I NEED A CHEERLEADER…NOT A “YES” MAN.

The people who you should keep around are the ones who are your cheerleaders even if they don't always agree with the team you're on. 

BUT...there is a difference between having people in your circle that are "yes men" and people that support what you do.  So errrr---ummm--- let's break down the difference.

If you have a true friend, they will be a voice of reason when you are too far in your emotions to think rationally about a situation.  They don't tell you what you want to hear for the sake of keeping you satisfied.  They side with truth and their beliefs according to what is best for you.  Now, some people don't have a clue what's really best for you, but that's when they keep it real with you and acknowledge that.  The "know-it-all" folks can be just as bad as the ones with agendas.  Many times they are one and the same.


Speaking of agendas...a friend who is supportive will not put their own wants before giving you advice that is best for you. We all know people who operate like that where the solution they give you magically becomes something they will be happy with too.  I don't care how long you've known the person or if they are a family member...it doesn't matter.  If someone constantly gives you advice that resembles what they want you to do rather than what you should be doing, you need to call them out on it.

I know I have had to check myself when it came to the way I would deal with another person.  I have been a "yes man" sometimes.  Mainly because of wanting to be supportive and someone that others felt like they could really talk to.  But I know I would want my circle to be real with me, so if I can't do the same...I deserve a crowd of "yes men" around me.


I emphasize the point of this because there are many miserable-minded people in the world who may care for you but they operate by trying to manipulate situations and people close to them.  There are also people in the world who could give a damn about your issues so it's easy to give you a half-hearted response when you're looking for advice or a voice of reason. 


More than all that though...what you surround yourself with will start to become the tone of your mindset.  I promise you - as many people that believe they know right from wrong...if you stick around enough pessimistic people, enough hypocrites, liars, thieves, or any of the like...YOU GROW LESS SENSITIVE TO THAT BEHAVIOR.   And yes...you will probably begin to mirror it.

Cheerleaders give you a mental boost and encourage you to stay on your toes where you are constantly evolving.  They are not threatened by your moves.  If anything your moves inspire them to get moving as well.  We all need them because without them we can find ourselves depressed or without motivation.  

Alright, I think I've made my point...I'll shut up for now.

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WHAT’S YOUR PRIORITY SINGLE LADY??? (PART ONE)

I'VE BEEN AWAY FOR A WHILE...BUT NOW I'M BACK MORE LONG-WINDED THAN EVER!!! (HEE-HEE-HA-HA)

Dear Single Woman,

It's cute to say you're "grinding"...it's really admirable to yip yap about the fact that you're doing "you" (whatever that is), when all you're really doing in your mind is trying to carry the 1 and push the equals sign on the calculator about who will sweep you off your feet and marry you.

MY DIARY ENTRY: I WAS DEFINITELY THAT CHICK. CIRCA 2009, I WAS PROPOSED TO AS I WAS ACTUALLY TRYING TO BREAK UP WITH MY EX-BOYFRIEND. I FORCED THE MOMENT BECAUSE I FINALLY HEARD THOSE WORDS UTTERED I HAD WAITED A LIFETIME FOR. BUT THE PERSON I WAS WITH PROPOSED ON ONE HELL OF A WHELM. NO RING. NO PLANNED APPROACH TO MAKE IT EVEN REMOTELY ROMANTIC. HE JUST GOT ON HIS KNEES AS ONE LAST ATTEMPT TO SHUT ME UP ABOUT HOW AWFUL OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS. AND I SAID YES. AND WHY? BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I HAD PAID MY DUES.

Most of us...either mid/late 20's...30's...and 40's women at some point begin to evaluate our personal lives, and if we're still unwed, we definitely start having those talks with our closest confidants about the pursuit of Mr. Right.

Problem is, MANY OF US DO NOT KNOW WHAT WE WANT OUT OF A HUBBY!!! Yeah, we claim that we want an honest, respectful, romantic man that has financial stability. But let me tell you what happens in the middle of that sentence before we finish the rest of that ball-faced lie...

WE CONTINUE TO INVEST UNDESERVED TIME TOWARD ALL THE MR. WRONGS BECAUSE WE'RE TOO AFRAID TO SIT THE HELL DOWN FOR A HOT SECOND, CHILL AND WAIT FOR MR. RIGHT THAT IS OUT THERE TO COME GET US.

How many of yall ladybugs out there KNOOOOOOOW deep down that you have a complete LAME, LOSER, LOW-LIFE on speed-dial and need to house down a whole bottle of Moscato (or if you have a powerful stomach...some Captain Morgan - I don't drink anymore BTW...) just so you can entertain him and forget about how pathetic the situation is?

And after that episode ends...you're either repentin' to Jesus or feeling emptier than before you saw him because you know that this isn't in agreement with your conscience.

This is what I KNOW ladybugs. When you develop a true purpose and strive to better your life and focus on the contribution you want to make in the world, in the lives of the people you love, and frankly, find something to do with yourself --- HE WILL COME AND FIND YOU!!!!

On top of that, your surroundings will change for the better. When you have more focus and purpose in your life, you notice that more trivial things that could take up time in your life get pushed further and further to the BACK of your mind. It's called developing standards for your life.

One beautiful thing about being single is that you have time to think independently with fewer emotional distractions. Take that time to KNOW YOURSELF and LOVE YOURSELF and TAKE PRIDE IN WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT. Trust me. He'll come once you stop trippin' about it.

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LETTER TO LIL WAYNE FROM A CHILD

You know, it's one thing to hear a bunch of adults talk about an artist like Lil' Wayne and the fact that many of his lyrics are degrading - especially to women. But But BUT...there is so much to be said about A LITTLE GIRL who sings a song to plead to the very popular and commercialized artist to end his pattern of lyrics that paint a very hurtful and negative picture of women.

This is called, "Letter to Lil' Wayne". You know the guy, about 4 feet negative 5 inches (because we all know in order to be on rock star status you can't be above 5'8....think about it) dude with the dreads. Okay i'll stop...I know that was mean and I should be ashamed. Please watch the video...

(Watoto From The Nile are a group of young Afrikan sisters that create inspiration music for the youth of urban communities.)

Why is it that a 10 year old can see this but so many grown ups or people who happen to be over the age of 18 cannot? I do understand the idea of relating to an artist. I do understand the idea of party music. I do understand that some music just isn't for kids, but when Lil' Wayne has developed ICON popularity...can be argued as being one of the best rappers of all time (I still dry heave at the notion) and when his songs are one of the first to represent the urban community on a global level...

WE HAVE A DAMN PROBLEM. YEAH WE DO.

PS: Thanks to Bomani Ar'mah for bringing this video up on his BlogTalkRadio show. Check him out at www.notarapper.com.

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WHO HAS A SHADY CIRCLE???

 We all have heard the saying, "Watch the company you keep".  The problem is that many of us have heard it, but haven't LIVED it.  We often allow things like availability, location and boredom to help us figure out who we keep around.  The problem is our judgment system (or lack thereof) often gets us into trouble.

If you ever want to know where you are headed and what direction your life is going, it is a VITAL thing to check out who you are spending time with.  When I say spending time, I mean in conversation, in face to face time, and overall interaction.  If the majority of the people you connect with are constantly in negative situations, always blaming other people for things, have sneaky behaviors, have stolen from you, lied to you (do I really need to add to this list?) then it is time to re-construct your circle.

Many of us know when something doesn't feel right, but we fail to pay attention to our instincts.  And WHY IS THAT?  Why do many of us spend sooooo much time trying to convince others how much crap we won't take off of someone, but when it comes to actually incorporating that into our real life, we turn into Spongebob talking to Mr. Crabs?

There is an alarm in ALL OF US that goes off when we're dealing with someone who is not good for us.  And if there is no alarm, it is either because you have gravitated towards the right people or maybe the bad influence is really you (just saying).

Ladies, how many of you have a friend right now that you need Red Bull and iron pills just to talk to them because that's how much life they sucked out of you after they share their latest soap opera marathon?  I mean, there's nothing wrong with being there for your friends, but if the sum of their conversation usually involves someone potentially getting scraped up off the ground from a powerful a** kicking, YOU NEED TO RE-EVALUATE YOUR LEVEL OF INTERACTION WITH THAT PERSON.

I had a friend a few years ago who was staying over my house for a few weeks until she moved into her own place.  My boyfriend at the time was about to come over and I let her know that.  This girl proceeds to grab a can of air freshener and sprays it down the hall and straight into her own bedroom before he got there.  I was like (pause....looks around).  Now hell, maybe she just wanted to come across as being clean and fresh, but it is quite a suspect thing to observe when you know they have slept with a married man before.

The point is, you have to be aware of your conscience.  There are so many people who allow their insecurities, fears, inner demons, and other negative things influence them in relationships.  If you have people around you (even family members) who you can't be inspired by and grow from....THEY ARE MEANT TO BE LOVED FROM A DISTANCE.  <~~~~ I can't stress that enough kids.  DO NOT allow someone to hinder your evolution because they are afraid to grow themselves.

Be there for them....LOVE THEM...but love yourself enough to control who you exchange energy with.  Period.

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