FRIENDS FOR LIFE! (EVEN THOUGH WE ARE MARRIED...)

FOR MY MARRIED LOVEBUGS AND LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS (QUESTION FOR YOU)

Do you believe you can have friends of the opposite sex as long as boundaries are respected within the friendship?  Or do you throw that friendship in the long-distance, I'll send you a postcard category out of respect for your mate?

I asked this because I get mixed reviews from people about whether friendships with taken members of the opposite sex (or your desired sex) is appropriate.

I'll get responses like:

"We can be friends and not cross any boundaries that would affect our intimate relationships"

OR

"HELL NO THEY CAN'T HAVE ANY DAMN FRIENDS, WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS LOOK LIKE?  DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE SHOW FRIENDS AND DO I LOOK LIKE JENNIFER "GOT THE SHORT END OF THE STICK" ANISTON?  (people under 25 are like, huh?) 

OR

They can be friends as long as I'm just as good of a friend to them as my mate.  (THIS ONE I CAN PROBABLY ROCK WITH THE MOST I GUESS)

Honestly, I personally know people who talk that bestie BS but secretly would jump at a moment's notice to whisk off into the sunset if the opportunity presented itself.  I'm not saying that all people who could go there would, but damn it,  I DON'T PLAY THAT SH**!!!!!!!!  

I couldn't even pretend like I would be remotely comfortable with an attractive woman talking about how much of a "friend" she is to my man.  I'd be like, "oh reeeeeaaaally?!"  Does this look like the movie, "Brown Sugar" to you biatch?!   I try to store some "chill" up for rainy days when people piss me off, but I promise if I had started as a snotty nose kid collecting chill, I STILL wouldn't have enough at 31 to stop me from being Daniel Son at the end of the first Karate Kid.  

The only way i'd be cool with this is if I'm not attached and if we're not exclusive.  

((Pauses for about 20 seconds))  NAAAAAAAAA...I'm lying.  I'm stingy regardless.  If you kiss me on the forehead, we go together...EFF THAT!!! 

AND I DON'T SHARE.  (smiles)

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THIS is Why You Cheated.

I'm tired of people cheating in relationships when they put themselves in a situation to cheat in the first damn place.  

Oh, you probably don't understand what I mean.  

What I'm saying is....some people are greedy and want to "dip and dab" with anyone who is easy on the eyes.  There's no changing those selfish bastards. BUT...some people link up with a person who they know damn well they only feel LUKE WARM about and then cop an attitude because they feel "blah" about the person.  Then someone else comes around that does one of these to your underroos: 

and then you find yourself into a marriage and/or living situation with this person you feel like slapping with a brick because they weren't the one for you -- and you knew it all along.  

One thing I know is that most of us don't want to be alone.  Even the ones who are single know deep down they would rather have someone to come home to but would rather protect their egos and save face about what they really feel.  I know that isn't everyone, but I hated it personally. 

You cannot force yourself to feel things for someone that don't come natural in terms of attraction.  It’s either there or it’s not.  I will say that I have dated a few people that I “liked” but I really wasn't doing any mental or emotional backflips for them.  Even one guy I dated that fit my personal prototype of a "good catch" (basketball player physique, gorgeous face, independent)  didn't give me butterflies at the end of the day.  I just didn't "connect" with him.  And sometimes we connect with someone, but they were only meant to be a friend.  


I can honestly say that one guy I dated for about 6 months was a perfect example of this.  He pursued me nonstop and although I showed interest for a short period of time, when I realized he wasn't my type, I tried to decrease communication and the guy wasn't having it.  He attempted to pursue me harder until I gave in.  For a split second, I admired his persistence and gave him a chance.  But you can't date a person out of obligation or pity, or compensation for loneliness.  At the end of the day, it won't work out because your real feelings (or lack thereof) will tell on itself.  


And what if I married him?  There are PLENTY of people who marry the "maybe men" and women.  


IF YOU GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP TRYING TO BE WITH SOMEONE FOR ANY OTHER REASON THAN YOU HONESTLY WANTING TO BE WITH THAT PERSON AND BUILD WITH THEM...THE RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED FROM THE START.  


You CANNOT hold together a relationship because you had children together, or you can't find someone better, or the sex is good, or you want to fit in with your married friends, or any other asinine excuse.  It has to come from a genuine place.  


None of us are perfect, we usually mess this relationship thing up once or twice, or maybe many times.  BUT, understanding that a true connection is needed and understanding that you NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT IN A MATE is of essential importance so you can let your mate (or potential mate) know what makes you happy.  


Don't cheat on Mr. or Ms. Lukewarm when you could've been with that person that makes your heart do the Love Olympics.  (I'm corny I know...whatever, you get my point).

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