THIS is Why You Cheated.

I'm tired of people cheating in relationships when they put themselves in a situation to cheat in the first damn place.  

Oh, you probably don't understand what I mean.  

What I'm saying is....some people are greedy and want to "dip and dab" with anyone who is easy on the eyes.  There's no changing those selfish bastards. BUT...some people link up with a person who they know damn well they only feel LUKE WARM about and then cop an attitude because they feel "blah" about the person.  Then someone else comes around that does one of these to your underroos: 

and then you find yourself into a marriage and/or living situation with this person you feel like slapping with a brick because they weren't the one for you -- and you knew it all along.  

One thing I know is that most of us don't want to be alone.  Even the ones who are single know deep down they would rather have someone to come home to but would rather protect their egos and save face about what they really feel.  I know that isn't everyone, but I hated it personally. 

You cannot force yourself to feel things for someone that don't come natural in terms of attraction.  It’s either there or it’s not.  I will say that I have dated a few people that I “liked” but I really wasn't doing any mental or emotional backflips for them.  Even one guy I dated that fit my personal prototype of a "good catch" (basketball player physique, gorgeous face, independent)  didn't give me butterflies at the end of the day.  I just didn't "connect" with him.  And sometimes we connect with someone, but they were only meant to be a friend.  


I can honestly say that one guy I dated for about 6 months was a perfect example of this.  He pursued me nonstop and although I showed interest for a short period of time, when I realized he wasn't my type, I tried to decrease communication and the guy wasn't having it.  He attempted to pursue me harder until I gave in.  For a split second, I admired his persistence and gave him a chance.  But you can't date a person out of obligation or pity, or compensation for loneliness.  At the end of the day, it won't work out because your real feelings (or lack thereof) will tell on itself.  


And what if I married him?  There are PLENTY of people who marry the "maybe men" and women.  


IF YOU GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP TRYING TO BE WITH SOMEONE FOR ANY OTHER REASON THAN YOU HONESTLY WANTING TO BE WITH THAT PERSON AND BUILD WITH THEM...THE RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED FROM THE START.  


You CANNOT hold together a relationship because you had children together, or you can't find someone better, or the sex is good, or you want to fit in with your married friends, or any other asinine excuse.  It has to come from a genuine place.  


None of us are perfect, we usually mess this relationship thing up once or twice, or maybe many times.  BUT, understanding that a true connection is needed and understanding that you NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT IN A MATE is of essential importance so you can let your mate (or potential mate) know what makes you happy.  


Don't cheat on Mr. or Ms. Lukewarm when you could've been with that person that makes your heart do the Love Olympics.  (I'm corny I know...whatever, you get my point).

Read more »

THIS IS THE PERSON YOU SHOULD NEVER GET ADVICE FROM

You should always consider the source when you take advice from someone.  Many times (especially within the lady population) we will vent to our girlfriends about our lives and try to make ourselves feel better about a situation - after all, it is healthy to vent rather than holding in emotions.  I don't believe the story ever ends well for a person that doesn't ever express their emotions.  BUT, the problem is when we vent to certain people, we often end up with advice that puts us in a really unhealthy frame of mind.  And why is that?  It's because emotions are there and it does not allow advice to be given from an OBJECTIVE and clean slate.

Take Kim and Nancy for example.  Kim is going through problems with her boyfriend.  Nancy is unhappily single and really upset that she never gets to hang out with Kim because  Kim is usually with her man.  Nancy's bitterness (that she will never admit to having) will cause her to give Kim the advice from hell and basically tell her f*ck her boyfriend for doing anything besides being perfect.  Now, if Nancy was being a good friend, she would try her hardest to remove her own personal feelings out of the equation to say what is best for her friend but unfortunately, there are TONS of people out there who would look out for their own interests.  Or, they are ignorant of what the "right thing to do" really is because they can't even get their own personal lives together.

Which reminds me, if you are getting advice from a person whose love life is more screwed up than you, you might want to rethink your judgment and put down that 4th bottle of Corona.  

Misery definitely loves company and even though it may not be Nancy's intention to make Kim unhappy, she will definitely serve her own agenda if it means she can count on Kim to be more available for "girlfriend" time she wasn't getting before.

It doesn't matter if this person knows you more than anyone or if they are family...or "family".  Sometimes these are the very people who don't want you to "do better" because they have a void within themselves.  I'm not saying that you should say eff their face and write them off, but you should definitely find a "Plan B" when you're in a venting mood.

You have to remember that when you kiss and make up with your better half, the audience you had for your venting party will still have the vaseline and boxing gloves with Michael Buffer on speed dial to announce the fighting match with his signature million dollar voice.

Bitter friends are still your friends, but they are NEVER the ones to get advice from.  NEVER EVER. Unless you want to proudly earn your Bitter Birdie membership trophy.

Harsh I know, but true.

Read more »

Pointers for Dealing w/ an A**hole

When you are in a situation where you are directly addressing an a**hole, there are many things you can do that will immediately place you on their level.

I REPEAT...

When you are in a situation where you are directly addressing an a**hole, there are many things you can do that will immediately place you on their level.

"Knuckle Sandwich Approach"

Alright kids, now I understand that watching the infamous buffet of designer label hoodrats (aka Basketball Wives) may subliminally influence you to stir up a blackeye salad.  Understand that even taking your mind there is bad for your overall mood and mindset.  This will automatically raise your blood pressure and I'm tired of seeing pharmacies in bedrooms from people that needed a nice dosage of woo-sah in their diet.  Seriously.  

"Yes, I'm Judging You" Face

I have a best friend that is worse at this whole situation than I am - which is pretty bad because there are many people like us that can't do the Poker Face hustle.  It just won't work.  HOWEVER, you are automatically making the exchange more long and drawn out by responding this way.  If you want to keep the convo with the a**hole short and sweet, just chill and focus on ending the encounter rather than escalating it to the "Knuckle Sandwich Approach".

"F You and Your S---" Approach

Um...yeah so the whole vandalism thing.  I would HIGHLY suggest going to the dollar store and buying about 5-10 dollars worth of cheap glasses and dishes and go to town breaking them in an abandoned parking lot with a loved one.  A punching bag would be the next best thing.  Be sure to adhere to the littering and loitering notices at said park and/or parking lot.  We have to be strategic about our tantrums folks.  Let's not be sloppy and get hit w/ an expensive citation.

"You're Going to Go Deaf When I'm Done w/ You" Approach

We all know the whole expression, "Don't argue with a fool because they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience" - meaning, you will kick yourself after the fact for wasting your time and precious oxygen.  Pay close attention to the person you decide to blackout (aka - yell uncontrollably) with.  If they are calm and collected while you're doing sign language for kickboxers, you might want to tune into your inner yoga and pretzel your legs along with your tongue.  You will always make a stronger point delivering it in a calm fashion.

The most important thing to remember when dealing with an a**hole is that you can easily frustrate your whole day, week, month (you get the picture) by giving them too much of your mental space.  You have to pick and choose your battles wisely and decide if it's really worth the migrane, hangover, or any other result of your stress.  It really does take two to argue, fight, and tango.  Having the last "word" should only be important when you're a kid.  Seriously.

Read more »