Either We "Smoke, Drink, or we Break-Up"....

So for all the 30's and 30-somethings... Back in the mid-90's...when Marques Houston and the rest of his Immature crew rocked a better "Just for Me" perm than ANY OF US LADIES, he had back-up singers and dancers (yessir). So before Jhene Aiko stepped into the music arena, HER SISTER JAMILA (aka Japollonia) was on the move in a group called Gyrl trying her hand at potential stardom. She rocked these long braids with the beanie hats (my flashback mode is in full effect). But ANYHOO...she has come out with the first single off of her soon-to-be released album with Island Def Jam called "Smoke, Drink, Break-Up". (check it out BELOW)

At first I felt like it was really dramatic at the beginning, and I wasn't sure I was really feeling the song - until I began connecting to the lyrics and what she was addressing.

Who has poured a drink or sparked something because they were trying to calm down, chill out - of course, certain people are going to try and maintain their little levels of decorum and be like, "oh, not me, I don't do stuff like that."  And i'll say..."yeaaaaaaaahhhh OK."

This is why so many people (especially older folks 35+) have chronic substance abuse issues now. It's easier to numb yourself rather than having a nervous breakdown or fight over things time and time again.  There's an attachment there, but the drink, the smoke, sometimes other substances allow people to "cope" (aka mask the bad feeling).

I'm not even here to preach about substance abuse though.  My M.O. has more to do with how we don't connect properly.

Somebody's selfish, doesn't want to listen, wants to be right, they're bored, maybe a liar, have an inner Quagmire inside of them, won't prioritize responsibilities (this is a huge one for the absent parents), etc etc etc.

My only thing with this is:  young people problems turn into old people problems.  The 20-somethings who deal with problems by burying them will be 30-somethings within a flash of a pan doing the same crap without some reflection, holding themselves accountable, and being real with yourself.  That saying "young fools turn into old fools" is SO REAL.  I've seen them first hand with a ton of stories, regrets, and advice.

As for Mila J (Jamila), I wish her the best.  Hopefully the comparisons to Aaliyah and Ciara won't annoy her too much - I feel like a 90's influenced artist will always display some characteristics personally but whatever, what do I know... (LOL)

(Throwback 90's pic of Mila J)

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Could You Hang Out With Your Exes' New Boo?

(Rumors of Alicia Keys, wife of Swizz Beatz and Mashonda, Ex-wife of Swizz hanging out)

I could dammit.  I mean, why not?

Honestly, I can speak first hand by saying that when you truly let the past be the past, it's okay to make amends with your ex and whomever is new in their life.  I honestly embrace the idea of trucing with your exes' other half because if there are children involved, to create issues only affects them in the long run.

As long as everyone shows respect for one another, I don't see any problem with it.  The only time there is usually a problem is when someone is not over the other person completely.

As a woman, I know who I am and my value.  As long as I'm aware of this, what didn't work out in my previous relationship will not dictate my actions towards someone that had nothing to do with it.

Now to be 100...F*CK ALL THAT HANGING OUT CRAP.  I was joking.  Kiss my damn ass. Hahahahaha.  Good for you Alicia and Mashonda.  I'm sure Swizz is dreaming of you two kissing and making up with him in the middle for a threesome sandwich.  I kid, I kid.  LOL

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What The Hell Future?!

Skip to 5:15 in the video ---



Now, I'm certainly not trying to make something out of nothing, but damn it man.  Wendy Williams asks Future about Ciara and why he chose to marry her since so many people in the present generation don't really believe in marriage as much anymore.

I feel like his answer was almost saying, well...I'd rather not sleep with all these slut buckets out here so let me just tie myself down to focus better on the career.  I just wanted to hear him saying something about what he actually FELT for her.

Am I being too sensitive about this?  I'm being too much of a chick right now huh?

My hopeless romantic side definitely needs some adjusting to some of the things I see nowadays that's for damn sure. (LOL)

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In 2014, What Is "WIFEY MATERIAL"??? -- Keyshia Cole Situation w/ V103 FM

Keyshia Cole got pretty pissed off during an interview on V-103 with Ryan Cameron's assistant Wanda Smith after she asked the question, "do you feel you were wifey material" in relation to the subject matter with her recent split with future ex-husband, Daniel "Boobie" Gibson.

“Do you feel like you were wifey material?” Wanda questioned.

“You know what? Y’all really f**kin’ with my sh** right now,” Keyshia responded. “I got some other sh** going on. What y’all wanna talk about? Tell me now.”

“You were so busy, you had your career popping off and you were doing your thing,”  Wanda explained. “Then you had to phase out and start doing the wifey things, the cooking, taking care of the kids. Were you really ready for that or were you still trying to do your music thing?” (Wanda)

Regardless of how Ms. Cole's reputation is with being a hot head, I totally understand why she jumped on the defense.  The fact that she tried to maintain a level of chill during the interview and not completely fly off the handle is admirable in itself.  To have to deal with infidelity leading to the split of someone you care for - then dealing with the media shaping stories, motives, personalities, etc. for viewership is enough to take someone out of their zone.

But I present the question:

What is "wife material"?  I purposely took off the "Y" because that term in itself irks the Doodle out of my Bug (I'm wack, I know).

I feel like there are so many variations and examples of married women these days.  I would say it depends on the man and his personal wants, but what qualities exude "wife" to most men?

Here are some qualities I jacked from my Manly Bugs...

Shares same beliefs

Attractive

Makes you a better man

Trustworthy

Ambitious

Selfless

Smart

Unconditionally loves you

Responsible

Gets along with your family

Gentleman, how does that list look?  And do these type of women usually "win" in the long run???

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Nicki Minaj Says, "It's OK to go After Married Men"

Well, it isn't exactly Nicki....

It's her role as Lydia starring as Cameron Diaz's assistant in the new movie, "The Other Woman" that will open in theaters on April 25th.

Diaz's character, Carly finds out that the guy she's really into happens to be married and here's the clip of their discussion about it:





 MOVIE PREVIEW TRAILER FOR "THE OTHER WOMAN" 



Andddd...although the movie isn't based around Cameron's acceptance of being the "other woman", I do believe there are many women who have come to accept and play a Tug of War game with a man in their radar that happens to be taken.

I personally know women who don't give a sh*t and the only thing that comes to mind is, are some of us really that hard up for attention and love that we will either take it how we can get it or we just don't care about dealing with a man who will give us 100% of their love, affection, attention, etc.?

Many women who are married will just label them as sluts, whores, etc. - which I probably would too if I had to deal with one invading my homefront, but with the imbalance of males to females (benefiting the guys), has this confirmed that married men will take advantage of the possibilities?

The only women I can empathize with are the ones who were blindsided and fell in love with a married liar.  If a man lies about his relationship status and in the process develops a relationship with a woman, that woman is building an attachment on false pretenses.  Then when she finds out what's going on, to say she should walk away is easier said than done.  People will always tell others what they should do anyway until they are put in the same situation and that's when it gets real.

It's rough in these streets I tell ya.

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The Quickest Way To Get Over a Man is to Get Under A New One, if You're Evelyn

How long is a sufficient time to bounce back from a failed relationship?  Can healthy relationships really happen while a person is in the rebound phase?

This question came up from the whole Evelyn Lozada new baby/new fiancee' news.  The former basketball, then football, and now baseball "wife" just gave birth to a baby boy with LA Dodgers baseball star Carl Crawford and her older daughter Shaniece by her side.

Back when she was six months preggo, there was speculation of her relationship with Crawford when a Twitter conversation between Ochocinco and a fan surfaced where the fan said he saw Evelyn with Crawford at his job.

The allegations of their relationship were denied until the last trimester of her pregnancy.  Now with the birth of their new son, I was curious of whether the old saying of "the quickest way to get over a man is to get under a new one" is a truthful rule of thumb.  It's usually a Hollywood norm to see people bounce from relationships, but given the recent controversy of Evelyn and Chad's violent episodes, I ask again is it okay to move on with someone else so soon after a split, let alone conceive a child?

I feel like Evelyn is in marriage/family mode and realizes her biological clock is ticking.  She might have honestly wanted to hurry up and take advantage of the eggs that are still functioning.

Either way, she's a gorgeous MILF.  Wishing her all the best.

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Paula Patton Says She's Not Ready To Take Him Back

At this point, everyone knows about Robin Thicke and his public pleas to wife, Paula Patton about taking him back after they separated.  Robin Thicke has been under fire for many public displays where he touched other women inappropriately and embarrassing his wife in the process.

Many have debated whether this was a publicity stunt, but I would imagine that it's hard enough to think straight when something like being betrayed shakes you up emotionally.  Then having to deal with millions of spectators and their opinions about what you should/shouldn't do.

The level of thick skin that needs to exist for relationships in the public eye is REAL, and while there are some couples who are rumored to be in open relationships, there are just as many duos who speak on traditional values and their exclusivity.

I wish them the best and hope that somehow they can find their way back into a trusting bond. They have so much history along with a beautiful child and it would be a shame for it to be thrown away because he was being selfish and caught up within his career.

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Fellas! Is She A Burden On Your Wallet?!

I was involved in a discussion where the men and women were debating an online article that encouraged women to start asking guys out on dates more because there are tons of men who are on the quieter side who may be interested, but not as confident to make the first step.

So the whole debate thread starts jumping (Shoutout to Sonya Lowry and her show World Next Door TV for inspiring this post), and a gentleman brings up the topic of how men are expected to do so much in the courtship phase when it comes to initiation, as well as money.  This really bothered me because as a woman, I know some BROKE ASSES that have no problem keeping a woman's interest because there's something about that guy that draws them in.  This isn't to say that a man shouldn't be stable (or working towards stability), but I believe that a lot of men think the wrong way when it comes to this expectation.

OF COURSE there will be women who are wallet shopping.  Just like there are men who are only shopping for the juiciest Kit Kat, or the brag-worthy arm piece.

BUT THIS IS A SITUATION THAT SHOULD HAVE BALANCE.  Nobody should have to feel like they're breaking the bank to get to know someone and there are plenty of women who you can entertain by doing wallet-friendly things.

FOR EXAMPLE...

Why the heck can't we have a picnic?!  Depending on where you live, you might be able to pull this off year-round, but even if weather is an issue, we could still go somewhere with nice scenery and enjoy our surroundings.  A picnic requires minimal funding if you set it up ahead of time. No, you are not soft for setting up a picnic, you are soft for trying to purchase lobster tails knowing your Rush Card's only good for some hot dogs and a Big Gulp from 7-11 .


STARBUCKS For the WIN!!!  You can kiss my round rump cushion for saying I'm biased about this one.  For the people who know me, they already know this move is more strategic to spark my interest than many other fancier things.  Coffee is a minimal cost situation and a safe haven for great conversation and possibly the beginning of a great connection.


Go to a museum.  Why not?  First of all, it might give you something to talk about - whether you are knowledgeable about certain types of art or if you just have eyes and a possible opinion about what you're looking at - it's an opportunity to connect with someone who will probably appreciate your creative decision to go somewhere that isn't so cliche' on the first date.


Go to a festival.  There are ALWAYS things happening depending on the time of year.  All you have to do is check out a few websites (Google is your FRIEND) and if you're not too lazy, take her there!  They are usually free events that have a number of things you can do - including sparking conversation to CONNECT!


Check out the Open Mic/Poetry scene in your area.  This is an awesome way to open the forum for convo or discussion about topics you both may be interested in.  The cover charge is almost always minimal or non-existent.  If you appreciate this craft, why not share it with a potential mate?


Invite her to something that you already do!  This might be a great way to open her up to your world.

The key is to be real with yourself and real with her.  Don't go wine tasting if you don't give a damn about different wines.  Don't take her salsa dancing if you really don't want to do that. That's not to say don't be open-minded, but there is compromise in all of this!

I find that there are many men who feel uneasy about putting out money in pursuit of a woman, but don't tap into the notion of actually spending the quality time with her and making that the first priority.  Trust me, there are plenty of moneybags walking around where swiping the plastic is not an issue, but they still can't get continuous action.  Why you ask?!  Do I really have to go there again?  Yeah I do.  BECAUSE THEY SUCK - THEIR CONVO IS DRY, THEY ARE MORE WORRIED ABOUT THE OUTCOME OF THE DATE THAN ENJOYING THE ACTUAL DATE AND WOMEN CAN SENSE THIS CRAP, THEY AREN'T CONFIDENT, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

The point is, you don't have to be a baller to connect with a woman.  At ALL.  It starts and ends with YOU.  Don't get all salty about trying to put out money when you could have just been real from the beginning and stayed within your means.  If she judges you for that then well, it's on you if you want to continue to pursue a woman like that.

I do believe there's somebody for everybody.

BUT FELLAS!  Talk to me.  Do you find that women are typically expecting you to wine and dine her?  What's your take on this?

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BABY FEVER IN HOLLYWOOD....

JUST A QUICK COLLAGE OF THE BABY LOVE GOING ON IN THE CELEB WORLD.  I'M NOT SURE ABOUT YAYA PULLING THE TIG' OL BITTIES OUT FOR INSTAGRAM BUT HEY, THEY'RE HERS RIGHT?!

CIARA IS ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE AS A PREGGO LADYBUG...

NORTH IS A BEAUTIFUL COLLAGE OF GOOD GENES...

AND I HOPE I LOOK THAT DAMN GOOD AT EVELYN'S AGE WHILE CARRYING A KID...



IN THE FAMILY WAY!!!! by Slidely Slideshow

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Would You Tell Your Close Friends If Your Sex Life Was on 5000?!

Some people get more descriptive than others when it comes to venting or describing the things they go through in their private relationships.  Of course, it's "politically correct" to say that you keep your private business private, but I believe that most people (MEN and WOMEN) have confidantes that could blackmail in the worst way because they have been told information that others just don't know.

So the question was presented on Facebook about whether you should tell your buddies about your significant other's sex game - because wouldn't knowledge of this make the person want to find out about them first hand?

My answer is probably so.  As much as people try to present themselves as morally sound on these social networks, I just believe there are more people who would "go there" compared to people who would not.  It's a sad thing to say because you would think that people would place more value on their meaningful relationships but in 2014, that's an endangered species in the urban community that is growing worse by the day.

I asked a male friend of mine would he tell any of his homeboys about his sex life with HIS WOMAN (not a woman he just had sex with) and he said he keeps his personal dealings to himself.  THEN he brought up a friend who had passed away back in 2006, saying that HE would have been the only person that may have been told something intimate between himself and a woman he was with because they were like brothers.

And the reality is...people have different levels of character for various things.  I would imagine some friends would just take that info and it would stay JUST THAT while other "friends" would have a host of feelings and inspiration behind that knowledge.  I definitely had a "close friend" who I'm almost 95% sure was peeping my dude at the time and the vibe she gave off had me seconds off of her remedial cranium.  She was remedial because she didn't realize how obvious her behavior was and the blow to her head would have graduated her from remedial to the vegetable section at the grocery store.

Am I violent?  I don't think so.

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