SHOULD YOU TAKE YOUR MATE TO THE CLUB???

Is this really like taking sand to the beach?  I would say yes and no.  I feel like a couple should be able to party together without feeling some kind of way but based on my experience I don't know!

I remember in the past going to the club with a few other ladies and our boyfriends were good friends.  The girls drove to the club together and the guys drove together separately so we could all eventually meet up.  First of all, it was New Years Eve so yeah you would think that the occasion was appropriate for couples to embrace each other by the time 12:00 hit.  I didn't see my boyfriend until the last HALF hour the club was open.  Yep.  I wanted to slap the Toaster's Strudel out of him but it definitely made me feel like he really wanted to just do his own thing at the club without his girl cramping his style.  Now, at the same time we were only like 22/23 so can I really hold that against him???  Probably not, we were still really young.

Then there was another time when I was out at the club w/ one of my good friends and she was there with her boyfriend.  Everybody was drinking and at one point of the club I saw her boyfriend exchanging words and getting close in distance to another woman in the club -- not sure what was said but it was obvious that his "party mode" was in full effect.  My friend was pissed though.  She didn't want to speak to him and was visibly upset for the rest of the night.

I also remember myself going to a party with my boyfriend at the time and feeling some kind of way when the chicks who were wearing practically nothing (ie. see-thru clothing, butt cheeks exposed out of shorts, etc.) were dropping it low in there.  Sure, there are plenty of ladybugs who might boast that that type of stuff doesn't phase them but in my opinion, I don't believe that.  Personally, the only reason why I wouldn't mind my guy mingling with half-naked women is if I'm really not that serious about him.  If I knew I wasn't into him that much, heck no I wouldn't care about him checking out someone else or dancing with them.  But if I was in love, I would feel uncomfortable with him being around drunk, barely-dressed women (all fronting aside).  I wouldn't try to stop him from going out or anything, but if I saw it being a regular routine for him to hit the club, I wouldn't accept it.

Now, I remember when feeling uncomfortable at the club resulted in me treating my boyfriend like he had already done something and that wasn't right either.  But I had to grow up and get more comfortable in my skin.  At this point of my life, I can say that even though I wouldn't like it, I wouldn't feel uncomfortable being around women who acted easy in the club, I would probably feel more annoyed.  Especially toward the ones who are noticeably thirsty for attention.

I'd love to hear thoughts on this topic though so if you've read all this...drop me a comment and tell me your experience or opinion about going to the club/party with your significant other!!!!

oh...and PS...I looooove you for reading my blog!!!!  Thank you!!!

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TOO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION!!! (I WANT COMMENTS!!!)

 I had a question pop into my head.  I was thinking, is it better to meet a potential mate online/over the phone and get to know them without physically being in their presence, or is it much better to handle things the old-fashioned way?  Some people might think that question is crazy or a no-brainer, but this is why I'm asking.

I was on one of my good friends' radio show called Sunlight Radio (shoutouts to Adoma and Danielle) last night and we tapped on something that a caller said about the fact that women get into sexual encounters with men way too quickly and/or easily, which affects the overall momentum of making a meaningful connection.  So with that in mind, I ask again...would it be more effective to keep your distance with someone you meet until a respectable amount of knowledge is learned by both parties?

I'm not crazy I swear.  I just feel like maybe it is better to keep more physical distance in the beginning.  If Michelle meets Mike and they start getting to know one another, but Michelle starts to get that "Heyyyy There" feeling...it may be a challenge for her to spend time with Mike knowing she wants to yank his pants off and get her Kentucky Derby off on his Santa Seat. 

I WOULD LOVE INPUT ON THIS PLEASE.  SERIOUSLY...because I have talked to men who say that they have jumpoffs to cool off their steam for the ones that they really want to get to know better.  But what about a woman who does not choose to take that route of Stanksville?  (I'm not judging, I promise) 

AGAIN...FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED FOLKS!!!!

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STOP TRYING TO FORCE A SITUATION

I always wondered what that meant when my ex used to say that to me.  I was about 21...22 and he would always say that I wasn't acting normally.  I kept racking my brain and trying to figure out why he was giving me such a hard time because although my mind was moving at 3000 miles per hour, I felt like I was being myself.  We went out to a party one time and there were a ton of chicks there that I thought looked more voluptuous and prettier than I did.  I tried to be chill about my insecurities and "drink it off", but it came out through my slick remarks and "sideway" comments about how I knew that my boyfriend (at the time) was looking at the other women in the room.  It got even worse the more I drank and I treated my boyfriend like he had already done something because I was insecure deep down and wanted to mentally prepare myself for the worst.

This is one thing I realize now that I am older and more educated (book-wise and about life).  Your subconscious mind is just as powerful as your conscious mind.  Most of what you contain internally comes out in some way and if you are insecure - there is little you can do to truly hide that from a person that knows you.

I'm not saying that you can't fool anybody about what you're thinking or feeling, but I am saying that the things we dwell on in our minds WILL END UP BEING EXPRESSED THRU OUR ACTIONS IN SOME WAY.

This is why it's so important to be honest with yourself about things that you feel.  Negative thoughts DO become negative actions unless you fight negativity with POSITIVE ENERGY.  If you are constantly around someone who feeds you negative emotions or energy, it will impact you and influence you subconsciously.  And like I said before...

Your subconscious mind is just as powerful as your conscious mind.

And why you ask?  Because of THE POWER OF REPETITION.  That's how we memorize information right?  That's how things stick in our head.  And if actions do more than words, why wouldn't repeated acts of negativity do the same thing in our brains?  Our subconscious mind helps us store information. (I'm really not trying to sound like a science book but I'm telling you some good stuff right here so keep reading damn it...)  The more you feed your mind with negative thoughts or insecurities, the more you will act the way you think.  

If this applies to anyone reading...  Ask yourself WHY you don't act naturally?  Or better question, does the person/people you are dealing with make you feel as if you have to be aware of yourself in order to be around them?  

Being comfortable in your skin is communicated by what you do...not what you try to convince others.  Your mouth may say you're being YOU but your body and eyes might be showing others just how afraid you really are.  Think about it.

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THE STRIPPER POLE

Okay so, this was about 2009 or something.  I was desperately trying to find a way to make more money for my family.  I kept thinking my skills that were the strongest outside of my day job weren't going to land me a profit anytime soon.  I also couldn't rely on extra income from recording people in the studio because it was too inconsistent. That's when I found Lil' Mynx.

I decided to invest in a stripper pole to take around to ladies' houses and have pole parties.  I felt like this was the perfect way for me to make quick money by holding events for ladies who wanted a slumber party-esque experience with their friends.  Plus it sounded like fun.

I actually threw a pole party for my 25th birthday so I was like...HEY! I can pocket off of all the birthday girls who want to act up with their friends!  I went online and found Lil' Mynx poles (which definitely have more affordable poles) and ordered mine.

Now there are two types of poles that I'm aware of.  The first pole has a unit that suctions into the ceiling and is easily removable and can be transported to different locations to be used.  The other type of pole has to be mounted into the ceiling - meaning you have to drill a hole into the ceiling to connect the device that the pole attaches to.

Now me being the intelligent African-American that I am, I didn't make sure I knew which pole I had when I made my purchase.  I ended up buying the one that I had to bolt into the ceiling...in my apartment...that I rent.  This also meant that the pole could only be used at my house unless I felt like drilling a hole into everyone else's wall before we got started.

So yeah I know...I should have just sent it back to make an exchange right?  Um...well...that would have worked out for me if I hadn't waited 2 months after it was delivered to me to finally open it.  I was trying to finish out a semester at school so I said I would focus on that before I opened the pole to get started on my new business venture.  The warranty was only for 30 days. (Womp-Womp-Womp)

Okay, so I took it out and used it anyway.  The best use that I got out of the pole after I finally destroyed enough of my ceiling to put it up was for my sister's 21st birthday party.  There's just something about drunk chicks falling off a pole that just makes any night worth having.

Over time the pole began to loosen and stopped being sturdy.  I know there's a weight limit for it but I won't even go there...I'll just say the wear and tear added up fast.  The worst part was that it was a constant reminder that I had made a failed investment.  Minor as it was, it was still almost $400.  I'm not a baller so for all of you that wipe your bootys with that...how about you kiss mine.  (Just kidding.)

I ended up selling the pole a few months later to some pregnant chick. (I'm so sincere...she had to be about 8 months preggo) ::shrug face::

My point is:  Some investments are made to help you thrive.  Some investments are empty.  I honestly think it was meant for me to mess that up so I would understand that sometimes things fail because they weren't meant to be.  Sometimes when we find ourselves struggling to make something work, it really means that our direction may need to take a shift.   Not to say that you don't have to work hard... YOU DO, but if you believe in GOD, he allows things to happen (good and bad) that help us understand the direction we need to take. 

I definitely know he was trying to tell me I have talents that far exceed me trying to use a gimmick to make a living.  No disrespect to anyone making money off of that but we all have to know our individual purpose.  When we are in tune with that...we will succeed.

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“YOUR NA-NA IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE (PART THREE)

"Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON’T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat." - anonymous MAN

Let's define the word KNOW.  Do you know a dude just because you've been talking to him for a while?  He took you out a few times?  Maybe you even met his twin pitbulls?  Fed 'em a few times?  Or maybe you studied ESPN for a week and shot the breeze about his favorite foozeball team so you would win brownie points and get a few laughs out of him?  Hmmm?!

REALITY: You don't know a man just because you believe you've uncovered a few details about him.  You know a man when you get to the core of what his life consists of.

"Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he’s married or engaged? How does he treat other people? Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear." - anonymous MAN

It's called having a high standard.  And not the type of standard where you only deal with guys with money or status (whatever that is).  Having a high standard means ANYONE who wants to achieve a place of intimacy with you (physically AND MENTALLY) needs to meet certain requirements that you have.  (Requirements such as being a good listener, calling several times a day and checking on you, quality time with deep convo, introducing you to his family, being motivated, hard-working and most importantly, HIS WORDS AND ACTIONS MATCH.)

I mean...aren't you worthy of that?  Stop letting your butt cheeks define who you are and let your personality win the love and attention of a man.  Yes...I'm especially talking to the chicks who have pictures online showing every area but their face. (Y'all heffas need a hug).

Can you imagine how the rate of infidelity would decrease if women would have a MORAL requirement for sleeping with a man rather than a financial or physical one?  (I know it's got my head spinnin' too).

It takes TWO TO TANGO.  We all hear how some women say men are dogs...sniffing around and waiting to pounce on the next big butt and a smile.  BUT WAIT...DID HE RAPE HER?  Or did SHE want it just as bad as he did?  Ummhmm...

And honestly...I think that many women who claim to prefer only a physical connection with a man are just afraid of giving away control.  Often times I believe she uses the "get to you before you get to me" mentality.  Only problem is, your sexual high comes down at some point.  And afterwards, your conscience (hopefully you have one of those) rears its head and reminds you that you need to have a seat (and an appointment with your gynecologist).  

Yeah I know hormones are a b*tch, but if you wonder why you can't trust a man's behavior...it's usually because of some woman who LOWERED HER STANDARDS to let him do what SHE ALLOWED HIM TO DO.  Or, he responded to the advances that she threw him.

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“YOUR NA-NA IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE (PART TWO)

DENIAL and more DENIAL.  If I had a penny for how many times I run across a female that believes she has a man (or a situation with a man) figured out I'd have residual income.

He said that "WOMEN WILL DENY THAT THEY THINK LIKE THIS" - "THIS" meaning women who want more from a man emotionally when they only have a physical connection with him.

And how many ladybugs are out here like that???  Hmmmm...a TRILLION GA-ZILLION maybe?  And why is that?  Are all the women who accept meaningless sexual rendez-vous JUST OKAY with being a booty call?  Some women will say YES...they're fine with it.  Some women will say that they can reap the same benefits as a "main chick" aka the woman with the relationship, without having to deal with the emotional stress and drama.

Other women will scream "HELL NO!" right after they just got done washing off bodily juices from a repeated episode of "Lowering Your Standards".   And some of these women not only lie about the fact that they entertain booty calls but they also deny that they have any emotional attachment to the guy in an effort to claim their pride and look like the person in control.


The guy in my previous post said:
"Black men do not have to lie when so many black women are already deaf"

THESE ARE EXAMPLES OF BEING DEAF ~~~~~~

1)  He tells you that he's not ready for a relationship because he's afraid of titles messing up things, or he's been hurt in the past.

YOUR INTERPRETATION:  Oh, he's not ready NOW but I can change that one day.

THE TRUTH:  NO HE WON'T DEAF LADY.  HE SAID THE KEY PHRASE.  I'M NOT READY.  BELIEVE THAT AND KEEP IT MOVING MA'AM.  AND SURE! YOU CAN KEEP SCREWING HIM BUT JUST KNOW YOU ARE SCREWING A DUDE WHO WILL NEVER WIFE YOU.  LIKE, EVER.

2) He tells you that he's eventually leaving his wife but at the moment he can't because he's taking care of her bills, their children or whatever.  He is also telling you this when you see him once or twice a week if you're lucky - mostly at night, and in private.

YOUR INTERPRETATION:  I just need to be patient because I put that "thang" on him and he wouldn't be coming to me if he was so in love with her.

THE TRUTH:  YOU are a SIDE-PIECE.  YOU are something to do when he is bored with being at home.  He has NO intention of leaving his wife and if you are lucky enough to get him to leave, keep a stopwatch ticking to figure out how long it's going to take him to do the same thing to you.  If he sees you in public, he WILL look like a deer in headlights and he WILL either avoid you like the plague or give you the puppy dog eyes pleading you to stay in your place...which is NOT with him.  But oh yeah, that's cool because thanks to denial, "you're not emotionally attached to him anyway".

3) He comes home late often, from "meetings".  Or from being with the "guys".  His phone stays on silent but it's okay, he just doesn't want his Facebook alerts to wake you both up.  He's had a few women calling his phone that you found out about too.

YOUR INTERPRETATION: It's all about me because I have the ring and the last name.  OH YEAH...and the mortgage is paid and whatever else I want.  I think.

THE TRUTH:  Whatever him and his little girl toy do...affects YOU.  If she has crabs or any other seafood situation in her panties....he probably does too...and sadly...so would YOU.  Yeah I know, your man isn't that type of person.  He just works too much.  Yep, you're right.  He humps other chicks for his other full-time job and that can be hard work so yes, I guess you're correct.

And I'm aiming this commentary at the WOMEN more than the men for ONE REASON.  He can't do what you don't LET HIM DO.  But I know, he's too cute, you're too curious, he flashed a little money,  you'll be damned if you pass up free food, you're comfortable, the sex is good, and yadda yadda yadda.  Nobody told you to clap your cheeks for him though.  Nobody told you to be in your own fantasy world and twist his words and actions to fit your agenda. You thought of all that extra-ness on your own.  All by yourself.  Look at the sentence before this one.  Reckless humping usually leads to that.  Especially when it's someone else's man you're doing it to. 

At some point we have to stop using the male to female ratio, gayness among males, incarcerated men and etc. as an excuse to settle for less and (for lack of a more tactful way to say it) being just plain stank.

There is a reason why your rendez-vous with these men are mostly in private and at times where there's nothing open besides 7-11 and legs.  Um...yeah.

I SAY ALL OF THIS WITH LOVE.  I HATE TO SEE MY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OF ALL COLORS HURT BECAUSE THEY SETTLE FOR LESS AND PROLONG THE INEVITABLE HURT THAT THEY WILL FEEL WHEN THEY TURN A BLIND EYE AND DEAF EAR.  IGNORANCE IS BLISS UNTIL REALITY SNEAKS IN UNEXPECTED AND ABRUPTLY ENDS YOUR AIRHEAD PARTY.  START PAYING ATTENTION AND STOP LIVING IN DENIAL.

(special shout-out to my BFF Jay and her father ~  Mr. Ray Brown (RIP) for the "7-11 and legs" expression...I love you.)

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“YOUR NA-NA IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE (PART ONE)

For all the ladybugs that believe that their "na-na" is made of a rare platinum...please read this commentary FROM A MAN about the price of your goods.

AN ANONYMOUS MAN:

Bottom line–if I sleep with a woman I don’t know or care about, SEX is NOT going to make me care. (I stopped doing that years ago) That kind of sex is like scratching an itch. Once a man scratches, he’s through. He ain’t sitting around thinking about that spot that itched or how good it felt scratching it. He’s moving on with his life until that spot itches again and it don’t matter which hand he scratches it.

Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling, but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we’re having a “relationship” when it’s NOTHING but a booty call. Come on, ladies, y’all know I’m telling the truth.

Unfortunately, ladies, you are part of our problem. You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we’re about. Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a “relationship”. Many women will deny they think like this but I’m speaking from personal experience. Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman.

Now, what kind of sense does that make? Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life? IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE. The “other woman” is not breaking up a “happy home”.

Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk down the aisle didn’t change who he was. Why should he change? YOU let him know it was acceptable by sticking around that long.

Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN. Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days. Women have to stop “rewarding” unfaithful men by pretending it ain’t happening. All of us Black Men (BM) do not cheat. I do not cheat on my lady so don’t buy the hype. I know other BM who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it.

Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON’T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat. Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle. Worry LESS about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women. OPEN those ears and listen. Does he put down his ex-women and blame them for everything? And don’t be so vain. You are NOT a better woman than his last. If he dogged her out, you will probably be NEXT.

Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he’s married or engaged? How does he treat other people? Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear. Stop INTERPRETING the meaning of what he says to fit your purposes. If he says, “I’m not looking’ for nothing right now” — DON’T tell yourself, “Aw, he just scared of getting hurt. I can change his mind…” NO YOU CAN’T. He said exactly what the hell he meant. BM don’t have to lie when so many BW are already DEAF.

If you can’t answer BASIC questions about a man DON’T OPEN YOUR LEGS. I could kinda understand back in the days when sex wouldn’t KILL people but now? There’s no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself — sexually AND emotionally.

Show our ass to the door if we pressure you for sex too soon. Don’t be afraid to be alone. After you give our ass some you will probably be alone anyway but now you feel like a fool. In other words, take your time and check us out. If we REALLY like you, we’ll stick around. BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO. We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us.

I have TOO many female friends who give me horror stories that could have been avoided if they’d done their homework first OR moved SLOWER before giving up the panties. I try as a BM to give them the best advice I can but that won’t mean a thing if BW continue to live in a dream world. You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for your own sexual behavior the same as I am. Blaming the man won’t change a damn thing. BW have to look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what’s wrong with BM/BW relationships. Let me end by saying….

SEX DOES NOT = A RELATIONSHIP

GIVING A MAN A READY-MADE FAMILY WILL NOT MAKE HIM COMMIT IF HE DOESN’T WANT TO

A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY

IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF

IF HE DOESN’T TAKE CARE OF HIS OTHER CHILDREN WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HIM?

IF YOU REWARD A DOG WHY SHOULD MEN STOP BEING DOGS?

BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY. NO YOUR ASS IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS.

BW are going to have to raise their standards if they expect BM to do it. The question is, are my beautiful BW up to the challenge? Are you willing to be strong and stop taking the easy way out? Ladies, ladies, ladies, hit me back with some truth, not some bull****. I don’t want to hear: “What you said don’t refer to me ’cause I got my **** together and I’m a proud black woman who intimidates men and I never made no mistakes, it’s those other women who do things like that.”

What are BW going to do about these shady, shaky relationships that wind up in divorce court 60-70% of the time?

Sincerely,

A truthful man. 

(BM and BW = Black men and women in case someone didn't catch that)

I HAVE TOO MANY THINGS TO COMMENT ON WITH THIS ONE...BUT TRUST AND BELIEVE THERE WAS CHURCH ALL UP AND THROUGH THIS COMMENTARY.  I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING A HALLELUJAH RIGHT NOW!  LOL


LADIES LADIES LADIES...YEAH I'M BREAKING THIS DOWN PIECE BY PIECE SO PLEASE STAY TUNED AND IF ANYONE DISAGREES WITH ANYTHING PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HIT ME UP AND SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!

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SHE CUT ME 2DEEP...

Circa 2007, I was sitting in my chair at a small cafe spot on U Street in DC.  Rhymes, lyrics, and wit bounced off the walls while I tried to soak in the inspiration so I could write, imagine, and inspire others.  This woman of many words approached the stage.  She was a rare talent...she worked the crowd with her humor and engaging delivery.  I was in awe of her...especially since she invited me there.  She was infectious, quickly becoming a part of the DC poetry community and even alongside Def Poetry acts.  Yeah, ol' girl was GOOOOOOOD...reeeal good.  

Outside of the poetry scene, we were like the ignorant kids in the back of the classroom cutting up - rarely serious about anything.  I began to think that my circle of inspiration and close friends were growing as a long-term romantic relationship (I use the word romantic VERY LOOSELY) had ended.

We were hittin' up the same spots, starting to talk to the same people, inviting each other out to things, doing friend-type stuff.  But for some reason, there was another story going on beneath the surface of the laughter and the jokes.  One I would learn about and never forget.

I networked with a local photographer that she had worked with and began to start a portfolio - even though I'm not a model...I knew I wanted to market myself as a writer/poet/something. She was always one of the first ones to comment on a new picture I had uploaded online (should have been a red flag right there) but again, I felt love and a real connection from a new friend.

Facebook was growing in popularity and began to take where MySpace had left off - I was on Facebook back in 2005 when it was only for college folk.  Facebook began to allow 3rd party applications to become a regular part of the site.  One application that became the hot spot to allow the shy folks to become bold was/is called the famous "Honesty Box".  Oh yeah...ANONYMOUS MESSAGING.  Many horns grew on the heads of folks when this was discovered.

So yeah, I downloaded it too.  Much to my surprise, dudes who wanted to try their hand at you weren't the only ones using it for their agendas.  Apparently, negative and hateful vibes come through this messaging service as well.

So one day, I received a message that said: I believe that you should look deeper inside of you, rely a little less on your looks and aim higher (the message said something like that)

So I wrote back to the message on a humble tip saying that if they knew me better, they would know that I'm definitely not the type of person that would think in such a shallow way.  I really have other passions that I plan to go after that have nothing to do with "modeling" - which I wasn't anyway.

Then I receive a reply saying: Well, um...I do know you very well and I know that you need to check yourself and get a grip on how you are being perceived (this is not verbatim but close enough)

So now I'm getting pissed.  I immediately think to myself, if this person knows me very well, then why would they address me in such an impersonal manner?  Why not sit me down to talk if there's something that concerns them about me?  So I basically say that in my next response and planned to keep it moving.

That day, I uploaded a new picture to my Facebook and captioned it "I dedicate this to the coward who felt the need to address me in an anonymous message instead of to my face" (I was pretty upset so yes, I mildly vented publicly - I don't do that normally btw).  After several hours, I received a few comments underneath the picture...including one from Ms. Anonymous.  Yep, her.

So, in a nutshell I realized the messenger was this same girl that I had hung out with, supported, cheered for, and cared about.  After she went from hiding behind anonymity to publicly announcing the silent beef that was brewing. I got pretty pissed.

I simply told her not to address me anymore.  Period.  I knew after leaving an abusive relationship that I couldn't deal with any other type of relationship that resembled it.

I felt like the innocent bystander that got shot or something.  I tried to support this girl, be a friend to this girl, only for her to let me know (subliminally) what she really thought of me.

Oh...but I'm not done!

So, a day or two later I got a phone call from a mutual friend who made me aware that Ms. Anonymous posted a note about me on Facebook.  I didn't look at it because I had already blocked her from my list of friends but apparently this lovely list of LIES were said about me:

*  I slept around with my "producers"
*  We were very close and I shared information with her about my being a "gold-digger"
*  She told me that I needed to stop sleeping around with folks and aim higher with my goals

Yep.  That's what she said.  And to top it off...I felt like people would believe her because I did do modeling pics and there are about 567,309,674,540,865,256,342,846,936,453,917, infinity people just like that who want to sleep their way into opportunity in the entertainment industry.

I felt alone and attacked.  I knew the only ally I had was my spirit that wouldn't allow anyone to break it.  I had never been officially slandered before and it felt like I was helpless for a second because although not many people knew who I was, I knew that lies like this would be believed based on what our culture accepts as entertainment these days.

Moral of the story is: The war between us ladies (especially ladies of color) NEEDS TO END.  I don't have to sabotage you in order to feel great, beautiful, wanted, or loved.  We can ALL share the spotlight.  We can ALL be great.  Somewhere, somehow, for some untrue reason, we began looking at one another as a threat.  And why?  Why can't we love the way God loves us? 

I forgive that girl.  As angry as I was, I can't let that situation influence negativity for my life.   I wish her great things actually.  Especially growth.

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IS "LADY-LIKE" A THING OF THE PAST???

 Okay. I'm on Facebook. I'm on Twitter. I have been up and through the social networking situation left and right. Yes, I've been nosy like the rest of you (don't front) and more and more it seems to me like women believe that since it's 2011 and we have a voice in society now, that we should say whatever we want. "Freedom of Damn Speech" right???

I say women specifically because (call me old-fashioned but) I was raised to believe that women are naturally more nurturing. It bothers me that women sing the "I'mma Lady" song so quickly after they just finished talking like sailors that just got their eye poked out. Most of these ladybugs demand respect when they are subliminally disrespecting themselves at the same time.

And I know I'm not crazy when I see PLENTY OF MEN Tweeting and Facebooking that this behavior is very unattractive.

Appearances definitely do deceive too because I've seen some really attractive ladybugs (I mean that in the most heterosexual way possible) that have mouths that belong on a couple angry club bouncers that just broke up a fight.  Such a waste of a pretty face.

I feel like some women believe that their loose mouth is a badge of confidence and I believe that it's really more a badge of ignorance and insecurity. Yes, it's also a nasty habit for some women but you can tell who speaks foul because they're used to it compared to a woman who has no shame about it.

I do believe the old saying that swearing is a sign of poor vocabulary. YEP. SURE DO. BECAUSE WHEN I DID IT MYSELF (yeah this is the Doodlebug DIARY) my vocabulary back then needed some Jesus.

And it's just like Queen Latifah said in "U-N-I-T-Y", when she said:

"Now everybody knows there's exceptions to this rule, now don't be gettin' mad when we're playing it's cool..."

So yeah, I know that sometimes it's used for comedic purposes...(I'm not the curse word police) but some people don't even realize that they put themselves in a particular light when they talk like this. Then they'll be the same person pissed off for some guy talking to them like that.  Or they kid themselves into thinking they are considered "the cool chick who keeps it 100".  Ahem...no.  You're the chick who demotes your appearance by speaking like a savage.

And maybe I can chalk this up to my age because I'm 28 now, but when I was 18...19...even in my earlier 20's I had a lower standard for what I said and sadly enough what was said to me. I know even now I can't lie, I might slip up sometimes, but I try to be mindful that it's an awful habit and I'm a mother so I need to do better.

This isn't to bash anybody.  Nobody's perfect and like I said, my own lips aren't 100% free of french-style four letters...but it's not a habit anymore.   I'm hoping some ladybug will read this and say: yeah, I know I need to calm my words down a taste, instead of being in denial that it's a low standard for yourself when you do it all the time.

Go ahead and act like that don't sound like some of y'all.  LOL.  And that's exactly who you look like when your mouth starts to resemble a Porta-Potty.

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NOBODY CAN SHINE BETTER THAN ME!!!

 I'm tired of chicks that let their friends walk out the house looking set the hell up.  Yeah y'all.

I remember it was Summer of 2007.  I was ready to get my single lady dance on with my sorority sister.  She came to my apartment and I was still trying to get ready so we could go party together.  I went into my room and came out with a pair of plaid short shorts (booty shorts cut) with heels and a dress shirt.  The shorts were very much in style at that particular time.

The second I stepped foot into the living room, my friend had this look of shock on her face as her eyes were darted at my shorts.  Then she asked me, "Are you really leaving out of the house like that?"  I was puzzled by that question and asked her why she would ask me that.  She plainly said, "You want "THAT" kind of attention wearing those shorts out here? Your thighs are RIDICULOUS!"

So I decided to double-take myself in the full-body mirror and see if I saw what she saw.  I really didn't think that I was about to draw that much attention to myself but the fact was that my friend made me aware of something I didn't see on my own.

I kept looking...then I noticed how I looked in movement - bending over and all kinds of fun stuff like that.  Then I pumped my brakes and changed.  I really didn't want that kind of attention.  Being appreciated for my appearance was one thing, but being considered fresh pickings in the "take home" category wasn't quite what I was going for.

Some people might say that she just didn't want me to shine brighter than her or be sexier than her...but usually those people are a walking contradiction or obviously insecure.  She was neither of the two and for good reason.  No homo, but my friend is HOT.  

This is something that I find to be more of a rare quality in friends these days - especially with women.  For some reason, there seems to be an epidemic of relationships that are filled with non-genuine behavior.  "Friends" not truly taking the best interest of each other and playing subliminal competitive games rather than backing one another up.

Now, for some people, friendships take a backseat to family life (especially if you're married) but some people consider their friends to be their "family".  And regardless of either situation, it is still important about the company you keep because some friends are more lethal than people you've identified as an enemy.

And my reason is this:  Any person that you entrust confidential information to should be worthy of it.  Any person that would let a alien-shaped crater hang out of your nose because she secretly wants to demote your appearance is insecure and has let that outweigh their devotion to being a true friend to you.  Be watchful of these individuals.

People and their insecurities will always cripple themselves, but also whomever they spend their time and energy on.  They are draining and really, it's not about abandoning these people, but understanding where they are and what role you will take in their lives, if any.

Choose your circle of trust wisely kids...

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