Women Who Side With Men To Earn COOL POINTS...

Can I just say that I get really irritated when I see women trying to be the "cool one" to guys? They irk a special place in my soul because I feel like some of them do and say so much to earn "cool points" with men.

I remember my ex telling me about how a girl he dated for a short period of time showed him how to block people from his Facebook account.  She told him, "You'll thank me later", like she was being a true and blue ally on the "I'm cooler than your ex" side.  B*tch...I'll slap you.  The only thing she was doing was subliminally spitting game hoping he would eventually see her value and the fact that she was "cooler" than the norm.

Honestly, I sound pissed about it...I'm not.  I'm more intrigued that I still hear women my age (30 somethings) say things like, "I have only male friends" and "guys are so much easier to hang with than women", and I'm like, "duuuuuhhhhhh dummy!"  His sausage needs a good bun to enter and what better person than a dumb ass who believes she's the golden child of understanding men?!  If you don't sit your dollar 99 ass down before I provide a discount with the sole of my shoe.

Seriously damn it.  Women need to stop acting like they have the answers to what men want/need all the time. All men (people) are different so you can't say that you have a lock down on the universal code when many men do different things for different reasons.  I'm not saying those of you who actually have a meaningful bond with a male are full of it, but when a woman begins bragging about it, I immediately think of this:

There are some women who will argue to the death that females are so emotional, catty, petty and blah-blah-blah when in reality, men can be the same way.  In reality, some of those women are the same ones who would mess around with your dude and because she's not emotionally attached or affected by what she's doing, will blame her sneakiness on women who are just "insecure".  I personally know women like this.  It was cool to say at 22 when I didn't know sh*t that I "understand dudes".  Now, it's just retarded.  I'm a woman, and I have people around me of whatever sex, race, background that I TRUST and know gives a damn about me.  Very simple.

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Melyssa Ford and Her Interview w/ Sway: Life as a Video Chick

Melyssa Ford, a well-known video vixen that has gone from being the eye candy of rappers into the real estate arena visited Sway on the Shade 45 show to talk about her life as a video vixen and what she went through.

Some quotes from Ms. Ford - (and my thought responses in PURPLE)

"These amateurs out here, who are doing too much for too little, cheapen the business."
I definitely agree with this.  I believe that Melyssa Ford chose to be an urban model at a transitional point where the value of the video vixen was on a steady decline.  Much like an actual musical artist because anyone with a computer, a microphone and recording software can call themselves a singer, rapper, etc.  At one point, the urban model WAS ACTUALLY AN URBAN MODEL that was treated with some form of respect, but then when the market became saturated, it lost value big time.  Some models became models to be beautiful and be the object of desire where other women agreed to sign the whore contract.

"I wasn’t afraid to tell the artist “Could you be respectful? Could you keep your hands above my waist and below my breasts?” Cause I’ll slap the dog s–t out of you. Please don’t.”  They were always very respectful." 
I feel like at the time where Melyssa Ford was at the height of her identity as an urban model (circa late 90s to the early 2000s, lyrics in your most popular songs were not speaking of women as hoes/bitches on a regular basis.  It was beginning to transition into that with the rise of dirty south music (I know that music from the northeast/west could contain just as many degrading lyrics about women, but it wasn't as mainstream until the south took over).  With that being said, I can see her feeling justified in her behavior and drawing a line of professionalism (in her own mind).

"Chicks started to go outside in their backyard wearing a bikini with a polaroid camera and started calling themselves models. I’m like no, that does not a model. It was really, really frustrating. It goes the same thing with anybody who devotes a certain portion of their life and blood, sweat, and tears to a craft. It’s just disrespectful. I’m not calling video modeling a craft, people, before you try and get me for that s–t, that’s not what I’m trying to say. I’m more talking about modeling in that respect."
I can understand how she may have had actual training as a model and look at someone who never took a class a day in their life or signed with an actual agency like, "really"?  I do believe that the bad apples of hip hop in terms of culture and image have spoiled the mainstream perception of the genre.  Of course, you have artists who degrade women, but not all rappers were doing that.  The ones who were became front and center (however) and brought forth a population of "bad bitches" who sent a strong message of "only good enough to f*ck."

"I didn’t reinvent the wheel. There’s so many women who came before me. Pinup girls of the 1950s…it’s not like I was walking around butt a– naked. I was selling sensuality. I was selling a product. There was no difference between me and Carmen Electra or Pamela Anderson. I was doing the same thing that they were. I just took my image, I slapped it on product, I branded myself. I just paid really close attention to the whole supply and demand. Business 101. That was it. I don’t know. I don’t see anything wrong with it. I was working."
Honestly, I do believe Melyssa Ford actually was trying to be a professional model working for the Urban Arena.  The problem is that music really does imitate life and you can't separate the disrespectful image people will have if you're next to someone who looks the same but standards are different.  You're already guilty by association.  Guilty meaning, asking for disrespect.

"I don’t really have any regrets because I didn’t do anything to be regretful for. I was literally known as the ‘Queen of No’ on video sets. Anybody could tell you that. Interview Hype Williams, Little X, anybody that was on production. They knew Melyssa wasn’t down for a lot of stuff. Wardrobe choices. Even certain songs for music videos I wouldn’t do because I didn’t agree with the lyrical content. I was like, ‘ I can’t represent this.’ My regret is that other women did not conduct themselves in the best possible ways and that within itself is where the stigma [of video girls] kind of [got] out of control. And unfortunately for me, it became my cross to bear because I was the most quote-unquote prolific."
Exactly.  I have yet to hear any real rumors of Melyssa Ford being anyone's whore specifically.  I just think if she wanted more success as a model she should have stayed away from the Urban arena.  Because unfortunately, black folks don't know how to act.  There are too many people (male and female) who really don't respect themselves and stand for a bunch of BS that reflects the BS they probably grew up seeing through parents or relatives.  I'll stop being a psychologist now, but I think Melyssa is one that (although had a very prominent figure - enhanced or not) just wanted to be a model and normal person at the same time.  Not a "bad bitch", not someone's "ho", not a "body count", but just a model.  

A lot of women short change themselves by being next to some of the most hideous, Cyclops looking, disrespectful shitty faced bastards I've ever seen in my life.  And that reason only makes me co-sign with Melyssa mentioning the value depreciation of the model.

BUT....she still chose the poison of selling her looks, and I really believe in her mind she thought she was valuable but stepping into the world of the "video-vixen" is a lose-lose situation if integrity is something you stand for.  How much integrity can you really have when you're no more valuable than being entered, exited, then talked about in a f*cked up way afterwards?

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Either We "Smoke, Drink, or we Break-Up"....

So for all the 30's and 30-somethings... Back in the mid-90's...when Marques Houston and the rest of his Immature crew rocked a better "Just for Me" perm than ANY OF US LADIES, he had back-up singers and dancers (yessir). So before Jhene Aiko stepped into the music arena, HER SISTER JAMILA (aka Japollonia) was on the move in a group called Gyrl trying her hand at potential stardom. She rocked these long braids with the beanie hats (my flashback mode is in full effect). But ANYHOO...she has come out with the first single off of her soon-to-be released album with Island Def Jam called "Smoke, Drink, Break-Up". (check it out BELOW)

At first I felt like it was really dramatic at the beginning, and I wasn't sure I was really feeling the song - until I began connecting to the lyrics and what she was addressing.

Who has poured a drink or sparked something because they were trying to calm down, chill out - of course, certain people are going to try and maintain their little levels of decorum and be like, "oh, not me, I don't do stuff like that."  And i'll say..."yeaaaaaaaahhhh OK."

This is why so many people (especially older folks 35+) have chronic substance abuse issues now. It's easier to numb yourself rather than having a nervous breakdown or fight over things time and time again.  There's an attachment there, but the drink, the smoke, sometimes other substances allow people to "cope" (aka mask the bad feeling).

I'm not even here to preach about substance abuse though.  My M.O. has more to do with how we don't connect properly.

Somebody's selfish, doesn't want to listen, wants to be right, they're bored, maybe a liar, have an inner Quagmire inside of them, won't prioritize responsibilities (this is a huge one for the absent parents), etc etc etc.

My only thing with this is:  young people problems turn into old people problems.  The 20-somethings who deal with problems by burying them will be 30-somethings within a flash of a pan doing the same crap without some reflection, holding themselves accountable, and being real with yourself.  That saying "young fools turn into old fools" is SO REAL.  I've seen them first hand with a ton of stories, regrets, and advice.

As for Mila J (Jamila), I wish her the best.  Hopefully the comparisons to Aaliyah and Ciara won't annoy her too much - I feel like a 90's influenced artist will always display some characteristics personally but whatever, what do I know... (LOL)

(Throwback 90's pic of Mila J)

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Could You Hang Out With Your Exes' New Boo?

(Rumors of Alicia Keys, wife of Swizz Beatz and Mashonda, Ex-wife of Swizz hanging out)

I could dammit.  I mean, why not?

Honestly, I can speak first hand by saying that when you truly let the past be the past, it's okay to make amends with your ex and whomever is new in their life.  I honestly embrace the idea of trucing with your exes' other half because if there are children involved, to create issues only affects them in the long run.

As long as everyone shows respect for one another, I don't see any problem with it.  The only time there is usually a problem is when someone is not over the other person completely.

As a woman, I know who I am and my value.  As long as I'm aware of this, what didn't work out in my previous relationship will not dictate my actions towards someone that had nothing to do with it.

Now to be 100...F*CK ALL THAT HANGING OUT CRAP.  I was joking.  Kiss my damn ass. Hahahahaha.  Good for you Alicia and Mashonda.  I'm sure Swizz is dreaming of you two kissing and making up with him in the middle for a threesome sandwich.  I kid, I kid.  LOL

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What The Hell Future?!

Skip to 5:15 in the video ---



Now, I'm certainly not trying to make something out of nothing, but damn it man.  Wendy Williams asks Future about Ciara and why he chose to marry her since so many people in the present generation don't really believe in marriage as much anymore.

I feel like his answer was almost saying, well...I'd rather not sleep with all these slut buckets out here so let me just tie myself down to focus better on the career.  I just wanted to hear him saying something about what he actually FELT for her.

Am I being too sensitive about this?  I'm being too much of a chick right now huh?

My hopeless romantic side definitely needs some adjusting to some of the things I see nowadays that's for damn sure. (LOL)

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In 2014, What Is "WIFEY MATERIAL"??? -- Keyshia Cole Situation w/ V103 FM

Keyshia Cole got pretty pissed off during an interview on V-103 with Ryan Cameron's assistant Wanda Smith after she asked the question, "do you feel you were wifey material" in relation to the subject matter with her recent split with future ex-husband, Daniel "Boobie" Gibson.

“Do you feel like you were wifey material?” Wanda questioned.

“You know what? Y’all really f**kin’ with my sh** right now,” Keyshia responded. “I got some other sh** going on. What y’all wanna talk about? Tell me now.”

“You were so busy, you had your career popping off and you were doing your thing,”  Wanda explained. “Then you had to phase out and start doing the wifey things, the cooking, taking care of the kids. Were you really ready for that or were you still trying to do your music thing?” (Wanda)

Regardless of how Ms. Cole's reputation is with being a hot head, I totally understand why she jumped on the defense.  The fact that she tried to maintain a level of chill during the interview and not completely fly off the handle is admirable in itself.  To have to deal with infidelity leading to the split of someone you care for - then dealing with the media shaping stories, motives, personalities, etc. for viewership is enough to take someone out of their zone.

But I present the question:

What is "wife material"?  I purposely took off the "Y" because that term in itself irks the Doodle out of my Bug (I'm wack, I know).

I feel like there are so many variations and examples of married women these days.  I would say it depends on the man and his personal wants, but what qualities exude "wife" to most men?

Here are some qualities I jacked from my Manly Bugs...

Shares same beliefs

Attractive

Makes you a better man

Trustworthy

Ambitious

Selfless

Smart

Unconditionally loves you

Responsible

Gets along with your family

Gentleman, how does that list look?  And do these type of women usually "win" in the long run???

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Nicki Minaj Says, "It's OK to go After Married Men"

Well, it isn't exactly Nicki....

It's her role as Lydia starring as Cameron Diaz's assistant in the new movie, "The Other Woman" that will open in theaters on April 25th.

Diaz's character, Carly finds out that the guy she's really into happens to be married and here's the clip of their discussion about it:





 MOVIE PREVIEW TRAILER FOR "THE OTHER WOMAN" 



Andddd...although the movie isn't based around Cameron's acceptance of being the "other woman", I do believe there are many women who have come to accept and play a Tug of War game with a man in their radar that happens to be taken.

I personally know women who don't give a sh*t and the only thing that comes to mind is, are some of us really that hard up for attention and love that we will either take it how we can get it or we just don't care about dealing with a man who will give us 100% of their love, affection, attention, etc.?

Many women who are married will just label them as sluts, whores, etc. - which I probably would too if I had to deal with one invading my homefront, but with the imbalance of males to females (benefiting the guys), has this confirmed that married men will take advantage of the possibilities?

The only women I can empathize with are the ones who were blindsided and fell in love with a married liar.  If a man lies about his relationship status and in the process develops a relationship with a woman, that woman is building an attachment on false pretenses.  Then when she finds out what's going on, to say she should walk away is easier said than done.  People will always tell others what they should do anyway until they are put in the same situation and that's when it gets real.

It's rough in these streets I tell ya.

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The Quickest Way To Get Over a Man is to Get Under A New One, if You're Evelyn

How long is a sufficient time to bounce back from a failed relationship?  Can healthy relationships really happen while a person is in the rebound phase?

This question came up from the whole Evelyn Lozada new baby/new fiancee' news.  The former basketball, then football, and now baseball "wife" just gave birth to a baby boy with LA Dodgers baseball star Carl Crawford and her older daughter Shaniece by her side.

Back when she was six months preggo, there was speculation of her relationship with Crawford when a Twitter conversation between Ochocinco and a fan surfaced where the fan said he saw Evelyn with Crawford at his job.

The allegations of their relationship were denied until the last trimester of her pregnancy.  Now with the birth of their new son, I was curious of whether the old saying of "the quickest way to get over a man is to get under a new one" is a truthful rule of thumb.  It's usually a Hollywood norm to see people bounce from relationships, but given the recent controversy of Evelyn and Chad's violent episodes, I ask again is it okay to move on with someone else so soon after a split, let alone conceive a child?

I feel like Evelyn is in marriage/family mode and realizes her biological clock is ticking.  She might have honestly wanted to hurry up and take advantage of the eggs that are still functioning.

Either way, she's a gorgeous MILF.  Wishing her all the best.

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Paula Patton Says She's Not Ready To Take Him Back

At this point, everyone knows about Robin Thicke and his public pleas to wife, Paula Patton about taking him back after they separated.  Robin Thicke has been under fire for many public displays where he touched other women inappropriately and embarrassing his wife in the process.

Many have debated whether this was a publicity stunt, but I would imagine that it's hard enough to think straight when something like being betrayed shakes you up emotionally.  Then having to deal with millions of spectators and their opinions about what you should/shouldn't do.

The level of thick skin that needs to exist for relationships in the public eye is REAL, and while there are some couples who are rumored to be in open relationships, there are just as many duos who speak on traditional values and their exclusivity.

I wish them the best and hope that somehow they can find their way back into a trusting bond. They have so much history along with a beautiful child and it would be a shame for it to be thrown away because he was being selfish and caught up within his career.

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Fellas! Is She A Burden On Your Wallet?!

I was involved in a discussion where the men and women were debating an online article that encouraged women to start asking guys out on dates more because there are tons of men who are on the quieter side who may be interested, but not as confident to make the first step.

So the whole debate thread starts jumping (Shoutout to Sonya Lowry and her show World Next Door TV for inspiring this post), and a gentleman brings up the topic of how men are expected to do so much in the courtship phase when it comes to initiation, as well as money.  This really bothered me because as a woman, I know some BROKE ASSES that have no problem keeping a woman's interest because there's something about that guy that draws them in.  This isn't to say that a man shouldn't be stable (or working towards stability), but I believe that a lot of men think the wrong way when it comes to this expectation.

OF COURSE there will be women who are wallet shopping.  Just like there are men who are only shopping for the juiciest Kit Kat, or the brag-worthy arm piece.

BUT THIS IS A SITUATION THAT SHOULD HAVE BALANCE.  Nobody should have to feel like they're breaking the bank to get to know someone and there are plenty of women who you can entertain by doing wallet-friendly things.

FOR EXAMPLE...

Why the heck can't we have a picnic?!  Depending on where you live, you might be able to pull this off year-round, but even if weather is an issue, we could still go somewhere with nice scenery and enjoy our surroundings.  A picnic requires minimal funding if you set it up ahead of time. No, you are not soft for setting up a picnic, you are soft for trying to purchase lobster tails knowing your Rush Card's only good for some hot dogs and a Big Gulp from 7-11 .


STARBUCKS For the WIN!!!  You can kiss my round rump cushion for saying I'm biased about this one.  For the people who know me, they already know this move is more strategic to spark my interest than many other fancier things.  Coffee is a minimal cost situation and a safe haven for great conversation and possibly the beginning of a great connection.


Go to a museum.  Why not?  First of all, it might give you something to talk about - whether you are knowledgeable about certain types of art or if you just have eyes and a possible opinion about what you're looking at - it's an opportunity to connect with someone who will probably appreciate your creative decision to go somewhere that isn't so cliche' on the first date.


Go to a festival.  There are ALWAYS things happening depending on the time of year.  All you have to do is check out a few websites (Google is your FRIEND) and if you're not too lazy, take her there!  They are usually free events that have a number of things you can do - including sparking conversation to CONNECT!


Check out the Open Mic/Poetry scene in your area.  This is an awesome way to open the forum for convo or discussion about topics you both may be interested in.  The cover charge is almost always minimal or non-existent.  If you appreciate this craft, why not share it with a potential mate?


Invite her to something that you already do!  This might be a great way to open her up to your world.

The key is to be real with yourself and real with her.  Don't go wine tasting if you don't give a damn about different wines.  Don't take her salsa dancing if you really don't want to do that. That's not to say don't be open-minded, but there is compromise in all of this!

I find that there are many men who feel uneasy about putting out money in pursuit of a woman, but don't tap into the notion of actually spending the quality time with her and making that the first priority.  Trust me, there are plenty of moneybags walking around where swiping the plastic is not an issue, but they still can't get continuous action.  Why you ask?!  Do I really have to go there again?  Yeah I do.  BECAUSE THEY SUCK - THEIR CONVO IS DRY, THEY ARE MORE WORRIED ABOUT THE OUTCOME OF THE DATE THAN ENJOYING THE ACTUAL DATE AND WOMEN CAN SENSE THIS CRAP, THEY AREN'T CONFIDENT, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

The point is, you don't have to be a baller to connect with a woman.  At ALL.  It starts and ends with YOU.  Don't get all salty about trying to put out money when you could have just been real from the beginning and stayed within your means.  If she judges you for that then well, it's on you if you want to continue to pursue a woman like that.

I do believe there's somebody for everybody.

BUT FELLAS!  Talk to me.  Do you find that women are typically expecting you to wine and dine her?  What's your take on this?

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