IF YOU DON’T WANT YOUR MAN TO CHEAT…

I've heard just about everything in life when it comes to keeping your man from cheating. Everything. I've heard that you should make sure you handle biz in the kitchen on the regular...I've heard you should make him feel like he's cheating with you sometimes and have role-play where you're his "whore/slut/sex toy whatever", and I've also heard that it's a lost cause because men will probably cheat regardless.

I was watching a YouTube clip that a lovely lady I'm friends with on Facebook shared on her profile.  It was a dude explaining to the ladies that if you want to keep your man from cheating, you need to stay away from men who are well-endowed AND men with money.  Funny as it was, he was so sincere about his argument.

Well, that seems like it makes perfect sense because of his logic.  He said that most men like to show off something they possess that is worthy of bragging rights.  Fair enough.

But I know that even the "Tiny Timmys" probably have had their share of extra-curricular booty. Umm hmm.

First of all, there are PLENTY of reasons why men cheat.  Women as well, but the problem is not the external factors of food, sex, and money.  It's the lack of INTERNAL FOUNDATION.

This is what I know about people who have a relationship with GOD.  NO THEY ARE NOT PERFECT AND NEVER WILL BE.  THEY WILL MESS UP, THEY MIGHT TALK A LITTLE TRASH, MIGHT EVEN SLAP SOMEBODY IF THEY'RE FEELING FROGGY ENOUGH (these are jokes).......BUT.....

Having a relationship with GOD helps to direct a person to make better decisions.  Sure...people who have no relationship with GOD aren't all vicious people with a vendetta out to hurt someone....BUT...

in times where they could make a decision that is out of love, maturity, is morally the right thing to do, or in their best interest in the LONG RUN....many times....they might choose a more selfish route.  We need spiritual guidance to help lead us to a better frame of mind.

When the secretary's fast behind at your man's job wants to stick around an extra hour to see if he feels like biting her bait...TRUST ME when I say you would rather have a man who knows GOD to make that judgment call rather than a man who does not.  Especially if you've gotten a little lazy with your better half and like to wear Army Fatigues to bed with the hard rollers and your favorite doo-rag.  (I need the ladybugs that do this to cut that out too.)

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GOLDDIGGER VS PROSTITUTE VS WOMAN: A BREAKDOWN

YES KIDS.  It's time to clear up this situation because there is nothing more annoying in the world than for TERMS and WORDS to be confused for one another.  ("Hating" and Disagreeing being one of them but that's another post.)

I'm breaking this down because women are confused on a regular basis about where their head should be when they start dating someone.  The confusion often lies with the want for a man to be a gentleman and act like one but not wanting to be perceived as a "golddigger" and run the guy off.  So let's break down a golddigger shall we?

 A "Golddigger" =  a woman who deliberately uses her body to reap monetary benefits from a person she claims to be interested in.   (Sounds a LOT like prostitution doesn't it???)

That's because it IS.  A "Golddigger" is just a fancy prostitute (YEAH I SAID IT.)  It is "golddigging" when you break a dude off sexually because he buys you something or gives you money (no, I'm not talking about being in a relationship and you give your man a taste because he got you that perfume or gold bracelet you wanted.)

Short review:  Golddigging is a form of PROSTITUTION.   The groupie knows the relationship with her moneybag source is only restricted to occasional hotel stays and being in the VIP crowd at the clubs.  Depending on whether she can make her time with the guy a memorable sexual experience...she may have more opportunities to take advantage of what his world has to offer.

Now....LET'S GO BACK TO THE AVERAGE WOMAN who doesn't want to appear like she's trying to run a guy's pockets.  I have a story.

I linked up with this guy about a year or two ago that I talked to online for a little while.  He invited me to lunch/early dinner one day and I accepted.  We met up at Ruby Tuesday and started ordering our food.  Back then, I was really watching what I ate and only ordered a salad.  I'm pretty sure I got water for my drink too (aka a free item).  He orders a burger, a salad, and a drink.  When it came time for us to take the check, he began to tell me a story about how he was out eating with a girl and she didn't bring any money.  He told me that she shouldn't have assumed that she was going to get a free meal from him because it was a sign of dependency and it's a very attractive trait for a woman to take care of herself.
First of all, I was thinking to myself that this bastard probably has that song "She Got Her Own" by Neyo and Jamie Foxx on repeat in his car.  Then I thought to myself, 'didn't he ask me to come out and eat?'  I would say that my portion of the bill barely hit $8 and I ended up putting down $20 as my portion.  Needless to say he attempted to arrange a 2nd rendez-vous with me and FAILED in the most epic of ways.

What I believe he thought was that I would be more worried about leaving him an impression that I have my stuff together financially rather than allowing him to display a chivalrous act of paying for the lunch/early dinner that he invited me to.  After all, 1st impressions are everything right?  But what he neglected to address was the 1st impression he left with me.

Moral of the damn story is (can you tell I still want to slap him for that?) THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PROSTITUTE AKA GOLDDIGGER AND A WOMAN WITH FINANCIAL EXPECTATIONS.

Ladies, please stop being afraid to HAVE FINANCIAL EXPECTATIONS.  You know what you are and what you're not.  If you know your main goal in life isn't to take advantage of a guy, then be yourself and have the expectation that a guy should step up in that area if he wants to be with you.  Stop being afraid that you will run him off by having standards.  I'm not saying he should have a certain amount of money.  I am saying that he should at least be working towards becoming a provider (unless you want a dude that you will have to take care of).  It took me YEARS to learn that concept.  I'm just glad I learned it in my 20's and not in my 50's.


Old but such a true saying:  If you don't stand for something...YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.

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LET'S TALK ABOUT CHURCH FOLKS

One thing that I've noticed as I get older is that the church population (meaning people that attend a church regularly) have a very powerful reputation in the eyes of people who don't frequent church very often.  Many people that don't make going to church a priority of theirs often say similar things when they talk about why they do not attend church. And yes, I am speaking specifically on people who have a belief in Christianity.   Here's some of the main reasons I personally hear:

1) "Church folk" are too judgmental and hypocritical
2) There is too much drama and confusion within the church
3) "Church folk" are very nosy
4) Church is ran more like a business than a place to worship God

On the reverse side of the equation, I have been told by people who make church a priority that people make excuses about why they cannot attend church.  It's more a lack of discipline and commitment to GOD than it is about any reason/excuse.

I even had someone tell me several years ago that in order to be "saved" you have to fellowship in church and if you did not attend church then you were not truly a "saved soul".  I'm not really sure what Bible they were reading but hey, I love them nonetheless. 

I (personally) was not raised in church.  I do come from a strong spiritual family where my Grandfather was a Pastor and most of my family were raised in church as well.  I was taught many scriptures and stories from my parents but I cannot say that I was ever an active member of any church.  I did attend Vacation Bible School all the time as a kid though, not sure if that counts for anything.  *Shrugs*

But with all of this information, I believe that truth resides on both sides to some extent.  And here's why...

First of all I'm going to address the people who are turned off by what they believe goes on inside most churches -

YES.  There are PLENTY of people in church who may judge you, be nosy, hypocritical, they may have just got done screwing half the congregation and all that other fun jazz that happens in life.  HOWEVER, can't you say that about ANYONE?  Not just people in church.  If there are people out here in the world as a whole who judge, who are hypocrites, who stir up drama, who make it their business to stay in yours....then why not uplift yourself in a church?  I think that it is important to attend a church because it's spiritual exercise.  It challenges your flesh (that wants things that is not always good for you) to be better and to live the way God would want you to live.  It is there for you to listen and be inspired by the lives of others so that you can learn and grow from their journey.  Don't ever let a few ignorant people who may lose sight of why they're in church to keep you away from growing your relationship with God.

And for the ones who are active in church every Sunday, I would hope that it's more of a natural reflex to invite people into the house of God rather than cast judgment.  Church attendance does not equal "saved".  Sorry.   Finding your husband, talking about who has on what, or talking about who did what to whom should not make the top of your priority or conversational list in church.  [Note to church folk who judge others harshly] read Matthew 7:2  ~~~~~~~

Judge not, lest ye be judged...For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged also.

And it's so funny how in my own life, I am a living and walking testimony to how I've SEEN people who judged me in particular ways had to eat those words by going through the same crap.  I was ridiculed and judged for not leaving a troubled relationship, then the person judging me had to go through the same situation where she was dogged out and didn't know how to leave.  I was judged at one point for mishandling money/finances, then the person developed a gambling addiction.

Point blank:  God wants us all to connect and love one another.  Especially the ones who are the hardest people to love.  Often times, that's our test.  How can we appreciate growth if we start out being giants from day one?  Think about it.

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AM I JEALOUS OF THIEVES???

At the end of the day...when I look back 30-40 years from now and see what I've accomplished and what I've done to prosper in the world, one thing I will stand firm on is the fact that I took the road to help others and do right by other people. 

I seen some people I've encountered personally and others that I managed to dodge who make it a mission of theirs to get ahead by 'any means necessary'.  This "any means necessary" often includes being deceptive to other people and "slithering" into situations - probably because of lack of confidence in themselves that they could get ahead the "honest" way.

My grandmother passed away in June of this year and one thing I remember her saying was "to never be jealous of what someone has, because you never know how they got it".  That is a powerful quote right there.  All I see around me in 2011 are people who seem to be misguided about what is truly important.

People have such an obsession with the "finer things in life" that they often lose sight of the "priceless things in life".  

People who use manipulation, lies, and sneakiness to gain leverage in a situation, really don't understand how these things often backfire in the long scheme of things.  The gangster mastermind can never fully trust because of their own nature to be untrustworthy.  And what's the point of obtaining power and wealth and your peace of mind or soul is totally lost?  Doesn't make much sense to me honestly, but some people crave power so bad they will sacrifice anything to gain it.

I'll definitely listen to Grandma on this one -- why envy the person that knew they weren't talented enough to gain the world by just being...well...talented?  LOL

LOVE YOU GRANDMA.  ALWAYS AND FOREVER.

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STOP TRYING TO FORCE A SITUATION

It's so crazy how we always try to do things within our own strength and half of the time...we blind ourselves with uncertainty and confusion. Deep down we know the answer, but we're afraid to move on what our intuition is telling us.

And one thing that my friend had to remind me one day was that we can either react on what God tries to show us...or we can let him come in and shake things up.  And sometimes that "shaking things up" puts us on the softest part of our as*es in the hardest way.

A LOT of the things that hold us back has to do with the curse of being INDECISIVE.  We often allow things to sit and manifest until we look up at the calendar and it's a year later and you thought somehow (in a magical storybook-like manner) things were going to change for the better with no action on your part.  Um...uh...NO.  That's not how it works.

I talked to a woman older than me (about 50 years old) who told me straight up that she wasted a lot of years trying to work out things in a relationship with her ex that didn't want to be worked out.  She told me that many of us spend so much time in a sea of confusion, when the only thing that is truly confusing us is OURSELVES AND OUR FEARS. 

If you believe in God, if you have ever prayed to a God before, you have something inside of you that gives you an alarm when things aren't right.  And that isn't there because God wants you to ignore it.  It's there because God needs you to stop trying to let your fear and weakness drive you - which is what we do in many situations that we create...maintain...or never end.

I'm not preaching.  I'm trying to tell you all who read my stuff that I have struggled with this too.

LESSON OF THE DAY:  DON'T REMAIN IN ONE PLACE THAT YOU KNOW YOU DON'T BELONG.  "REMAIN" MEANING PROCRASTINATION.  YOU MIGHT WAKE UP 20 YEARS LATER WITH THE SAME PROBLEM AND MUCH MORE WRINKLES AND CELLULITE.  THEN WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?  BUY YOUR POLIGRIP AND DEPENDS DIAPERS BEING AS MISERABLE AS YOU WERE AS A YOUNG ADULT.

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THE ATTEMPTED MURDER OF CHIVALRY

Chivalry is ENDANGERED...not DEAD.  I definitely have had my experiences in the past with guys that couldn't spell the word R-E-S-P-E-C-T with a broke record of Aretha Franklin in the room, but I wonder sometimes if the majority of ladies have to learn things the hard way when they're dealing with a disrespectful or non-chivalrous other half.

I've been amazed at the women I've encountered in the recent past that have a very high tolerance for a guy treating them like a "maybe" or a "Plan Z".

I was reading an article that talked about 10 traits that men look for in a mate and one of them was a woman that doesn't take crap from anyone.  Meaning that her tolerance level for being mistreated or taken for granted is non-existent.

Often what I see happening is a woman's BARK being worse than her BITE - not that I'm trying to compare my beautiful ladybugs to a dog, but you know what I'm saying.

And if you don't know what I'm saying...I mean that as females who get emotional pretty easily, many women vent and try to release those feelings through argument, yelling, or some type of emotionally charged behavior.  BUT...doing all of that does not mean you don't tolerate being mistreated.  It might prove you have a problem with it, but fussing about it and then having make up sex 3 hours later is hardly putting your foot down to someone that you might want a future with.  On the contrast, it actually puts you in a position to be taken less and less serious.

Establishing clear standards of what you expect in a relationship is SO VITAL for anyone who wants to be in a healthy relationship.  But more than this, you need to make sure you LIVE BY IT TOO.

Living by it does not mean venting to your girlfriends, getting them all amp'd up and trying to find blunt objects for your man's forehead on Monday and then you're back in "Lovey Dovey" mode by Wednesday with your girls still in Tyson mode.

Men like women with DEFINITION.  Period.  Point blank.  If you are "blahhhh...whatever" about what he does and what you want...he will be too.

Chivalry and respect go hand in hand.  And YES...some guys will never totally grasp the concept of what it means to show respect and favor of that kind to a woman...but that's when you block that Troll (yes I said Troll) off your Facebook...Skype...Twitter...Face to Face and pager if you're old school like that.

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COLLEGES WILL RIP YOU OFF…READ THIS.

Yeah they will.  It all depends on where you want to go.  In my 3,432,763,098,654,237 years of college, one thing that I can tell ANYONE about deciding to enroll somewhere is that we are in an age where many schools are in the business of making money WAY BEFORE they care about the quality of education you receive. 

We have a TON of options now when it comes to education.  Everything from online classes to hands-on instruction with a professional, to universities, to the jacked up institution that I've given time and money to for the past four years.

If you are considering going to school, wherever you are in your professional journey...PLEASE make sure you do your homework and learn about where you're trying to go before you commit.  Also remember that the recruiter you speak to is a salesperson trying to sign you up for the school.  Ask them for honest information that can be backed up.

Make sure you know EXACTLY how much your degree plan will cost you and how much financial aid you will be able to get.

If they have a commercial for their school that comes on every 10 minutes on the CW station (hint-hint)...run like hell.  There is a reason why they have to do so much advertising.  Think about those late night infomercials about crap and the dude is yelling at the camera like he's still letting off stress from his WWE wrestling job.

For-Profit Colleges Exposed
(click the link above to get more info about this topic)

WARNING: THIS VIDEO HAS HIGH PROFANITY.  BUT HE'S ON POINT WITH THE WHOLE SITUATION.  PLEASE DON'T WATCH IF YOU'RE EASILY OFFENDED.

My point is: many colleges are taking advantage of people who want to better themselves. These folks may have low income, they might be stuck in their dead-end job, might be a single parent or someone who just wants to pursue their dream.

So if you are obligated to pay them to invest in your education....they are obligated to make sure you get exactly what you're paying for.  Simple as that.

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I’M NOT GIVING YOU SEX!!!

This guy right here had me snappin' my fingers like I just got blown away with poetry.  That "we're havin' Church in here today" poetry.  Maybe if we can find an artist to make a song about this in a really clever way, then it might get thru to a few ladybugs.  Seriously.  His name is John Lott and he's on my Facebook.  He often speaks his mind, but today he said something that TOO MANY CHICAS NEED TO GET THROUGH TO THEIR BRAIN.  He said:

"LADIES, many of you get mad at me for saying that you have a power that you will not harness and use for good. You say, "He's always blaming women"(smh). You have used "it" to lead men astray, so why not use "it" for good. If you didn't WANT thugs, deadbeats, and rappers that disrespect women....THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY.  Stop blaming men for the things you support or silently condone. Yes, it requires discipline and a BOYCOTT...but isn't it worth it??? For your daughter's sake?"

Then he gives a BIG example of the power of the P-U - (y'all know how to spell it) right here w/ this link discussing a sex strike over in the Phillipines:

CLICK HERE FOR STORY OF SEX STRIKE 

The fact is: many of us that complain spend more time venting rather than being an example of the solution.

People get tired of hearing complaints....BUT MOST OF THESE PEOPLE WHO ARE TIRED OF HEARING COMPLAINING DO THE SAME THING TOO!!!

People do WHAT YOU LET THEM DO.  You might not be able to change a person, but you damn sure can change how they interact with you.  It takes two to keep that going and you are one-half of that equation.

This is not male-bashing.  This is just a wake-up call reminder.  I love my strong men of all shades and walks of life that are being true to themselves and others - BUT THERE ARE A CLASS OF LADIES OUT HERE WHO REWARD JACKED UP BEHAVIOR.  AND WHY?  BECAUSE YOU NEED HIS PENIS?  HIS MONEY?  HIS SIDE OF THE BED TO BE WARM TOO?  - i'll bet you have that with him...but only on days he feels like giving it too you and not someone else.  And with that being said...i'll just say the other door WAAAAAAY over there ~~~~~~~~~~>  looks much more appealing.

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EVERYBODY WANTS TO POST A QUOTE...

EVERYBODY WANTS TO POST A QUOTE...

 That they DON'T follow themselves.  I've probably done this too so just feel snuggly and warm on the inside knowing that I'm talking about myself too.  I don't understand why people spend so much time posting cute little pictures of quotes or things so somebody will co-sign for them on Facebook - instead of spending more time actually focusing on what the message is about.

Alright...so I did that one time about the whole saying, "Your ATTITUDE determines your LATITUDE".  I probably made this post sometime in 2010 earlier that year.  Little did I know about a year and some change later...my surroundings (people-wise) had drastically changed and for the first time I realized many things and types of people that annoyed the Sugar Honey Iced Teabags out of me.  So yeah...I had some PMS-like action in my mental space.  "Some PMS" really was more like "excessive" to be totally honest.  Especially in the morning.  I wanted to kick a couple of innocent metro riders down a malfunctioning escalator for no reason.  I felt icky and annoyed. 

It's SOOOOOO easy to come across "righteous" and like a "voice of reason" but half the time, we have no idea that self-reflection is so much more important.  Honestly, how many of us REALLY post a quote because we want to reach out to someone who may benefit from what we post...rather than just having 15+ people co-sign on what you're saying (which is really preaching to the choir or having a slight case of narcissism).

Trust me, I post stuff too, but I actually pray on these things.  I didn't say I wear any halos or anything (Lord knows I'm crying out for help daily) but I try to practice what I preach at least.  Remember that you are always a student.  Unless you are claiming to be God.  And that we are most certainly NOT.

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I ONLY HAVE MALE FRIENDS

How many ladies out there have heard another woman who brags about having mostly or all male friends because females "cannot be trusted"?

Does anything about that statement make you want to kick her down a flight of steps?  (I'm not violent, I swear.)

This entry will be brief (I think) but I'll have PLENTY MORE TO SAY ABOUT IT in future postings.

This topic really makes me want to stress the value of female bonding.  It's a priceless thing to have in your life when you can honestly be true friends with other women without there being a trust issue.

Saying that you have all male friends DOES NOT MEAN you are down to earth, or more easygoing, or smarter than a woman who has a balance of male/female friends or the woman who is only closer to other women.  It's only saying that apparently you have a chip on your shoulder about women (much like a sexist or a racist) and it should be addressed.

There are untrustworthy people (male and female) PERIOD.  No one gender takes the crown for being the biggest jerk.  Sorry. 

And one thing that a person who brags about something like this should really do is ask themselves:  What's the REAL reason why I don't have many female bonds?  Is it because they're all "haters"?  Or is there a deeper reason that I may be in denial about? 


All the cat-like behavior from the ladybugs needs to stop. 

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