SHE CUT ME 2DEEP...

Circa 2007, I was sitting in my chair at a small cafe spot on U Street in DC.  Rhymes, lyrics, and wit bounced off the walls while I tried to soak in the inspiration so I could write, imagine, and inspire others.  This woman of many words approached the stage.  She was a rare talent...she worked the crowd with her humor and engaging delivery.  I was in awe of her...especially since she invited me there.  She was infectious, quickly becoming a part of the DC poetry community and even alongside Def Poetry acts.  Yeah, ol' girl was GOOOOOOOD...reeeal good.  

Outside of the poetry scene, we were like the ignorant kids in the back of the classroom cutting up - rarely serious about anything.  I began to think that my circle of inspiration and close friends were growing as a long-term romantic relationship (I use the word romantic VERY LOOSELY) had ended.

We were hittin' up the same spots, starting to talk to the same people, inviting each other out to things, doing friend-type stuff.  But for some reason, there was another story going on beneath the surface of the laughter and the jokes.  One I would learn about and never forget.

I networked with a local photographer that she had worked with and began to start a portfolio - even though I'm not a model...I knew I wanted to market myself as a writer/poet/something. She was always one of the first ones to comment on a new picture I had uploaded online (should have been a red flag right there) but again, I felt love and a real connection from a new friend.

Facebook was growing in popularity and began to take where MySpace had left off - I was on Facebook back in 2005 when it was only for college folk.  Facebook began to allow 3rd party applications to become a regular part of the site.  One application that became the hot spot to allow the shy folks to become bold was/is called the famous "Honesty Box".  Oh yeah...ANONYMOUS MESSAGING.  Many horns grew on the heads of folks when this was discovered.

So yeah, I downloaded it too.  Much to my surprise, dudes who wanted to try their hand at you weren't the only ones using it for their agendas.  Apparently, negative and hateful vibes come through this messaging service as well.

So one day, I received a message that said: I believe that you should look deeper inside of you, rely a little less on your looks and aim higher (the message said something like that)

So I wrote back to the message on a humble tip saying that if they knew me better, they would know that I'm definitely not the type of person that would think in such a shallow way.  I really have other passions that I plan to go after that have nothing to do with "modeling" - which I wasn't anyway.

Then I receive a reply saying: Well, um...I do know you very well and I know that you need to check yourself and get a grip on how you are being perceived (this is not verbatim but close enough)

So now I'm getting pissed.  I immediately think to myself, if this person knows me very well, then why would they address me in such an impersonal manner?  Why not sit me down to talk if there's something that concerns them about me?  So I basically say that in my next response and planned to keep it moving.

That day, I uploaded a new picture to my Facebook and captioned it "I dedicate this to the coward who felt the need to address me in an anonymous message instead of to my face" (I was pretty upset so yes, I mildly vented publicly - I don't do that normally btw).  After several hours, I received a few comments underneath the picture...including one from Ms. Anonymous.  Yep, her.

So, in a nutshell I realized the messenger was this same girl that I had hung out with, supported, cheered for, and cared about.  After she went from hiding behind anonymity to publicly announcing the silent beef that was brewing. I got pretty pissed.

I simply told her not to address me anymore.  Period.  I knew after leaving an abusive relationship that I couldn't deal with any other type of relationship that resembled it.

I felt like the innocent bystander that got shot or something.  I tried to support this girl, be a friend to this girl, only for her to let me know (subliminally) what she really thought of me.

Oh...but I'm not done!

So, a day or two later I got a phone call from a mutual friend who made me aware that Ms. Anonymous posted a note about me on Facebook.  I didn't look at it because I had already blocked her from my list of friends but apparently this lovely list of LIES were said about me:

*  I slept around with my "producers"
*  We were very close and I shared information with her about my being a "gold-digger"
*  She told me that I needed to stop sleeping around with folks and aim higher with my goals

Yep.  That's what she said.  And to top it off...I felt like people would believe her because I did do modeling pics and there are about 567,309,674,540,865,256,342,846,936,453,917, infinity people just like that who want to sleep their way into opportunity in the entertainment industry.

I felt alone and attacked.  I knew the only ally I had was my spirit that wouldn't allow anyone to break it.  I had never been officially slandered before and it felt like I was helpless for a second because although not many people knew who I was, I knew that lies like this would be believed based on what our culture accepts as entertainment these days.

Moral of the story is: The war between us ladies (especially ladies of color) NEEDS TO END.  I don't have to sabotage you in order to feel great, beautiful, wanted, or loved.  We can ALL share the spotlight.  We can ALL be great.  Somewhere, somehow, for some untrue reason, we began looking at one another as a threat.  And why?  Why can't we love the way God loves us? 

I forgive that girl.  As angry as I was, I can't let that situation influence negativity for my life.   I wish her great things actually.  Especially growth.

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IS "LADY-LIKE" A THING OF THE PAST???

 Okay. I'm on Facebook. I'm on Twitter. I have been up and through the social networking situation left and right. Yes, I've been nosy like the rest of you (don't front) and more and more it seems to me like women believe that since it's 2011 and we have a voice in society now, that we should say whatever we want. "Freedom of Damn Speech" right???

I say women specifically because (call me old-fashioned but) I was raised to believe that women are naturally more nurturing. It bothers me that women sing the "I'mma Lady" song so quickly after they just finished talking like sailors that just got their eye poked out. Most of these ladybugs demand respect when they are subliminally disrespecting themselves at the same time.

And I know I'm not crazy when I see PLENTY OF MEN Tweeting and Facebooking that this behavior is very unattractive.

Appearances definitely do deceive too because I've seen some really attractive ladybugs (I mean that in the most heterosexual way possible) that have mouths that belong on a couple angry club bouncers that just broke up a fight.  Such a waste of a pretty face.

I feel like some women believe that their loose mouth is a badge of confidence and I believe that it's really more a badge of ignorance and insecurity. Yes, it's also a nasty habit for some women but you can tell who speaks foul because they're used to it compared to a woman who has no shame about it.

I do believe the old saying that swearing is a sign of poor vocabulary. YEP. SURE DO. BECAUSE WHEN I DID IT MYSELF (yeah this is the Doodlebug DIARY) my vocabulary back then needed some Jesus.

And it's just like Queen Latifah said in "U-N-I-T-Y", when she said:

"Now everybody knows there's exceptions to this rule, now don't be gettin' mad when we're playing it's cool..."

So yeah, I know that sometimes it's used for comedic purposes...(I'm not the curse word police) but some people don't even realize that they put themselves in a particular light when they talk like this. Then they'll be the same person pissed off for some guy talking to them like that.  Or they kid themselves into thinking they are considered "the cool chick who keeps it 100".  Ahem...no.  You're the chick who demotes your appearance by speaking like a savage.

And maybe I can chalk this up to my age because I'm 28 now, but when I was 18...19...even in my earlier 20's I had a lower standard for what I said and sadly enough what was said to me. I know even now I can't lie, I might slip up sometimes, but I try to be mindful that it's an awful habit and I'm a mother so I need to do better.

This isn't to bash anybody.  Nobody's perfect and like I said, my own lips aren't 100% free of french-style four letters...but it's not a habit anymore.   I'm hoping some ladybug will read this and say: yeah, I know I need to calm my words down a taste, instead of being in denial that it's a low standard for yourself when you do it all the time.

Go ahead and act like that don't sound like some of y'all.  LOL.  And that's exactly who you look like when your mouth starts to resemble a Porta-Potty.

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NOBODY CAN SHINE BETTER THAN ME!!!

 I'm tired of chicks that let their friends walk out the house looking set the hell up.  Yeah y'all.

I remember it was Summer of 2007.  I was ready to get my single lady dance on with my sorority sister.  She came to my apartment and I was still trying to get ready so we could go party together.  I went into my room and came out with a pair of plaid short shorts (booty shorts cut) with heels and a dress shirt.  The shorts were very much in style at that particular time.

The second I stepped foot into the living room, my friend had this look of shock on her face as her eyes were darted at my shorts.  Then she asked me, "Are you really leaving out of the house like that?"  I was puzzled by that question and asked her why she would ask me that.  She plainly said, "You want "THAT" kind of attention wearing those shorts out here? Your thighs are RIDICULOUS!"

So I decided to double-take myself in the full-body mirror and see if I saw what she saw.  I really didn't think that I was about to draw that much attention to myself but the fact was that my friend made me aware of something I didn't see on my own.

I kept looking...then I noticed how I looked in movement - bending over and all kinds of fun stuff like that.  Then I pumped my brakes and changed.  I really didn't want that kind of attention.  Being appreciated for my appearance was one thing, but being considered fresh pickings in the "take home" category wasn't quite what I was going for.

Some people might say that she just didn't want me to shine brighter than her or be sexier than her...but usually those people are a walking contradiction or obviously insecure.  She was neither of the two and for good reason.  No homo, but my friend is HOT.  

This is something that I find to be more of a rare quality in friends these days - especially with women.  For some reason, there seems to be an epidemic of relationships that are filled with non-genuine behavior.  "Friends" not truly taking the best interest of each other and playing subliminal competitive games rather than backing one another up.

Now, for some people, friendships take a backseat to family life (especially if you're married) but some people consider their friends to be their "family".  And regardless of either situation, it is still important about the company you keep because some friends are more lethal than people you've identified as an enemy.

And my reason is this:  Any person that you entrust confidential information to should be worthy of it.  Any person that would let a alien-shaped crater hang out of your nose because she secretly wants to demote your appearance is insecure and has let that outweigh their devotion to being a true friend to you.  Be watchful of these individuals.

People and their insecurities will always cripple themselves, but also whomever they spend their time and energy on.  They are draining and really, it's not about abandoning these people, but understanding where they are and what role you will take in their lives, if any.

Choose your circle of trust wisely kids...

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