LOVE VIOLATIONS: Are Men and Women Equal on This???

So I got a reply from @TeamLashontae on Twitter about what I said in my blog when it comes to the whole Love Triangle, Square, situation where Tae is now dating Teyana Taylor's ex-fiancee.

I was asked if I would judge the situation the same way if it were between two guys and one girl?
I felt like that was a fair question but the thing is, in society black women have always been judged harshly.  I'll illustrate an example:

Men often complain about women who will take free dinners, outings, etc. in spite of having no romantic interest.   Messed up right?  The woman is blamed in society for this.  

Then, you have a woman who is constantly being dogged out by a man and treated poorly that she continues to invest time and energy into.  She is also blamed for this because she should set her bar higher and demand better behavior, or move on.

BOTH scenarios are dealing with someone being taken advantage of but somehow, the emphasis of the blame is placed more on the woman in both situations.  The double-standard out here in these streets is REAL.   

Personally, I believe BOTH sexes should be responsible for making a conscious judgment of who gets their time and effort based on actions.  If someone isn't reciprocating behavior you feel you are showing them, then it's time to let it go or just do you and stop complaining. 

So back to the question I got about whether I would look at the situation differently, I have to say I WOULD.  But not on purpose.  I think I'm conditioned to believe that men get away with doing more things like this (especially in Hollywood, the "industry", whatever you want to call it). It doesn't make it any less messed up though.

Point blank, most people do things not considering how they would feel if it was done to them. On the outside looking in, it definitely seems that way.  Lashontae is gorgeous so I can imagine that she deals with her selection of many approaching her and with that daily struggle, being moral about things probably gets lost in the shuffle of living her life.

Feel free to add/subtract to what I'm saying though.  Any thoughts on this?

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The Chick That Wants Everyone To Want Her

I was talking about this earlier today.  I've seen all ends of this situation.  I've seen women who actually show you CLEAR AS DAY that they're about that, "I want your man to see what he's missing" life, and I've also been accused of being that woman myself.  Yep.

First of all, the ONE CHICK that accused me years ago - if she had spent more time worrying about not coming across like a man and being so damn unattractive, my attractiveness wouldn't have made her feel some type of way. (Yeah, I said it).  Secondly, I find it very funny when someone who turns out to be promiscuous as hell would lie on someone else of being about that life.  Gotta love a**holes that deflect what they actually do themselves on other people.

THEN, I was talking to a dear friend of mine, and she told me how she actually grew up as a teen watching her mom deal with some of the shadiest characters on the planet where a woman was actually masturbating on her mom's couch while others were in the house!  And given the truthful nature of my friend (I know she doesn't make stuff up like some other people I used to be around), I believe that actually happened.

But even on a less WTF note, I don't think there's anything wrong with a beautiful confident woman being bubbly or high-spirited, but I have been around some women who really stunt in front of other women's men and then have the audacity to say that the girlfriend or wife is insecure.  I was thinking, you need to be glad she's only insecure and not violent because if I was her, you'd be finding your teeth on the ground.  Proud Scorpio in the building ((raises hands to the roof)).

I don't play that crap, I'm sorry - people can say what they want to say.  If I invest my precious time, energy and my heart with a person, WHAT WE ARE NOT GOING TO DO is entertain someone coming through smiling in my face and my man's face while she's secretly scooting closer towards him.

Unless they have an open relationship dynamic, she needs to sit down or be sat down.

But there is a difference between women who cry for attention, and women who just get it anyway.  Every woman who turns heads is not an attention whore.  She might just have a presence.  There's a Yin and Yang to many things.

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Sooo...Was Tae Heckard In the Wrong for Locking Down Teyana Taylor's Ex Fiancée?

My question about the whole thing is, how close do you have to be to a person before their leftovers become "off-limits"?

Apparently Tae Heckard (star in show, The Game, actress and video vixen) has caught hell from friends of Teyana Taylor for putting up photos of her being very cozy and happy with Teyana's ex-FIANCEE, Detroit Pistons player, Brandon Jennings.  Tae announced that her and Brandon were official and received many well wishes on Instagram from people after her split from rapper Nelly.  Then she received a message from one of Teyana's male friends:

"Wait? Wasn't you and @teyanataylor just together in LA?? This is crazy. This is why Teyana be pissin me off! Because She speak so highly of b***h like you calling you her "SIS" and then you do sh-t like this behind her back smfh and you know that's her ex-fiance! Foh everybody knows that!"  --- the friend wrote.

So again I ask,  would most women agree that if another woman they're cool with began dating someone they were with (let alone engaged to), would they be in the wrong or does it depend on their closeness level?

I'll just say this:  I was engaged.  I can say that I relate to Teyana with having a previous relationship that lasted many years.  We were also off and on like Teyana was with Brandon.  If I were to find out someone I'm even remotely cool with started seeing him, let's just say my chill levels would be non-existent in that situation.  IDGAF.  I don't care how that looks, I'm not here to front and tell fairy tales about how I wouldn't care, etc.  That "have no f*cks" movement is for the 25 and younger kids, I'm going to be pissed.  Violation is violation...period, point blank.

I don't know the nature of Teyana and Tae's relationship so that's what made me present the question, but anytime you deal with someone's leftovers, you're playing with fire.  Why? Just flip the script and put yourself in the other person's position.

In the "industry", I think the rules are as loose as most of the men and women, but for people that actually take bonds, friendships, and relationships seriously, there is a level of saying, "I don't respect you enough to consider your feelings in this attraction I have" when you decide to mess around with someone you know should be "off-limits".

Circles are small and honestly, I think that for some people, it makes the situation even more attractive.  Some people crave controversy and playing it dangerous.  Either way, I couldn't knock Teyana if she was hurt by it - especially if she thought Tae was really her friend.

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Mimi & Nikko VERSUS Joseline & Steebie J (Commenting on RATCHETNESS)

I do believe this is the recipe that Mona Scott-Young has blended up for her full course menu of well-done ratchetness.

A lot of people have spoken their peace about the whole Mimi/Nikko sex tape situation in the past week and most of it is pretty expected in terms of saying Mimi is old, she's a mom, shouldn't be doing this, blah blah blah.

HERE'S MY TAKE ON IT THOUGH...

What better situation to add to the mix of Love and Hip Hop than to make Mimi and Nikko the same type of duo that Stevie J and Joseline have become?

The only problem is, as much as I could judge Steebie J and all his whoredom, I feel like who he is and who Joseline is is GENUINELY just what it is.  Stank or not, I believe them.

You can always tell who is naturally interesting (personality-wise) and who is trying and this Mimi/Nikko gimmick was an idea to use the oldest trick in the book to make "blah" people interesting (AKA the usual problem with reality TV, which is why most of us always talk about old, classic shows with talented folk - I digress though). Some people who make money being naked are just freaks or know they have great bodies, but Mimi would have shown that from jump if that was her true hustle.

I'm just saying, I don't like frauds.  The people who have tuned into Love and Hip Hop ATL know that Joseline has never had any cut cards about who she is.  She's real about herself and where she came from.  So when I see someone who initially judged people and called them whores, prostitutes, etc. come out with a tape for the whole world to see her Kitty Snack Packages, I feel like WACKTIVITY levels are at an all-time high.  I need someone to donate some folded chairs to this mid-life crisis having Tinkerbell so she can have a damn seat.

And of course VH-1 can't take the credit for the nature of this f*ckery, but Mona Scott is the Pimp of the 2010s, I tell ya.  Black folks are somethin' else.

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Ma$e the Rapper/Pastor/"I'm Back, but Not Really" Has Been Making Bank Faking "Happy"

Mase, the former Diddy sidekick (back in the "Puffy" days) has been making some pretty good money off of being a devoted hubby to his wife, Twyla selling marriage books, and throwing events based around their relationship.

The only problem is that according to TMZ, Mase and his wife have been playing a little game of, "Who can fool the public the BEST?"

Mase filed for legal separation, then Twyla followed up with filing herself, and then Mase filed for a full out divorce earlier this year.   In legal documents that TMZ allegedly discovered on Mase, the separation documents were filed back in May of 2012 - aka, 2 YEARS AGO.

So in the meantime, Mase and Twyla have publicly been the "stand up couple", using their marriage as a means to rack up from people who are investing in their advice.

The hustle is real, huh?

Honestly it doesn't surprise me.  We don't like real sh__ any more anyway right?  I would have respected them more if they had just been real about their problems to earn a dollar, but it resembles a lot of activity (IMO) with certain members of various places of worship.  Instead of building a following off of being honest, people often elect to be looked up to and create an unrealistic facade where they are "strong enough" to withstand the temptations of the flesh.  I'm not in any way trying to disrespect the church, but this is why nurture my personal relationship with GOD.  I often find people that get in the mix of churches so deep that they start to prioritize expectations of other members over their own belief systems and walk with GOD.

Anywhoo...it would be nice if this wasn't true, but damn homie, can't you find a hustle you're actually good at?!  (Thinks to self: That was mean).  #ShrugLife

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Who Had The Best ESSENCE Cover??? (PICK ONE!!!)

SO....WHAT DO YOU THINK???  WHO DID IT BEST?!!!

“I’m my own stylist and I love it, but I am not trying to make a statement,” - E. Badu 

“Although I’m known for my long, colorful locs, I still don’t take my hair too 

\

seriously,” says Ledisi, who is loving life with a new album called “The Truth.” “I 

experiment a lot, dyeing it and constantly switching styles to grab attention. My hair

is one of my best accessories and changing it helps express who I am.” - Ledisi

“We all have the option of how we want to express ourselves through our

life, hair, style or whatever we decide. We shouldn’t be pigeonholed into

any one category,” - Solange 

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I'm Not Your Side-ANYTHING A**hole!

It irks my soul to no imaginable end when a person who is SPOKEN FOR entertains conversation, and people as if they were single, then has the nerve to subliminally post things about home wreckers and the like.

For example, I get a message from someone talking to me as if they could possibly be interested in me and I entertain the convo - only to see after checking out their profile that they are very much MARRIED or in a relationship.  AND THEN TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY...they post something on Facebook or Instagram pertaining to women who love to come after men who are spoken for.  What the HELL?!

I am willing to put my earnings on the fact that there are tons of women who lack the integrity of dismissing a spoken for man, but when I personally see how this shit is almost always a TWO-SIDED situation with BOTH PARTIES PARTICIPATING and then the majority of the judgment from society is placed back on the female, I have a really hard time with this.

First of all, you BOTH are assholes for being selfish and for doing crap that you wouldn't want done to you, but then to be so ignorant as to pointing fingers on others like they were in the charade alone or better yet, to paint a picture like most women would go for a taken man is absolutely ridiculous and disrespectful.

PLEASE ACCEPT MY FRENCH WHEN I SAY....FUCK YOU.

I don't condone being deceitful in a committed relationship - it's one thing if your relationship is open (which some are) and/or you keep it 100 about what your life consists of.  I can respect that ALL DAY over some asshole that tries to glorify the "side pieces" of the world only to entertain them that much more.  And furthermore, I believe many people in relationships who talk about it in the first place probably have some or want some.

The whole "side piece" situation is another thing black folks created in society in terms of making it a "thing" (or popular) in order to provide yet another way for us to tear each other down and talk shit basically.  Side joints can't exist without some asshole making them who they are. So who's really the jerk?

And I'll definitely go on the record for saying that I (like probably many women) have never been a side ANYTHING unless he had a secret life and had some powerful ninja tactics when it came to being everywhere at once.

We need to stop making dumb concepts like this household talk.  Seriously.  We are better than this, and should be tired of tearing down a society just because of a group of people who lack standards.  ((waves church fan real fast))

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Chad Ochocinco Says He Still Loves Evelyn Lozada

Chad Ochocinco recently spoke to Peter Bailey for NiteCap about his ex-wife Evelyn Lozada who just gave birth to a baby boy with Carl Crawford of the LA Dodgers and spoke of his undying love that is still present for her:

“Love don’t go nowhere like that. I will always love her. Matter of fact, I love every goddamn body to an extent. It ain’t going no where. I got to know another Evelyn besides what everybody else knew. I don’t care how she operate. I don’t care what it looked like to society. I don’t care how it all played itself out. I don’t care the fact that she’s moved on. I love that being.”

“Discipline, I lack it. Dealing with one woman…it didn’t have anything to do with South Beach or living in Miami. I don’t care how fine you are..for every fine woman you see there’s a dude who’s tired of that same woman. Human nature is undefeated. What I’ve always done, even in past relationship, was tell the truth from jump. I never lied. Why sell you a dream? There are men out there that are willing to give their all and have the discipline to be able to give them that story book ending, that fairytale as I so call it. I think I’m good for that for about a good 6 months but at some point I don’t care how fine you are, I’m going to lose interest.”

I'm very indifferent about his statements honestly.  Reason being, I understand that Ochocinco (like most other wealthy men) have an array of women to choose from on a regular basis so the thought of committing to only one for a monogamous relationship probably sounds silly.  But in my opinion, these situations are very one-sided and my thing is, why marry if you know you're about that life?  

What's the point of exchanging vows if the commitment isn't strong enough for you to at least want to try to have the type of dedication you would expect out of her?

I can't really fault him completely though because he said he honestly told her what time it was. But even when I was much younger and I had friends/peers of mine who married at a very early age (18, 19, etc.) I never (personally) felt the need to get married to prove anything.  Not that I felt my friends did that, but you know how some friends try to act like each other.  I had a boyfriend, but I wasn't about to act like I was joining the newlywed club when I barely knew what I was doing as a girlfriend back then.

At some point, common sense of knowing who you're dealing with has to kick in.  It's one thing if someone is specifically telling you that it's okay to mess around, but I believe that most people (even open minded ones who let their mate step out) will flip script the second they feel they are being short-changed by that situation in any way.  

They were a good looking couple too.  But LAWD, one of the messiest.

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Ask La Doodlebug: He Doesn't Want Our Relationship on Social Media...PERIOD.

Question from a loved READER....

"What would you say about two people who are having a growing relationship together, however, one person wants to share information about the relationship but the other wants to keep everything private?

Like, if one person wants to take pictures and post on IG, FB, or Twitter, wants to hold hands or kiss in public, wants to tell their friends about whats going on, but the other doesn't want to share any of that because they feel its simply none of their business."

MY ANSWER: 

I feel like, part of it depends upon the length and nature of the relationship.  If the two people made an exclusive commitment to one another, I find it strange that one person would be so private that they can't even show any PDA (Public Displays of Affection) to their partner.  Social media can be a touchy subject for people and everyone treats it differently, so I won't hold the privacy levels against them because it could be a comfort level type of thing.

However, this would be a sign for me (if I was in this situation) to keep my eyes open.  Not be overly suspicious or create ideas in my mind, (some people are entirely too good at that) but to just know that it could be a sign of wanting to live in two different worlds.  A person (male or female) who is living in two different worlds will always have other signs present to back up the initial sign. Most of the time, we just have to pay attention and not be in denial about things. 

For certain people, it does take time for them to transition into the mentality of being committed to another person (privately and publicly) so even if they are trying to ease into that, the best thing to do would be to try and open a dialog about it.  Communication can solve so many things when two mature adults make the effort to get on the same page.  Everyone should attempt to do this with their armor OFF, with a clear mind and an open heart.

Hope this helps some!  xoxoxoxoxo

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Zodiac ROLL CALL!!!....Who is THE ONE FOR YOU?! (#HappyHumpDay)

(YOU'RE NOT AN 80'S BABY IF YOU DON'T KNOW CHUCK WOOLERY!!!)

For the people that take themselves too seriously and think the zodiac is evil, just skip this post and come back to the next one ((rolls eyes)).

But for those who might be a little interested, I wanted to compile a list of all the signs and show what is allegedly the BEST for you and also who is the WORST.  YES...I'm speaking for the romance side.

LIKE TA' HEAR IT?!  HERE IT GOES!!!

ARIES (March 21st - April 20th)

Perfect Partners:	Leo, Sagittarius
Nearly Perfect Partners:	Gemini, Aquarius
Like Minded Souls:	Aries
Opposites You're Attracted To:	Virgo, Scorpio
Learn From Your Differences:	Pisces, Taurus
Not Your Destiny:	Cancer, Capricorn
Astrological Hell:	Libra

TAURUS (April 20th - May 20th)

Perfect Partners:	Virgo, Capricorn
Nearly Perfect Partners:	Cancer, Pisces
Like Minded Souls:	Taurus
Opposites You're Attracted To:	Libra, Sagittarius
Learn From Your Differences:	Aries, Gemini
Not Your Destiny:	Leo, Aquarius
Astrological Hell:	Scorpio

GEMINI (May 21st - June 21st)

Perfect Partners:	Libra, Aquarius
Nearly Perfect Partners:	Aries, Leo
Like Minded Souls:	Gemini
Opposites You're Attracted To:	Scorpio, Capricorn
Learn From Your Differences:	Taurus, Cancer
Not Your Destiny:	Virgo, Pisces
Astrological Hell:	Sagittarius

CANCER (Jun 22nd - Jul 23rd) Perfect Partners:	Scorpio, Pisces
Nearly Perfect Partners:	Taurus, Virgo
Like Minded Souls:	Cancer
Opposites You're Attracted To:	Sagittarius, Aquarius
Learn From Your Differences:	Gemini, Leo
Not Your Destiny:	Aries, Libra
Astrological Hell:	Capricorn

LEO (July 24th - August 23rd)

Perfect Partners:	Aries, Sagittarius
Nearly Perfect Partners:	Gemini, Libra
Like Minded Souls:	Leo
Opposites You're Attracted To:	Capricorn, Pisces
Learn From Your Differences:	Cancer, Virgo
Not Your Destiny:	Scorpio, Taurus
Astrological Hell:	Aquarius

VIRGO (Aug 24th - Sept 22nd)

Perfect Partners:	Taurus, Capricorn
Nearly Perfect Partners:	Cancer, Scorpio
Like Minded Souls:	Virgo
Opposites You're Attracted To:	Aries, Aquarius
Learn From Your Differences:	Leo, Libra
Not Your Destiny:	Gemini, Sagittarius
Astrological Hell:	Pisces

LIBRA (Sept 23rd - Oct 22nd)

Perfect Partners:	Gemini, Aquarius
Nearly Perfect Partners:	Leo, Sagittarius
Like Minded Souls:	Libra
Opposites You're Attracted To:	Taurus, Pisces
Learn From Your Differences:	Virgo, Scorpio
Not Your Destiny:	Cancer, Capricorn
Astrological Hell:	Aries

SCORPIO (Oct 23rd - Nov 22nd)

Perfect Partners:	Cancer, Pisces
Nearly Perfect Partners:	Virgo, Capricorn
Like Minded Souls:	Scorpio
Opposites You're Attracted To:	Aries, Gemini
Learn From Your Differences:	Libra, Sagittarius
Not Your Destiny:	Leo, Aquarius
Astrological Hell:	Taurus

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23rd - Dec 20th)

Perfect Partners:	Aries, Leo
Nearly Perfect Partners:	Libra, Aquarius
Like Minded Souls:	Sagittarius
Opposites You're Attracted To:	Taurus, Cancer
Learn From Your Differences:	Scorpio, Capricorn
Not Your Destiny:	Virgo, Pisces
Astrological Hell:	Gemini

CAPRICORN (Dec 22nd - Jan 20th)

Perfect Partners:	Taurus, Virgo
Nearly Perfect Partners:	Scorpio, Pisces
Like Minded Souls:	Capricorn
Opposites You're Attracted To:	Gemini, Leo
Learn From Your Differences:	Sagittarius, Aquarius
Not Your Destiny:	Aries, Libra
Astrological Hell:	Cancer

AQUARIUS (Jan 21st - Feb 19th)

Perfect Partners:	Gemini, Libra
Nearly Perfect Partners:	Aries, Sagittarius
Like Minded Souls:	Aquarius
Opposites You're Attracted To:	Cancer, Virgo
Learn From Your Differences:	Capricorn, Pisces
Not Your Destiny:	Taurus, Scorpio
Astrological Hell:	Leo

PISCES (Feb 20th - Mar 20th)

Perfect Partners:	Cancer, Scorpio
Nearly Perfect Partners:	Taurus, Capricorn
Like Minded Souls:	Pisces
Opposites You're Attracted To:	Leo, Libra
Learn From Your Differences:	Aries, Aquarius
Not Your Destiny:	Gemini, Sagittarius
Astrological Hell:	Virgo

(Zodiac Information courtesy of CafeAstrology.com)

That's so weird...it says that Gemini and Virgos aren't for one another, but my parents are going on 33 years of marriage.  Oh welp!  LMAOOOO...

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