Paula Patton Says She's Not Ready To Take Him Back

At this point, everyone knows about Robin Thicke and his public pleas to wife, Paula Patton about taking him back after they separated.  Robin Thicke has been under fire for many public displays where he touched other women inappropriately and embarrassing his wife in the process.

Many have debated whether this was a publicity stunt, but I would imagine that it's hard enough to think straight when something like being betrayed shakes you up emotionally.  Then having to deal with millions of spectators and their opinions about what you should/shouldn't do.

The level of thick skin that needs to exist for relationships in the public eye is REAL, and while there are some couples who are rumored to be in open relationships, there are just as many duos who speak on traditional values and their exclusivity.

I wish them the best and hope that somehow they can find their way back into a trusting bond. They have so much history along with a beautiful child and it would be a shame for it to be thrown away because he was being selfish and caught up within his career.

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Fellas! Is She A Burden On Your Wallet?!

I was involved in a discussion where the men and women were debating an online article that encouraged women to start asking guys out on dates more because there are tons of men who are on the quieter side who may be interested, but not as confident to make the first step.

So the whole debate thread starts jumping (Shoutout to Sonya Lowry and her show World Next Door TV for inspiring this post), and a gentleman brings up the topic of how men are expected to do so much in the courtship phase when it comes to initiation, as well as money.  This really bothered me because as a woman, I know some BROKE ASSES that have no problem keeping a woman's interest because there's something about that guy that draws them in.  This isn't to say that a man shouldn't be stable (or working towards stability), but I believe that a lot of men think the wrong way when it comes to this expectation.

OF COURSE there will be women who are wallet shopping.  Just like there are men who are only shopping for the juiciest Kit Kat, or the brag-worthy arm piece.

BUT THIS IS A SITUATION THAT SHOULD HAVE BALANCE.  Nobody should have to feel like they're breaking the bank to get to know someone and there are plenty of women who you can entertain by doing wallet-friendly things.

FOR EXAMPLE...

Why the heck can't we have a picnic?!  Depending on where you live, you might be able to pull this off year-round, but even if weather is an issue, we could still go somewhere with nice scenery and enjoy our surroundings.  A picnic requires minimal funding if you set it up ahead of time. No, you are not soft for setting up a picnic, you are soft for trying to purchase lobster tails knowing your Rush Card's only good for some hot dogs and a Big Gulp from 7-11 .


STARBUCKS For the WIN!!!  You can kiss my round rump cushion for saying I'm biased about this one.  For the people who know me, they already know this move is more strategic to spark my interest than many other fancier things.  Coffee is a minimal cost situation and a safe haven for great conversation and possibly the beginning of a great connection.


Go to a museum.  Why not?  First of all, it might give you something to talk about - whether you are knowledgeable about certain types of art or if you just have eyes and a possible opinion about what you're looking at - it's an opportunity to connect with someone who will probably appreciate your creative decision to go somewhere that isn't so cliche' on the first date.


Go to a festival.  There are ALWAYS things happening depending on the time of year.  All you have to do is check out a few websites (Google is your FRIEND) and if you're not too lazy, take her there!  They are usually free events that have a number of things you can do - including sparking conversation to CONNECT!


Check out the Open Mic/Poetry scene in your area.  This is an awesome way to open the forum for convo or discussion about topics you both may be interested in.  The cover charge is almost always minimal or non-existent.  If you appreciate this craft, why not share it with a potential mate?


Invite her to something that you already do!  This might be a great way to open her up to your world.

The key is to be real with yourself and real with her.  Don't go wine tasting if you don't give a damn about different wines.  Don't take her salsa dancing if you really don't want to do that. That's not to say don't be open-minded, but there is compromise in all of this!

I find that there are many men who feel uneasy about putting out money in pursuit of a woman, but don't tap into the notion of actually spending the quality time with her and making that the first priority.  Trust me, there are plenty of moneybags walking around where swiping the plastic is not an issue, but they still can't get continuous action.  Why you ask?!  Do I really have to go there again?  Yeah I do.  BECAUSE THEY SUCK - THEIR CONVO IS DRY, THEY ARE MORE WORRIED ABOUT THE OUTCOME OF THE DATE THAN ENJOYING THE ACTUAL DATE AND WOMEN CAN SENSE THIS CRAP, THEY AREN'T CONFIDENT, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

The point is, you don't have to be a baller to connect with a woman.  At ALL.  It starts and ends with YOU.  Don't get all salty about trying to put out money when you could have just been real from the beginning and stayed within your means.  If she judges you for that then well, it's on you if you want to continue to pursue a woman like that.

I do believe there's somebody for everybody.

BUT FELLAS!  Talk to me.  Do you find that women are typically expecting you to wine and dine her?  What's your take on this?

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BABY FEVER IN HOLLYWOOD....

JUST A QUICK COLLAGE OF THE BABY LOVE GOING ON IN THE CELEB WORLD.  I'M NOT SURE ABOUT YAYA PULLING THE TIG' OL BITTIES OUT FOR INSTAGRAM BUT HEY, THEY'RE HERS RIGHT?!

CIARA IS ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE AS A PREGGO LADYBUG...

NORTH IS A BEAUTIFUL COLLAGE OF GOOD GENES...

AND I HOPE I LOOK THAT DAMN GOOD AT EVELYN'S AGE WHILE CARRYING A KID...



IN THE FAMILY WAY!!!! by Slidely Slideshow

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Would You Tell Your Close Friends If Your Sex Life Was on 5000?!

Some people get more descriptive than others when it comes to venting or describing the things they go through in their private relationships.  Of course, it's "politically correct" to say that you keep your private business private, but I believe that most people (MEN and WOMEN) have confidantes that could blackmail in the worst way because they have been told information that others just don't know.

So the question was presented on Facebook about whether you should tell your buddies about your significant other's sex game - because wouldn't knowledge of this make the person want to find out about them first hand?

My answer is probably so.  As much as people try to present themselves as morally sound on these social networks, I just believe there are more people who would "go there" compared to people who would not.  It's a sad thing to say because you would think that people would place more value on their meaningful relationships but in 2014, that's an endangered species in the urban community that is growing worse by the day.

I asked a male friend of mine would he tell any of his homeboys about his sex life with HIS WOMAN (not a woman he just had sex with) and he said he keeps his personal dealings to himself.  THEN he brought up a friend who had passed away back in 2006, saying that HE would have been the only person that may have been told something intimate between himself and a woman he was with because they were like brothers.

And the reality is...people have different levels of character for various things.  I would imagine some friends would just take that info and it would stay JUST THAT while other "friends" would have a host of feelings and inspiration behind that knowledge.  I definitely had a "close friend" who I'm almost 95% sure was peeping my dude at the time and the vibe she gave off had me seconds off of her remedial cranium.  She was remedial because she didn't realize how obvious her behavior was and the blow to her head would have graduated her from remedial to the vegetable section at the grocery store.

Am I violent?  I don't think so.

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THIS IS WHY SOME OF YOU DON'T GET ALONG...

A lot of you don't understand each other.  And more importantly, you don't understand that everyone has a LOVE LANGUAGE that is a part of their personality.  I believe that lots of people bump heads and have a hard time in their relationships when they're not tuned into this information about who they're with.

So, what's a LOVE LANGUAGE?

Some of you might know already and I've talked about this before, but that's the beautiful thing about having your own blog.  You can say whatever the f---, sh--, hell, damn you want!!! And say it over and over again, chop and screw that bish and scramble it up with a side of turkey bacon because red meat is too fattening.  (Smells so good tho...damn I'm hungry.)

Anywhoo...

There are FIVE LANGUAGES...

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.*

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.*
This means giving someone your undivided attention.

Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.*

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.*

Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.*

(Love language summaries courtesy of personalitycafe.com)  TAKE THE QUIZ HERE


My personal love language is physical touch and quality time.  I feel the most loved when I'm experiencing these things.  

Many of our issues with another person comes from misunderstanding where they're coming from or what they're thinking.  Sometimes they don't know how to communicate it, but if you realize what makes them feel special or important, it could go a long way in strengthening the integrity of your relationship.

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She Said She Refuses to Add to the Stereotype of Reality TV

I truly commend Laverne Cox, a new personality on the new show, "Orange is the New Black". She is very unique (first and foremost) being the first transsexual to star on a reality TV show.

But where she is leaving an interesting mark is deeper than her decision to change her gender. She made a conscious decision back when she starred on Vh1's 2008 show,  "I Want to Work for P. Diddy", to NOT participate in continuous fighting on the show.  She was informed of members on the show that allegedly said something about/against her - even to the point of her own mother questioning her about why she didn't defend herself.  She simply stands by the fact that she won't be reduced to a stereotype.

Regardless of anyone's judgment of her chosen lifestyle, I admire the fact that (1) someone that was in the position of a career come-up has set a standard for themselves and (2) that she can actually see and acknowledge the pattern of "niggadom" (yeah, I said NIGGADOM") that is the extremely non-creative formula that reality TV has for women (especially women of color).

There is NOTHING wrong with having a standard and questioning the things you don't feel right about doing or being a part of.  Even if you do have to stand up to "Poppa Diddy Pop".

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Kanye Said Kimmy's BLOW SKILLS Certified Her As Wife Material

I think it's the big one Elizabeth.  And if you don't know that reference, I'm judging your whole life.

Kanye flows about the first time he realized Kim could be his future wife -- saying, "I impregnated your mouth, girl, oooh ... that's when I knew you could be my spouse, girl."

I'm sure her combo of A-lister, paparazzi, fashionista, everybody is tuning into this girl appeal had something to do with her being wifey material as well but DAMNNNNNNNN 'Ye!  This is where we are in 2014 where the hubbys to be can't even keep it classy about their own women?

The evolution of where we have come is so crazy to me.  Love songs.  Actual love songs used to be sang where the woman had value beyond her head game.  Now it's just...

I don't even know what the hell it is.  I'm trying to take it all in and still have faith in society where there can still be some level of decorum or class.  Even if it is about a woman whose claim to fame came from a sex tape.

How is it that Kanye touches me in certain philosophical ways at times where he's truly in touch with how jacked up society is, but then he jumps right into the circus he's complained about?

Am I being too sensitive right now?  I know, I'm just beating a buried horse.  That damn horse was dead a long time ago.  My bad you guys.

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MEN! Would You Propose Again if you were Turned Down?!

I'm basing this question off of the rumors about Nicole Scherzinger being proposed to 3 whole times by Formula One racer Lewis Hamilton.

Supposedly, she finally said YES after reconciling from a year long break up.

Personally I believe, if a man truly has identified the woman he wants to marry, he would be very persistent about proving that love to her.

Nowadays (though), people (men and women) have so many ego issues that I'm wondering if anything like 3 proposals would ever happen with my fellow black folks.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK THOUGH.  WOULD YOU BE PERSISTENT IF SHE WAS HESITANT TO SAY YES???

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What Men REALLY THINK About An Assertive, Strong Woman (ALPHA WOMAN)

I asked various gentleman about how they felt when it came to stronger women who can be controlling, assertive, and head strong.  I even asked about the women who come across as more of a "homeboy".  I felt the need to clarify the mentalities of men when it comes to what they truly want in a woman.  And obviously I know all men are different, but I believe it's safe to say they gravitate more towards a woman who can balance herself.


QUOTES OF MALES WHO WERE ASKED HOW THEY FELT ABOUT THIS TYPE OF WOMAN:

"I don't have a problem with strong women! But those in particular blow me! Reason being they have tunnel vision. Im about partnership and acknowledging that a woman is just as strong or stronger in many areas. I understand I need that queen! Being raised by a mom who was single and has major respect for herself. Yet, I also know that those women in particular have been burnt by a sexist society and a lack of "man" in their life who showed them love genuinely.  I get the independence, but in the end I like women who know who they are yet understand they need me as I need them.... I went in...I know!"  

"It doesn't bother me, but it's not what I like. It's not how I coexist with someone I'm interested in.

And a controlling woman does bother me."

"My ex was controlling. She always thought her way was the right way and if it wasn't to her liking, it was a problem.  Just about any time, it didn't matter.  Sometimes she tried to control her abrasiveness, but at her convenience."

"It depends though.  You gotta have the right mix and match. If you as a man aren't strong enough to lead a woman because she has that abrasive, whatever type of mentality, then she probably isn't for you. Like, I can't be a bum...lazy...no ambition ass dude and expect to lead or take care of someone like that."

"To me personally, I wouldn't go for it unless they had something more to offer."

"In some cases and situations, I can see them as the perfect mate because I tend to be more relaxed with them."

"When she comes off as that Type A, aggressive and abrasive woman, when a female doesn't show that softer and intimate side and a guy isn't able to see that, he usually sees just wanting to hang, but nothing permanent."


"I don't take a woman seriously who tries to show me she's like one of the guys.  That's what my homies are for.  My woman is for being just that, a WOMAN."

"Women like that can be very cold, which isn't the type of woman I'd be comfortable with opening up to.  Hurt people hurt people."

"That hard personality where I can't see your vulnerability is where I have the biggest problem. Women like this are famous for fronting about what they really feel until she's about to explode."

"There's nothing wrong with be assertive and confident, but masculine traits doesn't rest well in femininity."

"The need for control doesn't translate to love. It's an insecurity and a defense mechanism from preventing hurt."

"You can't be open, transparent and vulnerable being controlling."

"The "Alpha Female" concept works well outside God's ways."

"Women like this do a lot of talking down on a man."

"They have a challenging ear instead of a receptive ear, and it presents unnecessary problems."


I believe there are many women who don't come across genuine (I always talk about men with the genuine factor) and it hurts them in the long run.  I stress being true to yourself when dealing with anyone because that is the side that will truly connect to someone who may be just as scared as you to let go and possibly love.

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JLo Said, "Why Can't The MEN be Naked This Time"?!

So, is it really fair to say that women are the only ones who should be shown as a sex object? In JLo's newest video, "I Luh Ya Papi", she gives a very playful way of reversing roles and showing the men as the objects of desire - barely dressed, and being on display for the women to speculate and react to.

Women have been sex objects for well over 2 decades in music videos and have went through an evolution of being the girl to party with to the girl who's proud of using her curves to pay her bills, to rappers living the lifestyle with groups of women who will do anything sexually to and for him.  Now, I'm not talking about how music artists used to sing about love because that's another topic.  I'm simply speaking about the women who have been objectified in videos over the years and their roles.

CHECK OUT THE VIDEO:


Some NON-URBAN publications have commented wondering about JLo's purpose with the video:

What’s weird is that during the verse contributed by rapper French Montana, all the tropes Lopez set out to mock come right back. The part where he stands there (fully dressed, unlike the speedo dudes) while Lopez struts around him in short shorts is one thing; it’s her video, she’s choosing what to wear, she’s supporting the featured artist on her track, and presumably she wants to look sexy — so that’s how she does it. It’s a little bit of a strange choice considering the video’s theme, but, sure.  - TIME.COM

People could argue that Lopez is trying to prove their point by showing just how ridiculous the scene is, no matter who is prancing and who is drooling. But is it a point that needs proving?

And just who is Jennifer Lopez to pick up the torch and run with it? Her brand of celebrity is based just as much, if not more, on looks than talent.  - NJ.COM (True Jersey)

In a way, I feel that this video does a lot to show that some people are aware of how mainstream this style has become.  In urban music especially, (because I'm definitely not saying it's all on the urban side) rappers are always singing about the easy woman who he can have his way with.  It used to be more about a variety of things - his girl and maybe his life with her, someone he was interested in, the girls he partied with or slept with, but NOW...it's mostly about the woman being an object he can stick and move with.

My biggest issue would be the lack of variety.  Our mainstream is ONLY THIS.  There's no true variation with the male artists.  You have most men at this point making women no more than body counts which reflects quite a bit on our actual statistics of baby daddies to husbands ratio within our community.  I'm not saying music should be responsible for instilling values, but many people are influenced easily by it because a lot of parents aren't stepping up to direct them.  And I just believe that.

BUT!  LET'S LOOK AT ANOTHER SIDE TO THIS, BECAUSE I FEEL THIS VIDEO DOWN HERE TOO.  SHOUT OUT TO BUZZFEED - this thing had me ROLLIN'!!!!

 

I do feel in some ways, it's hard to reverse the roles of men and women completely when it comes to these things but like I said before, I wouldn't speak on it so hard if it wasn't for the music imitating so much REAL LIFE out here.  It's more than just a song for entertainment.  Women in the urban community are often good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to love.  Just knowing that alone makes me back up JLo's efforts - even though I do agree coming from her, it's going to be taken with a grain of salt.

MOMENT OF HONESTY:  I honestly believe men just don't give a sh*t about any of this though and it's just life.  (random relevant thought)

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