Needless to say, my mind raced at the comment he made because of a very colorful past w/ my last real relationship (key color being blue like the bruised eye my ex should have had for being a damn jerk) and the fact that when some guys say they want a woman that "has their back", what they really mean is a woman who can take a lot of their bullshit without leaving or threatening to leave. My mind continued to wander to about 2 years prior to this date when my last real relationship was still holding on by a wing and a prayer.
((INSERT DAYDREAMING/FLASHBACK/HARP SOUND HERE))
I had a hoopty. It was a machine that coughed, stuttered, cursed me out and finally said eff my life AND wherever I needed to go after only 3 months' time and $1000. I was with my ex, still trying to make our relationship work after several failed attempts. My ex was acutely aware that the car was in very poor shape in terms of the way it ran and the fact that it literally sounded like a pissed off lawn mower. He had asked me if he could drive to NY to see the Giants' game and that's when I gave him the look. I was thinking to myself, why would you take this explosion of thrown up rubber and metal ANYWHERE besides down the street? BUT...I didn't say no. I just showed my hesitation. He told me he would do some minor maintenance to the car before he left (like that was going to save the car from being a liability on the road). He ended up dropping me off at work and then commenced to taking his behind (and one-track mind) up to New York.
On top of the fact that he didn't come back until the following day, leaving me without a way to get around in the morning, he didn't answer any of my texts or phone calls while he was gone. THEN (you're going to love this one) he comes back with the car smelling of the finest Herbal Essences along with the car being trashed, full of fast food bags, wrappers and balled up napkins.
OK OK...so yeah the "down for your man" thing would have been to fuss at him and eventually let it go right? WELL...how do you effectively do that when the person cops more of an attitude about it than you do? Don't you love reverse-psychology? I must have loved it because I dealt w/ it for 7-8 years.
((PLAYS FAIRY DUST SOUNDS TO COME BACK TO REALITY IN 2012))
I told that awful story because of 1 reason...there are many people that make the statement that they want a person to "have their back" but won't even take responsibility for making sure their behavior PRACTICES WHAT THEY PREACH. If my ex took a look at himself and would realize that he didn't have my back 1/10 of how much he expected me to have his -- he might have less of an attitude about me and what didn't work out. Actually, he'd still have an attitude (some people just need a lifetime supply of PMS medication).
Think about what it really means to hold a person down through thick and thin. Meaning, you respect that person, your differences and choose to treat them respectfully despite of those differences.
THAT SIMPLE.
