THIS is Why You Cheated.

I'm tired of people cheating in relationships when they put themselves in a situation to cheat in the first damn place.  

Oh, you probably don't understand what I mean.  

What I'm saying is....some people are greedy and want to "dip and dab" with anyone who is easy on the eyes.  There's no changing those selfish bastards. BUT...some people link up with a person who they know damn well they only feel LUKE WARM about and then cop an attitude because they feel "blah" about the person.  Then someone else comes around that does one of these to your underroos: 

and then you find yourself into a marriage and/or living situation with this person you feel like slapping with a brick because they weren't the one for you -- and you knew it all along.  

One thing I know is that most of us don't want to be alone.  Even the ones who are single know deep down they would rather have someone to come home to but would rather protect their egos and save face about what they really feel.  I know that isn't everyone, but I hated it personally. 

You cannot force yourself to feel things for someone that don't come natural in terms of attraction.  It’s either there or it’s not.  I will say that I have dated a few people that I “liked” but I really wasn't doing any mental or emotional backflips for them.  Even one guy I dated that fit my personal prototype of a "good catch" (basketball player physique, gorgeous face, independent)  didn't give me butterflies at the end of the day.  I just didn't "connect" with him.  And sometimes we connect with someone, but they were only meant to be a friend.  


I can honestly say that one guy I dated for about 6 months was a perfect example of this.  He pursued me nonstop and although I showed interest for a short period of time, when I realized he wasn't my type, I tried to decrease communication and the guy wasn't having it.  He attempted to pursue me harder until I gave in.  For a split second, I admired his persistence and gave him a chance.  But you can't date a person out of obligation or pity, or compensation for loneliness.  At the end of the day, it won't work out because your real feelings (or lack thereof) will tell on itself.  


And what if I married him?  There are PLENTY of people who marry the "maybe men" and women.  


IF YOU GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP TRYING TO BE WITH SOMEONE FOR ANY OTHER REASON THAN YOU HONESTLY WANTING TO BE WITH THAT PERSON AND BUILD WITH THEM...THE RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED FROM THE START.  


You CANNOT hold together a relationship because you had children together, or you can't find someone better, or the sex is good, or you want to fit in with your married friends, or any other asinine excuse.  It has to come from a genuine place.  


None of us are perfect, we usually mess this relationship thing up once or twice, or maybe many times.  BUT, understanding that a true connection is needed and understanding that you NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT IN A MATE is of essential importance so you can let your mate (or potential mate) know what makes you happy.  


Don't cheat on Mr. or Ms. Lukewarm when you could've been with that person that makes your heart do the Love Olympics.  (I'm corny I know...whatever, you get my point).

Read more »

THIS IS THE PERSON YOU SHOULD NEVER GET ADVICE FROM

You should always consider the source when you take advice from someone.  Many times (especially within the lady population) we will vent to our girlfriends about our lives and try to make ourselves feel better about a situation - after all, it is healthy to vent rather than holding in emotions.  I don't believe the story ever ends well for a person that doesn't ever express their emotions.  BUT, the problem is when we vent to certain people, we often end up with advice that puts us in a really unhealthy frame of mind.  And why is that?  It's because emotions are there and it does not allow advice to be given from an OBJECTIVE and clean slate.

Take Kim and Nancy for example.  Kim is going through problems with her boyfriend.  Nancy is unhappily single and really upset that she never gets to hang out with Kim because  Kim is usually with her man.  Nancy's bitterness (that she will never admit to having) will cause her to give Kim the advice from hell and basically tell her f*ck her boyfriend for doing anything besides being perfect.  Now, if Nancy was being a good friend, she would try her hardest to remove her own personal feelings out of the equation to say what is best for her friend but unfortunately, there are TONS of people out there who would look out for their own interests.  Or, they are ignorant of what the "right thing to do" really is because they can't even get their own personal lives together.

Which reminds me, if you are getting advice from a person whose love life is more screwed up than you, you might want to rethink your judgment and put down that 4th bottle of Corona.  

Misery definitely loves company and even though it may not be Nancy's intention to make Kim unhappy, she will definitely serve her own agenda if it means she can count on Kim to be more available for "girlfriend" time she wasn't getting before.

It doesn't matter if this person knows you more than anyone or if they are family...or "family".  Sometimes these are the very people who don't want you to "do better" because they have a void within themselves.  I'm not saying that you should say eff their face and write them off, but you should definitely find a "Plan B" when you're in a venting mood.

You have to remember that when you kiss and make up with your better half, the audience you had for your venting party will still have the vaseline and boxing gloves with Michael Buffer on speed dial to announce the fighting match with his signature million dollar voice.

Bitter friends are still your friends, but they are NEVER the ones to get advice from.  NEVER EVER. Unless you want to proudly earn your Bitter Birdie membership trophy.

Harsh I know, but true.

Read more »

Pointers for Dealing w/ an A**hole

When you are in a situation where you are directly addressing an a**hole, there are many things you can do that will immediately place you on their level.

I REPEAT...

When you are in a situation where you are directly addressing an a**hole, there are many things you can do that will immediately place you on their level.

"Knuckle Sandwich Approach"

Alright kids, now I understand that watching the infamous buffet of designer label hoodrats (aka Basketball Wives) may subliminally influence you to stir up a blackeye salad.  Understand that even taking your mind there is bad for your overall mood and mindset.  This will automatically raise your blood pressure and I'm tired of seeing pharmacies in bedrooms from people that needed a nice dosage of woo-sah in their diet.  Seriously.  

"Yes, I'm Judging You" Face

I have a best friend that is worse at this whole situation than I am - which is pretty bad because there are many people like us that can't do the Poker Face hustle.  It just won't work.  HOWEVER, you are automatically making the exchange more long and drawn out by responding this way.  If you want to keep the convo with the a**hole short and sweet, just chill and focus on ending the encounter rather than escalating it to the "Knuckle Sandwich Approach".

"F You and Your S---" Approach

Um...yeah so the whole vandalism thing.  I would HIGHLY suggest going to the dollar store and buying about 5-10 dollars worth of cheap glasses and dishes and go to town breaking them in an abandoned parking lot with a loved one.  A punching bag would be the next best thing.  Be sure to adhere to the littering and loitering notices at said park and/or parking lot.  We have to be strategic about our tantrums folks.  Let's not be sloppy and get hit w/ an expensive citation.

"You're Going to Go Deaf When I'm Done w/ You" Approach

We all know the whole expression, "Don't argue with a fool because they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience" - meaning, you will kick yourself after the fact for wasting your time and precious oxygen.  Pay close attention to the person you decide to blackout (aka - yell uncontrollably) with.  If they are calm and collected while you're doing sign language for kickboxers, you might want to tune into your inner yoga and pretzel your legs along with your tongue.  You will always make a stronger point delivering it in a calm fashion.

The most important thing to remember when dealing with an a**hole is that you can easily frustrate your whole day, week, month (you get the picture) by giving them too much of your mental space.  You have to pick and choose your battles wisely and decide if it's really worth the migrane, hangover, or any other result of your stress.  It really does take two to argue, fight, and tango.  Having the last "word" should only be important when you're a kid.  Seriously.

Read more »

10 KEY DEAL BREAKERS IN DATING SOMEONE....

PAYING FOR THE DATE.  - I remember a guy I was dating for a hot second took me out a few times then hit me with a question that caught me off-guard.  He asked me if I had a problem with paying for dinner or taking the bill sometimes.  So I'm sitting there thinking to myself...um...(sigh).  First of all, HE ASKED ME ON THE DATE!!! If I had asked him to go out....SURE!!! I should be more than happy to pay because I presented him with the question, meaning it would be good etiquette to pay.  But I am old fashioned, damn the whole, "it's 2012" crap...if you're hard up for $$$ that's fine! Take me to the park or something, but you asked to chill with ME - not the other way around.  I felt like he was  very inexperienced with the art of dating a woman OR he was just someone who didn't like to spend his own money like that.  Needless to say it was a big turnoff  because he made me feel like I was a gold digger in training.  ((buzzer sound)) FAIL.

FLIRTING W/ OTHER WOMEN WHILE YOU'RE AROUND - Have you lost your damn mind?! I don't know what it's like to get locked up for karate chopping somebody in slow motion, but I would imagine it's not worth it for a loser that would actually put you in that position.  ANY GUY THAT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE LIKE THAT IS NOT WORTH GETTING TO KNOW BETTER.  There is a difference between a guy that's just a playful people person and a guy that can't pass up an opportunity to woo a pretty lady.  And I'm seriously the type of a**hole that will do it back just to let him see how it feels.  Yep.

LIARS - I've always wondered, why do people stand firm on their lies LONG after they've already been caught?  If I have to worry about you lying about small things, you will DEFINITELY protect your behind from something on a larger scale.  Trust is a very delicate thing that many people think they deserve, but really it is earned by developing a bond.  Lies cause so much stress for the person telling the it, along with the person who will probably find out the truth anyway.  It just isn't worth it.

NEGATIVE -  I don't want somebody who acts like Spongebob, because that deserves a swift kick to the twin cakes too...BUT...if I can expect you to be a drag about life in general, or you always shoot down an idea, a person, or a feeling - YOU ARE NOT THE ONE.

INCOGNITO - If someone (male or female) goes missing for a extended period of time and you have been seeing them for over a month or so, this is an ultimate red flag.  I feel like this one depends on the dynamic of your relationship as well because there are many people who believe they are "dating someone" when in reality, they are just exchanging bodily fluids.  In this case, an AWOL situation is direct proof that you are a booty call and nothing more.  Someone who is truly interested will remain frequent in your life, with an emphasis on COMMUNICATION.  Someone who hands you thoughtless excuses about their disappearing acts probably is not tripping off of you or what you think.

NON-SUPPORTIVE - As you are getting to know a person, they should be showing you signs of knowing the concept of LOYALTY.  If you are in a jam with something, they should at the very least express sincere concern (emphasis on the word SINCERE).  Even if they can't immediately come to your rescue, they should let you know that they would try.  This goes for BOTH SEXES.  If I can sense that you wouldn't hold me down in a situation early in the game...you have done me a huge favor and I choose to dodge that bullet.  Too many people overlook this quality and after the relationship gets more serious, they are emotionally burned by the lack of support.

TOO MUCH JEALOUSY - Jealousy can be somewhat of a sexy quality.  This lets you know that a person cares about what you do and who you're doing it with.  BUT - under NO circumstances is it okay for anyone to treat their guy or lady like property.  You should be able to speak to other people (as long as boundaries are not violated and respect is present) without your guy or lady creating a web of drama.  IT IS OF EXTREME IMPORTANCE that you talk to your guy or lady about boundaries.  What are you comfortable and not comfortable with?  Some stuff will be trial and error and that's just life, but at least have the convo.  If you care about your relationship being healthy, you will do this.

PUBLIC EMBARRASSMENT - This is another BOUNDARY discussion.  Everybody has different levels of what they consider to be appropriate and inappropriate in public.  BUT, nobody should treat you like you're not on their level and try to correct/scold you like you're a child NOR should a person put their lady or guy on display and make them uncomfortable.  It's a respect thing.  It's sad when some people don't have enough home training to understand this either.  Blame the parents but leave the ignorant individual.  Right after you slap them.  Sike...(sort of).

SUBSTANCE ABUSE - If someone can't smoke on a tree, have a drink or 3, take a pill, or be in another "state of mind" without upsetting you or having an attitude problem - this will not get any better.  You have a choice to either attack the problem head on or deal with the stress over time.  This is a delicate issue because it has torn up many relationships and many folks are too far into their habit for a significant other to help them alone.  Seeking help doesn't mean a person is crazy, it just means you might want some assistance.  Just like you would call any other business for expert help or advice.  Don't ignore signs and become 5 years in the relationship game w/ someone you saw from day 1 needed help.

NEVER TALK ABOUT SERIOUS THINGS -  I LOOOOOOVEEEE a playful, sarcastic, fun-loving, enjoy life type of guy.  BUT...if I can't talk about anything serious with that person without him going magically deaf or I feel like I'm talking to myself...THAT IS AN ULTIMATE RED FLAG.  This is not the same as regular venting that is reserved for my girlfriends however.  In the conversation of "Men versus Women", I do believe that a woman cannot expect a heterosexual man to sit there and digest all of her yapping...BUT, sometimes an intimate and adult conversation is needed and is a great thing.  I should know you are able to do that and you have an IQ higher than your shoe size.  Also, more than the possibility of dealing with someone that's not on your intelligence level, this is also another red flag that you are not that into me.  People that are into you like that care about connecting w/ you on a deeper level.  Period.

**BONUS, BUT SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING**:

CHEATING.  Nowadays, you really have to establish a commitment to make sure you're even validated to get pissed if your lady or guy steps out there.  But the person that is truly worth the effort will work to earn your trust.  Someone who has shown you they are liberal with their body parts swaying in the wind (literally) is showing you what your future will look like if you accept it.  You will not change them by staying.  What you will do is probably fan the fire into the explosion that it's destined to be by accepting infidelity.

Keep your eyes open.  Many times, people get upset about the way "another person" ruined their life when it was really bad decisions that ruined it and your lack of self-reflection and accountability.

Read more »

Learn Some Damn Respect.

If you're in a relationship and you know you would be upset if you saw your mate giggling on the phone with someone of the opposite sex, MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT DO IT TO THEM.

If you are a man and you're out at a club where you decided to take sand to the beach (aka - you brought your girlfriend) you better play with your FREAKIN sand unless you are saying it's okay for your girl to be sandwiched in by two dudes while "Make Love In this Club" by Usher is on.  Some couples might honestly have the understanding that this is okay, but if you do not, ACT ACCORDINGLY.

I say all of this because I am seriously having an issue in the United States of America on the East Coast, in the Virginia persuasion of the world on my cozy couch, reflecting on how many people I know that really don't practice the crap they condemn other people for.

How dare you flirt with your co-workers knowing you have a significant other, but you feel threatened when you see your mate having a friendly exchange with someone they know?

There are far too many people who fail to take accountability (aka OWNERSHIP) for the actions that they do that screw up their relationships YET, they get mad because they were called out on it and/or had to reap the consequences.

THEN YOU HEAR EXPRESSIONS LIKE THIS:

"believe what you want to believe", "yeah, you're always right", I'll be the bad guy if it makes you feel better", "you win", etc. etc. etc.

All of these expressions are signs of avoidance.  If a person really cares about their relationship, they will be more concerned with making sure that their mate feels comfortable with a situation.  Couples that are truly in "LIKE" with one another will be more respectful of each other's feelings - regardless if they agree or disagree.  If I truly want to be with a person, I will try to see their perspective if I can tell it's truly important to them.

All couples need to establish the concept of BOUNDARIES.  Couples are two humans that have two separate brains - they need to communicate to make sure they understand what is cool for the relationship versus what isn't.  If you don't, it's a recipe for disaster.

I believe in certain homes, the concept of respecting a person's feelings, behaviors and etc. was something that was not taught from an early age.  In that case, you end up with a grown adult who relies on avoidance, misplacing blame and anger, does not take ownership for what they contribute to a problem, and a host of other reactions that create an explosion of conflict.  It's hard to say where you begin with a person who fits this description (however) because you really would have to make the decision of whether you want to invest that level of effort in working things out with a person who will defend their position to the death.

Most people nowadays will preach to gravitate to the people who feed positivity into your world, but what about when you're in a complicated relationship and it's a mixture of good and bad?  I think our generation could stand a few crash courses in going through the storm of a relationship with a person and not just throwing them away, but you have to have a balance.  If a person does not respect you - there isn't a true foundation.  Treating someone the way you want to be treated has EVERYTHING to do with levels of respect a person has.  And more than this, there ARE people who believe in double standards with men and women so it's important to know this early on so you can decide if you can handle that type of person.

Have I rambled enough?  It's definitely a complicated situation depending on the couple but I will preach the concept of KARMA forever and ever.....and EVER.  What you do to others will come back to haunt you or bless you.  You choose.

Read more »

I Gave Her 5 Times to Piss Me Off...

For the most part, people start off with a very pleasant and clean slate with me when I first meet them - regardless of what i've heard about them.  I know that sounds very "politically correct" to say, but I usually try to build my own opinion of a person without biased information influencing me - mostly because people can lie and you never know who could be "hating" on who.

So, I was hosting an event and there was this "lady" (I'm saying lady like she's older than me...she's not) but she was a contributing speaker for the event and I was definitely looking forward to meeting her.  I began the event pronouncing her last name wrong and needless to say, I believe it set the tone for the rest of our brief exchanges we had there after.  I believe the problem I truly have (note the present tense) with this person is the fact that instead of taking the time to feel me out a little better, she treated me like she already had me figured out.  Have you ever encountered someone where you feel like they have pre-judged you and are already acting out what category they've subliminally put you in?  Well, I definitely felt the vibe from this woman and needless to say, I eventually gave her the "I will stab you in your pinky toe while you're sleep" face.  


I don't understand why people take common courtesy for granted.  Even if she initially met me thinking "who is this b#tch", I would think the mature way to engage me would have been in a manner that she would want to be addressed herself.  I could be absolutely ANYONE.  How does she know?  I could hold a key to a door she would like to have opened one day, but because she made the decision to stick her nose up in the air and express a subliminally negative attitude, the door would be locked by most people if they were in my position.   


It's a problem I usually see with people that have made some level of accomplishment - they put themselves on an imaginary pedestal.  The word is PRETENTIOUS.   CELEBRITIES that I've met with FAR more credentials and accomplishments have taken time to humble themselves for a friendly exchange with me, but a person who is still in most cases a "squirrel still trying to gather her nuts" places herself above me because of what?  Your guess is as good as mine.  


Anyone who truly knows me knows that I support talented and hard working individuals 1000% - ESPECIALLY if they represent the area that I am from (Washington, DC area also known to some as the "DMV").  I gave this person MULTIPLE TIMES to show me that she had the attitude of a good ass kicking recipient (I'm not violent, I swear lol) before I made up my mind to delete her from my long list of people whose mission I support.  Not like she needs me, but karma is a real thing for people whose representatives are a far cry from who they really are.  


Okay, I think I'm done venting about Cruella DeVille.  I think it wouldn't sting as much if I hadn't opened a door for her that she didn't even acknowledge me for - but that's when I try to remember that any time I lend a hand, referral, or any of the like, it really is because it's in my heart to help people as much as I can.  See, I tried to bring it back to love even though it would be nice to drop a 10 pound weight on her foot.  ((sings "Woo-sah" song now))

Read more »

THIS Is What Will Save Your Relationship!!!

Click on the video below where I break down the necessary elements needed to play the relationship game.  Don't over-analyze the fact that I just said relationship "GAME" either. It's just an expression...calm down. ((smiley face))

Read more »

Get That Phony Smile Outta Here!!!

Do you ever get around someone and want to gag yourself because of how disgustingly "happy" they always seem?  Personally, I LOVE being around others who are cheerful and their energy is good - but ONLY if it's GENUINE.  When I'm around someone who I sense is only "wearing" a smile, it really really irks me and makes me want to drop a bowling ball on their foot.  Like 3 times in a row.  While I'm mean-mugging them with duck lips.

Case in point, a guy friend I have.  He has always wanted to be more than friends with me, but the feeling definitely isn't mutual. He always comes across polite and cheerful, but he's never been straight up with me about negative feelings he's had towards me.  Not that I want someone to beef with me, but I crave authenticity in my connections.  The second I feel that someone is being phony with me, I immediately begin to drift away from that person.  It's almost like a hidden defense I have built up.  Right or wrong, that's how I've always operated.

This is along the same issue that I have with people who preach the "HI HATER", "I LOVE MY HATERS", "HATERS ARE YOUR FANS" crap that nobody really feels deep down.  This is TOTALLY the wrong type of mentality to train yourself to have.  What is the point of preaching lies like this to make yourself appear strong and unaffected when you spend energy and time out of your day venting about people that fit this description?  Most of us that pump blood ARE affected when someone crosses us in a negative way.  And no, I'm not saying that we shouldn't boost ourselves to accept the fact that people will always have an opinion - good or bad.  However, dismissing the situation on the surface just because it's cute to say in a Facebook status will not make your emotions any stronger.  The only thing you're doing is showing others that you need to convince yourself you don't care.   Think about it.

A large part of my 20's was spent making an effort to "save face" and not appear emotionally weak with certain people - even though in many situations you could see right through me.  What I needed to learn is that by going through the conflict (which is a weak area for me), it really helps to make a bond stronger - because you are learning more about the person who you have the difference with.   If there is any amount of respect (and honestly, home training) present, then all parties involved will grow from the experience.

So cut the "nobody affects me" crap.  You just look like a LL Uncool J = Lame Lying Uncool JACKASS.  (Yeah, I'm corny...so what.)

Read more »

"I Wish You Would Just Have My Back"

Picture this.  I'm looking into the eyes of this beautiful, confident, and engaging man over candlelight and soft classical music.  We've been dating for a few months and the vibe has been perfect every time we connect.  We joke the same, we seem to speak the same body language...THEN, the question of "what are you looking for in a girlfriend" comes from my lips and he goes into a blank-stare.  Then he looks at me and says, "seriously, all BS aside, I really just want a woman who's down for me and has my back in all situations."  I wanted so bad to ask him to elaborate but that's when our plates of food were served and that lobster tail had to be handled by my taste buds immediately.  (I concentrate and savor my food when I eat...don't judge me.)

Needless to say, my mind raced at the comment he made because of a very colorful past w/ my last real relationship (key color being blue like the bruised eye my ex should have had for being a damn jerk) and the fact that when some guys say they want a woman that "has their back", what they really mean is a woman who can take a lot of their bullshit without leaving or threatening to leave.  My mind continued to wander to about 2 years prior to this date when my last real relationship was still holding on by a wing and a prayer.

((INSERT DAYDREAMING/FLASHBACK/HARP SOUND HERE))

I had a hoopty.  It was a machine that coughed, stuttered, cursed me out and finally said eff my life AND wherever I needed to go after only 3 months' time and $1000.  I was with my ex, still trying to make our relationship work after several failed attempts.  My ex was acutely aware that the car was in very poor shape in terms of the way it ran and the fact that it literally sounded like a pissed off lawn mower.  He had asked me if he could drive to NY to see the Giants' game and that's when I gave him the look.  I was thinking to myself, why would you take this explosion of thrown up rubber and metal ANYWHERE besides down the street?  BUT...I didn't say no.  I just showed my hesitation.  He told me he would do some minor maintenance to the car before he left (like that was going to save the car from being a liability on the road).  He ended up dropping me off at work and then commenced to taking his behind (and one-track mind) up to New York.  

On top of the fact that he didn't come back until the following day, leaving me without a way to get around in the morning, he didn't answer any of my texts or phone calls while he was gone.  THEN (you're going to love this one) he comes back with the car smelling of the finest Herbal Essences along with the car being trashed, full of fast food bags, wrappers and balled up napkins.  

OK OK...so yeah the "down for your man" thing would have been to fuss at him and eventually let it go right?  WELL...how do you effectively do that when the person cops more of an attitude about it than you do?  Don't you love reverse-psychology?  I must have loved it because I dealt w/ it for 7-8 years.

((PLAYS FAIRY DUST SOUNDS TO COME BACK TO REALITY IN 2012))

I told that awful story because of 1 reason...there are many people that make the statement that they want a person to "have their back" but won't even take responsibility for making sure their behavior PRACTICES WHAT THEY PREACH.  If my ex took a look at himself and would realize that he didn't have my back 1/10 of how much he expected me to have his -- he might have less of an attitude about me and what didn't work out.  Actually, he'd still have an attitude (some people just need a lifetime supply of PMS medication).  

Think about what it really means to hold a person down through thick and thin.  Meaning, you respect that person, your differences and choose to treat them respectfully despite of those differences.

THAT SIMPLE.

Read more »

He's Just Not Good Enough!!!

Can you learn to love somebody?  I hear tons of men talk about how women don't want to be with "nice guys" and that many of them end up dealing with the jerk who treats them like a second-class citizen - but what about the fact that chemistry and an attraction is needed in order to have a promising connection?

I would argue that it's pretty hard to force yourself to feel a way you naturally don't.  It's almost a "catch 22" situation because what if you naturally have chemistry with a womanizer who tells the best jokes in the damn world? Or a dude who has more PMS than a woman on two birth control prescriptions but his shoulders and smile and walk makes you want to create a sex sandwich out of him?  There's so many complexities when it comes to dating and relationships and honestly, it's so much easier said than done when it comes to avoiding a person that may be "bad" for you, but you are naturally drawn to that person.

So what do you do?  Then there's that saying that there IS no perfect man so does that mean that some of the "bad guys" should be given a break?

Females often get a bad rap when it comes to their selection process and really, in many ways we're damned if we do and damned if we don't.

I say that because nobody seems to address the deeper issue of why so many women make poor choices when it comes to their love lives.  I hear tons of ridicule about a woman who would continue to waste her life away with a "loser", but never look at the fact that many women are damaged, insecure, afraid, or uneducated about the concept of having standards.  They might not have a good example to follow when it comes to self-respect and in turn, their encounters with men reflect that lack of respect.

Take me for example, my miseducation of the opposite sex began early in my teens with a very close male "best friend-like" individual who was the epitome of a womanizer teaching me what men say to get what they want.  That resulted in me being overly cautious of most men and not believing what they say - I thought for the majority of my late teens AND 20s that men are just after your vagina.  Although I still at about 30 years of age find that to be true in many ways, it's not true if your standards are in the right place and you require respect.  But I learned that by the grace of God and after a great deal of heartbreak.

So I ask, is it a balance?  Or is it just that sometimes in life you just have to compromise...ESPECIALLY IN MATTERS OF THE HEART???

Read more »

It Takes a LOT More Than Your Body to be Sexy... (PART ONE)

I’m not even hating on Nicki Minaj for real.  She is a paid entertainer.  But some females need to learn the art of being sexy.  Nicki’s pose right here isn’t sexy at all.  Yeah, the majority of dudes would love to see a woman putting her whoo-ha on display (I'm sure it's a scientific fact).  But being sexy has nothing to do w/ how naked you can get for dudes who will obviously buy into your bare body parts. A grown woman understands that truly being sexy has nothing to do with showcasing T&A.  It’s a language that your whole personality communicates.  Being in touch with your body is only part of the recipe.  There are LOTS more ingredients, but too many women focus on this part because it’s instant gratification to get 85 likes on Facebook for being assed out.  How many likes can you get for just being an awesome person?  Just wondering.

REMEMBER THIS ONE?

And let me start by saying that I realize not every woman who "models" fits the type of female I'm addressing in this blog post.  But I am addressing the woman who knows on the inside that she spends endless money, time and energy on her public sexuality rather than something more meaningful.  Am I judging you?  NO.  But I feel like a big sister telling you that you are sincerely doing too much.

To exude sensuality has nothing to do with being raunchy like a porno reject.  Some women are sexy and know how to command attention because they are in touch with who they are and MEN NOTICE IT.   That was the part that some "hard knock life" females didn't get taught.  I feel for a woman who had to practically raise herself and exposing her body is the only way she gets validated, appreciated, or even paid because if she really knew what sexy was, she would know that she was doing entirely too much, for far too little.  

You go and ask any man with a decent personality and standards for his life what type of woman does he want to have around him.  Mind you, he will probably poke his penis out for a wet vagina because if it comes easy enough, why not?  But he damn sure doesn't have to like you to do it and he will probably be hoping deep down in the crevices of his soul that you will magically disappear after he gets his rocks off.  Sexy or not, I know PLENTY of men who can't stand to be around a woman who is fine on the outside, but her personality is like talking to a kid.  He can like every last one of your butt cheek pics (that's part of the pre-game bidding anyway) but I guarantee you that you won't be able to remove that image from his mind or his intentions).  And any woman who says, "shoot I feel the same way about him, he's MY hoe" is emotionally scorned from something.  You should admit it and work on that because that's not a natural feeling from a woman.  It's NOT.

I remember seeing "Flavor of Love" back when it was on and I think it was Buckey who showed Flav a pic of her showcasing her oiled up a** cheeks and in the same second told Flav how she's looking for a man to love her for her mind.  So y'all already know what I was looking like when I heard that one (note the expression below)

(yep...stuck RIGHT ON STUPID)

And the sad part is, the only defense that most of these women throw up when someone who cares tries to school them about this matter is that they have haters.  (Again, check the above picture) Now I ain't Beyonce' or anything, but 'er um....I don't need to hate on ANYONE.  I get attention PLUS RESPECT because I know what I'm worth.  And it's worth a hell of a lot more than strangers telling me what I should already know about myself.   There are TOO MANY WOMEN out here with no purpose who don't feel validated unless someone makes a horny ass comment about them.

PLUS!!! BACK TO MY ORIGINAL POINT...

Sexy is a state of mind.  It's not in your exposed body that makes you a small fish in a HUGE pond of girls doing the exact same thing as you.  Sexy is being in touch with who you are in this world and what you stand for.  What/who do you love, what you can do for others, what/who inspires you, what can you teach other people, what's going to be your legacy?  Your speed of bouncing on a dude's penis?  Or will it be something that means something?  Aren't you intelligent enough for that?  I think you are.  

This isn't about hate.  It's about love.  It's not fair that black women get labeled so many awful things (most of the time by other black men) and to add insult to injury, these women are right there to validate the labels!!!  So it's okay to be naked next to a dude who looks like Gremlins in 3D iMAX calling you a b*tch and a thirsty ho*.  And in the same vein, you say you are a business woman who is getting paid.  Boss, you are NOT.  You are a sex OBJECT while a woman who knows the "Art of Sexy" is far more sophisticated and is considered a sex SYMBOL - there is a BIG difference.

A "YES MAN/WOMAN" who won't tell you the truth doesn't love you.  A "YES MAN/WOMAN" doesn't care about you any more than a dude that just wants to get in your pants and then clown you for being so damn loose. 

But what the hell do I know...I'm just a "hater"... (LOL)  **plays "I'll Be Dat" by Redman**

"FACEBOOK FEMALES YOU DON'T HAVE TO UPLOAD HALF NAKED A** PICTURES TO SHOW PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE SEXY. LOOKS REALLY AREN'T EVERYTHING. BE SEXY BY THE WAY YOU ACT,COMMUNICATE,THINK,ETC.. LEARN TO RESPECT YOUR SELF" - MANNY FROM FACEBOOK <--- I SAW HIS STATUS THE SAME TIME I WAS WRITING UP THIS TOPIC...FUNNY HOW STUFF LIKE THAT HAPPENS.

Read more »

The "C" Question --- WOULD YOU DO THIS ON A DATE?

So, I'm out at a restaurant hanging out with a friend and getting to know his family and friends a little better.  I'm checking out the menu being pretty aware of prices of the things I had my eye on because I always try to be respectful when it comes to what I'm ordering if someone else is paying (I mean, that's just me.  I know some of you all wouldn't think twice about ordering that $40 filet mignon and darting your eyes at the dude if he looked like sneering at your choice).

But my friend exchanged looks with his father and then said he wanted to ask me the "C" question.  So I'm like, what the hell is the "C" question?  He then smiles and asks me:

"If you were out on a romantic dinner with me and everything was going great and when it came time to pay for the meal, I pulled out a coupon.  Would you let me take you out again or would you lose interest because you believe that's lame?

And I'm like well shoot, that's an interesting question.  But more so interesting because of the reactions of his lady relatives.  The majority of them were like, "HECK NO...I would dump him.  That's tacky and I would look at him like he's crazy for being that blatantly cheap in public".  And I'm like "DAAAAAAMNNNN!  There was emotion behind these responses!"  So, the father proceeded to give his opinion on this matter after I said "I personally wouldn't mind".  He was basically calling me a "keeper" because I understood the concept of being smart with a dollar.  He looked at the females in his family getting hyped over the question and told them that he can't figure out why they have a man at all.

This brings me to the question stirring in my brain.  Is something like this really a big deal?  Is it that important to appear a particular way when you are courting a woman?  Does this requirement come along with the other sporting events in the early dating stages? Am I not in a high enough tax bracket to even understand why this matters?

If I was on a date at a top-notch restaurant with Mark Zuckerburg and he pulls out a coupon to pay for our meal (ok...nevermind I would slap the far-sided out of his eyes...he could buy the whole restaurant like 100 times... ol' rich bastard).  But seriously, isn't this a classic example of people who try to "keep up with the Joneses"?  If I'm the type of person to use a coupon, why should I have to hide that from a date or anyone just to appear like I'm working with more money?  I believe I have an issue with this more because of how women usually say they want honesty in a man and genuineness, but if he "kept it real" and pulled out a coupon to save a few extra dollars, he's violating?  Soooo...it's okay for him to front in public as long as he doesn't blatantly lie to your face?  I just don't get it.

Help me out everybody.  Maybe I need an etiquette class or something.  

Read more »

MICHAEL EALY SPEAKS ON RELATIONSHIPS, LOVE AND THINKING LIKE A MAN.

Michael Ealy visited Howard University to talk about his movie that just dropped over the weekend, "Think Like a Man" and I had the privilege of hearing his thoughts about dating and relationships.

CHECK IT OUT HERE:

I've heard a LOT of people with strong opinions of this movie before it even dropped in theaters.  Most of the opinions that have said that it wasn't worth watching seem to have more of an issue with Steve Harvey, the author of the book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" than knowing if the actual content is worth giving mental space to.

Personally, I feel like anyone could take a lesson from the concept of this movie.  It is difficult for men and women to co-exist and I think half the battle with finding more common ground is to approach different thoughts and perspectives with an open mind.  Most of the time, we all can take life examples from experiences that we've either seen or been through ourselves to help us through our own situations.

Case in point, Michael Ealy thanked Meagan Good for her contribution to the "Think Like a Man" movie right here:

My advice: checking out the movie would make for a great conversational piece.  I also noticed that most people after having watched the movie said it was worth going to see.

Read more »

MICHAEL EALY UP CLOSE...YES, HIS FACE.

Michael Ealy stopped by Howard University last week to promote the upcoming movie, "Think Like a Man" that drops on April 20th.  The day before, I couldn't help but to notice that people were tweeting like crazy about him coming into town and I retweeted a mention about him coming myself.  But then I went to his "Twitter Account" and noticed that it only had like 450 followers -- it really didn't make sense to me.  I also know there are plenty of pseudo-celebrity accounts NOT TO MENTION people that have official pages but nobody knows who the hell they are.  I digress.

CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO WITH MICHAEL EALY TALKING ABOUT HIS TWITTER ACCOUNT ON APRIL 10TH, 2012 ------  (of course I had to be the loudest person on the video...)

He actually DOES have a Twitter account now and you can follow him at @MichaelEaly

I did have a "woo-sah" moment after being that close to all his deliciousness.  Ladies, don't slap me, I got you a REEEEALLY close up video of this man.  Don't ever say I didn't do anything for ya!!!!

(I WILL BE POSTING THE INTERVIEW WITH HIM REALLY SOON HERE AND ON DCLIFEMAGAZINE.COM!!!)

Read more »

I Want To Feel Secure!!!

Making sure your home is secure at the most vulnerable hours of the night is one of those priceless things that any family takes appreciation for.  The Home Security Family website is a very cost-effective and obtainable way to see that when you are out of your home or sound asleep, your property is in the best of care with motion detectors around various entry areas and alert settings.

The cost of your peace of mind can be as cheap as $1 a day and you also have the possibility of receiving special incentives such as a Visa gift card for your purchase.  

Before I personally invested in an alarm system, I would always hear police sirens outside or any conspicuous sound with anxiety because I did not have anything to reinforce security in my home.  Now that I am an owner of an ADT alarm, I can honestly say that those feelings are past tense and I can sleep easy with the knowledge that I have protection for me and my loved ones.  

Feeling more secure in your home is only one phone call away.

Read more »

MARRIAGE KILLS RELATIONSHIPS!!!

 

That's the line I hear all too often.

I know much of my blog directs emphasis on women getting their minds right about relationships.  But one big problem I have with the way men and women operate in relationships is the fact that no one ever wants to take ownership for the part they contribute to a problem.  There is usually a person who sees themselves as a victim and that makes it harder to resolve the situation.

CASE IN POINT: The marriage conversation.  There are so many people who honestly think that MARRIAGE creates problems for relationships and makes life too complicated.  I have heard MEN and WOMEN say this.  Kind of similar to how people will say Facebook ruins relationships when in reality it’s the people on Facebook who fail to conduct themselves like they have good sense.

When a woman is treated poorly by a man she is involved with, many times the blame game will begin with the guy getting a bad wrap for being a liar, cheater, perpetrator, and etc.  SAME FOR THE GUYS – they will often call a baby mom or an ex “crazy” when he probably gave her every reason in the world to lose the last rational brain cell in her head.  WHEN WILL WE UNDERSTAND THAT THE SOLUTION TO THE WAY RELATIONSHIPS FAIL BEGINS WITH LOOKING IN THE DAMN MIRROR?

Why are you mad about finding out a guy you were seeing has this whole life and world that you knew NOTHING about when you never made it a requirement to know certain information about him?  “Never making it a requirement” equals breaking him off with the sexual goods, making time for him, and anything else you prematurely allowed him to take advantage of before you knew BY HIS ACTIONS that he was just as devoted to you.

Fellas, why are you mad at a girl you dogged out and didn’t make a top priority when she decides she deserves better and leaves?  Why are you expecting her to play her role as the leading lady when you still have other chicks auditioning for her part?  And then to add insult to injury, you have the audacity to say that she was supposed to hold you down through thick and thin. 

THE ONLY WAY TO BREAK A CYCLE IS TO BEGIN SOLVING THE PART OF THE PUZZLE THAT YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER AND THAT IS YOURSELF.  REALIZE THAT YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE STANDARDS YOU EXPECT ANOTHER PERSON TO MEET FOR YOU IS THE SAME STANDARD YOU SHOULD BRING TO THE TABLE YOUR DAMN SELF.

And this is not just financially.  This is not just a one-dimensional situation.  If you are the type of person who talks about people behind their backs, what the hell are you upset about linking up with a person who you realize does the same thing?

Think about it like this.  When you decide where you want to live, you are investing money into something that can be permanent if all goes well.  Most people do their homework about the place to make sure they are aware of what they’re getting themselves into.  The same care should be given to someone you are dating – especially if you are looking for a deeper connection or to be HAPPILY married one day. 

Read more »

WHO HAS A SHADY CIRCLE???

 We all have heard the saying, "Watch the company you keep".  The problem is that many of us have heard it, but haven't LIVED it.  We often allow things like availability, location and boredom to help us figure out who we keep around.  The problem is our judgment system (or lack thereof) often gets us into trouble.

If you ever want to know where you are headed and what direction your life is going, it is a VITAL thing to check out who you are spending time with.  When I say spending time, I mean in conversation, in face to face time, and overall interaction.  If the majority of the people you connect with are constantly in negative situations, always blaming other people for things, have sneaky behaviors, have stolen from you, lied to you (do I really need to add to this list?) then it is time to re-construct your circle.

Many of us know when something doesn't feel right, but we fail to pay attention to our instincts.  And WHY IS THAT?  Why do many of us spend sooooo much time trying to convince others how much crap we won't take off of someone, but when it comes to actually incorporating that into our real life, we turn into Spongebob talking to Mr. Crabs?

There is an alarm in ALL OF US that goes off when we're dealing with someone who is not good for us.  And if there is no alarm, it is either because you have gravitated towards the right people or maybe the bad influence is really you (just saying).

Ladies, how many of you have a friend right now that you need Red Bull and iron pills just to talk to them because that's how much life they sucked out of you after they share their latest soap opera marathon?  I mean, there's nothing wrong with being there for your friends, but if the sum of their conversation usually involves someone potentially getting scraped up off the ground from a powerful a** kicking, YOU NEED TO RE-EVALUATE YOUR LEVEL OF INTERACTION WITH THAT PERSON.

I had a friend a few years ago who was staying over my house for a few weeks until she moved into her own place.  My boyfriend at the time was about to come over and I let her know that.  This girl proceeds to grab a can of air freshener and sprays it down the hall and straight into her own bedroom before he got there.  I was like (pause....looks around).  Now hell, maybe she just wanted to come across as being clean and fresh, but it is quite a suspect thing to observe when you know they have slept with a married man before.

The point is, you have to be aware of your conscience.  There are so many people who allow their insecurities, fears, inner demons, and other negative things influence them in relationships.  If you have people around you (even family members) who you can't be inspired by and grow from....THEY ARE MEANT TO BE LOVED FROM A DISTANCE.  <~~~~ I can't stress that enough kids.  DO NOT allow someone to hinder your evolution because they are afraid to grow themselves.

Be there for them....LOVE THEM...but love yourself enough to control who you exchange energy with.  Period.

Read more »

WHAT GABRIELLE UNION SAID TO ME…

Alright so...I'm at Sirius XM chillin on the Shade 45 side of life with the awesome and fabulous Sway from MTV and Gabrielle Union walks in looking like the beauty queen she has always been (she's even gorgeous in a sweat suit,  I wanted to slap this chick).  Sway was getting his interview situation going with her and in-between air time, I managed to slide in a question with her.  I asked her if she finds herself having to be selective about the work that she accepts as a black actress in Hollywood.

She said, 'YES she does have to be quite selective about the roles she chooses because she thinks of her family, and at the end of the day, it is her legacy that she will leave behind for the next generations.'

So...okay, I know that soooo many people have opinions of Gabrielle Union because of the whole D. Wade divorce situation, but honestly who knows what really happened?  I don't know her anymore than I know an Austrailan go-go dancer from Tokyo, but I do know what she said to me was REAL.

It saddens me to think about the entertainment industry and the people who are willing to compromise their COMPLETE integrity and self-respect in an attempt to be "famous", "envied by their peers", and the like.  This generation (for some sad reason) finds entertainment in so many things that have nothing to do with talent.  And then, if any talent does exist, it gets drowned in a gimmick because that is what will sell and make some "big wig" at the head of the company "filthy rich" instead of "hella rich".  You have chicks who have sold their bodies to men who poke fun at their desperation to be in their world, and then in the same vein call themselves a "Boss B*tch".  I'm sorry, I didn't know Oprah clapped cheeks for ANYONE to be the multi- Ka-Gillionaire she is.  I'm tired of women thinking that the only way for them to get ahead in this industry is if they're bootys are pumped up with Fix-a-Flat and they used a whole bottle of baby oil gel to be naked for some undeserving, ugly ass rapper.

Just think about this.  On TV-One there is a show called, "Unsung".  This show is a direct example of how people who wanted to be in the spotlight so bad STILL had depression, and grief in their life.  Some of them aren't here anymore because they failed to understand what true happiness is.

I'm not here to kill anyone's party, but I feel like so many people don't understand the saying that "everything that glitters, isn't gold".  --- I'm glad that one was taught to me from an early age.  (Thank you Daddy).

Read more »

11 YEAR OLD WHO HAS HER OWN BUSINESS!!!

 I was at Hotel Monacco in Washington, DC a few days ago at the Verizon Small Business Empowerment Series hosted by Cathy Hughes, founder of Radio and TV One.  As I waited to go into the ballroom to take my seat I met several ladies with their own businesses.  And while all of these ladies were amazing, the person who stole the show for me was half my height and almost 3 times younger than I am.

Her name is Gabrielle Jordan Williams.  She is 11 years old and happens to be a small business owner.  Her company name is Jewelz of Jordan and she sells custom-made jewelry that she designs herself.  And if that wasn't enough she is also the author of her own book entitled, "The Making of A Young Entrepreneur".   She very eloquently handed me her business card while she was in line and said, "very pleased to meet you Miss Monika".

I was ridiculously inspired by her.  I was even more inspired by her mother because to instill that level of skill to your child at such a young age is something that EACH AND EVERY MOTHER should try to do with their child.  Regardless of how any of us may have been raised without having a business mindset, lack of resources, or the like we should still take every effort we can to give our children and the following generations a BROAD perspective of what the world has to offer them.  So many people have gone about life like their small circles and neighborhoods are the only thing that exists in the world.  If I knew 1/2 about how big the world was at 13 instead of 23, who knows how much further I would be in life.

Check out little Miss Gabrielle's website at Jewelz of Jordan and support her!!!

ALSO check out Gabrielle's brother Daniel!!!  He does movie reviews at The D-Dan Reviews.  I absolutely love the motivation.  Inspired is not even the word.

Read more »

WONDER WIFEY SAID I’M HIS MAIN CHICK!!!!

 Yeah she did.  I was surfing the Facebook waves and came across this picture of a guy I knew with his arm around a girl and the caption below the picture said, "I don't have to have his last name I know I'm his main girl and y'all hatin' a** chicks are just thirsty for what we have...(blah-blah-blah)" - it said something like that.  Alrighty...sooooo my antennas went up about this whole situation because even though I don't talk to the guy and could care less about his personal life, the thing that got to me was the fact that the girl felt the need to be defensive on the caption of her picture.

And why is that?  It was a pretty cute picture of a couple, but the caption communicated one thing to me.  'This is on my conscience and I need to get it off my chest'.  It said to me that the girl probably knows deep down that she needs to demand for more, but she will accept being the "wifey" instead of the ACTUAL wife.  There IS a difference.  And that's not to say that ladies shouldn't stick by their men if they both need time to get ready for marriage (fellas, don't jump in my case).  I'm merely saying that too many women parade around and celebrate out loud about being a guy's MAIN chick when she should be making sure she is his ONLY chick.  Unless the swinger situation is cool with you, and in that case handle your biz, who am I to judge?

But really, I get tired of seeing ladybugs constantly talk about how they're being hated on while the chick that still has your man's scent on her clothes and God knows what else is laughing silently because you are publicly in a relationship and he's not.  Don't try to convince the world on social media that you are the "it" girl for him while secretly knowing he isn't as committed as you are.  Then you reward his behavior by letting the world know he has a dummy....oh I'm sorry...A "Ride or Die" chick who will stick by him regardless of the fool he has made you look like.

I am not saying dump anyone.  I'm just saying watch your words and make sure they are real before you get happy doing the "wifey" dance while Jumpoff Jackie just got done doing that thing to your man that you were too tired to do the night before.  Make him earn the title of being your ONLY just like you have to earn the title of being his.  The Doodle Defense rests.  OH YEAH...HAPPY 2012!!!!

Read more »

ABUSED SLANG WORDS: PLEASE READ AND TAKE NOTES

RATCHET ---  Do you ever want to co-sign with somebody when they make a good point but because of how ignorant they said it you just change your mind?  That's how I feel when I usually see people use this word.  It's popular to say, YES...but sometimes the person doing the accusing sounds just as...well...RATCHET as the person they're insulting.  Hopefully I don't sound ratchet talking about this ratchet a** word.

SWAG ----  Okay, so most of us have seen that quote circulating Twitter and Facebook that said, "Swag isn't going to pay your bills".  And they are RIGHT, but I'm tired of the lamest, no-job, no goals, I'm the CEO of "Scratch-N-Sniff" Records, but I gotta wait for my Momma to get home so I can get a ride to my show tonight at Los Gatos Restaurant on the corner of 5th and Jackass Street" trying to say they are dripping of Swagu.  Huh?  Come again sir?  The only reason why you THINK you have swag is because of a girl who has no goals beside posing with her underclothes in the bathroom telling you you're sexy.  (BUZZER SOUNDS) Wrong answer Craig Wack.

THIRSTY --- This one irks me because it seems to be SOOOOO easy to call someone else out for their behavior but most of the people saying it either ARE or WERE the same exact person themselves.  Sometimes I feel like a word gets popular and then the young public tries to use the word in every other sentence.  Thirsty equals desperate in the urban dictionary right?  Well...it's hard for me to see a chick whose butt cheeks I can recognize better than her face talk about how another booty model is thirsty when sex is the basis of BOTH your talents.  I know though, jump offs are business women too, my bad. 

BASIC ---  This one has the same dynamic as the word "thirsty".  You usually have two "Hot Ghetto Mess Dot Com" members that won't look at themselves in the mirror.  They are calling each other basic about a bunch of nonsense that they are both too old to be dealing with.  And if you're not a hot ghetto mess yourself then you probably just use it too much in a damn sentence.  That's a violation too. (and note, I'm talking about people that ABUSE words...keyword: ABUSE not USE)

GRINDIN' --- SHUT YOUR COUCH LOVIN CHEEKS UP.  If you are "grinding", YOUR WORK WILL SPEAK FOR ITSELF.  There isn't a need to prove anything with what you say.  Yeah, regular convo might have that word come up every once in a while, but broadcasting it means you feel you have something to prove.  And most people who feel they have something to prove know they are fakin' the funk.  Real grinders just work hard.  Period.

WIFEY --- I'll kick you in the throat with this one.  Yeah I said it.  And I think I get more pissed at the women who proudly accept this title because although it can be a very nice expression of love and commitment, it can also be a "dead end zone" for men who will give his main chick that label for the next 10 years.  And hey, some women are fine with being the wifey for 35 years and who am I to knock your hustle?  I just know that if I don't have the ring to seal our level of commitment and a story to tell about how he got down on one knee... I'M NOBODY'S WIFEY.  (folds arms)

HATERS --- People want haters so bad they figure if they talk about it long enough the haters will magically appear to make them look more important or envied.  This is something that is poison to the black community and I'm just going to be real with that one.  YES, haters exist but the biggest reason why they do is because nobody wants to take time to understand one another.  And most of the people who say they have haters on a regular basis are saying it INDIRECTLY.  Most people that talk about haters are really affected by them deep down.  Ol' sensitive, passive-aggressive a**. 

But seriously, all jokes aside...that list was meant to inspire a laugh or two, but I believe there are too many people out here who are in denial about their behavior.  And the only cure to this is to look in the mirror. 

And grown folks over 25...I hope that these words/expressions are kept to a minimum.  We seriously don't understand how we demote our appearance by talking recklessly (especially when we get with our friends, and have a drink or 5)  I'm not the convo police, but if you are a grown woman who has a friend talking about how she's the wifey of a full-time rapper that is grindin' and has so much swag with all these ratchet, thirsty bishes trying to get at him...you are not her damn friend if you don't tell her how "BASIC" she sounds.  I'm just sayin'.

Read more »

BUTT CHEEKS ANONYMOUS!!!

It is SUCH a waste when I see attractive people --- doesn't matter if it's a male or a female that are visibly a catch...but that's IT.

THIS IS WHERE I COME UP WITH THE EXPRESSION, "BUTT CHEEKS ANONYMOUS".

You have the attractive ladybug who is obviously a nice arm piece for a guy, but she offers absolutely NOTHING but just that.  The cheeks.  Yep.  The identity is lost...therefore she is a nameless, pointless booty.

And YES...men can be guilty of this as well.  You'll usually find them having weak conversation and the face of Heaven with a dash of glory. 

We can speak about this when it comes to personality, sex, or anything else.  I think there are so many people who think the only thing they need to bring to the table is the visual package.  I get tired of dudes who think that if they are a 6 ft walking display of GQ, cute face, or well-endowed, that this is the basis for being a great catch for a woman.

There was this guy I dated for T-minus 10 seconds of my life that I'll never get back.  He was about 6'3, basketball stature, well-dressed, his cologne was like POW... (also known as...Fine as HELL dude)

BUTTTT!!!!

He had the conversation of a little league MVP.  It was hard for us to really create chemistry because he had little to nothing to talk about with me.  And some would say that he might have just put me in a category and didn't want to pursue anything meaningful with me for whatever reason.  But um...that's just the thing.  I couldn't shake him for about 2 months after my stomach couldn't take anymore of his sleep-inspiring presence.

I doubt very seriously that he lacked interest with me.  I believe he just relied on being attractive to be a good catch.  Now, being pretty or handsome may get you far in life...I mean, look at the Basketball Wives and all the other reality shows out there now!  If you aspire to be a talentless, psuedo-celeb then I guess my argument can go in the dumpster right along with your IQ, but let's just say that you actually want to find someone that you have things in common with.  How the hell would you figure that out by having a 3rd grade conversation?  Well, I guess if both of you do, then you're made for each other.

When I tried to work as a promoter for a couple of months, I met several ladybugs who reminded me of this whole topic.  Not all of them were like that, so don't think I'm saying all chicks who frequent the club are airheads but.....I PERSONALLY know women who have a mentality like their physical attributes will somehow end up paying their way through life.

There are too many people who don't understand that they need to have something OF SUBSTANCE to bring to the table too.  OR they are in denial and refuse to do a self-evaluation.  Take interest in yourself long enough to fine tune your NON-SUPERFICIAL attributes.  I guarantee your conversation will be better along with your self-esteem and your dating/love life.

Just a suggestion.

Read more »

1. Olivia the Opponent (aka THE COMPETITOR)

There is NO reason why a true friend would feel the need to keep score about who is doing the "best" in terms of work, school, family life, and etc.  But unfortunately, there are so many people who constantly play the impression game.  A modest amount of competition between friends is healthy, but when someone can't take time to acknowledge their friend's achievements because they are too busy trying to outdo the announcement with an accomplishment of their own, THAT IS NOT HEALTHY AND IT WILL CREATE RESENTMENT.

2. Beggin' Brandon (aka THE BEGGAR)

This is the buddy that has absolutely NO SHAME when it comes to calling you up for $20 bucks every week.  It's not that you don't want to help them, but it would be much easier to help a person who wanted to help themselves.  A good friend will not enable you...they will help to EMPOWER you.  And sadly enough, when you cut the umbilical cord off from Beggin' Brandon, they often disappear or express their disapproval of you choosing to hold on to your own money.  

3. Sticky Fingaz Jones (aka THE THIEF)

You can't leave your dinner plate around this individual because you better believe it'll be gone with homeboy/homegirl flossing their teeth with a toothpick.  They do things like snatch up your clothes, money, or iPod.  They might even buy you something with the very money they stole from you, but believe me --- if they see something of yours they like and they can snatch it without you having eye-witness proof they did it....  #YOURSTUFFGOESBYEBYE (I lost a damn good bottle of J'adore perfume hanging w/ Sticky Fingaz Jones)

4. Manny "YES" (aka THE "YES" MAN)

This person is the one that CANNOT be honest about what they can or cannot do.  DIARY MOMENT:  I used to be FAMOUS for this one.  I was such a "people-pleaser" that I would try to stretch myself paper-thin to put a smile on everyone's face.  I had to realize was that all I was actually doing was creating resentment because most people would rather know upfront what to expect instead of dealing with someone who acts very unreliable at the end of the day.

5. The 5-faced bandit (aka THE PHONY)

This is the person that changes according to who they are around and their environment.  I'm not referring to people who understand how to adapt to their environment.  I mean the person who would diss you or act funny when they get around others.  I mean the person who lets Twitter, Facebook, Melanie, Christine, Natasha, their pet guinea pig and "Man Man" holding a Four Loko down the street know they have a beef with you but when they get around you they flash a fierce Colgate smile with a Red Bull attitude.  (Heyyyyy girl!!!)

6. The discourager  (aka THE DISCOURAGER LOL)

This is the person who lacks imagination and wishes on their life you did too.  They often try to talk you out of doing things and in the same breath explain that they want what's "best" for you.  The problem with the discourager is that the main reason why they try to pump your brakes is LESS about them protecting you and MORE about their own insecurities.  It's not as much about you potentially failing then it is of their fear of you SUCCEEDING.  Many discouragers are very insecure and they want to make sure that the things you do won't take you away from them.  Selfish huh?  Well...I will just say that the energy drain that these types of people cause is MONUMENTAL if you allow it.  

7. The Un-wanted Twin (aka THE IMITATOR)

(Takes deep breath)  I don't know what ignites a fire inside of me more.  A person that copies my demeanor, style, ideas, etc.  OR the thought that they (in fact) might tell someone else that it is I who copy them!!! I'll be 100% honest (I'm not claiming to be perfect by FAR) so I can admit that I do think this way sometimes.  I know I probably shouldn't, but imitators make me think of that chick from the movie, " The Hand that Rocks the Cradle".  I always question the mental stability of a person (especially a grown adult) who would spend time copying things about a person and their attributes.  I have to woo-sah on this one (takes another deep breath).

8. Spotlight Sabrina  (aka THE ATTENTION WH*RE)

It's not really the fact that Sabrina needs front and center attention all the time.  Yeah, it does get annoying, but it might even be entertaining to watch her in action sometimes.  The problem is how catty and attitudnal Sabrina gets when the attention shifts to another direction.  I can say I have personally dealt with people who operate like that and it is an UGLY PMS WHORE watching Spotlight Sabrina lose her lights, camera, and microphone.  Lord help us all, you would think somebody stole her wallet.

9. Opportunity Knock-isha (aka THE OPPORTUNIST)

These people are primarily TAKERS.  They step on others in order to gain something that only benefits them. You will usually find this type of person giving out sexual favors in exchange for opportunities or sleeping with someones' mate.  It is very important to understand that this person separates emotions from what they want.  So they may really love you -- but it has no influence on the fact that if they want to take something you have, they will try.
"I want to surround myself with people who want to be successful and want to help others be successful. People who just want to take and people who will cut in front of you or take an opportunity away from you are not your friends and are not good business partners. And so, I have no time for those people". - Patrick O'Keefe, Public Business Speaker/Motivator

10.  Dominant Denise (aka THE CONTROL-FREAK)

There is nothing wrong with a person who demands order and structure in their own life.  Keywords: Their OWN LIFE.  When a person changes the way they treat you when you do something they don't agree with - it is potentially a selfish behavior.  Now, if you were about to harm someone or do something that affected your overall well-being, that is a totally different circumstance.  A control freak can be pushy, manipulative, self-centered and/or power-hungry because they want to have things their own way.  TOXIC is what these people are.  A healthy relationship requires that we respect all of our differences, whether we agree or not.  If a person has to manipulate you in order to treat you with the respect they would want themselves, THEY ARE NOT A GOOD FRIEND AND IT SHOULD BE BROUGHT TO THEIR ATTENTION.

I made this list for one reason.  It is of EXTREME importance that the subconscious and subliminal energy around you is POSITIVE.  People always wonder why they may be upset often, cranky, or drained and they don't take time to consider who they keep in their space.  Sure, it's cool to talk a good game and say you are cautious of these things, but LIVING that way takes COURAGE because demanding respect isn't always easy.  If you are around any of these people, I would suggest you make a change by either addressing the issue to the person to work through it, or incorporate an action called "Loving You From a DISTANCE".

Read more »