THIS is Why You Cheated.

I'm tired of people cheating in relationships when they put themselves in a situation to cheat in the first damn place.  

Oh, you probably don't understand what I mean.  

What I'm saying is....some people are greedy and want to "dip and dab" with anyone who is easy on the eyes.  There's no changing those selfish bastards. BUT...some people link up with a person who they know damn well they only feel LUKE WARM about and then cop an attitude because they feel "blah" about the person.  Then someone else comes around that does one of these to your underroos: 

and then you find yourself into a marriage and/or living situation with this person you feel like slapping with a brick because they weren't the one for you -- and you knew it all along.  

One thing I know is that most of us don't want to be alone.  Even the ones who are single know deep down they would rather have someone to come home to but would rather protect their egos and save face about what they really feel.  I know that isn't everyone, but I hated it personally. 

You cannot force yourself to feel things for someone that don't come natural in terms of attraction.  It’s either there or it’s not.  I will say that I have dated a few people that I “liked” but I really wasn't doing any mental or emotional backflips for them.  Even one guy I dated that fit my personal prototype of a "good catch" (basketball player physique, gorgeous face, independent)  didn't give me butterflies at the end of the day.  I just didn't "connect" with him.  And sometimes we connect with someone, but they were only meant to be a friend.  


I can honestly say that one guy I dated for about 6 months was a perfect example of this.  He pursued me nonstop and although I showed interest for a short period of time, when I realized he wasn't my type, I tried to decrease communication and the guy wasn't having it.  He attempted to pursue me harder until I gave in.  For a split second, I admired his persistence and gave him a chance.  But you can't date a person out of obligation or pity, or compensation for loneliness.  At the end of the day, it won't work out because your real feelings (or lack thereof) will tell on itself.  


And what if I married him?  There are PLENTY of people who marry the "maybe men" and women.  


IF YOU GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP TRYING TO BE WITH SOMEONE FOR ANY OTHER REASON THAN YOU HONESTLY WANTING TO BE WITH THAT PERSON AND BUILD WITH THEM...THE RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED FROM THE START.  


You CANNOT hold together a relationship because you had children together, or you can't find someone better, or the sex is good, or you want to fit in with your married friends, or any other asinine excuse.  It has to come from a genuine place.  


None of us are perfect, we usually mess this relationship thing up once or twice, or maybe many times.  BUT, understanding that a true connection is needed and understanding that you NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT IN A MATE is of essential importance so you can let your mate (or potential mate) know what makes you happy.  


Don't cheat on Mr. or Ms. Lukewarm when you could've been with that person that makes your heart do the Love Olympics.  (I'm corny I know...whatever, you get my point).

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GOLDDIGGER VS PROSTITUTE VS WOMAN: A BREAKDOWN

YES KIDS.  It's time to clear up this situation because there is nothing more annoying in the world than for TERMS and WORDS to be confused for one another.  ("Hating" and Disagreeing being one of them but that's another post.)

I'm breaking this down because women are confused on a regular basis about where their head should be when they start dating someone.  The confusion often lies with the want for a man to be a gentleman and act like one but not wanting to be perceived as a "golddigger" and run the guy off.  So let's break down a golddigger shall we?

 A "Golddigger" =  a woman who deliberately uses her body to reap monetary benefits from a person she claims to be interested in.   (Sounds a LOT like prostitution doesn't it???)

That's because it IS.  A "Golddigger" is just a fancy prostitute (YEAH I SAID IT.)  It is "golddigging" when you break a dude off sexually because he buys you something or gives you money (no, I'm not talking about being in a relationship and you give your man a taste because he got you that perfume or gold bracelet you wanted.)

Short review:  Golddigging is a form of PROSTITUTION.   The groupie knows the relationship with her moneybag source is only restricted to occasional hotel stays and being in the VIP crowd at the clubs.  Depending on whether she can make her time with the guy a memorable sexual experience...she may have more opportunities to take advantage of what his world has to offer.

Now....LET'S GO BACK TO THE AVERAGE WOMAN who doesn't want to appear like she's trying to run a guy's pockets.  I have a story.

I linked up with this guy about a year or two ago that I talked to online for a little while.  He invited me to lunch/early dinner one day and I accepted.  We met up at Ruby Tuesday and started ordering our food.  Back then, I was really watching what I ate and only ordered a salad.  I'm pretty sure I got water for my drink too (aka a free item).  He orders a burger, a salad, and a drink.  When it came time for us to take the check, he began to tell me a story about how he was out eating with a girl and she didn't bring any money.  He told me that she shouldn't have assumed that she was going to get a free meal from him because it was a sign of dependency and it's a very attractive trait for a woman to take care of herself.
First of all, I was thinking to myself that this bastard probably has that song "She Got Her Own" by Neyo and Jamie Foxx on repeat in his car.  Then I thought to myself, 'didn't he ask me to come out and eat?'  I would say that my portion of the bill barely hit $8 and I ended up putting down $20 as my portion.  Needless to say he attempted to arrange a 2nd rendez-vous with me and FAILED in the most epic of ways.

What I believe he thought was that I would be more worried about leaving him an impression that I have my stuff together financially rather than allowing him to display a chivalrous act of paying for the lunch/early dinner that he invited me to.  After all, 1st impressions are everything right?  But what he neglected to address was the 1st impression he left with me.

Moral of the damn story is (can you tell I still want to slap him for that?) THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PROSTITUTE AKA GOLDDIGGER AND A WOMAN WITH FINANCIAL EXPECTATIONS.

Ladies, please stop being afraid to HAVE FINANCIAL EXPECTATIONS.  You know what you are and what you're not.  If you know your main goal in life isn't to take advantage of a guy, then be yourself and have the expectation that a guy should step up in that area if he wants to be with you.  Stop being afraid that you will run him off by having standards.  I'm not saying he should have a certain amount of money.  I am saying that he should at least be working towards becoming a provider (unless you want a dude that you will have to take care of).  It took me YEARS to learn that concept.  I'm just glad I learned it in my 20's and not in my 50's.


Old but such a true saying:  If you don't stand for something...YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.

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