So Do You Choose the Friend Zone, or Settle?

It's crazy to me how I'll see all these memes talking about how women "friend zone" "Mr. Right", but then you'll see the same people talk about how women shouldn't settle for anything less than the best when it comes to who you put your time and energy into.

Now, me being a black woman and all, I already know how our input gets received on this topic and it's very unfair to say the least.

There are many women who accept bullshit from an awful guy just because the sex is good, or she can't get over him, or for her own weaknesses that keep her stagnate.

I was that girl I won't lie, but much of the problem with this whole argument is the fact that people get the VILLAIN TITLE so quickly from speculators, but don't know the whole story - then these people are labeled "bad guy" or "basic chick".  For example, women who vent to their friends about their relationship issues, and now the friend hates her boyfriend and continues to hate him long after the couple has humped and made up.  The friend doesn't know both sides of the story, so she assumes her friend is settling for a jerk.  And more often than not, it's usually these assumptions that are the story more than a female who won't stop dating "Pookie's" ass.  I'm not speaking about a woman who is accepting abuse. But even that woman needs counseling, not judgment and ridicule for her lack of understanding or outlet.

Men constantly judge women for remaining friends with a guy who she only sees in a platonic light, but what if she gave him a chance only to feel a void within her relationship or marriage?  What happens if she comes across someone she has more COMPATIBILITY with?  She can't win either way with people because honestly the right thing should have begun with the woman being true to herself and her genuine feelings.

PEOPLE HAVE PREFERENCES.  EVERYONE.  MEN AND WOMEN OF ALL RACES. HOWEVER, BLACK WOMEN ARE THE MAIN ONES WHO ARE SCRUTINIZED WHEN THEY EXPRESS THEIRS.  HOW UNFORTUNATE.

You can't fake an attraction.  You can cope with a few shots of Ciroc or a joint if that's your thing, but ultimately, something about what you don't feel will begin to tell on itself.

FACT:  BLACK WOMEN WHO SELECT ASSHOLES TO BE WITH ARE NOT THE CAUSE OF 70% OF BLACK MOTHERS BEING UNWED.  THIS IS NOT THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM.  THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE OVERALL MINDSET IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY IS FUCKED AND HAS BEEN FOR CENTURIES.  AND ONE OF THE MINDSETS HAVE TO DO WITH MEN AND WOMEN TURNING AGAINST ONE ANOTHER.

I didn't even mean to get all heavy on em' with those actual market research statistics, but I get sick of people not looking at the entire picture and understanding where many problems stem from.  Black women have so many disadvantages in society when it comes to how we are viewed, but the saddest part is the judgment we get from our own kind. ESPECIALLY BLACK MEN!  A few Shenay-nay's out there and now all black women have to kill themselves to look like a regular decent person who is worthy of a fair selection of a significant other.

CONFIDENCE is usually what a woman craves in a man.  Not his womanizing ability or if he's a dope chauvinist.   A woman will tend to gravitate more towards a man that she sees is desired but wait, don't men do that too???  Could have sworn they did (shrugs).  It's just like a popular product, or restaurant, or whatever.  There's usually something appealing about that thing that may give it more attention or fans.

But more than any of these shallow things, it's about a real CONNECTION.  And connections are important.  What's the chemistry like?  Is it there or is it being forced? How could you consider being with a person you don't naturally desire?  Especially if they haven't grown on you yet?  And yes, some people could grow on you, but what if they don't? Does a "nice guy" automatically equal "great catch" or make the woman obligated to dig further?  And what the hell is a nice guy anyway?  Some guys only call themselves nice because they're too scared to act the way a more confident man would.  Some shy ass dudes want to do the same thing they would see an "asshole" do, but they're too much of a punk to execute.

That's why the whole ridicule of the nice guy epidemic is bullshit to me.  There's no reason to complain about a woman who can't see a decent guy for how great he is, it just means she's not the one for you.  Women that complain about no decent men get told this everyday.  It's the same shit.  So shut the hell up already LOL...







I will continue to preach this because humans are what they are and like what they like.

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ABUSED SLANG WORDS: PLEASE READ AND TAKE NOTES

RATCHET ---  Do you ever want to co-sign with somebody when they make a good point but because of how ignorant they said it you just change your mind?  That's how I feel when I usually see people use this word.  It's popular to say, YES...but sometimes the person doing the accusing sounds just as...well...RATCHET as the person they're insulting.  Hopefully I don't sound ratchet talking about this ratchet a** word.

SWAG ----  Okay, so most of us have seen that quote circulating Twitter and Facebook that said, "Swag isn't going to pay your bills".  And they are RIGHT, but I'm tired of the lamest, no-job, no goals, I'm the CEO of "Scratch-N-Sniff" Records, but I gotta wait for my Momma to get home so I can get a ride to my show tonight at Los Gatos Restaurant on the corner of 5th and Jackass Street" trying to say they are dripping of Swagu.  Huh?  Come again sir?  The only reason why you THINK you have swag is because of a girl who has no goals beside posing with her underclothes in the bathroom telling you you're sexy.  (BUZZER SOUNDS) Wrong answer Craig Wack.

THIRSTY --- This one irks me because it seems to be SOOOOO easy to call someone else out for their behavior but most of the people saying it either ARE or WERE the same exact person themselves.  Sometimes I feel like a word gets popular and then the young public tries to use the word in every other sentence.  Thirsty equals desperate in the urban dictionary right?  Well...it's hard for me to see a chick whose butt cheeks I can recognize better than her face talk about how another booty model is thirsty when sex is the basis of BOTH your talents.  I know though, jump offs are business women too, my bad. 

BASIC ---  This one has the same dynamic as the word "thirsty".  You usually have two "Hot Ghetto Mess Dot Com" members that won't look at themselves in the mirror.  They are calling each other basic about a bunch of nonsense that they are both too old to be dealing with.  And if you're not a hot ghetto mess yourself then you probably just use it too much in a damn sentence.  That's a violation too. (and note, I'm talking about people that ABUSE words...keyword: ABUSE not USE)

GRINDIN' --- SHUT YOUR COUCH LOVIN CHEEKS UP.  If you are "grinding", YOUR WORK WILL SPEAK FOR ITSELF.  There isn't a need to prove anything with what you say.  Yeah, regular convo might have that word come up every once in a while, but broadcasting it means you feel you have something to prove.  And most people who feel they have something to prove know they are fakin' the funk.  Real grinders just work hard.  Period.

WIFEY --- I'll kick you in the throat with this one.  Yeah I said it.  And I think I get more pissed at the women who proudly accept this title because although it can be a very nice expression of love and commitment, it can also be a "dead end zone" for men who will give his main chick that label for the next 10 years.  And hey, some women are fine with being the wifey for 35 years and who am I to knock your hustle?  I just know that if I don't have the ring to seal our level of commitment and a story to tell about how he got down on one knee... I'M NOBODY'S WIFEY.  (folds arms)

HATERS --- People want haters so bad they figure if they talk about it long enough the haters will magically appear to make them look more important or envied.  This is something that is poison to the black community and I'm just going to be real with that one.  YES, haters exist but the biggest reason why they do is because nobody wants to take time to understand one another.  And most of the people who say they have haters on a regular basis are saying it INDIRECTLY.  Most people that talk about haters are really affected by them deep down.  Ol' sensitive, passive-aggressive a**. 

But seriously, all jokes aside...that list was meant to inspire a laugh or two, but I believe there are too many people out here who are in denial about their behavior.  And the only cure to this is to look in the mirror. 

And grown folks over 25...I hope that these words/expressions are kept to a minimum.  We seriously don't understand how we demote our appearance by talking recklessly (especially when we get with our friends, and have a drink or 5)  I'm not the convo police, but if you are a grown woman who has a friend talking about how she's the wifey of a full-time rapper that is grindin' and has so much swag with all these ratchet, thirsty bishes trying to get at him...you are not her damn friend if you don't tell her how "BASIC" she sounds.  I'm just sayin'.

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