He's Just Not Good Enough!!!

Can you learn to love somebody?  I hear tons of men talk about how women don't want to be with "nice guys" and that many of them end up dealing with the jerk who treats them like a second-class citizen - but what about the fact that chemistry and an attraction is needed in order to have a promising connection?

I would argue that it's pretty hard to force yourself to feel a way you naturally don't.  It's almost a "catch 22" situation because what if you naturally have chemistry with a womanizer who tells the best jokes in the damn world? Or a dude who has more PMS than a woman on two birth control prescriptions but his shoulders and smile and walk makes you want to create a sex sandwich out of him?  There's so many complexities when it comes to dating and relationships and honestly, it's so much easier said than done when it comes to avoiding a person that may be "bad" for you, but you are naturally drawn to that person.

So what do you do?  Then there's that saying that there IS no perfect man so does that mean that some of the "bad guys" should be given a break?

Females often get a bad rap when it comes to their selection process and really, in many ways we're damned if we do and damned if we don't.

I say that because nobody seems to address the deeper issue of why so many women make poor choices when it comes to their love lives.  I hear tons of ridicule about a woman who would continue to waste her life away with a "loser", but never look at the fact that many women are damaged, insecure, afraid, or uneducated about the concept of having standards.  They might not have a good example to follow when it comes to self-respect and in turn, their encounters with men reflect that lack of respect.

Take me for example, my miseducation of the opposite sex began early in my teens with a very close male "best friend-like" individual who was the epitome of a womanizer teaching me what men say to get what they want.  That resulted in me being overly cautious of most men and not believing what they say - I thought for the majority of my late teens AND 20s that men are just after your vagina.  Although I still at about 30 years of age find that to be true in many ways, it's not true if your standards are in the right place and you require respect.  But I learned that by the grace of God and after a great deal of heartbreak.

So I ask, is it a balance?  Or is it just that sometimes in life you just have to compromise...ESPECIALLY IN MATTERS OF THE HEART???

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It Takes a LOT More Than Your Body to be Sexy... (PART ONE)

I’m not even hating on Nicki Minaj for real.  She is a paid entertainer.  But some females need to learn the art of being sexy.  Nicki’s pose right here isn’t sexy at all.  Yeah, the majority of dudes would love to see a woman putting her whoo-ha on display (I'm sure it's a scientific fact).  But being sexy has nothing to do w/ how naked you can get for dudes who will obviously buy into your bare body parts. A grown woman understands that truly being sexy has nothing to do with showcasing T&A.  It’s a language that your whole personality communicates.  Being in touch with your body is only part of the recipe.  There are LOTS more ingredients, but too many women focus on this part because it’s instant gratification to get 85 likes on Facebook for being assed out.  How many likes can you get for just being an awesome person?  Just wondering.

REMEMBER THIS ONE?

And let me start by saying that I realize not every woman who "models" fits the type of female I'm addressing in this blog post.  But I am addressing the woman who knows on the inside that she spends endless money, time and energy on her public sexuality rather than something more meaningful.  Am I judging you?  NO.  But I feel like a big sister telling you that you are sincerely doing too much.

To exude sensuality has nothing to do with being raunchy like a porno reject.  Some women are sexy and know how to command attention because they are in touch with who they are and MEN NOTICE IT.   That was the part that some "hard knock life" females didn't get taught.  I feel for a woman who had to practically raise herself and exposing her body is the only way she gets validated, appreciated, or even paid because if she really knew what sexy was, she would know that she was doing entirely too much, for far too little.  

You go and ask any man with a decent personality and standards for his life what type of woman does he want to have around him.  Mind you, he will probably poke his penis out for a wet vagina because if it comes easy enough, why not?  But he damn sure doesn't have to like you to do it and he will probably be hoping deep down in the crevices of his soul that you will magically disappear after he gets his rocks off.  Sexy or not, I know PLENTY of men who can't stand to be around a woman who is fine on the outside, but her personality is like talking to a kid.  He can like every last one of your butt cheek pics (that's part of the pre-game bidding anyway) but I guarantee you that you won't be able to remove that image from his mind or his intentions).  And any woman who says, "shoot I feel the same way about him, he's MY hoe" is emotionally scorned from something.  You should admit it and work on that because that's not a natural feeling from a woman.  It's NOT.

I remember seeing "Flavor of Love" back when it was on and I think it was Buckey who showed Flav a pic of her showcasing her oiled up a** cheeks and in the same second told Flav how she's looking for a man to love her for her mind.  So y'all already know what I was looking like when I heard that one (note the expression below)

(yep...stuck RIGHT ON STUPID)

And the sad part is, the only defense that most of these women throw up when someone who cares tries to school them about this matter is that they have haters.  (Again, check the above picture) Now I ain't Beyonce' or anything, but 'er um....I don't need to hate on ANYONE.  I get attention PLUS RESPECT because I know what I'm worth.  And it's worth a hell of a lot more than strangers telling me what I should already know about myself.   There are TOO MANY WOMEN out here with no purpose who don't feel validated unless someone makes a horny ass comment about them.

PLUS!!! BACK TO MY ORIGINAL POINT...

Sexy is a state of mind.  It's not in your exposed body that makes you a small fish in a HUGE pond of girls doing the exact same thing as you.  Sexy is being in touch with who you are in this world and what you stand for.  What/who do you love, what you can do for others, what/who inspires you, what can you teach other people, what's going to be your legacy?  Your speed of bouncing on a dude's penis?  Or will it be something that means something?  Aren't you intelligent enough for that?  I think you are.  

This isn't about hate.  It's about love.  It's not fair that black women get labeled so many awful things (most of the time by other black men) and to add insult to injury, these women are right there to validate the labels!!!  So it's okay to be naked next to a dude who looks like Gremlins in 3D iMAX calling you a b*tch and a thirsty ho*.  And in the same vein, you say you are a business woman who is getting paid.  Boss, you are NOT.  You are a sex OBJECT while a woman who knows the "Art of Sexy" is far more sophisticated and is considered a sex SYMBOL - there is a BIG difference.

A "YES MAN/WOMAN" who won't tell you the truth doesn't love you.  A "YES MAN/WOMAN" doesn't care about you any more than a dude that just wants to get in your pants and then clown you for being so damn loose. 

But what the hell do I know...I'm just a "hater"... (LOL)  **plays "I'll Be Dat" by Redman**

"FACEBOOK FEMALES YOU DON'T HAVE TO UPLOAD HALF NAKED A** PICTURES TO SHOW PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE SEXY. LOOKS REALLY AREN'T EVERYTHING. BE SEXY BY THE WAY YOU ACT,COMMUNICATE,THINK,ETC.. LEARN TO RESPECT YOUR SELF" - MANNY FROM FACEBOOK <--- I SAW HIS STATUS THE SAME TIME I WAS WRITING UP THIS TOPIC...FUNNY HOW STUFF LIKE THAT HAPPENS.

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