What Men REALLY THINK About An Assertive, Strong Woman (ALPHA WOMAN)

I asked various gentleman about how they felt when it came to stronger women who can be controlling, assertive, and head strong.  I even asked about the women who come across as more of a "homeboy".  I felt the need to clarify the mentalities of men when it comes to what they truly want in a woman.  And obviously I know all men are different, but I believe it's safe to say they gravitate more towards a woman who can balance herself.


QUOTES OF MALES WHO WERE ASKED HOW THEY FELT ABOUT THIS TYPE OF WOMAN:

"I don't have a problem with strong women! But those in particular blow me! Reason being they have tunnel vision. Im about partnership and acknowledging that a woman is just as strong or stronger in many areas. I understand I need that queen! Being raised by a mom who was single and has major respect for herself. Yet, I also know that those women in particular have been burnt by a sexist society and a lack of "man" in their life who showed them love genuinely.  I get the independence, but in the end I like women who know who they are yet understand they need me as I need them.... I went in...I know!"  

"It doesn't bother me, but it's not what I like. It's not how I coexist with someone I'm interested in.

And a controlling woman does bother me."

"My ex was controlling. She always thought her way was the right way and if it wasn't to her liking, it was a problem.  Just about any time, it didn't matter.  Sometimes she tried to control her abrasiveness, but at her convenience."

"It depends though.  You gotta have the right mix and match. If you as a man aren't strong enough to lead a woman because she has that abrasive, whatever type of mentality, then she probably isn't for you. Like, I can't be a bum...lazy...no ambition ass dude and expect to lead or take care of someone like that."

"To me personally, I wouldn't go for it unless they had something more to offer."

"In some cases and situations, I can see them as the perfect mate because I tend to be more relaxed with them."

"When she comes off as that Type A, aggressive and abrasive woman, when a female doesn't show that softer and intimate side and a guy isn't able to see that, he usually sees just wanting to hang, but nothing permanent."


"I don't take a woman seriously who tries to show me she's like one of the guys.  That's what my homies are for.  My woman is for being just that, a WOMAN."

"Women like that can be very cold, which isn't the type of woman I'd be comfortable with opening up to.  Hurt people hurt people."

"That hard personality where I can't see your vulnerability is where I have the biggest problem. Women like this are famous for fronting about what they really feel until she's about to explode."

"There's nothing wrong with be assertive and confident, but masculine traits doesn't rest well in femininity."

"The need for control doesn't translate to love. It's an insecurity and a defense mechanism from preventing hurt."

"You can't be open, transparent and vulnerable being controlling."

"The "Alpha Female" concept works well outside God's ways."

"Women like this do a lot of talking down on a man."

"They have a challenging ear instead of a receptive ear, and it presents unnecessary problems."


I believe there are many women who don't come across genuine (I always talk about men with the genuine factor) and it hurts them in the long run.  I stress being true to yourself when dealing with anyone because that is the side that will truly connect to someone who may be just as scared as you to let go and possibly love.

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JLo Said, "Why Can't The MEN be Naked This Time"?!

So, is it really fair to say that women are the only ones who should be shown as a sex object? In JLo's newest video, "I Luh Ya Papi", she gives a very playful way of reversing roles and showing the men as the objects of desire - barely dressed, and being on display for the women to speculate and react to.

Women have been sex objects for well over 2 decades in music videos and have went through an evolution of being the girl to party with to the girl who's proud of using her curves to pay her bills, to rappers living the lifestyle with groups of women who will do anything sexually to and for him.  Now, I'm not talking about how music artists used to sing about love because that's another topic.  I'm simply speaking about the women who have been objectified in videos over the years and their roles.

CHECK OUT THE VIDEO:


Some NON-URBAN publications have commented wondering about JLo's purpose with the video:

What’s weird is that during the verse contributed by rapper French Montana, all the tropes Lopez set out to mock come right back. The part where he stands there (fully dressed, unlike the speedo dudes) while Lopez struts around him in short shorts is one thing; it’s her video, she’s choosing what to wear, she’s supporting the featured artist on her track, and presumably she wants to look sexy — so that’s how she does it. It’s a little bit of a strange choice considering the video’s theme, but, sure.  - TIME.COM

People could argue that Lopez is trying to prove their point by showing just how ridiculous the scene is, no matter who is prancing and who is drooling. But is it a point that needs proving?

And just who is Jennifer Lopez to pick up the torch and run with it? Her brand of celebrity is based just as much, if not more, on looks than talent.  - NJ.COM (True Jersey)

In a way, I feel that this video does a lot to show that some people are aware of how mainstream this style has become.  In urban music especially, (because I'm definitely not saying it's all on the urban side) rappers are always singing about the easy woman who he can have his way with.  It used to be more about a variety of things - his girl and maybe his life with her, someone he was interested in, the girls he partied with or slept with, but NOW...it's mostly about the woman being an object he can stick and move with.

My biggest issue would be the lack of variety.  Our mainstream is ONLY THIS.  There's no true variation with the male artists.  You have most men at this point making women no more than body counts which reflects quite a bit on our actual statistics of baby daddies to husbands ratio within our community.  I'm not saying music should be responsible for instilling values, but many people are influenced easily by it because a lot of parents aren't stepping up to direct them.  And I just believe that.

BUT!  LET'S LOOK AT ANOTHER SIDE TO THIS, BECAUSE I FEEL THIS VIDEO DOWN HERE TOO.  SHOUT OUT TO BUZZFEED - this thing had me ROLLIN'!!!!

 

I do feel in some ways, it's hard to reverse the roles of men and women completely when it comes to these things but like I said before, I wouldn't speak on it so hard if it wasn't for the music imitating so much REAL LIFE out here.  It's more than just a song for entertainment.  Women in the urban community are often good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to love.  Just knowing that alone makes me back up JLo's efforts - even though I do agree coming from her, it's going to be taken with a grain of salt.

MOMENT OF HONESTY:  I honestly believe men just don't give a sh*t about any of this though and it's just life.  (random relevant thought)

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Oh LAWD...Drake and RiRi are Official Now?! (Where's Sweet Brown At)

TMZ is reporting that the delicate one (Mr. Aubrey) and Ms. Unapologetic are now making things official.  They have gone from the dating phase to actually working on a committed relationship. Sources close to both of them are saying that Rihanna and Drake have been growing closer and closer (she has spent every night with him while Drake has been touring in Europe).

RiRi is said to have mentioned that Drake has treated her the best of anyone she has been with. I defnitely don't think that should be any basis for choosing a mate but who the hell am I?!

I do believe sometimes these things just "happen" though.  If they make each other happy though, WHY NOT?!  Eff what the public thinks.  There will be just as many naysayers as people cheering them on.

I would have loved to be a fly on the wall of Chris Brown's room to take in his reaction.  But hey, maybe he doesn't give a damn.  (He cares, they all do.)

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WHY MEN CHEAT ON LOYAL WOMEN: An Article

(WHEW! He wrote a lot, but tell me what you think about what he said if your ADD doesn't kill you first)

By cheating on a good woman, it makes a weak minded male feel he has POWER over her. It makes him feel he is worth more than her. A male knows if he cheats on a loyal woman, she will care about him more. Yes, initially she will be shocked a man has the audacity to cheat on her, especially with an UGLY woman. No, not merely “physically” ugly, no. The word UGLY describes the particular amount of compassion, sweetness and being genuine and nurturing the woman he cheats with lacks.

A woman whose loyalty is taken for granted will question herself like:
“what is wrong with me?
Am I not I’m pretty enough?
Is my ass not curvy and fat enough for him?
Is my stomach not slim enough for him?
Is it because I won’t let him bring another girl in the bedroom with us?
Is it my smart mouth?
Is it that I’m always “over emotional” like he complains?
What aren’t I doing right?
Should I do more?”

Then she will try to stay with him to PROVE to him she is better than the girl he cheated on her with. To prove to herself she can fight for love and can help him by help changing a bad boy into a good man, fooling herself. This is reverse psychology. A weak minded male just got a Good Woman to mentally submit herself to a mentally immature man, purely by cheating on her. Males use cheating to TRICK a good woman into SETTLING for him. But this mind game many males play cannot and will not work on a Loyal woman who knows her WORTH.

I learned as Men, we must realize that ONE woman who holds us down and stays by our side, after we cheat on her, lie to her, hurt her, use her and disrespect her over & over & over, she is NOT loyal. She is WEAK. She is poisonous. She will hold back your growth as a Man. Don’t be fooled & think a girl telling you what you want to hear is loyalty.

As a mentally mature Man, we need a Woman who will be genuine with us at all times, even if that means she speaks her mind to the point her words pierce us and her tone appears to be “smart mouthed”. In really she’s not being “smart mouthed’ she’s being a Queen mentality strong enough to verbally ascend to her thrown.

a Loyal, Strong Minded Woman will speak her mind, regardless of what anyone thinks. Tell us the TRUTH. Tell us when we are WRONG. A Loyal woman will not allow us to hurt her multiple times & still accept us. That is NOT loyalty. Not at all. That is Pacifying. Babying. Appeasing.

A Loyal Woman will be loyal to your MANHOOD, not loyal to your EGO. A Loyal Woman will tell us the TRUTH, even if that means she might LOSE us. A Loyal Woman will tell us when our shitstinks, even if it makes us mad. A mentally mature man does not want a YES woman. Trust me. We don’t want a girl who will LET us hurt you and abuse you over & over & still accept us back, simply because you keep being told through Instagram Memes that real love must be suffered through and fought for. If she still stays with us after we prove to her time and time again that we genuinely aren’t strong enough as a man to keep her consistently happy in a relationship, it means she doesn’t really care about us as a man. She only cares about how we make her feel sexually. She is dickdizzy.

When a Woman truly LOVES a man, she loves him at his BEST, not settling for his worst. She wants us to BE the MAN who we were destined to be by the Holy Spirit. A man who can speak life into a woman, erase her insecurities, and shower her with loyalty and consistence. A loyal woman will tell her man to get his lazy ass up, get a job & pursue his dreams. A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to live off her. A Loyal Woman will not baby a man by working a job herself, while he sits his lazy ass in her house all day, playing XBOX and eating Lucky Charms and Pop Tarts raw.

A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to talk down to her & disrespect her like she’s any girl, because she knows a mentally mature man DESERVES a Strong Minded Woman. A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to refer to her as a Bitch, Bad Bitch, Boss Bitch, My Bitch, Wifey Bitch, because she knows we deserve a Queen who has integrity.

A Loyal Woman will not allow a male to FORCE her to get an abortion, or let him off the hook for abandoning her after getting her pregnant, because she knows we DESERVE to be a Father, not a Baby Daddy. A Loyal Woman will not tell a man what he wants to hear, she will feed him wisdom he NEEDS to hear and not be scared to do to it, because she is Loyal to his inner king, which is his spirit. A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to cheat on her over & over, leave her, then come crawling his cheating ass back after he had sex with every girl in the neighborhood, 11 of his followers on twitter, every girl who liked the pick of his “are you DTF or nah?” meme on his Instagram page. No, because she knows her worth.

Just as I speak to you women today, I speak life into young men as well, and I tell them to carry themselves as a KING, to hold their head high and never settle for a WEAK woman, when he deserves a Strong Queen like you young women. Yes, a WEAK Woman may always tell a man that he is right, yes she will let him use her, yes she will give him her money to pay his phone bill that is in his mother’s name, and she will give him her money without him even having to ask, but; she can never make him a better man and she can never love him like, a loyal woman can.

I made a huge mistake committing myself to a weak minded woman before, and that woman was my ex. Last year after I broke up with her, she asked me if I ever cheated on her, as she always suspected. I told her the truth and confessed, “I have never cheated on you or any woman, and I have never been unfaithful in any relationship.”

After my confession, all she could say was, “wow”, because it is commonly assumed all men cheat, yet this is completely false. I could agree all males cheat, at some point in their life, but a “Man” not a “male” but a man knows if he cheats, he would be not only cheating on a good woman, he would be cheating himself out of allowing a loyal woman to help mold him into a king.

Many people argue men cheat, because his woman will not do what his women on the side will, but he would never even consider the option of having women on the side if he deserved her in the first place. Some men are genuinely not ready for a relationship. To force one with him is only creating a relationship death wish. The idea that men are incapable of being monogamous is false.

I enjoy going on dates, flirting, courting and enjoy my single life, but in the back of my mind, I’m looking for a WIFE. I have ZERO interest in having side HOES or “fans”. I don’t need to have sex with every beautiful woman I meet to prove how much of a “man” I am. My loyalty, monogamy, spirituality & mental maturity proves that.

Each woman I meet, I’m looking to see if she is Wife Material. Because I know I am Husband material. My mother raised a future husband, not a hoe. I choose to be celibate while single, because my mother raised me to be a father and not a baby daddy. I live my life this way as proof that loyal men do indeed exist.

I have to admit, I am extremely picky and I know what a want in a woman. I want a woman who is as strong minded as me. I must admit I love a woman with a smart mouth who will speak her mind, yet knows that my masculinity and romantic aggression will always demand her respect, so she never verbally disrespects me. I love a woman who is spiritual. I love a woman who loves to shop & dress her ass of. It makes me want to spoil her with new heels every payday to keep her shoe game on point.

I enjoy the single life, but I have to admit, I miss having a girlfriend to SPOIL. To show off. To take shopping to the mall before our dinner date. Waiting an hour outside her house knowing she’s getting her hair right, eye lashes long, eye brows perfect, make-up on point just for me. I miss buying those Mani/Pedi gift cards that come in the cute lil box & surprising her with it to make sure my woman’s feet & nails stay on point.

I miss taking the SAME LOYAL WOMAN out every weekend, on spontaneous dates to the gun range, laser tag, in door bungee jumping, rock climbing, wine tasting, on a tropical cruise, snorkeling with dolphins or just to the beach for a walk on the sand after a I cook her lunch, fried chicken, bbq wings, potato salad, pesto pasta, fresh lemonade & peach cobbler I made just for us.

I miss having the SAME LOYAL WOMAN to cook for every day, to have in the kitchen teaching her to cook, then putting an ice cube down her back & laughing, play food fighting, then chasing her around my house
searching for her all around, only to find her laying in my bed, ready for me to trEAT her like food.

I miss making love to the SAME LOYAL WOMAN, texting the SAME GIRL all day, & never getting tired of hitting her with my hilarious vulgar humor and deep intellectual conversation. Being hilarious, making her laugh her ass off to the point her stomach hurts from how much I am making her laugh. I miss hearing the SAME VOICE every night before I go to sleep, hearing her cheese at the sound of my DEEP voice. I miss being a provider for the SAME LOYAL WOMAN, being her rock, someone she can tell all her problems to, vent to and then give her some sound advice, speaking life into my woman to make her feel better.

I miss giving those full body deep tissue massages after her long day. I miss having that ONE I can bring around my moms & sisters, to family events, so everyone knows she’s mine. I miss having that ONE to pray with, to cuddle up & read the bible with. I enjoy being Single, but honestly, I’d be willing to be loyal in a relationship if I found the ONE worth committing to. This is how mentally mature men feel. Yes all males may cheat, but a mentally mature man knows nothing can sharpen his iron and no one can mold him into a king other than a loyal woman.”

After I finished speaking, the young women really humbled me, as so many of them personally thanked me for writing “Why the hell am I still dating Black Women.” I never intended that piece to become an article. I was just venting off an extremely disgusting experience I had at a barbershop.

I want all my young kings to know they deserve a loyal woman, not a fast girl. We as men need to do much better. Lets be the men we want our sisters to marry, the men we want our daughters one day to be wifed by. Being a good man really is not that hard young kings.

All a Loyal Woman really wants from us as a man is us our attention. That’s all. And that’s not asking a lot at all. Don’t make her feel crazy for wanting us to give her consistency. Don’t have her second guessing if it’s too early to for her to expect us to be loyal, caring and faithful to her. It’s not. Not at all.

If we like her, if we want to spend time with her in any way, she DESERVES our undivided attention. Not half of our attention on her, and half on every other girl on these social networks. My sister said a man doesn’t deserve her time if we are not willing to give her our consistent attention. You may think that is a lot to ask but remember, in order to posses a treasure, one must in return give up what the treasure is WORTH. Loyalty.

By: Ebrahim Aseem

IG: @Fuel4TheBODY
Twitter: @EbrahimAseem

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I am an author, and I do Public Speaking events in the San Francsico Bay Area.

For Public Speaking inquiries & booking, contact me AEAseem@gmail.com

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Father Sues Ex-Fiancee' to Be Present For Baby's Birth

Okay, so a court hearing was set ON THE DAY A NEW JERSEY WOMAN WENT INTO LABOR with her ex-fiancee' who filed an order to be present for the birth of their child.  The couple was said to be on "barely speaking" terms.  Joanna Brick, the woman's lawyer shared her story with the Newark Star Ledger newspaper:

“A court hearing was held the same day DeLuccia [the mother] went into labor and delivered a girl, Brick said, with the mother participating in oral arguments via telephone conference from the delivery room. “The intensity was at a 20,” Brick recalled.” 

 The judge made a ruling in favor of the mother and set a unprecedented rule about a mother (aka the carrier of the unborn child) -

“all patients — and pregnant women especially — enjoy strong privacy protections that let them decide who can be at their hospital bedside.” 

Decades ago, it was procedure for the father to wait outside the delivery room until the mother delivered the child but by the time the 70's hit, it was more accepted for the father to be a vital part in the process.

But what do you do when the couple dynamic doesn't exist?  It's one thing if the two split on amicable terms or have an existing friendship, but when there are extensive differences between the mother and the father, it's definitely a question of ethics. Safety is also a factor because his presence could add stress to the mother which could in-turn compromise the integrity of the birthing process.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?  Custody is one thing that I fully believe should be 50/50 if both parents are in the best interest of the child, but delivery is another situation.  Let me know what you think.

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SIX Reasons Why Ciara & Future Should Make You Go AWWWWW...

What is better than showing off each other to the world and looking excited to do it?!  Future is cheesing while CiCi gave you the "I'm dope bishes, Zoolander" stare.

I don't usually have "favorite couples", but I love the ones that seem so "in-sync".

Artistically, this pic speaks 1000 words.  She's leaning on him looking care-free and happy.  

But look at his shirt!!! Just....AWWWWW!!! I love LOVE.  Especially Black love.  I love LOVE period, but you get my damn point.  It's just so damn awesome.

And Ciara didn't even slap him for accidentally tweeting the sex of their baby.  Can't wait to see what the little pooh will look like in HIS pimped out nursery!

She's just so damn cute.  I'm totally being a chick right now, I don't give a damn.  AWWWW SUGAFOOT, HONEY DIP!!!

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10 Things I'm Glad I Didn't Do In My 20s...

(Me at 30...but don't I look 20?! -- ((snort laughs))

1) Get Married -   As much I can't wait for that magical day to walk down the aisle and begin that lifetime journey, I realize how underdeveloped I was as a person.  As much love as I had in my heart, I was in no way, shape or form ready for the responsibility and understanding that comes along with having a strong and functional marriage.  I think it will always be a learning experience as you go, but I know many people who say they wish they would have waited until they were more mature and gotten more experiences out of their system before making such a big step.


2) Get A Billion Tattoos -  If I acted on every impulse I had for some ink in my 20's, I would have a lot of sh*t on my body that I'd frown upon now.  I'm not knocking anyone who has that fancy graffiti but personally, I think that the permanent nature of a tattoo should have some in- depth thought involved behind it.  I know there were some times back then that I wanted to get one just for the sake of having one.


3) Being Afraid Of Friend/Family Opinions - I was very affected by the opinions of others as a child.  I was too self-aware and I was miserable because of it.  At some point of being treated very poorly by people that I cared for the most (mostly people I called my friends), I woke up and realized that I had to start listening to my heart and trust God more.  I tapped into my passions and let go of my doubts.  I took more risks and didn't apologize about it.  I knew the people that were meant to be in my space would still be around and respect my independence.


4) Blaming Others For Choices I Made -  At the end of the day regardless of what I wasn't taught or where I came from or who I came across, THIS IS MY WALK, MY JOURNEY, MY LIFE. Playing the blame game for anything I don't have or didn't like that happened is only hurting my own growth and progress.  I am thankful that I learned (somehow miraculously) to hold myself ACCOUNTABLE for what I have or don't have in my life.  This is how I operate and that mindset has carried over into the present day.  I believe THIS is what it takes to grow in so many successful ways and areas of life.


5) Sticking With Jobs That Didn't Teach Me Anything -  I am too talented of an individual to have my time and energy wasted where it is not being properly utilized.  There is a question with employers about an individual's longevity and commitment to a job, but for entrepreneurs like myself, my commitment to authenticity and life purpose is more important.  The longest position I have held (personally) was 4.5 years at a bank (hated it).  If you are stagnant and miserable working at a job, make steps everyday to finding out (1) what you would rather be doing (2) what steps you need to take in order to qualify for the job/business (3) don't allow people to diminish your desires (4) remember that life is too short to be confined 8 or more hours a day doing crap that means nothing to you.


6) Following the Crowd -  F*** the crowd.  Like, seriously...  I don't know too many substantial people that fulfilled their destiny by copying the footsteps of others.  I don't try to give myself credit for being influential, but I know I am - however small the influence, I know I do.  I believe that when you tap into your spirit and understand that we all have unique gifts from a higher power that were made for something bigger than us, it is easy to let the crowd be there while you shine and stand out.


7) Holding On To Friends That Subtract From My Life Value -  There are some people who will never be 100 with you.  Some won't even give you 50.  I refuse to keep people around for the sake of not being lonely because I would still feel alone having 20 friends around knowing none of them truly gave a damn about me.  I don't care about stunting for Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and trying to make it look like I have an entourage.  Some people are assholes and treat you like shit and I refuse to be a part of nonsense when there are better alternatives.  You better believe the people I rock with go just as hard for me as I do for them.  #Thankful


8) Ignoring Karma -  I promise on everything I love, I have so many reasons to be spiteful, bitter, angry, just an awful person in general based on things some have done to me in the past.  For a few people that have caught me in the morning, they might say they know that chick (I apologize for my Tourettes at the top of the morning by the way), but I have morals.  For all the wrong that I know has been done to me in my life, I realize that some situations are bigger than me.  I am a firm believer that things come back to haunt people that do jacked up things to folks.  I don't even anticipate that though.  I thank God that I have the type of heart where I don't harbor hatred for people.  Hatred is a prison for some people and they don't even realize it.  It's crippling and it can eat away at you.


9) Settling -  If you aren't happy, you just aren't happy.  I know that the times I felt need for a change, I tried to make steps to fix the problem.  I definitely made mistakes, but I refused to settle for things that I knew deep down in my heart were just wrong.  And more importantly, wrong for me.  I have no regrets because I know that in many important areas of my life, I put forth my best effort to improve things that needed changing.  (Advice: Don't ignore problems, face them and know that you have every right to have peace of mind within your life).


10) Have Drake To Hear On the Radio -  YOLO has a lot of dumb ass young people doing dumb ass shhhhhh...  Granted, I could make the same list of things I'm not glad that I did do in my 20's, but one thing I knew was that with certain things, you have to be careful.  I said goodbye to a dear friend when I was 20 who died in a car wreck and a host of others that were in bike accidents, and lots of other things that took them away from this life.  And more than the possibility of the worst happening, I believe that people in their 20s should have some aspect of the future.  There are too many of you who don't have a direction, a desire you are aware of, a PURPOSE.  And not having these things turns you to the wrong things and people for a false sense of fulfillment.  Living and experiencing is fine, but knowing to LEARN FROM YOUR EXPERIENCES is an invaluable skill to have embedded in your brain.

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She Posted An Ad Congratulating Her Husband and His Mistress On Pregnancy

Alrighty!  So, you find out that your spouse not only cheated on you, but there is a child on the way as a result.

In a story via iDateDaily, Texas wife, Timeshia Brown, decided to purchase an ad in the local Hemphill, Texas newspaper in order to publicize her husband’s affair.  She congratulated her husband and his mistress on their pregnancy.

The ad initially surfaced on Facebook and went viral on Reddit, but it has opened a national dialogue about passive aggressive forms of revenge. 

The ad says: 

“I would like to say congratulations to Shara Cormier and Patrick Brown… They are expecting a baby. Hope you both are really in love and I hope it works out. Always, Patrick’s wife, Timeshia Brown”

Hmmm...so, in this situation what should she have done?  I have a feeling she would have been criticized regardless of what she did in response, but I know that reactions deemed as passive-aggressive never help an already bad situation.

Controlling our emotions can truly be one of the most powerful things you can ever do in your life and not because of saving face when someone hurts you, but understanding that in the midst of us succumbing to our feelings, we might spend way too much money, harm our bodies, harm someone else, get in trouble, affect our children or younger bystanders, and a host of other things. 

When your world is turned upside down, it's hard to think clearly but that's why it's important to have a solid support system around that can be a voice of reason that can help to look out for your well-being.  Not someone who feels they would benefit from your hard times (this includes people who want to be with you, lonely friends, jealous friends, by the way I use the word "friend" loosely on the last two examples).

I hope somehow, she comes out of her situation with peace of mind in knowing that she is better off not becoming a member of the circus her husband created.  

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He Told Shakira "NO MORE MEN"...(Was He Wrong?)

On Billboard magazine’s new cover story, Shakira has admitted that her boyfriend Gerard Pique doesn’t allow her to make music videos with men anymore.

“He’s very territorial, and since he no longer lets me do videos with men, well, I have to do them with women,” the 37-year-old singer says in Billboard’s March 2014 issue. ”It’s more than implied in our relationship that I can’t do videos like I used to."

So my question would be is this a healthy situation?  (Okay, I'll answer this one)  I believe it most certainly IS.  I am a firm believer that any man who says he's comfortable with his woman being all cozy with another dude (paycheck involved or not) is either not truly into this woman or he's into another woman (literally).

I know I would want my man to check me on things that make him feel like I have the potential to cross his line of comfort.  Of course, some things I believe we should already know - but forget that "saving face game", "I'm not insecure BS".  Most of us are not into sharing a person who we have claimed as ours, and I believe men are naturally territorial unless there's a disconnect.  

Gentleman, please correct me if I'm mistaken though. (smiles)

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Nia Long: "Don't Lose Yourself In Motherhood"

Nia Long was a guest at the Tyler Perry Show on the OWN Network recently and spoke about single motherhood to promote the new movie, "The Single Moms Club" that will be released this Friday, March 14th.

She spoke a lot about the pressures of being a single parent and says this film is here for women gain a helpful perspective on things within that role.

KEY QUOTES FROM NIA LONG TO TYLER PERRY:

"Don't lose yourself in motherhood because one day your kids leave and when they do, you may not have a clear sense of yourself."

"You have to re-introduce yourself constantly because after you become a parent, you are not the same person as you were before having kids."

"You don't "think" about being a mother and what it takes...you just DO it."

"The kids come first.  Doesn't matter what your profession is, you just do what you have to do."

"I have a mother who helps me and we work it out."

"You are not alone, we all go through the same things.  We should all come together and support one another, and if we did that a little bit more, you might even get a date!"


I remember when I became a mother and went back to college a year or so later, I came across a very well-dressed psychology professor who seemed so well-spoken, well put together and confident.  I really admired her and paid a lot of attention to the things she said.  I remember going to get dinner with her one time and I already knew she had a son at a young age (at the time I believe he was 13-14).  She told me that lots of single mothers get told that "it's not about them anymore, it's about the kids".  She said that while it's true your priorities change because of your special role, your happiness and peace of mind are important as well.  Many of us have passions, interests and personalities that don't get an opportunity to flourish because of outside opinions - family, spouse, significant other, friends, etc.  But parents are important too!  Our mental health and happiness equates to the happiness of our children and our loved ones.  It all works together and goes hand in hand.

I never forgot Sharon "Zoe" Spencer (my Psych teacher).  I carry that with me to this day and I know it was meant for me to meet her because she fed my spirit the motivation to understand my desires mattered, even if no one in my close space understood.

It does take balance (however).  And balance is not an easy skill to master, which is why it's important to check yourself often and have a plan, a schedule, and clear, specific goals.  There may not be as many hours in a day as we all would like sometimes, but small efforts everyday contribute to greatness in whatever area you put your energy into.

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