BABY FEVER IN HOLLYWOOD....

JUST A QUICK COLLAGE OF THE BABY LOVE GOING ON IN THE CELEB WORLD.  I'M NOT SURE ABOUT YAYA PULLING THE TIG' OL BITTIES OUT FOR INSTAGRAM BUT HEY, THEY'RE HERS RIGHT?!

CIARA IS ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE AS A PREGGO LADYBUG...

NORTH IS A BEAUTIFUL COLLAGE OF GOOD GENES...

AND I HOPE I LOOK THAT DAMN GOOD AT EVELYN'S AGE WHILE CARRYING A KID...



IN THE FAMILY WAY!!!! by Slidely Slideshow

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Would You Tell Your Close Friends If Your Sex Life Was on 5000?!

Some people get more descriptive than others when it comes to venting or describing the things they go through in their private relationships.  Of course, it's "politically correct" to say that you keep your private business private, but I believe that most people (MEN and WOMEN) have confidantes that could blackmail in the worst way because they have been told information that others just don't know.

So the question was presented on Facebook about whether you should tell your buddies about your significant other's sex game - because wouldn't knowledge of this make the person want to find out about them first hand?

My answer is probably so.  As much as people try to present themselves as morally sound on these social networks, I just believe there are more people who would "go there" compared to people who would not.  It's a sad thing to say because you would think that people would place more value on their meaningful relationships but in 2014, that's an endangered species in the urban community that is growing worse by the day.

I asked a male friend of mine would he tell any of his homeboys about his sex life with HIS WOMAN (not a woman he just had sex with) and he said he keeps his personal dealings to himself.  THEN he brought up a friend who had passed away back in 2006, saying that HE would have been the only person that may have been told something intimate between himself and a woman he was with because they were like brothers.

And the reality is...people have different levels of character for various things.  I would imagine some friends would just take that info and it would stay JUST THAT while other "friends" would have a host of feelings and inspiration behind that knowledge.  I definitely had a "close friend" who I'm almost 95% sure was peeping my dude at the time and the vibe she gave off had me seconds off of her remedial cranium.  She was remedial because she didn't realize how obvious her behavior was and the blow to her head would have graduated her from remedial to the vegetable section at the grocery store.

Am I violent?  I don't think so.

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THIS IS WHY SOME OF YOU DON'T GET ALONG...

A lot of you don't understand each other.  And more importantly, you don't understand that everyone has a LOVE LANGUAGE that is a part of their personality.  I believe that lots of people bump heads and have a hard time in their relationships when they're not tuned into this information about who they're with.

So, what's a LOVE LANGUAGE?

Some of you might know already and I've talked about this before, but that's the beautiful thing about having your own blog.  You can say whatever the f---, sh--, hell, damn you want!!! And say it over and over again, chop and screw that bish and scramble it up with a side of turkey bacon because red meat is too fattening.  (Smells so good tho...damn I'm hungry.)

Anywhoo...

There are FIVE LANGUAGES...

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.*

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.*
This means giving someone your undivided attention.

Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.*

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.*

Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.*

(Love language summaries courtesy of personalitycafe.com)  TAKE THE QUIZ HERE


My personal love language is physical touch and quality time.  I feel the most loved when I'm experiencing these things.  

Many of our issues with another person comes from misunderstanding where they're coming from or what they're thinking.  Sometimes they don't know how to communicate it, but if you realize what makes them feel special or important, it could go a long way in strengthening the integrity of your relationship.

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She Said She Refuses to Add to the Stereotype of Reality TV

I truly commend Laverne Cox, a new personality on the new show, "Orange is the New Black". She is very unique (first and foremost) being the first transsexual to star on a reality TV show.

But where she is leaving an interesting mark is deeper than her decision to change her gender. She made a conscious decision back when she starred on Vh1's 2008 show,  "I Want to Work for P. Diddy", to NOT participate in continuous fighting on the show.  She was informed of members on the show that allegedly said something about/against her - even to the point of her own mother questioning her about why she didn't defend herself.  She simply stands by the fact that she won't be reduced to a stereotype.

Regardless of anyone's judgment of her chosen lifestyle, I admire the fact that (1) someone that was in the position of a career come-up has set a standard for themselves and (2) that she can actually see and acknowledge the pattern of "niggadom" (yeah, I said NIGGADOM") that is the extremely non-creative formula that reality TV has for women (especially women of color).

There is NOTHING wrong with having a standard and questioning the things you don't feel right about doing or being a part of.  Even if you do have to stand up to "Poppa Diddy Pop".

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Kanye Said Kimmy's BLOW SKILLS Certified Her As Wife Material

I think it's the big one Elizabeth.  And if you don't know that reference, I'm judging your whole life.

Kanye flows about the first time he realized Kim could be his future wife -- saying, "I impregnated your mouth, girl, oooh ... that's when I knew you could be my spouse, girl."

I'm sure her combo of A-lister, paparazzi, fashionista, everybody is tuning into this girl appeal had something to do with her being wifey material as well but DAMNNNNNNNN 'Ye!  This is where we are in 2014 where the hubbys to be can't even keep it classy about their own women?

The evolution of where we have come is so crazy to me.  Love songs.  Actual love songs used to be sang where the woman had value beyond her head game.  Now it's just...

I don't even know what the hell it is.  I'm trying to take it all in and still have faith in society where there can still be some level of decorum or class.  Even if it is about a woman whose claim to fame came from a sex tape.

How is it that Kanye touches me in certain philosophical ways at times where he's truly in touch with how jacked up society is, but then he jumps right into the circus he's complained about?

Am I being too sensitive right now?  I know, I'm just beating a buried horse.  That damn horse was dead a long time ago.  My bad you guys.

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MEN! Would You Propose Again if you were Turned Down?!

I'm basing this question off of the rumors about Nicole Scherzinger being proposed to 3 whole times by Formula One racer Lewis Hamilton.

Supposedly, she finally said YES after reconciling from a year long break up.

Personally I believe, if a man truly has identified the woman he wants to marry, he would be very persistent about proving that love to her.

Nowadays (though), people (men and women) have so many ego issues that I'm wondering if anything like 3 proposals would ever happen with my fellow black folks.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK THOUGH.  WOULD YOU BE PERSISTENT IF SHE WAS HESITANT TO SAY YES???

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What Men REALLY THINK About An Assertive, Strong Woman (ALPHA WOMAN)

I asked various gentleman about how they felt when it came to stronger women who can be controlling, assertive, and head strong.  I even asked about the women who come across as more of a "homeboy".  I felt the need to clarify the mentalities of men when it comes to what they truly want in a woman.  And obviously I know all men are different, but I believe it's safe to say they gravitate more towards a woman who can balance herself.


QUOTES OF MALES WHO WERE ASKED HOW THEY FELT ABOUT THIS TYPE OF WOMAN:

"I don't have a problem with strong women! But those in particular blow me! Reason being they have tunnel vision. Im about partnership and acknowledging that a woman is just as strong or stronger in many areas. I understand I need that queen! Being raised by a mom who was single and has major respect for herself. Yet, I also know that those women in particular have been burnt by a sexist society and a lack of "man" in their life who showed them love genuinely.  I get the independence, but in the end I like women who know who they are yet understand they need me as I need them.... I went in...I know!"  

"It doesn't bother me, but it's not what I like. It's not how I coexist with someone I'm interested in.

And a controlling woman does bother me."

"My ex was controlling. She always thought her way was the right way and if it wasn't to her liking, it was a problem.  Just about any time, it didn't matter.  Sometimes she tried to control her abrasiveness, but at her convenience."

"It depends though.  You gotta have the right mix and match. If you as a man aren't strong enough to lead a woman because she has that abrasive, whatever type of mentality, then she probably isn't for you. Like, I can't be a bum...lazy...no ambition ass dude and expect to lead or take care of someone like that."

"To me personally, I wouldn't go for it unless they had something more to offer."

"In some cases and situations, I can see them as the perfect mate because I tend to be more relaxed with them."

"When she comes off as that Type A, aggressive and abrasive woman, when a female doesn't show that softer and intimate side and a guy isn't able to see that, he usually sees just wanting to hang, but nothing permanent."


"I don't take a woman seriously who tries to show me she's like one of the guys.  That's what my homies are for.  My woman is for being just that, a WOMAN."

"Women like that can be very cold, which isn't the type of woman I'd be comfortable with opening up to.  Hurt people hurt people."

"That hard personality where I can't see your vulnerability is where I have the biggest problem. Women like this are famous for fronting about what they really feel until she's about to explode."

"There's nothing wrong with be assertive and confident, but masculine traits doesn't rest well in femininity."

"The need for control doesn't translate to love. It's an insecurity and a defense mechanism from preventing hurt."

"You can't be open, transparent and vulnerable being controlling."

"The "Alpha Female" concept works well outside God's ways."

"Women like this do a lot of talking down on a man."

"They have a challenging ear instead of a receptive ear, and it presents unnecessary problems."


I believe there are many women who don't come across genuine (I always talk about men with the genuine factor) and it hurts them in the long run.  I stress being true to yourself when dealing with anyone because that is the side that will truly connect to someone who may be just as scared as you to let go and possibly love.

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JLo Said, "Why Can't The MEN be Naked This Time"?!

So, is it really fair to say that women are the only ones who should be shown as a sex object? In JLo's newest video, "I Luh Ya Papi", she gives a very playful way of reversing roles and showing the men as the objects of desire - barely dressed, and being on display for the women to speculate and react to.

Women have been sex objects for well over 2 decades in music videos and have went through an evolution of being the girl to party with to the girl who's proud of using her curves to pay her bills, to rappers living the lifestyle with groups of women who will do anything sexually to and for him.  Now, I'm not talking about how music artists used to sing about love because that's another topic.  I'm simply speaking about the women who have been objectified in videos over the years and their roles.

CHECK OUT THE VIDEO:


Some NON-URBAN publications have commented wondering about JLo's purpose with the video:

What’s weird is that during the verse contributed by rapper French Montana, all the tropes Lopez set out to mock come right back. The part where he stands there (fully dressed, unlike the speedo dudes) while Lopez struts around him in short shorts is one thing; it’s her video, she’s choosing what to wear, she’s supporting the featured artist on her track, and presumably she wants to look sexy — so that’s how she does it. It’s a little bit of a strange choice considering the video’s theme, but, sure.  - TIME.COM

People could argue that Lopez is trying to prove their point by showing just how ridiculous the scene is, no matter who is prancing and who is drooling. But is it a point that needs proving?

And just who is Jennifer Lopez to pick up the torch and run with it? Her brand of celebrity is based just as much, if not more, on looks than talent.  - NJ.COM (True Jersey)

In a way, I feel that this video does a lot to show that some people are aware of how mainstream this style has become.  In urban music especially, (because I'm definitely not saying it's all on the urban side) rappers are always singing about the easy woman who he can have his way with.  It used to be more about a variety of things - his girl and maybe his life with her, someone he was interested in, the girls he partied with or slept with, but NOW...it's mostly about the woman being an object he can stick and move with.

My biggest issue would be the lack of variety.  Our mainstream is ONLY THIS.  There's no true variation with the male artists.  You have most men at this point making women no more than body counts which reflects quite a bit on our actual statistics of baby daddies to husbands ratio within our community.  I'm not saying music should be responsible for instilling values, but many people are influenced easily by it because a lot of parents aren't stepping up to direct them.  And I just believe that.

BUT!  LET'S LOOK AT ANOTHER SIDE TO THIS, BECAUSE I FEEL THIS VIDEO DOWN HERE TOO.  SHOUT OUT TO BUZZFEED - this thing had me ROLLIN'!!!!

 

I do feel in some ways, it's hard to reverse the roles of men and women completely when it comes to these things but like I said before, I wouldn't speak on it so hard if it wasn't for the music imitating so much REAL LIFE out here.  It's more than just a song for entertainment.  Women in the urban community are often good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to love.  Just knowing that alone makes me back up JLo's efforts - even though I do agree coming from her, it's going to be taken with a grain of salt.

MOMENT OF HONESTY:  I honestly believe men just don't give a sh*t about any of this though and it's just life.  (random relevant thought)

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Oh LAWD...Drake and RiRi are Official Now?! (Where's Sweet Brown At)

TMZ is reporting that the delicate one (Mr. Aubrey) and Ms. Unapologetic are now making things official.  They have gone from the dating phase to actually working on a committed relationship. Sources close to both of them are saying that Rihanna and Drake have been growing closer and closer (she has spent every night with him while Drake has been touring in Europe).

RiRi is said to have mentioned that Drake has treated her the best of anyone she has been with. I defnitely don't think that should be any basis for choosing a mate but who the hell am I?!

I do believe sometimes these things just "happen" though.  If they make each other happy though, WHY NOT?!  Eff what the public thinks.  There will be just as many naysayers as people cheering them on.

I would have loved to be a fly on the wall of Chris Brown's room to take in his reaction.  But hey, maybe he doesn't give a damn.  (He cares, they all do.)

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WHY MEN CHEAT ON LOYAL WOMEN: An Article

(WHEW! He wrote a lot, but tell me what you think about what he said if your ADD doesn't kill you first)

By cheating on a good woman, it makes a weak minded male feel he has POWER over her. It makes him feel he is worth more than her. A male knows if he cheats on a loyal woman, she will care about him more. Yes, initially she will be shocked a man has the audacity to cheat on her, especially with an UGLY woman. No, not merely “physically” ugly, no. The word UGLY describes the particular amount of compassion, sweetness and being genuine and nurturing the woman he cheats with lacks.

A woman whose loyalty is taken for granted will question herself like:
“what is wrong with me?
Am I not I’m pretty enough?
Is my ass not curvy and fat enough for him?
Is my stomach not slim enough for him?
Is it because I won’t let him bring another girl in the bedroom with us?
Is it my smart mouth?
Is it that I’m always “over emotional” like he complains?
What aren’t I doing right?
Should I do more?”

Then she will try to stay with him to PROVE to him she is better than the girl he cheated on her with. To prove to herself she can fight for love and can help him by help changing a bad boy into a good man, fooling herself. This is reverse psychology. A weak minded male just got a Good Woman to mentally submit herself to a mentally immature man, purely by cheating on her. Males use cheating to TRICK a good woman into SETTLING for him. But this mind game many males play cannot and will not work on a Loyal woman who knows her WORTH.

I learned as Men, we must realize that ONE woman who holds us down and stays by our side, after we cheat on her, lie to her, hurt her, use her and disrespect her over & over & over, she is NOT loyal. She is WEAK. She is poisonous. She will hold back your growth as a Man. Don’t be fooled & think a girl telling you what you want to hear is loyalty.

As a mentally mature Man, we need a Woman who will be genuine with us at all times, even if that means she speaks her mind to the point her words pierce us and her tone appears to be “smart mouthed”. In really she’s not being “smart mouthed’ she’s being a Queen mentality strong enough to verbally ascend to her thrown.

a Loyal, Strong Minded Woman will speak her mind, regardless of what anyone thinks. Tell us the TRUTH. Tell us when we are WRONG. A Loyal woman will not allow us to hurt her multiple times & still accept us. That is NOT loyalty. Not at all. That is Pacifying. Babying. Appeasing.

A Loyal Woman will be loyal to your MANHOOD, not loyal to your EGO. A Loyal Woman will tell us the TRUTH, even if that means she might LOSE us. A Loyal Woman will tell us when our shitstinks, even if it makes us mad. A mentally mature man does not want a YES woman. Trust me. We don’t want a girl who will LET us hurt you and abuse you over & over & still accept us back, simply because you keep being told through Instagram Memes that real love must be suffered through and fought for. If she still stays with us after we prove to her time and time again that we genuinely aren’t strong enough as a man to keep her consistently happy in a relationship, it means she doesn’t really care about us as a man. She only cares about how we make her feel sexually. She is dickdizzy.

When a Woman truly LOVES a man, she loves him at his BEST, not settling for his worst. She wants us to BE the MAN who we were destined to be by the Holy Spirit. A man who can speak life into a woman, erase her insecurities, and shower her with loyalty and consistence. A loyal woman will tell her man to get his lazy ass up, get a job & pursue his dreams. A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to live off her. A Loyal Woman will not baby a man by working a job herself, while he sits his lazy ass in her house all day, playing XBOX and eating Lucky Charms and Pop Tarts raw.

A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to talk down to her & disrespect her like she’s any girl, because she knows a mentally mature man DESERVES a Strong Minded Woman. A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to refer to her as a Bitch, Bad Bitch, Boss Bitch, My Bitch, Wifey Bitch, because she knows we deserve a Queen who has integrity.

A Loyal Woman will not allow a male to FORCE her to get an abortion, or let him off the hook for abandoning her after getting her pregnant, because she knows we DESERVE to be a Father, not a Baby Daddy. A Loyal Woman will not tell a man what he wants to hear, she will feed him wisdom he NEEDS to hear and not be scared to do to it, because she is Loyal to his inner king, which is his spirit. A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to cheat on her over & over, leave her, then come crawling his cheating ass back after he had sex with every girl in the neighborhood, 11 of his followers on twitter, every girl who liked the pick of his “are you DTF or nah?” meme on his Instagram page. No, because she knows her worth.

Just as I speak to you women today, I speak life into young men as well, and I tell them to carry themselves as a KING, to hold their head high and never settle for a WEAK woman, when he deserves a Strong Queen like you young women. Yes, a WEAK Woman may always tell a man that he is right, yes she will let him use her, yes she will give him her money to pay his phone bill that is in his mother’s name, and she will give him her money without him even having to ask, but; she can never make him a better man and she can never love him like, a loyal woman can.

I made a huge mistake committing myself to a weak minded woman before, and that woman was my ex. Last year after I broke up with her, she asked me if I ever cheated on her, as she always suspected. I told her the truth and confessed, “I have never cheated on you or any woman, and I have never been unfaithful in any relationship.”

After my confession, all she could say was, “wow”, because it is commonly assumed all men cheat, yet this is completely false. I could agree all males cheat, at some point in their life, but a “Man” not a “male” but a man knows if he cheats, he would be not only cheating on a good woman, he would be cheating himself out of allowing a loyal woman to help mold him into a king.

Many people argue men cheat, because his woman will not do what his women on the side will, but he would never even consider the option of having women on the side if he deserved her in the first place. Some men are genuinely not ready for a relationship. To force one with him is only creating a relationship death wish. The idea that men are incapable of being monogamous is false.

I enjoy going on dates, flirting, courting and enjoy my single life, but in the back of my mind, I’m looking for a WIFE. I have ZERO interest in having side HOES or “fans”. I don’t need to have sex with every beautiful woman I meet to prove how much of a “man” I am. My loyalty, monogamy, spirituality & mental maturity proves that.

Each woman I meet, I’m looking to see if she is Wife Material. Because I know I am Husband material. My mother raised a future husband, not a hoe. I choose to be celibate while single, because my mother raised me to be a father and not a baby daddy. I live my life this way as proof that loyal men do indeed exist.

I have to admit, I am extremely picky and I know what a want in a woman. I want a woman who is as strong minded as me. I must admit I love a woman with a smart mouth who will speak her mind, yet knows that my masculinity and romantic aggression will always demand her respect, so she never verbally disrespects me. I love a woman who is spiritual. I love a woman who loves to shop & dress her ass of. It makes me want to spoil her with new heels every payday to keep her shoe game on point.

I enjoy the single life, but I have to admit, I miss having a girlfriend to SPOIL. To show off. To take shopping to the mall before our dinner date. Waiting an hour outside her house knowing she’s getting her hair right, eye lashes long, eye brows perfect, make-up on point just for me. I miss buying those Mani/Pedi gift cards that come in the cute lil box & surprising her with it to make sure my woman’s feet & nails stay on point.

I miss taking the SAME LOYAL WOMAN out every weekend, on spontaneous dates to the gun range, laser tag, in door bungee jumping, rock climbing, wine tasting, on a tropical cruise, snorkeling with dolphins or just to the beach for a walk on the sand after a I cook her lunch, fried chicken, bbq wings, potato salad, pesto pasta, fresh lemonade & peach cobbler I made just for us.

I miss having the SAME LOYAL WOMAN to cook for every day, to have in the kitchen teaching her to cook, then putting an ice cube down her back & laughing, play food fighting, then chasing her around my house
searching for her all around, only to find her laying in my bed, ready for me to trEAT her like food.

I miss making love to the SAME LOYAL WOMAN, texting the SAME GIRL all day, & never getting tired of hitting her with my hilarious vulgar humor and deep intellectual conversation. Being hilarious, making her laugh her ass off to the point her stomach hurts from how much I am making her laugh. I miss hearing the SAME VOICE every night before I go to sleep, hearing her cheese at the sound of my DEEP voice. I miss being a provider for the SAME LOYAL WOMAN, being her rock, someone she can tell all her problems to, vent to and then give her some sound advice, speaking life into my woman to make her feel better.

I miss giving those full body deep tissue massages after her long day. I miss having that ONE I can bring around my moms & sisters, to family events, so everyone knows she’s mine. I miss having that ONE to pray with, to cuddle up & read the bible with. I enjoy being Single, but honestly, I’d be willing to be loyal in a relationship if I found the ONE worth committing to. This is how mentally mature men feel. Yes all males may cheat, but a mentally mature man knows nothing can sharpen his iron and no one can mold him into a king other than a loyal woman.”

After I finished speaking, the young women really humbled me, as so many of them personally thanked me for writing “Why the hell am I still dating Black Women.” I never intended that piece to become an article. I was just venting off an extremely disgusting experience I had at a barbershop.

I want all my young kings to know they deserve a loyal woman, not a fast girl. We as men need to do much better. Lets be the men we want our sisters to marry, the men we want our daughters one day to be wifed by. Being a good man really is not that hard young kings.

All a Loyal Woman really wants from us as a man is us our attention. That’s all. And that’s not asking a lot at all. Don’t make her feel crazy for wanting us to give her consistency. Don’t have her second guessing if it’s too early to for her to expect us to be loyal, caring and faithful to her. It’s not. Not at all.

If we like her, if we want to spend time with her in any way, she DESERVES our undivided attention. Not half of our attention on her, and half on every other girl on these social networks. My sister said a man doesn’t deserve her time if we are not willing to give her our consistent attention. You may think that is a lot to ask but remember, in order to posses a treasure, one must in return give up what the treasure is WORTH. Loyalty.

By: Ebrahim Aseem

IG: @Fuel4TheBODY
Twitter: @EbrahimAseem

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I am an author, and I do Public Speaking events in the San Francsico Bay Area.

For Public Speaking inquiries & booking, contact me AEAseem@gmail.com

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