Jada Tells Arsenio She's Glad She Didn't Connect With Will On The 1st Opportunity

Jada and her prominent cheek bones were on Arsenio Hall last week and talked much about her connection with TuPac and how they had more of a father-daughter dynamic because of how protective he was with her, but one of the things I found extremely interesting was her talk about how she had an opportunity to work with her hubby Will long before they linked up as grown adults.

Initially, she tried out for the role of (one of) Will's girlfriends and was told she was too short.  Then, later on after her acting career had blossomed a little more, she was offered the role and turned it down.

She said she is so thankful that she did turn it down because she wouldn't be married to him today. Will was married to his first wife, Sheree at this time and she confessed that neither of them were ready for one another.

Which made me think about relationships and the way things evolve.

Many of us spend so much time worrying about the outcome of things that we don't allow ourselves to embrace the present moment and the good things about it.  We get caught up in what other people have to say about things, what we see in the media and it brainwashes us in to thinking we have to act a certain way, look a certain way, have certain things in our lives in order to be happy or fulfilled when the reality is, all of us have to define that for ourselves.

Part of that means to really shut off from the distractions of social media, friends, family, TV, etc. to truly know what makes us happy and what makes us feel alive.

I say all of that because there are a lot of unhappily single people out here who develop a bitter way of thinking because of so many external factors.  They might have hang ups with specific people or situations when really, you have no idea if things are meant to be the way they are at the present moment.

I don't know how many times something may have happened in my past and then in retrospect I am thankful and humbled that I went through it because even though the period may have been difficult, I came out of the situation a better person than before.  I became smarter, sharper, more seasoned to handle the world.

Sometimes it's meant for us to have things or not have things at any given time because for one, we should live in the present moment and enjoy that and secondly, we don't know if the current state of pause with something could be preparation for that golden hour of something anticipated.

I truly appreciate what I lack now because it builds me up to acknowledge and GENUINELY BE THANKFUL what I will gain when the time is right.


Side Note:  She really didn't have to collagen pump those cheek bones.  Damn Jada.  I don't get why the pretty ones mess their faces up like that.

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Strippers: Wifeable or Nah?

I know some people looked at that title like..."what the hell Mo?"  ((chuckles))

Alright so me being in the midst of my Instagram browsing, I stumbled across a promoter I follow that works at a few clubs in the DC area (mind you, I don't know this person beyond Instagram) and he happened to take a picture with a very beautiful woman who I believe was a guest at one of his parties.

When I went to her profile, I realized she was a stripper with about 15,000 followers.  She was into fitness as well, but there were more pole flicks than gym, so I was like alrighty!

The only thing that threw me off was the fact that the dude who was a promoter was talking about how this woman was a "triple threat" because of her brains, personality and beauty.  In the comment thread he was talking about her like he was checking for her.

So a Black person like myself was stuck for a moment like...is he just gassing her to put in "potential na na" points or do dudes really bun up strippers?!

I know everybody says, "Hoes be winning", and this isn't to shade anyone - I know some women have had to pay bills by popping the cheek sandwiches for tuition/book/dorm/rent/food/sitter/car note/survival money.

I'm not here to cast judgment in the least...like, who the f--- am I anyway?  BUT...I am speaking on the fact that a stripper's job is to create a sexual fantasy for a population of men on a nightly basis.

MEANING...men other than your MAN will see the goods and tip you handsomely for lap dances, booty claps, body twerks, and perculations (yes, I'm making up words now).

So with all that being said, is there a man who would really bun up a stripper?  Let me know. Obviously I would say the average man would never in a million years of standing up to do #1 would consider taking a stripper seriously, but I actually do know some exceptions with former strippers. Again, help me out and give me some perspective on this.

Was the Instagram dude just talking or nah?

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Outrage About Lupita Nyong'o Win At the Oscars

I happened to peep a few status updates online about the fact that some felt the only roles Blacks are ever allowed to receive Oscars for are plots where someone is being degraded (i.e. - Lupita (Patsey) and Master/Slave sex relations in "12 Years A Slave" or Halle Berry getting banged in "Monster's Ball"), or playing a stereotypical character such as Denzel Washington in Training Day as a crooked cop.

In many ways I can understand the issues that some have with that, but I don't believe that should diminish the rising of a very bright star (Lupita) who you can look at in a number of ways depending on the way you think as a person.

She made the cover of Essence Magazine as a symbol of redefining beauty (which I posted in the previous article) and even received a letter of appreciation from a fan whose own self-image improved because of her in the spotlight.

One thing I wish the Urban community would do is aim for higher in cinema - even if you don't have the budget, NO ONE CAN TAKE AWAY QUALITY TALENT.  This is an element that is very hit and miss with the low-budget movies we make by the dozens.

Comedy is one thing, but we don't have to be known as one-dimensional in this regard.  I can name countless actors of color who all play the same type of role even within the Urban circuit of film production.

I feel like if we aimed higher with the quality of our scripting and the talent among selected cast members, it would create a platform for greater things.

I can't dismiss the fact that awards have been won for questionable roles in the Black community, but I do believe that there is a responsibility on our side as well to present ourselves with a standard to command respect.

Lupita is a growing force in Hollywood who I commend greatly for her acting skills.  It's just a shame that when a new actress makes such a great achievement it gets shuffled in with all the politics of the society we live in.

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Sidney Portier At The Oscars: What All Go-Getters Should Learn From Him

One of the biggest things that I remember learning about Sidney Portier was the fact that despite the circumstances for black people in society period (let alone in the entertainment field), Mr. Portier is a man who set a STANDARD for himself and for his identity as an actor.

He turned down a role as Othello in 1966 because of his refusal to reinforce negative stereotypes about Blacks.  He held a strict conviction to only act in roles that he felt respected.  Despite the criticism of not playing different types of characters, he felt more of an obligation to show the world that Blacks were more than just the Minstrel style characters, waiters, and maids they were always forced to play back then.

His presence at the Oscars with Angelina Jolie truly reminded me of the standards that are missing from much of our world in the Urban community.

To remember to stand for something meaningful that will live beyond your own years and set a true lesson for the decades to come.

How inspiring is it to see this man who has a SIXTY YEAR HISTORY in film as not just an actor, but a director too and to know that even in the face of adversity, he DEALT WITH IT and never drifted from what he felt in his heart was right for him.

In 2014, we need to take a page.  We really need to read the whole book.  Like, read it 80 times and take a few pop quizzes.

I salute him.  I respect him.  I truly am a fan of Mr. Portier.

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Lupita Nyong'o from "12 Years A Slave" WINS!!!

This beautiful Kenyan actress who is originally from Mexico won the Oscar for best supporting actress for her role as "Patsey" in the movie, "12 Years a Slave".

On top of the fact that I was blown away that she is MY AGE (31) earning this level of accolades, the fact that she was trained at Yale University and is not only in a top rank of acting at this point, but she's quickly becoming a fashion icon too!

That's why I am a firm believer that hard work, persistence and faith will bring you to so many places you never dreamed of going.  She landed this role out of over the 1,000 women who auditioned.  

She also spoke out at the Essence Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon just a few days ago (2.27.14) in LA on black beauty.  She told the story of how a fan wrote her a letter saying that seeing her on Essence's cover gave her a new found perspective of her own beauty.

The amount of inspiration from this beautiful woman is immeasurable.  Her spirit and poise are elements of a legend in the making.  I applaud her accomplishments and look forward to so much more from her.  

LUPITA FOR THE DAMN WIN!!!!!!

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Chris Brown Is BiPolar: Is This A Common Overlooked Issue?

Chris Brown is said to be diagnosed with Bipolar II and an untreated case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder which has been the cause for his reoccurring anger issues - this information came out in the ongoing Rihanna beating case.

One thing that concerns me is the fact that many of us in the Black community do not acknowledge that sometimes, we are just not okay (mentally).  Many people will dismiss dark emotions and say things like:

"you just need to pray" 

"there's nothing wrong with you, stop speaking that over yourself"

"all you need is to pull yourself together"

And part of these sayings are added to the fact that Black folks rarely will say they need therapy or to speak to a counselor.  Many people think that if they go along with that it's like admitting you're crazy or that something's wrong with you.  Seeking God is the best thing in my own opinion, but to dismiss someone from trying to sort out their emotions - this is the part we need to steer away from.

Sometimes, what we need is to talk to someone who doesn't have anything to lose or gain from helping you through your problems.  When we turn to people we know, we often get bad advice from our loved ones (whether they mean to or not) because they don't always speak from a clean slate.  Sometimes the background info is useful, but then sometimes it's just added baggage to make a person judge you more harshly.

In terms of Chris Breeze, it's not my place to say how valid that diagnosis is in relation to him jacking Rihanna up, but I do know that when we have past trauma and hurt, burying our emotions is usually the very reason why we can't get things right later on with our personal lives.  

We should encourage one another to step outside our comfort zones and try to acknowledge our weaknesses and skeletons.  We truly need to be more supportive of one another, LESS JUDGMENTAL, and help build each other towards success in all areas of life.

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So Apparently The Game Is Added To The "Kooch Fax" for Kim K.

How does this work exactly?  Normally when someone finds out his girl tag teamed the entire league, they don't usually have tabloid reports of becoming engaged with them around Valentine's Day.  I'm still not convinced the ring Kimmy showed off after V-Day signified anything in terms of matrimony.

But The Game allegedly has lyrics on an early demo of Ray J's infamous "I Hit it First" single where he references her store named "Dash" among other references that would link him to her and getting some "knowledge" from her on a private jet.

Alrighty roo.

Fellas, please provide some insight on this one.  If you were dating a woman only to find out that she's been with the team (in Kimmie's case, I know Kanye was acutely aware of her Kooch Fax), what do you do with that information?  If you found out about one guy is that the same as finding out she had been with more?

What are the personal guidelines men have for this type of thing?  Mind you, women can't have this same standard.  We'd never be able to date you.  (I kid...I kid...) LOL

But is it a case-by-case type of thing?  The next post, I'll have feedback on this one.

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Everybody Wants To Be Mixed...

Ahhhh...the struggle of this bullshit.

I was eavesdropping on my dad and mom's conversation and almost broke out in pure laughter because he said something that really made me feel like he's not quite in touch with today's society and the things that are happening in 2014.

He said that there are so many "pro-black" folk that always talk about "I'm black this...I'm black that" and don't even realize that they probably have so much other stuff going on in their blood stream.  He based that off of some of the findings my family has come up on with our gene pool.  My sister is researching all this family tree stuff with actual records because she's genuinely interested in piecing together a puzzle of our family roots.  She also did a DNA test to trace our roots too.

Anyway, his statement in my opinion would have been more valid in 1990-1995 possibly because the Spike Lee movement was alive and real.  Lots of inspiration from the Black Panther side of life when it came to hip-hop culture and images you saw.

But NOW?!  Naaaaaaaaaa...

I mean, I grew up hearing folk talk about how they had "indian in their family"...blah blah blah and with some folk, might have been true.  Honestly, there was a great deal of interracial (maybe not dating but) MATING back in the day that resulted in folks being a swirl of ethnicities.

My point (however) was that commercially in the hip-hop mainstream world...who is embracing blackness?  We have these light skinned versus dark skinned conversations (I know some is meant to be funny...I'm not talking about those as much as the UNDERTONE).  I had a friend of mine tell me her boyfriend doesn't talk to dark skinned women and I've seen plenty of convo in person and offline reflecting that mentality.  You see mostly fair complexioned women as the symbol of beauty in commercial settings (TV, videos, ads, celebrity girlfriends, etc.).  Most of us who have eyesight have known that one for a while.

I also remember my ex-boyfriend getting really upset when we talked about who was darker complected between my oldest daughter compared to his younger sister.  Like, he REALLY got offended at the fact that I thought my daughter was lighter than his sister.  I wasn't saying it to shade his sister but he reacted like I was.  Crazy right?!

My question is WTF is wrong with being Black?  WTF is wrong with claiming AFRICA?!  This beautiful landscape of sun warmed flesh, motherly physiques, plump lips, beautiful patterns of cloth being worn and wearing that heritage with pride and happiness?  There are so many people who will be so quick to point out another ethnicity tied to them, I'm used to hearing it now.  Nothing wrong with acknowledging your ties, but there IS a problem with Africa not being enough if it's dominant in your bloodstream.

How is it that I truly NEVER looked at a dark complected individual and thought their color made them look any better or worse?  Call me an insane heffa but I look at FEATURES, whether you have acne, crooked nose, nice groomed face, you know...irrational shit like that.  ((Rolls eyes))

Do you know how many busted ass people I've seen in ALL COLORS, heritages, walks of life, persuasions, etc?!  TONS!!!!

I wish some Black people who are brainwashed into this way of thinking would see this is a generational ignorance that was conditioned into their minds.  Please read, "Willie Lynch Letter".

If you want to joke and call somebody "Light Bright, Mellow Yellow, Hershey Kiss", all that is fun and jokes and should be fine as long as everyone is laughing.  But I'm not talking about that.  I'm talking about the ones who deliberately believe their fairness of skin makes them any better or any color difference for that matter makes a person more desirable.

All colors of the rainbow can be attractive or repulsive in my eyes.

I sincerely swear on everything I love those discriminations and hang ups about color were NOT something in my mind until probably pre-teen years when I started hearing people say little dumb crap about someone's complexion.  You could call it sheltered or naive but really, I think the same for someone who holds complexion as a standard for attractiveness.  It's crazy to me when there are so many snap dragons and Mighty Joe Youngs of ALL COLORS!!!

AFRICA IS EXOTIC TOO!  Just like a mixture of ethnicities and just like various areas of the world.  We need to start embracing the beauty of the Black race and stop being so ignorant towards one another.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Exhibit E

Exhibit F

Exhibit G

Last Exhibit

I'll rest my case.  This isn't to criticize or to complain, so for all the folks who want to say I'm just another black woman complaining, criticizing, blah, blah, blah, please get over yourselves and realize it's a very real situation about the self-perception issues our race has.  It is what it is.  I don't write to BS around the truth.

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When Your Other Half Has The Family From Hell

I know a whole lot of somebodies who have either gone through this tragedy or who must face this harsh reality on a daily basis.

Now, the more committed you are in a relationship, the more you become attached to all the details that come with the person you're with.  And part of that attachment involves the ones that mean the most to the person you're with.

BUT WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO WHEN THESE FOLK ACT LIKE RASPUTIA, MIXED WITH MADEA, MIXED WITH BRUH MAN FROM THE FIFTH FLOOR, MIXED WITH RODNEY (AKA SNOOP DOGG'S CHARACTER IN BABY BOY), MIXED WITH SWEET BROWN, MIXED WITH "WTF am I going to do w/ all these ni***s?"

Some people just become champions of the avoidance game and stay clear of dealing with them, but what if your other half gets pissed about the space you create?

I was dating a guy for a short time (four months or so), and before I grouped him in with his crazy ass family I came to a cookout they were having.  I promise on everything I love, it was like some shit out of "Don't Be A Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood".  First of all, between all his siblings, they have like 20 kids and hell no I'm not exaggerating.  So these monster midgets were around the house being kids and that was cool, until I saw that they were around all kinds of herbal essences, alcohol, talk about sex, somebody had on a movie they shouldn't be watching, and I think I saw one of the little 4 year olds parallel parking the neighborhood ice cream truck.  And the final straw was my friend's mom's angry ass boyfriend who was high off something you'd find in the auto shop yelling about everybody respecting him and his wife (that he never actually married) in his house that he pays no bills for.

Oldest sister (I can't make this shit up...well, maybe I can, but my mind isn't this ratchet, I promise) was downstairs having sex with her boyfriend and the mom decides to make a public service announcement about not going downstairs to disturb them and they would be up shortly.

So I don't know if y'all are wondering how fast I hauled ass out of there, but i'll just say my mind was stuck on the fact that this connection we had probably wasn't going to last.  Someone who had the balls to bring anyone besides Felicia from Friday into that bullshit was probably going to be about that same life after he got a little more comfortable.

But what do you do when you're already married?  It's a little easier to cut your losses when you're in the earlier stages of the love connection, but what if there's a family member who's homeless and on drugs?  Or is always getting into drama with their boyfriend/girlfriend or the police?

I feel like, the only way to compromise in a situation like this is to set CLEAR boundaries about whoever you're dealing with.  It needs to be established what your level of comfort is in the situation so all parties can agree on how to handle everything.  Situations like this can cause a great deal of conflict, but it won't go away by avoiding it.

Whoever may be in a situation like this, GOOD LUCK TO YOU because La Doodle chucked the deuces.  I was OOOOOUTTTTTTTT.  I might have stuck around with him if the apple wasn't growing from the same tree, but honestly I get gas whenever I think about it so yeah, I'm done with this story.

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Robin Thicke's Apology to Paula On Stage...Should She Take Him Back?

So, Mr. Thicke was out performing around my neck of the woods (Northern VA) to perform and dedicate his songs to his newly made ex, Paula Patton.  He appears to be pulling all the stops in an effort to win back her affection.

I don't know how sincere of an apology this is obviously (meaning, if there would be change if they worked out their marriage) but I can definitely respect the fact that he's admitting his wrong like a man.  

Do I think it takes back the VMA performance or him attending to his groupie population?  Of course not but the least he could do is let everyone know he realizes he's a jackass.

I think because in my past I dealt with people in general who would do you wrong and then get mad at you for being upset about it, I get soft on apologies easily.  Call it a personality flaw.

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