STOP TRYING TO FORCE A SITUATION

It's so crazy how we always try to do things within our own strength and half of the time...we blind ourselves with uncertainty and confusion. Deep down we know the answer, but we're afraid to move on what our intuition is telling us.

And one thing that my friend had to remind me one day was that we can either react on what God tries to show us...or we can let him come in and shake things up.  And sometimes that "shaking things up" puts us on the softest part of our as*es in the hardest way.

A LOT of the things that hold us back has to do with the curse of being INDECISIVE.  We often allow things to sit and manifest until we look up at the calendar and it's a year later and you thought somehow (in a magical storybook-like manner) things were going to change for the better with no action on your part.  Um...uh...NO.  That's not how it works.

I talked to a woman older than me (about 50 years old) who told me straight up that she wasted a lot of years trying to work out things in a relationship with her ex that didn't want to be worked out.  She told me that many of us spend so much time in a sea of confusion, when the only thing that is truly confusing us is OURSELVES AND OUR FEARS. 

If you believe in God, if you have ever prayed to a God before, you have something inside of you that gives you an alarm when things aren't right.  And that isn't there because God wants you to ignore it.  It's there because God needs you to stop trying to let your fear and weakness drive you - which is what we do in many situations that we create...maintain...or never end.

I'm not preaching.  I'm trying to tell you all who read my stuff that I have struggled with this too.

LESSON OF THE DAY:  DON'T REMAIN IN ONE PLACE THAT YOU KNOW YOU DON'T BELONG.  "REMAIN" MEANING PROCRASTINATION.  YOU MIGHT WAKE UP 20 YEARS LATER WITH THE SAME PROBLEM AND MUCH MORE WRINKLES AND CELLULITE.  THEN WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?  BUY YOUR POLIGRIP AND DEPENDS DIAPERS BEING AS MISERABLE AS YOU WERE AS A YOUNG ADULT.

Read more »

THE ATTEMPTED MURDER OF CHIVALRY

Chivalry is ENDANGERED...not DEAD.  I definitely have had my experiences in the past with guys that couldn't spell the word R-E-S-P-E-C-T with a broke record of Aretha Franklin in the room, but I wonder sometimes if the majority of ladies have to learn things the hard way when they're dealing with a disrespectful or non-chivalrous other half.

I've been amazed at the women I've encountered in the recent past that have a very high tolerance for a guy treating them like a "maybe" or a "Plan Z".

I was reading an article that talked about 10 traits that men look for in a mate and one of them was a woman that doesn't take crap from anyone.  Meaning that her tolerance level for being mistreated or taken for granted is non-existent.

Often what I see happening is a woman's BARK being worse than her BITE - not that I'm trying to compare my beautiful ladybugs to a dog, but you know what I'm saying.

And if you don't know what I'm saying...I mean that as females who get emotional pretty easily, many women vent and try to release those feelings through argument, yelling, or some type of emotionally charged behavior.  BUT...doing all of that does not mean you don't tolerate being mistreated.  It might prove you have a problem with it, but fussing about it and then having make up sex 3 hours later is hardly putting your foot down to someone that you might want a future with.  On the contrast, it actually puts you in a position to be taken less and less serious.

Establishing clear standards of what you expect in a relationship is SO VITAL for anyone who wants to be in a healthy relationship.  But more than this, you need to make sure you LIVE BY IT TOO.

Living by it does not mean venting to your girlfriends, getting them all amp'd up and trying to find blunt objects for your man's forehead on Monday and then you're back in "Lovey Dovey" mode by Wednesday with your girls still in Tyson mode.

Men like women with DEFINITION.  Period.  Point blank.  If you are "blahhhh...whatever" about what he does and what you want...he will be too.

Chivalry and respect go hand in hand.  And YES...some guys will never totally grasp the concept of what it means to show respect and favor of that kind to a woman...but that's when you block that Troll (yes I said Troll) off your Facebook...Skype...Twitter...Face to Face and pager if you're old school like that.

Read more »

COLLEGES WILL RIP YOU OFF…READ THIS.

Yeah they will.  It all depends on where you want to go.  In my 3,432,763,098,654,237 years of college, one thing that I can tell ANYONE about deciding to enroll somewhere is that we are in an age where many schools are in the business of making money WAY BEFORE they care about the quality of education you receive. 

We have a TON of options now when it comes to education.  Everything from online classes to hands-on instruction with a professional, to universities, to the jacked up institution that I've given time and money to for the past four years.

If you are considering going to school, wherever you are in your professional journey...PLEASE make sure you do your homework and learn about where you're trying to go before you commit.  Also remember that the recruiter you speak to is a salesperson trying to sign you up for the school.  Ask them for honest information that can be backed up.

Make sure you know EXACTLY how much your degree plan will cost you and how much financial aid you will be able to get.

If they have a commercial for their school that comes on every 10 minutes on the CW station (hint-hint)...run like hell.  There is a reason why they have to do so much advertising.  Think about those late night infomercials about crap and the dude is yelling at the camera like he's still letting off stress from his WWE wrestling job.

For-Profit Colleges Exposed
(click the link above to get more info about this topic)

WARNING: THIS VIDEO HAS HIGH PROFANITY.  BUT HE'S ON POINT WITH THE WHOLE SITUATION.  PLEASE DON'T WATCH IF YOU'RE EASILY OFFENDED.

My point is: many colleges are taking advantage of people who want to better themselves. These folks may have low income, they might be stuck in their dead-end job, might be a single parent or someone who just wants to pursue their dream.

So if you are obligated to pay them to invest in your education....they are obligated to make sure you get exactly what you're paying for.  Simple as that.

Read more »

I’M NOT GIVING YOU SEX!!!

This guy right here had me snappin' my fingers like I just got blown away with poetry.  That "we're havin' Church in here today" poetry.  Maybe if we can find an artist to make a song about this in a really clever way, then it might get thru to a few ladybugs.  Seriously.  His name is John Lott and he's on my Facebook.  He often speaks his mind, but today he said something that TOO MANY CHICAS NEED TO GET THROUGH TO THEIR BRAIN.  He said:

"LADIES, many of you get mad at me for saying that you have a power that you will not harness and use for good. You say, "He's always blaming women"(smh). You have used "it" to lead men astray, so why not use "it" for good. If you didn't WANT thugs, deadbeats, and rappers that disrespect women....THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY.  Stop blaming men for the things you support or silently condone. Yes, it requires discipline and a BOYCOTT...but isn't it worth it??? For your daughter's sake?"

Then he gives a BIG example of the power of the P-U - (y'all know how to spell it) right here w/ this link discussing a sex strike over in the Phillipines:

CLICK HERE FOR STORY OF SEX STRIKE 

The fact is: many of us that complain spend more time venting rather than being an example of the solution.

People get tired of hearing complaints....BUT MOST OF THESE PEOPLE WHO ARE TIRED OF HEARING COMPLAINING DO THE SAME THING TOO!!!

People do WHAT YOU LET THEM DO.  You might not be able to change a person, but you damn sure can change how they interact with you.  It takes two to keep that going and you are one-half of that equation.

This is not male-bashing.  This is just a wake-up call reminder.  I love my strong men of all shades and walks of life that are being true to themselves and others - BUT THERE ARE A CLASS OF LADIES OUT HERE WHO REWARD JACKED UP BEHAVIOR.  AND WHY?  BECAUSE YOU NEED HIS PENIS?  HIS MONEY?  HIS SIDE OF THE BED TO BE WARM TOO?  - i'll bet you have that with him...but only on days he feels like giving it too you and not someone else.  And with that being said...i'll just say the other door WAAAAAAY over there ~~~~~~~~~~>  looks much more appealing.

Read more »

EVERYBODY WANTS TO POST A QUOTE...

EVERYBODY WANTS TO POST A QUOTE...

 That they DON'T follow themselves.  I've probably done this too so just feel snuggly and warm on the inside knowing that I'm talking about myself too.  I don't understand why people spend so much time posting cute little pictures of quotes or things so somebody will co-sign for them on Facebook - instead of spending more time actually focusing on what the message is about.

Alright...so I did that one time about the whole saying, "Your ATTITUDE determines your LATITUDE".  I probably made this post sometime in 2010 earlier that year.  Little did I know about a year and some change later...my surroundings (people-wise) had drastically changed and for the first time I realized many things and types of people that annoyed the Sugar Honey Iced Teabags out of me.  So yeah...I had some PMS-like action in my mental space.  "Some PMS" really was more like "excessive" to be totally honest.  Especially in the morning.  I wanted to kick a couple of innocent metro riders down a malfunctioning escalator for no reason.  I felt icky and annoyed. 

It's SOOOOOO easy to come across "righteous" and like a "voice of reason" but half the time, we have no idea that self-reflection is so much more important.  Honestly, how many of us REALLY post a quote because we want to reach out to someone who may benefit from what we post...rather than just having 15+ people co-sign on what you're saying (which is really preaching to the choir or having a slight case of narcissism).

Trust me, I post stuff too, but I actually pray on these things.  I didn't say I wear any halos or anything (Lord knows I'm crying out for help daily) but I try to practice what I preach at least.  Remember that you are always a student.  Unless you are claiming to be God.  And that we are most certainly NOT.

Read more »

I ONLY HAVE MALE FRIENDS

How many ladies out there have heard another woman who brags about having mostly or all male friends because females "cannot be trusted"?

Does anything about that statement make you want to kick her down a flight of steps?  (I'm not violent, I swear.)

This entry will be brief (I think) but I'll have PLENTY MORE TO SAY ABOUT IT in future postings.

This topic really makes me want to stress the value of female bonding.  It's a priceless thing to have in your life when you can honestly be true friends with other women without there being a trust issue.

Saying that you have all male friends DOES NOT MEAN you are down to earth, or more easygoing, or smarter than a woman who has a balance of male/female friends or the woman who is only closer to other women.  It's only saying that apparently you have a chip on your shoulder about women (much like a sexist or a racist) and it should be addressed.

There are untrustworthy people (male and female) PERIOD.  No one gender takes the crown for being the biggest jerk.  Sorry. 

And one thing that a person who brags about something like this should really do is ask themselves:  What's the REAL reason why I don't have many female bonds?  Is it because they're all "haters"?  Or is there a deeper reason that I may be in denial about? 


All the cat-like behavior from the ladybugs needs to stop. 

Read more »

I NEED A CHEERLEADER…NOT A “YES” MAN.

The people who you should keep around are the ones who are your cheerleaders even if they don't always agree with the team you're on. 

BUT...there is a difference between having people in your circle that are "yes men" and people that support what you do.  So errrr---ummm--- let's break down the difference.

If you have a true friend, they will be a voice of reason when you are too far in your emotions to think rationally about a situation.  They don't tell you what you want to hear for the sake of keeping you satisfied.  They side with truth and their beliefs according to what is best for you.  Now, some people don't have a clue what's really best for you, but that's when they keep it real with you and acknowledge that.  The "know-it-all" folks can be just as bad as the ones with agendas.  Many times they are one and the same.


Speaking of agendas...a friend who is supportive will not put their own wants before giving you advice that is best for you. We all know people who operate like that where the solution they give you magically becomes something they will be happy with too.  I don't care how long you've known the person or if they are a family member...it doesn't matter.  If someone constantly gives you advice that resembles what they want you to do rather than what you should be doing, you need to call them out on it.

I know I have had to check myself when it came to the way I would deal with another person.  I have been a "yes man" sometimes.  Mainly because of wanting to be supportive and someone that others felt like they could really talk to.  But I know I would want my circle to be real with me, so if I can't do the same...I deserve a crowd of "yes men" around me.


I emphasize the point of this because there are many miserable-minded people in the world who may care for you but they operate by trying to manipulate situations and people close to them.  There are also people in the world who could give a damn about your issues so it's easy to give you a half-hearted response when you're looking for advice or a voice of reason. 


More than all that though...what you surround yourself with will start to become the tone of your mindset.  I promise you - as many people that believe they know right from wrong...if you stick around enough pessimistic people, enough hypocrites, liars, thieves, or any of the like...YOU GROW LESS SENSITIVE TO THAT BEHAVIOR.   And yes...you will probably begin to mirror it.

Cheerleaders give you a mental boost and encourage you to stay on your toes where you are constantly evolving.  They are not threatened by your moves.  If anything your moves inspire them to get moving as well.  We all need them because without them we can find ourselves depressed or without motivation.  

Alright, I think I've made my point...I'll shut up for now.

Read more »

WHAT’S YOUR PRIORITY SINGLE LADY??? (PART ONE)

I'VE BEEN AWAY FOR A WHILE...BUT NOW I'M BACK MORE LONG-WINDED THAN EVER!!! (HEE-HEE-HA-HA)

Dear Single Woman,

It's cute to say you're "grinding"...it's really admirable to yip yap about the fact that you're doing "you" (whatever that is), when all you're really doing in your mind is trying to carry the 1 and push the equals sign on the calculator about who will sweep you off your feet and marry you.

MY DIARY ENTRY: I WAS DEFINITELY THAT CHICK. CIRCA 2009, I WAS PROPOSED TO AS I WAS ACTUALLY TRYING TO BREAK UP WITH MY EX-BOYFRIEND. I FORCED THE MOMENT BECAUSE I FINALLY HEARD THOSE WORDS UTTERED I HAD WAITED A LIFETIME FOR. BUT THE PERSON I WAS WITH PROPOSED ON ONE HELL OF A WHELM. NO RING. NO PLANNED APPROACH TO MAKE IT EVEN REMOTELY ROMANTIC. HE JUST GOT ON HIS KNEES AS ONE LAST ATTEMPT TO SHUT ME UP ABOUT HOW AWFUL OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS. AND I SAID YES. AND WHY? BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I HAD PAID MY DUES.

Most of us...either mid/late 20's...30's...and 40's women at some point begin to evaluate our personal lives, and if we're still unwed, we definitely start having those talks with our closest confidants about the pursuit of Mr. Right.

Problem is, MANY OF US DO NOT KNOW WHAT WE WANT OUT OF A HUBBY!!! Yeah, we claim that we want an honest, respectful, romantic man that has financial stability. But let me tell you what happens in the middle of that sentence before we finish the rest of that ball-faced lie...

WE CONTINUE TO INVEST UNDESERVED TIME TOWARD ALL THE MR. WRONGS BECAUSE WE'RE TOO AFRAID TO SIT THE HELL DOWN FOR A HOT SECOND, CHILL AND WAIT FOR MR. RIGHT THAT IS OUT THERE TO COME GET US.

How many of yall ladybugs out there KNOOOOOOOW deep down that you have a complete LAME, LOSER, LOW-LIFE on speed-dial and need to house down a whole bottle of Moscato (or if you have a powerful stomach...some Captain Morgan - I don't drink anymore BTW...) just so you can entertain him and forget about how pathetic the situation is?

And after that episode ends...you're either repentin' to Jesus or feeling emptier than before you saw him because you know that this isn't in agreement with your conscience.

This is what I KNOW ladybugs. When you develop a true purpose and strive to better your life and focus on the contribution you want to make in the world, in the lives of the people you love, and frankly, find something to do with yourself --- HE WILL COME AND FIND YOU!!!!

On top of that, your surroundings will change for the better. When you have more focus and purpose in your life, you notice that more trivial things that could take up time in your life get pushed further and further to the BACK of your mind. It's called developing standards for your life.

One beautiful thing about being single is that you have time to think independently with fewer emotional distractions. Take that time to KNOW YOURSELF and LOVE YOURSELF and TAKE PRIDE IN WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT. Trust me. He'll come once you stop trippin' about it.

Read more »

LETTER TO LIL WAYNE FROM A CHILD

You know, it's one thing to hear a bunch of adults talk about an artist like Lil' Wayne and the fact that many of his lyrics are degrading - especially to women. But But BUT...there is so much to be said about A LITTLE GIRL who sings a song to plead to the very popular and commercialized artist to end his pattern of lyrics that paint a very hurtful and negative picture of women.

This is called, "Letter to Lil' Wayne". You know the guy, about 4 feet negative 5 inches (because we all know in order to be on rock star status you can't be above 5'8....think about it) dude with the dreads. Okay i'll stop...I know that was mean and I should be ashamed. Please watch the video...

(Watoto From The Nile are a group of young Afrikan sisters that create inspiration music for the youth of urban communities.)

Why is it that a 10 year old can see this but so many grown ups or people who happen to be over the age of 18 cannot? I do understand the idea of relating to an artist. I do understand the idea of party music. I do understand that some music just isn't for kids, but when Lil' Wayne has developed ICON popularity...can be argued as being one of the best rappers of all time (I still dry heave at the notion) and when his songs are one of the first to represent the urban community on a global level...

WE HAVE A DAMN PROBLEM. YEAH WE DO.

PS: Thanks to Bomani Ar'mah for bringing this video up on his BlogTalkRadio show. Check him out at www.notarapper.com.

Read more »

WHO HAS A SHADY CIRCLE???

 We all have heard the saying, "Watch the company you keep".  The problem is that many of us have heard it, but haven't LIVED it.  We often allow things like availability, location and boredom to help us figure out who we keep around.  The problem is our judgment system (or lack thereof) often gets us into trouble.

If you ever want to know where you are headed and what direction your life is going, it is a VITAL thing to check out who you are spending time with.  When I say spending time, I mean in conversation, in face to face time, and overall interaction.  If the majority of the people you connect with are constantly in negative situations, always blaming other people for things, have sneaky behaviors, have stolen from you, lied to you (do I really need to add to this list?) then it is time to re-construct your circle.

Many of us know when something doesn't feel right, but we fail to pay attention to our instincts.  And WHY IS THAT?  Why do many of us spend sooooo much time trying to convince others how much crap we won't take off of someone, but when it comes to actually incorporating that into our real life, we turn into Spongebob talking to Mr. Crabs?

There is an alarm in ALL OF US that goes off when we're dealing with someone who is not good for us.  And if there is no alarm, it is either because you have gravitated towards the right people or maybe the bad influence is really you (just saying).

Ladies, how many of you have a friend right now that you need Red Bull and iron pills just to talk to them because that's how much life they sucked out of you after they share their latest soap opera marathon?  I mean, there's nothing wrong with being there for your friends, but if the sum of their conversation usually involves someone potentially getting scraped up off the ground from a powerful a** kicking, YOU NEED TO RE-EVALUATE YOUR LEVEL OF INTERACTION WITH THAT PERSON.

I had a friend a few years ago who was staying over my house for a few weeks until she moved into her own place.  My boyfriend at the time was about to come over and I let her know that.  This girl proceeds to grab a can of air freshener and sprays it down the hall and straight into her own bedroom before he got there.  I was like (pause....looks around).  Now hell, maybe she just wanted to come across as being clean and fresh, but it is quite a suspect thing to observe when you know they have slept with a married man before.

The point is, you have to be aware of your conscience.  There are so many people who allow their insecurities, fears, inner demons, and other negative things influence them in relationships.  If you have people around you (even family members) who you can't be inspired by and grow from....THEY ARE MEANT TO BE LOVED FROM A DISTANCE.  <~~~~ I can't stress that enough kids.  DO NOT allow someone to hinder your evolution because they are afraid to grow themselves.

Be there for them....LOVE THEM...but love yourself enough to control who you exchange energy with.  Period.

Read more »