I was involved in a discussion where the men and women were debating an online article that encouraged women to start asking guys out on dates more because there are tons of men who are on the quieter side who may be interested, but not as confident to make the first step.
So the whole debate thread starts jumping (Shoutout to Sonya Lowry and her show World Next Door TV for inspiring this post), and a gentleman brings up the topic of how men are expected to do so much in the courtship phase when it comes to initiation, as well as money. This really bothered me because as a woman, I know some BROKE ASSES that have no problem keeping a woman's interest because there's something about that guy that draws them in. This isn't to say that a man shouldn't be stable (or working towards stability), but I believe that a lot of men think the wrong way when it comes to this expectation.
OF COURSE there will be women who are wallet shopping. Just like there are men who are only shopping for the juiciest Kit Kat, or the brag-worthy arm piece.
BUT THIS IS A SITUATION THAT SHOULD HAVE BALANCE. Nobody should have to feel like they're breaking the bank to get to know someone and there are plenty of women who you can entertain by doing wallet-friendly things.
FOR EXAMPLE...
Why the heck can't we have a picnic?! Depending on where you live, you might be able to pull this off year-round, but even if weather is an issue, we could still go somewhere with nice scenery and enjoy our surroundings. A picnic requires minimal funding if you set it up ahead of time. No, you are not soft for setting up a picnic, you are soft for trying to purchase lobster tails knowing your Rush Card's only good for some hot dogs and a Big Gulp from 7-11 .
STARBUCKS For the WIN!!! You can kiss my round rump cushion for saying I'm biased about this one. For the people who know me, they already know this move is more strategic to spark my interest than many other fancier things. Coffee is a minimal cost situation and a safe haven for great conversation and possibly the beginning of a great connection.
Go to a museum. Why not? First of all, it might give you something to talk about - whether you are knowledgeable about certain types of art or if you just have eyes and a possible opinion about what you're looking at - it's an opportunity to connect with someone who will probably appreciate your creative decision to go somewhere that isn't so cliche' on the first date.
Go to a festival. There are ALWAYS things happening depending on the time of year. All you have to do is check out a few websites (Google is your FRIEND) and if you're not too lazy, take her there! They are usually free events that have a number of things you can do - including sparking conversation to CONNECT!
Check out the Open Mic/Poetry scene in your area. This is an awesome way to open the forum for convo or discussion about topics you both may be interested in. The cover charge is almost always minimal or non-existent. If you appreciate this craft, why not share it with a potential mate?
Invite her to something that you already do! This might be a great way to open her up to your world.
The key is to be real with yourself and real with her. Don't go wine tasting if you don't give a damn about different wines. Don't take her salsa dancing if you really don't want to do that. That's not to say don't be open-minded, but there is compromise in all of this!
I find that there are many men who feel uneasy about putting out money in pursuit of a woman, but don't tap into the notion of actually spending the quality time with her and making that the first priority. Trust me, there are plenty of moneybags walking around where swiping the plastic is not an issue, but they still can't get continuous action. Why you ask?! Do I really have to go there again? Yeah I do. BECAUSE THEY SUCK - THEIR CONVO IS DRY, THEY ARE MORE WORRIED ABOUT THE OUTCOME OF THE DATE THAN ENJOYING THE ACTUAL DATE AND WOMEN CAN SENSE THIS CRAP, THEY AREN'T CONFIDENT, BLAH BLAH BLAH.
The point is, you don't have to be a baller to connect with a woman. At ALL. It starts and ends with YOU. Don't get all salty about trying to put out money when you could have just been real from the beginning and stayed within your means. If she judges you for that then well, it's on you if you want to continue to pursue a woman like that.
I do believe there's somebody for everybody.
BUT FELLAS! Talk to me. Do you find that women are typically expecting you to wine and dine her? What's your take on this?
