Everybody Wants To Be Mixed...

Ahhhh...the struggle of this bullshit.

I was eavesdropping on my dad and mom's conversation and almost broke out in pure laughter because he said something that really made me feel like he's not quite in touch with today's society and the things that are happening in 2014.

He said that there are so many "pro-black" folk that always talk about "I'm black this...I'm black that" and don't even realize that they probably have so much other stuff going on in their blood stream.  He based that off of some of the findings my family has come up on with our gene pool.  My sister is researching all this family tree stuff with actual records because she's genuinely interested in piecing together a puzzle of our family roots.  She also did a DNA test to trace our roots too.

Anyway, his statement in my opinion would have been more valid in 1990-1995 possibly because the Spike Lee movement was alive and real.  Lots of inspiration from the Black Panther side of life when it came to hip-hop culture and images you saw.

But NOW?!  Naaaaaaaaaa...

I mean, I grew up hearing folk talk about how they had "indian in their family"...blah blah blah and with some folk, might have been true.  Honestly, there was a great deal of interracial (maybe not dating but) MATING back in the day that resulted in folks being a swirl of ethnicities.

My point (however) was that commercially in the hip-hop mainstream world...who is embracing blackness?  We have these light skinned versus dark skinned conversations (I know some is meant to be funny...I'm not talking about those as much as the UNDERTONE).  I had a friend of mine tell me her boyfriend doesn't talk to dark skinned women and I've seen plenty of convo in person and offline reflecting that mentality.  You see mostly fair complexioned women as the symbol of beauty in commercial settings (TV, videos, ads, celebrity girlfriends, etc.).  Most of us who have eyesight have known that one for a while.

I also remember my ex-boyfriend getting really upset when we talked about who was darker complected between my oldest daughter compared to his younger sister.  Like, he REALLY got offended at the fact that I thought my daughter was lighter than his sister.  I wasn't saying it to shade his sister but he reacted like I was.  Crazy right?!

My question is WTF is wrong with being Black?  WTF is wrong with claiming AFRICA?!  This beautiful landscape of sun warmed flesh, motherly physiques, plump lips, beautiful patterns of cloth being worn and wearing that heritage with pride and happiness?  There are so many people who will be so quick to point out another ethnicity tied to them, I'm used to hearing it now.  Nothing wrong with acknowledging your ties, but there IS a problem with Africa not being enough if it's dominant in your bloodstream.

How is it that I truly NEVER looked at a dark complected individual and thought their color made them look any better or worse?  Call me an insane heffa but I look at FEATURES, whether you have acne, crooked nose, nice groomed face, you know...irrational shit like that.  ((Rolls eyes))

Do you know how many busted ass people I've seen in ALL COLORS, heritages, walks of life, persuasions, etc?!  TONS!!!!

I wish some Black people who are brainwashed into this way of thinking would see this is a generational ignorance that was conditioned into their minds.  Please read, "Willie Lynch Letter".

If you want to joke and call somebody "Light Bright, Mellow Yellow, Hershey Kiss", all that is fun and jokes and should be fine as long as everyone is laughing.  But I'm not talking about that.  I'm talking about the ones who deliberately believe their fairness of skin makes them any better or any color difference for that matter makes a person more desirable.

All colors of the rainbow can be attractive or repulsive in my eyes.

I sincerely swear on everything I love those discriminations and hang ups about color were NOT something in my mind until probably pre-teen years when I started hearing people say little dumb crap about someone's complexion.  You could call it sheltered or naive but really, I think the same for someone who holds complexion as a standard for attractiveness.  It's crazy to me when there are so many snap dragons and Mighty Joe Youngs of ALL COLORS!!!

AFRICA IS EXOTIC TOO!  Just like a mixture of ethnicities and just like various areas of the world.  We need to start embracing the beauty of the Black race and stop being so ignorant towards one another.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Exhibit E

Exhibit F

Exhibit G

Last Exhibit

I'll rest my case.  This isn't to criticize or to complain, so for all the folks who want to say I'm just another black woman complaining, criticizing, blah, blah, blah, please get over yourselves and realize it's a very real situation about the self-perception issues our race has.  It is what it is.  I don't write to BS around the truth.

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So Do You Choose the Friend Zone, or Settle?

It's crazy to me how I'll see all these memes talking about how women "friend zone" "Mr. Right", but then you'll see the same people talk about how women shouldn't settle for anything less than the best when it comes to who you put your time and energy into.

Now, me being a black woman and all, I already know how our input gets received on this topic and it's very unfair to say the least.

There are many women who accept bullshit from an awful guy just because the sex is good, or she can't get over him, or for her own weaknesses that keep her stagnate.

I was that girl I won't lie, but much of the problem with this whole argument is the fact that people get the VILLAIN TITLE so quickly from speculators, but don't know the whole story - then these people are labeled "bad guy" or "basic chick".  For example, women who vent to their friends about their relationship issues, and now the friend hates her boyfriend and continues to hate him long after the couple has humped and made up.  The friend doesn't know both sides of the story, so she assumes her friend is settling for a jerk.  And more often than not, it's usually these assumptions that are the story more than a female who won't stop dating "Pookie's" ass.  I'm not speaking about a woman who is accepting abuse. But even that woman needs counseling, not judgment and ridicule for her lack of understanding or outlet.

Men constantly judge women for remaining friends with a guy who she only sees in a platonic light, but what if she gave him a chance only to feel a void within her relationship or marriage?  What happens if she comes across someone she has more COMPATIBILITY with?  She can't win either way with people because honestly the right thing should have begun with the woman being true to herself and her genuine feelings.

PEOPLE HAVE PREFERENCES.  EVERYONE.  MEN AND WOMEN OF ALL RACES. HOWEVER, BLACK WOMEN ARE THE MAIN ONES WHO ARE SCRUTINIZED WHEN THEY EXPRESS THEIRS.  HOW UNFORTUNATE.

You can't fake an attraction.  You can cope with a few shots of Ciroc or a joint if that's your thing, but ultimately, something about what you don't feel will begin to tell on itself.

FACT:  BLACK WOMEN WHO SELECT ASSHOLES TO BE WITH ARE NOT THE CAUSE OF 70% OF BLACK MOTHERS BEING UNWED.  THIS IS NOT THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM.  THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE OVERALL MINDSET IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY IS FUCKED AND HAS BEEN FOR CENTURIES.  AND ONE OF THE MINDSETS HAVE TO DO WITH MEN AND WOMEN TURNING AGAINST ONE ANOTHER.

I didn't even mean to get all heavy on em' with those actual market research statistics, but I get sick of people not looking at the entire picture and understanding where many problems stem from.  Black women have so many disadvantages in society when it comes to how we are viewed, but the saddest part is the judgment we get from our own kind. ESPECIALLY BLACK MEN!  A few Shenay-nay's out there and now all black women have to kill themselves to look like a regular decent person who is worthy of a fair selection of a significant other.

CONFIDENCE is usually what a woman craves in a man.  Not his womanizing ability or if he's a dope chauvinist.   A woman will tend to gravitate more towards a man that she sees is desired but wait, don't men do that too???  Could have sworn they did (shrugs).  It's just like a popular product, or restaurant, or whatever.  There's usually something appealing about that thing that may give it more attention or fans.

But more than any of these shallow things, it's about a real CONNECTION.  And connections are important.  What's the chemistry like?  Is it there or is it being forced? How could you consider being with a person you don't naturally desire?  Especially if they haven't grown on you yet?  And yes, some people could grow on you, but what if they don't? Does a "nice guy" automatically equal "great catch" or make the woman obligated to dig further?  And what the hell is a nice guy anyway?  Some guys only call themselves nice because they're too scared to act the way a more confident man would.  Some shy ass dudes want to do the same thing they would see an "asshole" do, but they're too much of a punk to execute.

That's why the whole ridicule of the nice guy epidemic is bullshit to me.  There's no reason to complain about a woman who can't see a decent guy for how great he is, it just means she's not the one for you.  Women that complain about no decent men get told this everyday.  It's the same shit.  So shut the hell up already LOL...







I will continue to preach this because humans are what they are and like what they like.

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