BUTT CHEEKS ANONYMOUS!!!

It is SUCH a waste when I see attractive people --- doesn't matter if it's a male or a female that are visibly a catch...but that's IT.

THIS IS WHERE I COME UP WITH THE EXPRESSION, "BUTT CHEEKS ANONYMOUS".

You have the attractive ladybug who is obviously a nice arm piece for a guy, but she offers absolutely NOTHING but just that.  The cheeks.  Yep.  The identity is lost...therefore she is a nameless, pointless booty.

And YES...men can be guilty of this as well.  You'll usually find them having weak conversation and the face of Heaven with a dash of glory. 

We can speak about this when it comes to personality, sex, or anything else.  I think there are so many people who think the only thing they need to bring to the table is the visual package.  I get tired of dudes who think that if they are a 6 ft walking display of GQ, cute face, or well-endowed, that this is the basis for being a great catch for a woman.

There was this guy I dated for T-minus 10 seconds of my life that I'll never get back.  He was about 6'3, basketball stature, well-dressed, his cologne was like POW... (also known as...Fine as HELL dude)

BUTTTT!!!!

He had the conversation of a little league MVP.  It was hard for us to really create chemistry because he had little to nothing to talk about with me.  And some would say that he might have just put me in a category and didn't want to pursue anything meaningful with me for whatever reason.  But um...that's just the thing.  I couldn't shake him for about 2 months after my stomach couldn't take anymore of his sleep-inspiring presence.

I doubt very seriously that he lacked interest with me.  I believe he just relied on being attractive to be a good catch.  Now, being pretty or handsome may get you far in life...I mean, look at the Basketball Wives and all the other reality shows out there now!  If you aspire to be a talentless, psuedo-celeb then I guess my argument can go in the dumpster right along with your IQ, but let's just say that you actually want to find someone that you have things in common with.  How the hell would you figure that out by having a 3rd grade conversation?  Well, I guess if both of you do, then you're made for each other.

When I tried to work as a promoter for a couple of months, I met several ladybugs who reminded me of this whole topic.  Not all of them were like that, so don't think I'm saying all chicks who frequent the club are airheads but.....I PERSONALLY know women who have a mentality like their physical attributes will somehow end up paying their way through life.

There are too many people who don't understand that they need to have something OF SUBSTANCE to bring to the table too.  OR they are in denial and refuse to do a self-evaluation.  Take interest in yourself long enough to fine tune your NON-SUPERFICIAL attributes.  I guarantee your conversation will be better along with your self-esteem and your dating/love life.

Just a suggestion.

Read more »

1. Olivia the Opponent (aka THE COMPETITOR)

There is NO reason why a true friend would feel the need to keep score about who is doing the "best" in terms of work, school, family life, and etc.  But unfortunately, there are so many people who constantly play the impression game.  A modest amount of competition between friends is healthy, but when someone can't take time to acknowledge their friend's achievements because they are too busy trying to outdo the announcement with an accomplishment of their own, THAT IS NOT HEALTHY AND IT WILL CREATE RESENTMENT.

2. Beggin' Brandon (aka THE BEGGAR)

This is the buddy that has absolutely NO SHAME when it comes to calling you up for $20 bucks every week.  It's not that you don't want to help them, but it would be much easier to help a person who wanted to help themselves.  A good friend will not enable you...they will help to EMPOWER you.  And sadly enough, when you cut the umbilical cord off from Beggin' Brandon, they often disappear or express their disapproval of you choosing to hold on to your own money.  

3. Sticky Fingaz Jones (aka THE THIEF)

You can't leave your dinner plate around this individual because you better believe it'll be gone with homeboy/homegirl flossing their teeth with a toothpick.  They do things like snatch up your clothes, money, or iPod.  They might even buy you something with the very money they stole from you, but believe me --- if they see something of yours they like and they can snatch it without you having eye-witness proof they did it....  #YOURSTUFFGOESBYEBYE (I lost a damn good bottle of J'adore perfume hanging w/ Sticky Fingaz Jones)

4. Manny "YES" (aka THE "YES" MAN)

This person is the one that CANNOT be honest about what they can or cannot do.  DIARY MOMENT:  I used to be FAMOUS for this one.  I was such a "people-pleaser" that I would try to stretch myself paper-thin to put a smile on everyone's face.  I had to realize was that all I was actually doing was creating resentment because most people would rather know upfront what to expect instead of dealing with someone who acts very unreliable at the end of the day.

5. The 5-faced bandit (aka THE PHONY)

This is the person that changes according to who they are around and their environment.  I'm not referring to people who understand how to adapt to their environment.  I mean the person who would diss you or act funny when they get around others.  I mean the person who lets Twitter, Facebook, Melanie, Christine, Natasha, their pet guinea pig and "Man Man" holding a Four Loko down the street know they have a beef with you but when they get around you they flash a fierce Colgate smile with a Red Bull attitude.  (Heyyyyy girl!!!)

6. The discourager  (aka THE DISCOURAGER LOL)

This is the person who lacks imagination and wishes on their life you did too.  They often try to talk you out of doing things and in the same breath explain that they want what's "best" for you.  The problem with the discourager is that the main reason why they try to pump your brakes is LESS about them protecting you and MORE about their own insecurities.  It's not as much about you potentially failing then it is of their fear of you SUCCEEDING.  Many discouragers are very insecure and they want to make sure that the things you do won't take you away from them.  Selfish huh?  Well...I will just say that the energy drain that these types of people cause is MONUMENTAL if you allow it.  

7. The Un-wanted Twin (aka THE IMITATOR)

(Takes deep breath)  I don't know what ignites a fire inside of me more.  A person that copies my demeanor, style, ideas, etc.  OR the thought that they (in fact) might tell someone else that it is I who copy them!!! I'll be 100% honest (I'm not claiming to be perfect by FAR) so I can admit that I do think this way sometimes.  I know I probably shouldn't, but imitators make me think of that chick from the movie, " The Hand that Rocks the Cradle".  I always question the mental stability of a person (especially a grown adult) who would spend time copying things about a person and their attributes.  I have to woo-sah on this one (takes another deep breath).

8. Spotlight Sabrina  (aka THE ATTENTION WH*RE)

It's not really the fact that Sabrina needs front and center attention all the time.  Yeah, it does get annoying, but it might even be entertaining to watch her in action sometimes.  The problem is how catty and attitudnal Sabrina gets when the attention shifts to another direction.  I can say I have personally dealt with people who operate like that and it is an UGLY PMS WHORE watching Spotlight Sabrina lose her lights, camera, and microphone.  Lord help us all, you would think somebody stole her wallet.

9. Opportunity Knock-isha (aka THE OPPORTUNIST)

These people are primarily TAKERS.  They step on others in order to gain something that only benefits them. You will usually find this type of person giving out sexual favors in exchange for opportunities or sleeping with someones' mate.  It is very important to understand that this person separates emotions from what they want.  So they may really love you -- but it has no influence on the fact that if they want to take something you have, they will try.
"I want to surround myself with people who want to be successful and want to help others be successful. People who just want to take and people who will cut in front of you or take an opportunity away from you are not your friends and are not good business partners. And so, I have no time for those people". - Patrick O'Keefe, Public Business Speaker/Motivator

10.  Dominant Denise (aka THE CONTROL-FREAK)

There is nothing wrong with a person who demands order and structure in their own life.  Keywords: Their OWN LIFE.  When a person changes the way they treat you when you do something they don't agree with - it is potentially a selfish behavior.  Now, if you were about to harm someone or do something that affected your overall well-being, that is a totally different circumstance.  A control freak can be pushy, manipulative, self-centered and/or power-hungry because they want to have things their own way.  TOXIC is what these people are.  A healthy relationship requires that we respect all of our differences, whether we agree or not.  If a person has to manipulate you in order to treat you with the respect they would want themselves, THEY ARE NOT A GOOD FRIEND AND IT SHOULD BE BROUGHT TO THEIR ATTENTION.

I made this list for one reason.  It is of EXTREME importance that the subconscious and subliminal energy around you is POSITIVE.  People always wonder why they may be upset often, cranky, or drained and they don't take time to consider who they keep in their space.  Sure, it's cool to talk a good game and say you are cautious of these things, but LIVING that way takes COURAGE because demanding respect isn't always easy.  If you are around any of these people, I would suggest you make a change by either addressing the issue to the person to work through it, or incorporate an action called "Loving You From a DISTANCE".

Read more »

SHOULD YOU TAKE YOUR MATE TO THE CLUB???

Is this really like taking sand to the beach?  I would say yes and no.  I feel like a couple should be able to party together without feeling some kind of way but based on my experience I don't know!

I remember in the past going to the club with a few other ladies and our boyfriends were good friends.  The girls drove to the club together and the guys drove together separately so we could all eventually meet up.  First of all, it was New Years Eve so yeah you would think that the occasion was appropriate for couples to embrace each other by the time 12:00 hit.  I didn't see my boyfriend until the last HALF hour the club was open.  Yep.  I wanted to slap the Toaster's Strudel out of him but it definitely made me feel like he really wanted to just do his own thing at the club without his girl cramping his style.  Now, at the same time we were only like 22/23 so can I really hold that against him???  Probably not, we were still really young.

Then there was another time when I was out at the club w/ one of my good friends and she was there with her boyfriend.  Everybody was drinking and at one point of the club I saw her boyfriend exchanging words and getting close in distance to another woman in the club -- not sure what was said but it was obvious that his "party mode" was in full effect.  My friend was pissed though.  She didn't want to speak to him and was visibly upset for the rest of the night.

I also remember myself going to a party with my boyfriend at the time and feeling some kind of way when the chicks who were wearing practically nothing (ie. see-thru clothing, butt cheeks exposed out of shorts, etc.) were dropping it low in there.  Sure, there are plenty of ladybugs who might boast that that type of stuff doesn't phase them but in my opinion, I don't believe that.  Personally, the only reason why I wouldn't mind my guy mingling with half-naked women is if I'm really not that serious about him.  If I knew I wasn't into him that much, heck no I wouldn't care about him checking out someone else or dancing with them.  But if I was in love, I would feel uncomfortable with him being around drunk, barely-dressed women (all fronting aside).  I wouldn't try to stop him from going out or anything, but if I saw it being a regular routine for him to hit the club, I wouldn't accept it.

Now, I remember when feeling uncomfortable at the club resulted in me treating my boyfriend like he had already done something and that wasn't right either.  But I had to grow up and get more comfortable in my skin.  At this point of my life, I can say that even though I wouldn't like it, I wouldn't feel uncomfortable being around women who acted easy in the club, I would probably feel more annoyed.  Especially toward the ones who are noticeably thirsty for attention.

I'd love to hear thoughts on this topic though so if you've read all this...drop me a comment and tell me your experience or opinion about going to the club/party with your significant other!!!!

oh...and PS...I looooove you for reading my blog!!!!  Thank you!!!

Read more »

TOO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION!!! (I WANT COMMENTS!!!)

 I had a question pop into my head.  I was thinking, is it better to meet a potential mate online/over the phone and get to know them without physically being in their presence, or is it much better to handle things the old-fashioned way?  Some people might think that question is crazy or a no-brainer, but this is why I'm asking.

I was on one of my good friends' radio show called Sunlight Radio (shoutouts to Adoma and Danielle) last night and we tapped on something that a caller said about the fact that women get into sexual encounters with men way too quickly and/or easily, which affects the overall momentum of making a meaningful connection.  So with that in mind, I ask again...would it be more effective to keep your distance with someone you meet until a respectable amount of knowledge is learned by both parties?

I'm not crazy I swear.  I just feel like maybe it is better to keep more physical distance in the beginning.  If Michelle meets Mike and they start getting to know one another, but Michelle starts to get that "Heyyyy There" feeling...it may be a challenge for her to spend time with Mike knowing she wants to yank his pants off and get her Kentucky Derby off on his Santa Seat. 

I WOULD LOVE INPUT ON THIS PLEASE.  SERIOUSLY...because I have talked to men who say that they have jumpoffs to cool off their steam for the ones that they really want to get to know better.  But what about a woman who does not choose to take that route of Stanksville?  (I'm not judging, I promise) 

AGAIN...FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED FOLKS!!!!

Read more »

STOP TRYING TO FORCE A SITUATION

I always wondered what that meant when my ex used to say that to me.  I was about 21...22 and he would always say that I wasn't acting normally.  I kept racking my brain and trying to figure out why he was giving me such a hard time because although my mind was moving at 3000 miles per hour, I felt like I was being myself.  We went out to a party one time and there were a ton of chicks there that I thought looked more voluptuous and prettier than I did.  I tried to be chill about my insecurities and "drink it off", but it came out through my slick remarks and "sideway" comments about how I knew that my boyfriend (at the time) was looking at the other women in the room.  It got even worse the more I drank and I treated my boyfriend like he had already done something because I was insecure deep down and wanted to mentally prepare myself for the worst.

This is one thing I realize now that I am older and more educated (book-wise and about life).  Your subconscious mind is just as powerful as your conscious mind.  Most of what you contain internally comes out in some way and if you are insecure - there is little you can do to truly hide that from a person that knows you.

I'm not saying that you can't fool anybody about what you're thinking or feeling, but I am saying that the things we dwell on in our minds WILL END UP BEING EXPRESSED THRU OUR ACTIONS IN SOME WAY.

This is why it's so important to be honest with yourself about things that you feel.  Negative thoughts DO become negative actions unless you fight negativity with POSITIVE ENERGY.  If you are constantly around someone who feeds you negative emotions or energy, it will impact you and influence you subconsciously.  And like I said before...

Your subconscious mind is just as powerful as your conscious mind.

And why you ask?  Because of THE POWER OF REPETITION.  That's how we memorize information right?  That's how things stick in our head.  And if actions do more than words, why wouldn't repeated acts of negativity do the same thing in our brains?  Our subconscious mind helps us store information. (I'm really not trying to sound like a science book but I'm telling you some good stuff right here so keep reading damn it...)  The more you feed your mind with negative thoughts or insecurities, the more you will act the way you think.  

If this applies to anyone reading...  Ask yourself WHY you don't act naturally?  Or better question, does the person/people you are dealing with make you feel as if you have to be aware of yourself in order to be around them?  

Being comfortable in your skin is communicated by what you do...not what you try to convince others.  Your mouth may say you're being YOU but your body and eyes might be showing others just how afraid you really are.  Think about it.

Read more »