PAYING FOR THE DATE. - I remember a guy I was dating for a hot second took me out a few times then hit me with a question that caught me off-guard. He asked me if I had a problem with paying for dinner or taking the bill sometimes. So I'm sitting there thinking to myself...um...(sigh). First of all, HE ASKED ME ON THE DATE!!! If I had asked him to go out....SURE!!! I should be more than happy to pay because I presented him with the question, meaning it would be good etiquette to pay. But I am old fashioned, damn the whole, "it's 2012" crap...if you're hard up for $$$ that's fine! Take me to the park or something, but you asked to chill with ME - not the other way around. I felt like he was very inexperienced with the art of dating a woman OR he was just someone who didn't like to spend his own money like that. Needless to say it was a big turnoff because he made me feel like I was a gold digger in training. ((buzzer sound)) FAIL.
FLIRTING W/ OTHER WOMEN WHILE YOU'RE AROUND - Have you lost your damn mind?! I don't know what it's like to get locked up for karate chopping somebody in slow motion, but I would imagine it's not worth it for a loser that would actually put you in that position. ANY GUY THAT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE LIKE THAT IS NOT WORTH GETTING TO KNOW BETTER. There is a difference between a guy that's just a playful people person and a guy that can't pass up an opportunity to woo a pretty lady. And I'm seriously the type of a**hole that will do it back just to let him see how it feels. Yep.
LIARS - I've always wondered, why do people stand firm on their lies LONG after they've already been caught? If I have to worry about you lying about small things, you will DEFINITELY protect your behind from something on a larger scale. Trust is a very delicate thing that many people think they deserve, but really it is earned by developing a bond. Lies cause so much stress for the person telling the it, along with the person who will probably find out the truth anyway. It just isn't worth it.
NEGATIVE - I don't want somebody who acts like Spongebob, because that deserves a swift kick to the twin cakes too...BUT...if I can expect you to be a drag about life in general, or you always shoot down an idea, a person, or a feeling - YOU ARE NOT THE ONE.
INCOGNITO - If someone (male or female) goes missing for a extended period of time and you have been seeing them for over a month or so, this is an ultimate red flag. I feel like this one depends on the dynamic of your relationship as well because there are many people who believe they are "dating someone" when in reality, they are just exchanging bodily fluids. In this case, an AWOL situation is direct proof that you are a booty call and nothing more. Someone who is truly interested will remain frequent in your life, with an emphasis on COMMUNICATION. Someone who hands you thoughtless excuses about their disappearing acts probably is not tripping off of you or what you think.
NON-SUPPORTIVE - As you are getting to know a person, they should be showing you signs of knowing the concept of LOYALTY. If you are in a jam with something, they should at the very least express sincere concern (emphasis on the word SINCERE). Even if they can't immediately come to your rescue, they should let you know that they would try. This goes for BOTH SEXES. If I can sense that you wouldn't hold me down in a situation early in the game...you have done me a huge favor and I choose to dodge that bullet. Too many people overlook this quality and after the relationship gets more serious, they are emotionally burned by the lack of support.
TOO MUCH JEALOUSY - Jealousy can be somewhat of a sexy quality. This lets you know that a person cares about what you do and who you're doing it with. BUT - under NO circumstances is it okay for anyone to treat their guy or lady like property. You should be able to speak to other people (as long as boundaries are not violated and respect is present) without your guy or lady creating a web of drama. IT IS OF EXTREME IMPORTANCE that you talk to your guy or lady about boundaries. What are you comfortable and not comfortable with? Some stuff will be trial and error and that's just life, but at least have the convo. If you care about your relationship being healthy, you will do this.
PUBLIC EMBARRASSMENT - This is another BOUNDARY discussion. Everybody has different levels of what they consider to be appropriate and inappropriate in public. BUT, nobody should treat you like you're not on their level and try to correct/scold you like you're a child NOR should a person put their lady or guy on display and make them uncomfortable. It's a respect thing. It's sad when some people don't have enough home training to understand this either. Blame the parents but leave the ignorant individual. Right after you slap them. Sike...(sort of).
SUBSTANCE ABUSE - If someone can't smoke on a tree, have a drink or 3, take a pill, or be in another "state of mind" without upsetting you or having an attitude problem - this will not get any better. You have a choice to either attack the problem head on or deal with the stress over time. This is a delicate issue because it has torn up many relationships and many folks are too far into their habit for a significant other to help them alone. Seeking help doesn't mean a person is crazy, it just means you might want some assistance. Just like you would call any other business for expert help or advice. Don't ignore signs and become 5 years in the relationship game w/ someone you saw from day 1 needed help.
NEVER TALK ABOUT SERIOUS THINGS - I LOOOOOOVEEEE a playful, sarcastic, fun-loving, enjoy life type of guy. BUT...if I can't talk about anything serious with that person without him going magically deaf or I feel like I'm talking to myself...THAT IS AN ULTIMATE RED FLAG. This is not the same as regular venting that is reserved for my girlfriends however. In the conversation of "Men versus Women", I do believe that a woman cannot expect a heterosexual man to sit there and digest all of her yapping...BUT, sometimes an intimate and adult conversation is needed and is a great thing. I should know you are able to do that and you have an IQ higher than your shoe size. Also, more than the possibility of dealing with someone that's not on your intelligence level, this is also another red flag that you are not that into me. People that are into you like that care about connecting w/ you on a deeper level. Period.
**BONUS, BUT SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING**:
CHEATING. Nowadays, you really have to establish a commitment to make sure you're even validated to get pissed if your lady or guy steps out there. But the person that is truly worth the effort will work to earn your trust. Someone who has shown you they are liberal with their body parts swaying in the wind (literally) is showing you what your future will look like if you accept it. You will not change them by staying. What you will do is probably fan the fire into the explosion that it's destined to be by accepting infidelity.
Keep your eyes open. Many times, people get upset about the way "another person" ruined their life when it was really bad decisions that ruined it and your lack of self-reflection and accountability.
