Many people look at "nice" folks as pushovers. To be kind is almost a turnoff in society because it communicates weakness or neediness.
Most of the time I'm ranting about nice guys that aren't confident, but I'll leave you delicate bastards alone today. I'm really directing the spotlight to myself on this one. One problem I've always had with people in general is that I give off a very friendly vibe early in the game of our connection (friendship, professional or romantic), then I'm forced to re-introduce myself in the event that they don't realize that my gangsta is not to be slept on in these streets. (It's a true story, don't laugh).
In general, I'll share with all you folk who care so deeply for a sista (rolls eyes) that I truly have a hard time saying the word, "NO". It's something that I've struggled with over the years - not because I don't have a backbone, but more because I genuinely care about people and I always try to find a "win-win" scenario with folks.
But failing to say "no" can open up a can of worms simply for not keeping it 100 in the situation.
At 31 years old, I've learned that's not realistic for life, OR for what I often feel deep down.
So I figured I'd shed some light for people that have a similar problem to me you know? (And for folk that want to say I'm not nice, kiss my ass, you're probably annoying and I'm getting better with dealing with people that annoy the black off my skin.)
1) Realize that an early no beats out a BS, dragged out version of a "maybe, I'm not sure" any day of the week.
People might not like hearing the word "no", but it only gets harder the longer you hold out on the inevitable.
2) Don't give a 3-hour speech explaining why you can't do something.
You might as well went for Door Number Doormat with this approach. You just look weak and afraid to piss somebody off.
3) Be firm about it, but don't sound defensive.
People need to know that you mean what you say, but there's a balance between being serious and asking for an argument. Sometimes when we make up in our mind how a person will react to us, we will automatically start acting in relation to our thoughts instead of reality. Give the person a chance to respond to your answer.
I had to check myself on this subject honestly - if I could go back in a time machine to situations where I should have hit a flat out no I definitely would, but I just remind myself that I'm not perfect. You live, you learn, you keep it moving.
