Black Women Are More Conservative In The Bedroom

Yep.  I've had some off the record comments about the last blog post in terms of the freakiness levels and I must say...it's very interesting that I've been told by a few different people that they have personally found BLACK WOMEN TO BE THE MOST CONSERVATIVE IN THE BEDROOM.  I broke this down for one of my friends, and he understood where I was coming from.  Now I'm going to break it down for my Diary hustle.  ((Cracks knuckles and neck real quick))  Okie dokie.

I am willing to believe that this is true about Black women being more sexually conservative compared to other races.  

Black women are probably the most conservative for many diverse reasons, but I think one big reason is because they are judged the most harshly in society for their behavior.

Black women are often looked at more as sex OBJECTS, not SYMBOLS - there is a BIG difference. (One big example of this are urban models who are described in many derogatory ways in music).

When someone thinks of a "THOT" (new slang term for hoodrat, scalliwag, whatever, I'm old, so i'll stick to what I know in terms of my SLANGUAGE), they usually think of a BLACK woman.

I believe those factors have helped to put a guard up within black women when it comes to how she responds sexually, or period for that matter.  

I believe it may be different for women that are already taken. Their reasons could be more about being underdeveloped (and honestly a lack of confidence) sexually. Some women may really be dry (in more ways than one) in the bedroom, but with women who aren't officially in a committed relationship, I am willing to bet that more of a guard is up about how much she "lets go" and puts into the connection.

Black women overall have a guard up because of double negatives in society and many of those judgments are by other Black people. Black women are not allowed to be selective in love because they are often accused of being their own worst enemy and deserving of loneliness because they simply have a preference or standards like many other human beings.

If a Black woman is overly emotional, she's deemed unstable or crazy for expressing those emotions. If she doesn't respond in emotion, she's often labeled heartless or a bitch for her detachment.

I'm not here to write a biased rant or complain, but to lie and save face about this topic just to win points for being objective would be a lie to myself - and from me to you. Life just isn't fair like that. Much like a man can sleep with 5,000 women and still be Mr. "Such and Such", but if a woman is known to sleep with more than one man, she's labeled forever in society as trashy.

The guys who commented about this to me were referring to single women, so I'm referring more to those women as opposed to ladies who are in an exclusive relationship.  

Take the movie, "Think Like a Man". The situation with Megan Good's character was all about her being afraid of letting go too soon before the time was right. The movie showed her insecurities and the whole GAME (yes, it's very much a game) that is played in the early stages of linking up with a person you're interested in. She spent so much time worrying about how she would be viewed by a potential mate that she couldn't just be herself and be free. That's almost a perfect example of what it is in the dating realm of sexuality. You could say well, other races of women can be called bimbos, sluts or any of the like, but those other classes of women aren't dealing with a statistic of 70% of women in their race who file as SINGLE on their taxes. Clearly there's something here to be reluctant about.

Now to be fair, a woman who is sleeping around with multiple men is definitely asking for some permanent "Magic" in her "Johnson" cave, but unless she's aiming for that level of Stankonia with Andre and 5000 of his friends and past sex partners, she's probably just a regular single woman who may be unsure of her comfort level with the guy she's into.

You all can let me know if I'm off base though. I think I'm brilliant to be quite honest. (I kid, I kid).

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So Do You Choose the Friend Zone, or Settle?

It's crazy to me how I'll see all these memes talking about how women "friend zone" "Mr. Right", but then you'll see the same people talk about how women shouldn't settle for anything less than the best when it comes to who you put your time and energy into.

Now, me being a black woman and all, I already know how our input gets received on this topic and it's very unfair to say the least.

There are many women who accept bullshit from an awful guy just because the sex is good, or she can't get over him, or for her own weaknesses that keep her stagnate.

I was that girl I won't lie, but much of the problem with this whole argument is the fact that people get the VILLAIN TITLE so quickly from speculators, but don't know the whole story - then these people are labeled "bad guy" or "basic chick".  For example, women who vent to their friends about their relationship issues, and now the friend hates her boyfriend and continues to hate him long after the couple has humped and made up.  The friend doesn't know both sides of the story, so she assumes her friend is settling for a jerk.  And more often than not, it's usually these assumptions that are the story more than a female who won't stop dating "Pookie's" ass.  I'm not speaking about a woman who is accepting abuse. But even that woman needs counseling, not judgment and ridicule for her lack of understanding or outlet.

Men constantly judge women for remaining friends with a guy who she only sees in a platonic light, but what if she gave him a chance only to feel a void within her relationship or marriage?  What happens if she comes across someone she has more COMPATIBILITY with?  She can't win either way with people because honestly the right thing should have begun with the woman being true to herself and her genuine feelings.

PEOPLE HAVE PREFERENCES.  EVERYONE.  MEN AND WOMEN OF ALL RACES. HOWEVER, BLACK WOMEN ARE THE MAIN ONES WHO ARE SCRUTINIZED WHEN THEY EXPRESS THEIRS.  HOW UNFORTUNATE.

You can't fake an attraction.  You can cope with a few shots of Ciroc or a joint if that's your thing, but ultimately, something about what you don't feel will begin to tell on itself.

FACT:  BLACK WOMEN WHO SELECT ASSHOLES TO BE WITH ARE NOT THE CAUSE OF 70% OF BLACK MOTHERS BEING UNWED.  THIS IS NOT THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM.  THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE OVERALL MINDSET IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY IS FUCKED AND HAS BEEN FOR CENTURIES.  AND ONE OF THE MINDSETS HAVE TO DO WITH MEN AND WOMEN TURNING AGAINST ONE ANOTHER.

I didn't even mean to get all heavy on em' with those actual market research statistics, but I get sick of people not looking at the entire picture and understanding where many problems stem from.  Black women have so many disadvantages in society when it comes to how we are viewed, but the saddest part is the judgment we get from our own kind. ESPECIALLY BLACK MEN!  A few Shenay-nay's out there and now all black women have to kill themselves to look like a regular decent person who is worthy of a fair selection of a significant other.

CONFIDENCE is usually what a woman craves in a man.  Not his womanizing ability or if he's a dope chauvinist.   A woman will tend to gravitate more towards a man that she sees is desired but wait, don't men do that too???  Could have sworn they did (shrugs).  It's just like a popular product, or restaurant, or whatever.  There's usually something appealing about that thing that may give it more attention or fans.

But more than any of these shallow things, it's about a real CONNECTION.  And connections are important.  What's the chemistry like?  Is it there or is it being forced? How could you consider being with a person you don't naturally desire?  Especially if they haven't grown on you yet?  And yes, some people could grow on you, but what if they don't? Does a "nice guy" automatically equal "great catch" or make the woman obligated to dig further?  And what the hell is a nice guy anyway?  Some guys only call themselves nice because they're too scared to act the way a more confident man would.  Some shy ass dudes want to do the same thing they would see an "asshole" do, but they're too much of a punk to execute.

That's why the whole ridicule of the nice guy epidemic is bullshit to me.  There's no reason to complain about a woman who can't see a decent guy for how great he is, it just means she's not the one for you.  Women that complain about no decent men get told this everyday.  It's the same shit.  So shut the hell up already LOL...







I will continue to preach this because humans are what they are and like what they like.

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