Laziness in bed - Like, why even bother if you're going to act like it's pulling teeth trying to do it? I get the fact that you're tired, your head hurts, people pissed you off at work, your back feels like somebody did a black belt ninja kick to the lower region (shout out to my "old lady back" crew), but when you make a half assed effort in bed, that's the biggest part of what your mate sees AND remembers. Enthusiasm is mostly communicated through your body language and is MORE THAN 1/2 the battle.
Gas - Ewww. That's all I have to say. It's one thing to break one loose around your mate because you're comfy and you should be. But when we're getting intimate?! Like, REALLY?! For real?!
I believe there are actually some people who believe this is "cute" or "adorable" to fart or "poot" randomly. PLEEEEAAAASSSEEEE don't do this while you're trying to create a sexy moment with your other half. Rotten booty asses.
Wack Ass Music - I'll speak to the men on this one. I believe that some of you will have the proper sense to actually play something slow and sensual for your lady - get your "love, talk, and slow jams" vibe going right. THEN, some of you will play E-40 or Lil' Boosie. If you are with a woman who is cool with riding the rodeo to those bastards, you both deserve to be deprived of a productive orgasm. Yes, I'm judging.
Lock The Door If You Have Kids - Don't traumatize the babies, PLEASE. And more importantly, try to plan ahead to give them quality time before you lay them down. This is when them having a bed schedule counts the most outside of school because there is nothing worse than having to contain juices and explain looking like you got in a fight when you go to check on your 5 year old. If they're a baby...just hang in there, all parents know your struggle.
Feeling Stressed Out - Try to cure this problem by giving each other massages. USE some type of attractive-smelling lotions or oils for the aromatherapy effect. Start out slow so you can gradually and naturally build up excitement and intimacy. DEFINITELY ask questions during this time and allow the stressed party to vent. Make them say it in a soft voice too.
Being Too Tired - The older you get, the more this becomes a factor. Trying to juggle so much and not leaving room in your schedule for that intimate exchange is recipe for an awful experience. Try to consider your mate - ESPECIALLY THE FELLAS! You may be alright, but seriously think about this sometimes. Lack of sleep affects your man candy too.
Too Much To Drink - Aside from the fact that you could throw up on me and get a potential elbow to the esophagus, I never understood why people drink to become vegetables. I thought the whole point was to unwind? Some of you all use the bottle as an excuse to die and resurrect as the Zombie Apocalypse and think someone wants to lay the smack in bed after that? If you're in a committed marriage or relationship and the person wants to please you, sure. But they probably won't enjoy satisfying your whino looking ass.
Ticking Time Bombs - Okay Sugafoot...Poor baby. We all know our bodies and sometimes we know we could finish before the party even gets started. If you know you're backed up or can feel the potential eruption in your panties/boxers...you should consider masturbating beforehand.
Now, for the ones who like to reserve their initial orgasm as the "most powerful one" because you get somewhat numb or lose your drive afterward, either give yourself enough time before you get in bed or prepare to compensate your partner in other ways. ((snort laughs))
Sex Toys - Ladies, make sure you and your man are on the same page with this. He might not be game for everything you may have in your night stand arsenal.
Porn - Gents, make sure you know she's cool with this as well. Reassure her if she's apprehensive. Some women like porn and some don't. If you care about who you're about to give it to (hopefully you do dammit), just make sure she's comfortable and in a good space. When she is, the sex will be much better for you both.
Getting Yours and We're Done - There's a special place in hell for you bastards. If you're trying to figure out why your other half may not be so quick to jump in the sack for some action, think about if you're giving them a reason to keep coming back for more. We have a LOT of people in the world who stay in their own bubble and are so consumed with their own needs and wants that they forget to leave a lasting impression. This is valid for people whether you are MARRIED, DATING, OR SINGLE.
