Could you date someone you thought was dumb as rocks?

Alright now, damn that.

This one is for men and women - whether you're involved or not, most of us have preferences (some need to aim lower or higher depending on how accurate your self-image is - that probably wasn't nice, but whatever).  

I feel like the preferences are more about appearances for most people but for me personally, I COULD NOT talk to a guy who I'd have to dumb down my whole existence for. 

Some chicas are in bed right now with the dude with the Super Size Yankee Doodle and a Happy Meal conversation.  I'd probably drown myself in sink water having a man like that. I don't know if it's the same for men though.  I feel like I know some men who would rather have a chick that isn't as quick as she could be.  Hopefully I'm wrong though.  Do men even care about this?

On the same tip, I wouldn't want someone who talked down to me because they thought they knew every damn thing.  That condescending tone is definitely one good way to channel my inner Sailor-Scorpion-Samurai-Slow kick to the jaw reflex I got going on behind my Care Bear exterior.  (Damn anyone who doesn't believe I'm a nice person).

I feel the same way about men who act like a doormat.  They don't have any threshold of how they should be treated.  Now I KNOOOOOOWWWWWWW men have this mindset about women.  This is your mental separation of a possible "keeper" versus a "to do list item".  And yes, most of these "doormat men" call themselves "nice guys" when they really need to change it to "delicate dudes that need to eat a man the f**k up sandwich".

I'm just saying, please stop confusing "nice" with missing a backbone.  

It might be worse for me because intellectually, I feel like I need someone who I can talk to and have a decent (doesn't have to be perfect) exchange with about things that are important to us.  That would affect how attracted I am hands down.  Not that I need for us to talk all the time, but he should be able to.  I could see a handsome, physical package of a man all day, but if he talked like Waka Flocka aka 2nd grade spelling bee, I'd disappear right before I rubbed his ribcage.  Giggity.  Just joking.  

Anywho,  I'm really curious about the male side of this equation.  I feel like a lot people have lower standards (if any at all), but is intelligence on the list at all?  And if not, why?

Hmmmmmm????

Read more »

Amel Larrieux Cries On Stage About Her Supportive Husband

Most people remember her as the ladybug from the 90s group, Groove Theory - Amel Larrieux.  She came to Washington, DC at Howard Theatre today for a performance that left me feeling like I was on Cloud 99 1/2.

Aside from my publicly admitting that I am a proud stalker of this beautiful singer and the fact that I was blown away by her classically trained, neo-soul mixed with a dash of hip-hop vocals, she had several messages during her show that hit home.

Watch the video:

When I was there assisting with engineering and production, I saw the way Amel and her husband/manager, Laru Larrieux (yes his first and last name are both pronounced the same) interacted with one another.  Laru was protective and very in sync with Amel when it came to what she needed.  He catered to the things she needed before her performance that would enable her to do her very best.  

What I saw wasn't a man being run by his famous wife - I saw a bond.  I saw a genuine connection and unity that strengthens Amel's success.  

How many of us have had a goal, a want, a need, or an interest that was shot down, belittled or ignored by someone who should have not only your back, but your best interest at heart?

Amel said one very true thing:  "You've got to have your TROOPER behind you".  That is REAL. When you have a combination of supportive people behind you and rooting for your success, the entire unit can thrive.  I can say I don't deal with too many people because unfortunately some folks I've entertained in the past were deadly to my progression.  You can't expect to stay motivated when you have naysayers and skeptics in your ear on a regular basis.  I don't care how much a person believes they are immune to it.  

NOBODY SHOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH A SPOUSE, SIGNIFICANT OTHER, FRIEND, OR RELATIVE WHO WILL TRY TO CRUSH YOUR AMBITION OR YOUR SPIRIT.  IT'S ONE THING TO TELL YOU THINGS YOU NEED TO HEAR, BUT NOT IN A WAY THAT KILLS YOUR PASSION OR MAKES YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR HAVING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

That's why it's important to choose that special someone wisely.  Amel is truly blessed.

Read more »

Leave Olivia Pope ALONE!!!! ((In Honor of Ms. Chris Crocker))

Seriously though.  Black dudes, you slay me with these side chick memes about Olivia Pope (some of you just want a laugh or 5, I'm with that) but the rest of you bastards are poking at this chick being dead ass serious like you have a valid point.

FACT:   THIS IS A FICTITIOUS CHARACTER PLAYING A FICTITIOUS ROLE ON A FICTITIOUS SHOW!!!!

I'm only writing this rant because it's Thursday and I got my Gladiator goggles on for Scandal to come on tonight but more than that, this is a good example of the divisive mindsets that black folks have against one another.

When I was a kid in the 90s, shows like Melrose Place, Knots Landing, Dallas, etc. were on and they were HIT SHOWS just like Scandal - except for one thing.  The lead character was not a black woman.  It was also not a black woman being judged for her script.

All those old shows had skanks sleeping around with everyone and when I say skanks, I mean the MEN TOO.  Everybody had been with everyone -- sons were uncles to their cousins and some more shit.  Nobody was calling Heather Locklear on Melrose Place a "side anything".  She was called a "steamy actress who stops at nothing to get what she wants".

So why can't we be just as non-judgmental to Ms. Kerry Washington who has come quite a long way from her role in "Save the Last Dance"?  Hmmm?

Like I said, I'm all for a good laugh and an opportunity to poke at some funny stuff, but for the wives/girlfriends who feel "some kinda way" about her being banged by the married President, I just hope you exhibit that same discrimination towards any other chick in any other show or movie that contains all those controversial elements that have made movies what they are since the beginning of time.

Don't get me wrong, if you don't like Scandal, that's your choice as a citizen of the world. But things should be measured fairly.  Scandal is a damn good show with a great cast of people - the main character happening to be a Black woman who should be allowed to do her thing without being criticized for her script.

Some of y'all watch horror movies and love them.  Guess that means you worship the Devil now.  C'mon son.

Let entertainment be what it used to be before REALITY TV erased the line between real and fake.

Read more »

So Do You Choose the Friend Zone, or Settle?

It's crazy to me how I'll see all these memes talking about how women "friend zone" "Mr. Right", but then you'll see the same people talk about how women shouldn't settle for anything less than the best when it comes to who you put your time and energy into.

Now, me being a black woman and all, I already know how our input gets received on this topic and it's very unfair to say the least.

There are many women who accept bullshit from an awful guy just because the sex is good, or she can't get over him, or for her own weaknesses that keep her stagnate.

I was that girl I won't lie, but much of the problem with this whole argument is the fact that people get the VILLAIN TITLE so quickly from speculators, but don't know the whole story - then these people are labeled "bad guy" or "basic chick".  For example, women who vent to their friends about their relationship issues, and now the friend hates her boyfriend and continues to hate him long after the couple has humped and made up.  The friend doesn't know both sides of the story, so she assumes her friend is settling for a jerk.  And more often than not, it's usually these assumptions that are the story more than a female who won't stop dating "Pookie's" ass.  I'm not speaking about a woman who is accepting abuse. But even that woman needs counseling, not judgment and ridicule for her lack of understanding or outlet.

Men constantly judge women for remaining friends with a guy who she only sees in a platonic light, but what if she gave him a chance only to feel a void within her relationship or marriage?  What happens if she comes across someone she has more COMPATIBILITY with?  She can't win either way with people because honestly the right thing should have begun with the woman being true to herself and her genuine feelings.

PEOPLE HAVE PREFERENCES.  EVERYONE.  MEN AND WOMEN OF ALL RACES. HOWEVER, BLACK WOMEN ARE THE MAIN ONES WHO ARE SCRUTINIZED WHEN THEY EXPRESS THEIRS.  HOW UNFORTUNATE.

You can't fake an attraction.  You can cope with a few shots of Ciroc or a joint if that's your thing, but ultimately, something about what you don't feel will begin to tell on itself.

FACT:  BLACK WOMEN WHO SELECT ASSHOLES TO BE WITH ARE NOT THE CAUSE OF 70% OF BLACK MOTHERS BEING UNWED.  THIS IS NOT THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM.  THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE OVERALL MINDSET IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY IS FUCKED AND HAS BEEN FOR CENTURIES.  AND ONE OF THE MINDSETS HAVE TO DO WITH MEN AND WOMEN TURNING AGAINST ONE ANOTHER.

I didn't even mean to get all heavy on em' with those actual market research statistics, but I get sick of people not looking at the entire picture and understanding where many problems stem from.  Black women have so many disadvantages in society when it comes to how we are viewed, but the saddest part is the judgment we get from our own kind. ESPECIALLY BLACK MEN!  A few Shenay-nay's out there and now all black women have to kill themselves to look like a regular decent person who is worthy of a fair selection of a significant other.

CONFIDENCE is usually what a woman craves in a man.  Not his womanizing ability or if he's a dope chauvinist.   A woman will tend to gravitate more towards a man that she sees is desired but wait, don't men do that too???  Could have sworn they did (shrugs).  It's just like a popular product, or restaurant, or whatever.  There's usually something appealing about that thing that may give it more attention or fans.

But more than any of these shallow things, it's about a real CONNECTION.  And connections are important.  What's the chemistry like?  Is it there or is it being forced? How could you consider being with a person you don't naturally desire?  Especially if they haven't grown on you yet?  And yes, some people could grow on you, but what if they don't? Does a "nice guy" automatically equal "great catch" or make the woman obligated to dig further?  And what the hell is a nice guy anyway?  Some guys only call themselves nice because they're too scared to act the way a more confident man would.  Some shy ass dudes want to do the same thing they would see an "asshole" do, but they're too much of a punk to execute.

That's why the whole ridicule of the nice guy epidemic is bullshit to me.  There's no reason to complain about a woman who can't see a decent guy for how great he is, it just means she's not the one for you.  Women that complain about no decent men get told this everyday.  It's the same shit.  So shut the hell up already LOL...







I will continue to preach this because humans are what they are and like what they like.

Read more »