so interesting because of the reactions of his lady relatives.  The majority of them were like, "HECK NO...I would dump him.  That's tacky and I would look at him like he's crazy for being that blatantly cheap in public".  And I'm like "DAAAAAAMNNNN!  There was emotion behind these responses!"  So, the father proceeded to give his opinion on this matter after I said "I personally wouldn't mind".  He was basically calling me a "keeper" because I understood the concept of being smart with a dollar.  He looked at the females in his family getting hyped over the question and told them that he can't figure out why they have a man at all.

This brings me to the question stirring in my brain.  Is something like this really a big deal?  Is it that important to appear a particular way when you are courting a woman?  Does this requirement come along with the other sporting events in the early dating stages? Am I not in a high enough tax bracket to even understand why this matters?

If I was on a date at a top-notch restaurant with Mark Zuckerburg and he pulls out a coupon to pay for our meal (ok...nevermind I would slap the far-sided out of his eyes...he could buy the whole restaurant like 100 times... ol' rich bastard).  But seriously, isn't this a classic example of people who try to "keep up with the Joneses"?  If I'm the type of person to use a coupon, why should I have to hide that from a date or anyone just to appear like I'm working with more money?  I believe I have an issue with this more because of how women usually say they want honesty in a man and genuineness, but if he "kept it real" and pulled out a coupon to save a few extra dollars, he's violating?  Soooo...it's okay for him to front in public as long as he doesn't blatantly lie to your face?  I just don't get it.

Help me out everybody.  Maybe I need an etiquette class or something.  

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MICHAEL EALY SPEAKS ON RELATIONSHIPS, LOVE AND THINKING LIKE A MAN.

Michael Ealy visited Howard University to talk about his movie that just dropped over the weekend, "Think Like a Man" and I had the privilege of hearing his thoughts about dating and relationships.

CHECK IT OUT HERE:

I've heard a LOT of people with strong opinions of this movie before it even dropped in theaters.  Most of the opinions that have said that it wasn't worth watching seem to have more of an issue with Steve Harvey, the author of the book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" than knowing if the actual content is worth giving mental space to.

Personally, I feel like anyone could take a lesson from the concept of this movie.  It is difficult for men and women to co-exist and I think half the battle with finding more common ground is to approach different thoughts and perspectives with an open mind.  Most of the time, we all can take life examples from experiences that we've either seen or been through ourselves to help us through our own situations.

Case in point, Michael Ealy thanked Meagan Good for her contribution to the "Think Like a Man" movie right here:

My advice: checking out the movie would make for a great conversational piece.  I also noticed that most people after having watched the movie said it was worth going to see.

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MICHAEL EALY UP CLOSE...YES, HIS FACE.

Michael Ealy stopped by Howard University last week to promote the upcoming movie, "Think Like a Man" that drops on April 20th.  The day before, I couldn't help but to notice that people were tweeting like crazy about him coming into town and I retweeted a mention about him coming myself.  But then I went to his "Twitter Account" and noticed that it only had like 450 followers -- it really didn't make sense to me.  I also know there are plenty of pseudo-celebrity accounts NOT TO MENTION people that have official pages but nobody knows who the hell they are.  I digress.

CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO WITH MICHAEL EALY TALKING ABOUT HIS TWITTER ACCOUNT ON APRIL 10TH, 2012 ------  (of course I had to be the loudest person on the video...)

He actually DOES have a Twitter account now and you can follow him at @MichaelEaly

I did have a "woo-sah" moment after being that close to all his deliciousness.  Ladies, don't slap me, I got you a REEEEALLY close up video of this man.  Don't ever say I didn't do anything for ya!!!!

(I WILL BE POSTING THE INTERVIEW WITH HIM REALLY SOON HERE AND ON DCLIFEMAGAZINE.COM!!!)

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STOP TRYING TO FORCE A SITUATION

I always wondered what that meant when my ex used to say that to me.  I was about 21...22 and he would always say that I wasn't acting normally.  I kept racking my brain and trying to figure out why he was giving me such a hard time because although my mind was moving at 3000 miles per hour, I felt like I was being myself.  We went out to a party one time and there were a ton of chicks there that I thought looked more voluptuous and prettier than I did.  I tried to be chill about my insecurities and "drink it off", but it came out through my slick remarks and "sideway" comments about how I knew that my boyfriend (at the time) was looking at the other women in the room.  It got even worse the more I drank and I treated my boyfriend like he had already done something because I was insecure deep down and wanted to mentally prepare myself for the worst.

This is one thing I realize now that I am older and more educated (book-wise and about life).  Your subconscious mind is just as powerful as your conscious mind.  Most of what you contain internally comes out in some way and if you are insecure - there is little you can do to truly hide that from a person that knows you.

I'm not saying that you can't fool anybody about what you're thinking or feeling, but I am saying that the things we dwell on in our minds WILL END UP BEING EXPRESSED THRU OUR ACTIONS IN SOME WAY.

This is why it's so important to be honest with yourself about things that you feel.  Negative thoughts DO become negative actions unless you fight negativity with POSITIVE ENERGY.  If you are constantly around someone who feeds you negative emotions or energy, it will impact you and influence you subconsciously.  And like I said before...

Your subconscious mind is just as powerful as your conscious mind.

And why you ask?  Because of THE POWER OF REPETITION.  That's how we memorize information right?  That's how things stick in our head.  And if actions do more than words, why wouldn't repeated acts of negativity do the same thing in our brains?  Our subconscious mind helps us store information. (I'm really not trying to sound like a science book but I'm telling you some good stuff right here so keep reading damn it...)  The more you feed your mind with negative thoughts or insecurities, the more you will act the way you think.  

If this applies to anyone reading...  Ask yourself WHY you don't act naturally?  Or better question, does the person/people you are dealing with make you feel as if you have to be aware of yourself in order to be around them?  

Being comfortable in your skin is communicated by what you do...not what you try to convince others.  Your mouth may say you're being YOU but your body and eyes might be showing others just how afraid you really are.  Think about it.

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THE STRIPPER POLE

Okay so, this was about 2009 or something.  I was desperately trying to find a way to make more money for my family.  I kept thinking my skills that were the strongest outside of my day job weren't going to land me a profit anytime soon.  I also couldn't rely on extra income from recording people in the studio because it was too inconsistent. That's when I found Lil' Mynx.

I decided to invest in a stripper pole to take around to ladies' houses and have pole parties.  I felt like this was the perfect way for me to make quick money by holding events for ladies who wanted a slumber party-esque experience with their friends.  Plus it sounded like fun.

I actually threw a pole party for my 25th birthday so I was like...HEY! I can pocket off of all the birthday girls who want to act up with their friends!  I went online and found Lil' Mynx poles (which definitely have more affordable poles) and ordered mine.

Now there are two types of poles that I'm aware of.  The first pole has a unit that suctions into the ceiling and is easily removable and can be transported to different locations to be used.  The other type of pole has to be mounted into the ceiling - meaning you have to drill a hole into the ceiling to connect the device that the pole attaches to.

Now me being the intelligent African-American that I am, I didn't make sure I knew which pole I had when I made my purchase.  I ended up buying the one that I had to bolt into the ceiling...in my apartment...that I rent.  This also meant that the pole could only be used at my house unless I felt like drilling a hole into everyone else's wall before we got started.

So yeah I know...I should have just sent it back to make an exchange right?  Um...well...that would have worked out for me if I hadn't waited 2 months after it was delivered to me to finally open it.  I was trying to finish out a semester at school so I said I would focus on that before I opened the pole to get started on my new business venture.  The warranty was only for 30 days. (Womp-Womp-Womp)

Okay, so I took it out and used it anyway.  The best use that I got out of the pole after I finally destroyed enough of my ceiling to put it up was for my sister's 21st birthday party.  There's just something about drunk chicks falling off a pole that just makes any night worth having.

Over time the pole began to loosen and stopped being sturdy.  I know there's a weight limit for it but I won't even go there...I'll just say the wear and tear added up fast.  The worst part was that it was a constant reminder that I had made a failed investment.  Minor as it was, it was still almost $400.  I'm not a baller so for all of you that wipe your bootys with that...how about you kiss mine.  (Just kidding.)

I ended up selling the pole a few months later to some pregnant chick. (I'm so sincere...she had to be about 8 months preggo) ::shrug face::

My point is:  Some investments are made to help you thrive.  Some investments are empty.  I honestly think it was meant for me to mess that up so I would understand that sometimes things fail because they weren't meant to be.  Sometimes when we find ourselves struggling to make something work, it really means that our direction may need to take a shift.   Not to say that you don't have to work hard... YOU DO, but if you believe in GOD, he allows things to happen (good and bad) that help us understand the direction we need to take. 

I definitely know he was trying to tell me I have talents that far exceed me trying to use a gimmick to make a living.  No disrespect to anyone making money off of that but we all have to know our individual purpose.  When we are in tune with that...we will succeed.

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“YOUR NA-NA IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE (PART THREE)

"Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON’T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat." - anonymous MAN

Let's define the word KNOW.  Do you know a dude just because you've been talking to him for a while?  He took you out a few times?  Maybe you even met his twin pitbulls?  Fed 'em a few times?  Or maybe you studied ESPN for a week and shot the breeze about his favorite foozeball team so you would win brownie points and get a few laughs out of him?  Hmmm?!

REALITY: You don't know a man just because you believe you've uncovered a few details about him.  You know a man when you get to the core of what his life consists of.

"Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he’s married or engaged? How does he treat other people? Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear." - anonymous MAN

It's called having a high standard.  And not the type of standard where you only deal with guys with money or status (whatever that is).  Having a high standard means ANYONE who wants to achieve a place of intimacy with you (physically AND MENTALLY) needs to meet certain requirements that you have.  (Requirements such as being a good listener, calling several times a day and checking on you, quality time with deep convo, introducing you to his family, being motivated, hard-working and most importantly, HIS WORDS AND ACTIONS MATCH.)

I mean...aren't you worthy of that?  Stop letting your butt cheeks define who you are and let your personality win the love and attention of a man.  Yes...I'm especially talking to the chicks who have pictures online showing every area but their face. (Y'all heffas need a hug).

Can you imagine how the rate of infidelity would decrease if women would have a MORAL requirement for sleeping with a man rather than a financial or physical one?  (I know it's got my head spinnin' too).

It takes TWO TO TANGO.  We all hear how some women say men are dogs...sniffing around and waiting to pounce on the next big butt and a smile.  BUT WAIT...DID HE RAPE HER?  Or did SHE want it just as bad as he did?  Ummhmm...

And honestly...I think that many women who claim to prefer only a physical connection with a man are just afraid of giving away control.  Often times I believe she uses the "get to you before you get to me" mentality.  Only problem is, your sexual high comes down at some point.  And afterwards, your conscience (hopefully you have one of those) rears its head and reminds you that you need to have a seat (and an appointment with your gynecologist).  

Yeah I know hormones are a b*tch, but if you wonder why you can't trust a man's behavior...it's usually because of some woman who LOWERED HER STANDARDS to let him do what SHE ALLOWED HIM TO DO.  Or, he responded to the advances that she threw him.

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“YOUR NA-NA IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE (PART TWO)

DENIAL and more DENIAL.  If I had a penny for how many times I run across a female that believes she has a man (or a situation with a man) figured out I'd have residual income.

He said that "WOMEN WILL DENY THAT THEY THINK LIKE THIS" - "THIS" meaning women who want more from a man emotionally when they only have a physical connection with him.

And how many ladybugs are out here like that???  Hmmmm...a TRILLION GA-ZILLION maybe?  And why is that?  Are all the women who accept meaningless sexual rendez-vous JUST OKAY with being a booty call?  Some women will say YES...they're fine with it.  Some women will say that they can reap the same benefits as a "main chick" aka the woman with the relationship, without having to deal with the emotional stress and drama.

Other women will scream "HELL NO!" right after they just got done washing off bodily juices from a repeated episode of "Lowering Your Standards".   And some of these women not only lie about the fact that they entertain booty calls but they also deny that they have any emotional attachment to the guy in an effort to claim their pride and look like the person in control.


The guy in my previous post said:
"Black men do not have to lie when so many black women are already deaf"

THESE ARE EXAMPLES OF BEING DEAF ~~~~~~

1)  He tells you that he's not ready for a relationship because he's afraid of titles messing up things, or he's been hurt in the past.

YOUR INTERPRETATION:  Oh, he's not ready NOW but I can change that one day.

THE TRUTH:  NO HE WON'T DEAF LADY.  HE SAID THE KEY PHRASE.  I'M NOT READY.  BELIEVE THAT AND KEEP IT MOVING MA'AM.  AND SURE! YOU CAN KEEP SCREWING HIM BUT JUST KNOW YOU ARE SCREWING A DUDE WHO WILL NEVER WIFE YOU.  LIKE, EVER.

2) He tells you that he's eventually leaving his wife but at the moment he can't because he's taking care of her bills, their children or whatever.  He is also telling you this when you see him once or twice a week if you're lucky - mostly at night, and in private.

YOUR INTERPRETATION:  I just need to be patient because I put that "thang" on him and he wouldn't be coming to me if he was so in love with her.

THE TRUTH:  YOU are a SIDE-PIECE.  YOU are something to do when he is bored with being at home.  He has NO intention of leaving his wife and if you are lucky enough to get him to leave, keep a stopwatch ticking to figure out how long it's going to take him to do the same thing to you.  If he sees you in public, he WILL look like a deer in headlights and he WILL either avoid you like the plague or give you the puppy dog eyes pleading you to stay in your place...which is NOT with him.  But oh yeah, that's cool because thanks to denial, "you're not emotionally attached to him anyway".

3) He comes home late often, from "meetings".  Or from being with the "guys".  His phone stays on silent but it's okay, he just doesn't want his Facebook alerts to wake you both up.  He's had a few women calling his phone that you found out about too.

YOUR INTERPRETATION: It's all about me because I have the ring and the last name.  OH YEAH...and the mortgage is paid and whatever else I want.  I think.

THE TRUTH:  Whatever him and his little girl toy do...affects YOU.  If she has crabs or any other seafood situation in her panties....he probably does too...and sadly...so would YOU.  Yeah I know, your man isn't that type of person.  He just works too much.  Yep, you're right.  He humps other chicks for his other full-time job and that can be hard work so yes, I guess you're correct.

And I'm aiming this commentary at the WOMEN more than the men for ONE REASON.  He can't do what you don't LET HIM DO.  But I know, he's too cute, you're too curious, he flashed a little money,  you'll be damned if you pass up free food, you're comfortable, the sex is good, and yadda yadda yadda.  Nobody told you to clap your cheeks for him though.  Nobody told you to be in your own fantasy world and twist his words and actions to fit your agenda. You thought of all that extra-ness on your own.  All by yourself.  Look at the sentence before this one.  Reckless humping usually leads to that.  Especially when it's someone else's man you're doing it to. 

At some point we have to stop using the male to female ratio, gayness among males, incarcerated men and etc. as an excuse to settle for less and (for lack of a more tactful way to say it) being just plain stank.

There is a reason why your rendez-vous with these men are mostly in private and at times where there's nothing open besides 7-11 and legs.  Um...yeah.

I SAY ALL OF THIS WITH LOVE.  I HATE TO SEE MY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OF ALL COLORS HURT BECAUSE THEY SETTLE FOR LESS AND PROLONG THE INEVITABLE HURT THAT THEY WILL FEEL WHEN THEY TURN A BLIND EYE AND DEAF EAR.  IGNORANCE IS BLISS UNTIL REALITY SNEAKS IN UNEXPECTED AND ABRUPTLY ENDS YOUR AIRHEAD PARTY.  START PAYING ATTENTION AND STOP LIVING IN DENIAL.

(special shout-out to my BFF Jay and her father ~  Mr. Ray Brown (RIP) for the "7-11 and legs" expression...I love you.)

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“YOUR NA-NA IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE (PART ONE)

For all the ladybugs that believe that their "na-na" is made of a rare platinum...please read this commentary FROM A MAN about the price of your goods.

AN ANONYMOUS MAN:

Bottom line–if I sleep with a woman I don’t know or care about, SEX is NOT going to make me care. (I stopped doing that years ago) That kind of sex is like scratching an itch. Once a man scratches, he’s through. He ain’t sitting around thinking about that spot that itched or how good it felt scratching it. He’s moving on with his life until that spot itches again and it don’t matter which hand he scratches it.

Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling, but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we’re having a “relationship” when it’s NOTHING but a booty call. Come on, ladies, y’all know I’m telling the truth.

Unfortunately, ladies, you are part of our problem. You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we’re about. Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a “relationship”. Many women will deny they think like this but I’m speaking from personal experience. Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman.

Now, what kind of sense does that make? Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life? IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE. The “other woman” is not breaking up a “happy home”.

Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk down the aisle didn’t change who he was. Why should he change? YOU let him know it was acceptable by sticking around that long.

Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN. Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days. Women have to stop “rewarding” unfaithful men by pretending it ain’t happening. All of us Black Men (BM) do not cheat. I do not cheat on my lady so don’t buy the hype. I know other BM who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it.

Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON’T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat. Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle. Worry LESS about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women. OPEN those ears and listen. Does he put down his ex-women and blame them for everything? And don’t be so vain. You are NOT a better woman than his last. If he dogged her out, you will probably be NEXT.

Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he’s married or engaged? How does he treat other people? Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear. Stop INTERPRETING the meaning of what he says to fit your purposes. If he says, “I’m not looking’ for nothing right now” — DON’T tell yourself, “Aw, he just scared of getting hurt. I can change his mind…” NO YOU CAN’T. He said exactly what the hell he meant. BM don’t have to lie when so many BW are already DEAF.

If you can’t answer BASIC questions about a man DON’T OPEN YOUR LEGS. I could kinda understand back in the days when sex wouldn’t KILL people but now? There’s no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself — sexually AND emotionally.

Show our ass to the door if we pressure you for sex too soon. Don’t be afraid to be alone. After you give our ass some you will probably be alone anyway but now you feel like a fool. In other words, take your time and check us out. If we REALLY like you, we’ll stick around. BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO. We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us.

I have TOO many female friends who give me horror stories that could have been avoided if they’d done their homework first OR moved SLOWER before giving up the panties. I try as a BM to give them the best advice I can but that won’t mean a thing if BW continue to live in a dream world. You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for your own sexual behavior the same as I am. Blaming the man won’t change a damn thing. BW have to look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what’s wrong with BM/BW relationships. Let me end by saying….

SEX DOES NOT = A RELATIONSHIP

GIVING A MAN A READY-MADE FAMILY WILL NOT MAKE HIM COMMIT IF HE DOESN’T WANT TO

A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY

IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF

IF HE DOESN’T TAKE CARE OF HIS OTHER CHILDREN WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HIM?

IF YOU REWARD A DOG WHY SHOULD MEN STOP BEING DOGS?

BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY. NO YOUR ASS IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS.

BW are going to have to raise their standards if they expect BM to do it. The question is, are my beautiful BW up to the challenge? Are you willing to be strong and stop taking the easy way out? Ladies, ladies, ladies, hit me back with some truth, not some bull****. I don’t want to hear: “What you said don’t refer to me ’cause I got my **** together and I’m a proud black woman who intimidates men and I never made no mistakes, it’s those other women who do things like that.”

What are BW going to do about these shady, shaky relationships that wind up in divorce court 60-70% of the time?

Sincerely,

A truthful man. 

(BM and BW = Black men and women in case someone didn't catch that)

I HAVE TOO MANY THINGS TO COMMENT ON WITH THIS ONE...BUT TRUST AND BELIEVE THERE WAS CHURCH ALL UP AND THROUGH THIS COMMENTARY.  I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING A HALLELUJAH RIGHT NOW!  LOL


LADIES LADIES LADIES...YEAH I'M BREAKING THIS DOWN PIECE BY PIECE SO PLEASE STAY TUNED AND IF ANYONE DISAGREES WITH ANYTHING PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HIT ME UP AND SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!

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