Pet Peeves Women Have About Their Men (Reader Responses)

SO...
My ladybugs in RELATIONSHIPS gave me some very thoughtful feedback on this topic. So I dropped my 99 cents.... 



I don't like my boyfriend's friends because all of them chase skirts as a hobby...
I would let him know how you feel about his friends and if you're uncomfortable.  Respectfully, but he should know that you're aware of their behavior.  You should be able to tell if he thinks like his friends by his overall philosophy about things/people/women.  Just pay attention and communicate.

He's always asking me what I want to do instead of just taking me somewhere...
Tell him what you would like him to do.  He can't read your mind, but also let him know you appreciate spontaneity (whispers...) tell him it turns you on! LOL

I have to remind him to pay his bills and keep track of everything.  I'm his wife and his secretary!
If that's a weakness he has, sometimes our strengths can balance out things like that.  I would get over it unless it's truly inconveniencing something you need/want to do.

He leaves the bathroom looking like a war zone with hair, clothes and crap everywhere...
Sometimes we have to take the good with the bad.  I would say balance is the key.  Nothing wrong with cleaning up after the hubby but if he's taking advantage and treating you like his maid service, I would bust him upside the head with a box of cereal.

We never want to do it at the same time!!!
This always sucks but communication is the best way to handle this.  Compromise too.  If you know you've bended (in more ways than one) with this, then tell him what you want from him as well.  Make it worth his while to be more on your schedule too...lol

I don't think his mom likes me.
Well, I think the important thing would be trying to figure out why you feel this way.  If you know why she may not like you then I would go with my instincts.  If something is telling you to reach out to her, do that and see if it makes for a better situation.  Some men are "mamas boys" and are the "main men" to their moms (especially single ones).  Just make sure you aren't being neglected in that sense but if it's something else, try to search for answers and go with your gut.

Anytime I hang out with my girlfriends he gets an attitude with me, but when he wants to hang out with his friends I'm supposed to be okay with it.
The good old "double standard".  We should all know who we're dealing with when it comes to our other half.  The best way to deal with this is to be straight up about how you feel.  Don't do the "tit for tat" game.  Emotionally it can be hard to express yourself when you feel attached and don't want to come across clingy, but you have to be real with yourself and honesty is better than trying to act like you're unaffected if you really are.  TALK ABOUT IT.  Respectfully.

He lets his kids destroy the house and when I say something to them, he yells at me.
Unfortunately if you aren't his wife (which I know you aren't yet), you have to step back and woosah at the situation.  Some battles we have to pick and choose.  If you are paying rent with your man (however), you have every right to speak up about the upkeep of the house and what you want him to do.  Again, COMMUNICATE.  But do it when you are not upset.  Respect is always the key.

He's too lazy when we're having sex, he always want me on top.
Try to introduce something different in your sex situation like a game, new location, video, play fight, etc.  I say this because he might be bored with the regular routine so switching things up by being spontaneous may be what you need to inspire him.  If that doesn't work, shove a sock in his mouth while he's sleep.  (I kid...I kid)

We never have any alone time, it's always family night.
SCHEDULE IT!!!  SCHEDULE IT!!!  SCHEDULE IT!!!  Find a sitter one night and plan something special.  You can have fun with your girlfriends shopping for some sexy lingerie and smell goods.  Planning is the key!


He works less than I do, but I'm always doing the cooking.  He sucks in the kitchen.
Tell him some nights you aren't going to cook.  You shouldn't feel like a slave to the stove so don't put that pressure on yourself.  He should know you will take care of home but not at the expense of feeling run down.  BALANCE my dear!

He's always buying some damn sneakers!  Priorities are trash, he owes everybody including me!
No one can take advantage of you unless you allow them to.  If he's abusing your generosity then you have to let him know you can't continue to enable his bad spending habits.  Of course you want to make him happy, but your happiness is important too!  See how bad the situation is and trust your instincts.  Let him know it's okay to spend but ONLY IF YOU HAVE THE MEANS TO!  

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Dwyane Wade's #WCW Goes to His Fiance' -- Was She Right To Forgive?

Dwyane Wade is best known in the press nowadays for being a liar and cheater who recently fathered a child outside his relationship.  Gabby Union is known for accepting his plea for forgiveness and also taking some of the blame for his indiscretions.

He posted this picture on his Instagram yesterday with this caption:

My #WCW my #beautifulblackqueen… My Life mistakes gave me you and my life mistakes almost made me lose you but your love has conquered all and I hope to spend the rest of my life with you…

Many people have had reacted negatively towards his behavior and her decision to reconcile and continue with their engagement but my question towards this matter would be, what factors should be accounted for in a situation like this?  It's easy to say he dogged her out and disrespected their relationship (which he did), but their situation is much like many situations where the woman decides to forgive and grant another chance to their relationship.

I saw a quote today by an author today that read, "There is a difference between LOYALTY and STUPIDITY."

Then there's also the famous quote said by Bob Marley that says, "Everyone is going to hurt you, you just have to know the ones worth fighting for".

We always look at external factors - the judgment of society and our peers, family, religion, many things to help guide us when it comes to our decision-making.

I believe a person who you truly find happiness in would be someone that's not easy to just walk away from, even when they give you reasons to.

In the entertainment world especially, where you have so much temptation around you on a regular daily basis, I would imagine she knows what she signed up for.  It doesn't make it right, but relationships aren't about who's right and who's wrong.  They are about the CONNECTION.

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Disgusting Things Women Do That Men Hate

1) Leaving traces of your "lady time" products around the bathroom.
One guy actually said he walked in the bathroom to find a tub full of red water with his wife's underwear floating.  (Yeah, I'm dry heaving too sir.  On behalf of the XX chromosome party, I deeply apologize for that entire situation.)

2) Making an explosion out of your underwear instead of hauling it to the bathroom.
I can understand a friendly "poot" but if you have to launch the grenade factory from your panties, haul your smelly booty ass into the restroom and be a lady.  10 year relationship my ass, you STINK.

3) Toilet paper being stuck in your tush.
If you use the bathroom before riding the rodeo, PLEEEEEASE double check your lady holes before assuming your little sexy position and getting the party started.  Especially from the back!  Sheesh!

4) The fingernail struggle.
We all have bad habits sometime but if you know you bite your dirty nails constantly then try to lay a smooch on your hubby's lips, YUCKO.

5) Asking to have a pimple, lesion, crater, alien popped somewhere on your body.
This is love right here.  I'm not saying don't do it, but if you haven't married that man and he's squeezing slime out for you...he deserves for you to propose to him.  ((I have the Heebie Jeebies now. And yes, I really said Heebie Jeebies in 2014)).

6) Lazy hygiene.
There are actually men out here who speak on the fact that he knows his woman does not take daily showers.  I'm quite speechless on this one.  I can understand if you're sick or if you've been home all day and just haven't made it there yet, but he said she actually has left in the same underwear/underclothes and bird bathed the situation?!  Girl, who raised you?


I'm surprised my stomach survived writing this up.

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Hey Side Piece Police, Kerry Washington HAS AN ACTUAL HUBBY!!! (I Need To Vent)

TAKE THAT SIDE PIECE HECKLERS...

Kerry Washington and her husband look pretty happy together at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party.  Just like all the other actresses who are allowed to do their job, collect a pay check, then go home to their real lives.

Oh, and on top of all the people who tried to diminish Lupita Nyong'o and the Oscar she won for playing a slave, allow me to show you a collage of the black folk who all HAVE NOT PLAYED demeaning roles to achieve their awards:

I swear if some self-righteous Black folks used 10% of their brain, they'd be dangerous.  In no way am I saying that Denzel in "Training Day" or Halle in "Monster's Ball" wasn't criticize-worthy.  Outrage worthy for that matter, but the problem comes when we don't understand how to PROGRESSIVELY build up a torn community.

We are so quick to ridicule, judge, label and dismiss something when we don't look at the entire picture. For all the people that preach about the neglect of the "black family", do you ever stop to think what your "side-chick" comments do within society?  IT GIVES THE TERM LIFE AND SUBSTANCE. It's become a "thing" to say and to be.  It's been accepted as ACCEPTABLE.

Psychologically, when we openly dismiss something, we promote it in our minds at the same time.

Also, have we stopped to think that half the people who complain that the Clair Huxtables of the world are growing extinct REFUSE TO BE CLIFF!!!  Who the hell is Clair being Clair Huxtable to nowadays anyway?  Since there are so many upstanding men that have nothing at all to do with that 70% single Black woman statistic.  Nope, it's all her fault.  Too much WorldStar and twerk sessions. Oh, and she's too attitudinal about being judged out in the world and not being protected.  Yep, that's it.

People are more outraged by the effect than the cause.  And I wonder why?  It's the same principle of why a man can be hit by a woman and she's "not as wrong" as a man who hit a woman.

Life's so unfair, huh?

And I am passionate about this because I'm tired of seeing the lack of accountability within our community.  From BOTH sexes.  From intimate experiences to subliminal ones.  We are truly our own worst enemy when it comes to our stance, and I blame more uppity black folks than ghetto ones because you have had more of the foundation to influence good, but choose to stick your noses up toward things that you should be wise enough to see ARE BIGGER THAN THE PERSON WHO IS MAKING THE OFFENSE.

And I really don't care about being labeled "cynical" or whatever people love to say about a Black woman who has anything to debate about.

My color already stamps me with societal judgment and mostly by my own damn people.

WILLIE F**KING LYNCH FOR THE WIN.

((goes to cool off...I got my pressure up on this one))

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Disrespected on Social Media

Access.  For some, it's like the equivalent of leaving a kid in a candy store.  There's so many aisles of "goodies" and "snacks" that some people may not be able to resist and for the person who still has growing to do, it may cost them everything.

STORY:  A friend of mine told me at one point in time, she had a very short reconciliation period with an ex-boyfriend where he threw up a shirtless picture of himself in a jacuzzi.

They were in a relationship when he posted the picture.  She said she (personally) behaved like someone in a relationship online and offline, but with him she could read through his behavior.

But more than the fact that he knew the camera had caught his good side, he threw the picture up for a reason.  He was "baiting", and it wasn't for her.  Now, she is pretty sure the fruits of his man candy labor have paid off for him.  That was one of the many many MANY reasons she didn't work to save their relationship.  On top of the fact that at some point you have to enforce a standard of how you want to be treated, you also have to know when the direction of the person you're with is not going towards you. And to keep it 100, it WASN'T.  So she had to let it go.
Did he love her, sure he did.  ((rolls eyes))

But I said that to say social media is an opportunity for COMMUNICATION.

And everyone doesn't use it properly, or RESPECTFULLY.

Many of us use it as a safe way to "express ourselves" with hidden meanings, emotions, inside jokes, etc., but what about the person who contacts someone because they know they can and they know they have access?

Those times that conversations with your mate get short because of a difference or disagreement and then grow longer with someone who is just out there in social media land.

These little chats can always grow into more, and this isn't to make anyone feel "any type of way", but it's the truth.  There are some people right now who know they act up online (or offline for that matter) and the amount of thirst traps waiting out there who lack standards are by the MILLIONS.

So, how do you avoid the potential traps of social media?  You respect your boundaries like anything else you cherish in life.  

If you know you will get on Facebook or Instagram and show all of your natural ass, FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO WITH YOUR TIME.   Grab your PS4 or talk to your XBox One, take Rover's slobbery butt for a walk, go watch Roxy Reynolds with some lotion, but stay out of situations where you will be like La Doodlebug in Starbucks.  Raping the frappucinos and sh--- (my bad...I'm having a moment).

I don't know how many couples have each others' passcode or snoop in their mate's accounts, but there are a number of men and women who use Facebook, Twitter and the rest as a means to LINK UP with folk.  Many of them are pretty laid back online too - they don't say too much because they're probably saying it all in certain folks' inboxes.

In a relationship you should feel at ease to know your other half celebrates you and what you have together.  And everyone should be comfortable period.  And if you aren't...TALK ABOUT IT.

#COMMUNICATION

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Kanye's New Video "Bound"...with Kim Topless

Um...so Kanye's video "2 Boobies", I mean "Bound 2" featuring North's mama Kimmy Kakes, I can't help but to think that Kanye and Jay are tag teaming on this whole "my chick is the baddest" movement.

Check it out if you haven't already:

So, my lovebugs...what do you think of this video?!?!  I'm slightly speechless at the moment because I'm completely blank and deprived of sleep.  So help me out here.

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Men and Women Can Be Their Own Worst Enemy With Each Other

IT NEVER FAILS:

You have members of both sexes that complain about things they bring on themselves.  Now, as a fellow HUMAN BEING, none of us are immune to making mistakes and having to pick up the pieces - but LEARNING FROM THEM is a virtue that many people need to practice.

FOR THE WOMEN:

You will hear her talk about how all men want to smash and pass through her life when all he has to do is show up with some Bacardi Dark and his penis and you're daydreaming about what wedding colors you're going to pick out while he's secretly plotting his exit strategy after he cleans off enough of your juices to go back outside.


FOR THE MEN:

You'll see them post nonsense on their Instagram or rant about women that use men for their money, or women that don't bring anything to the table.  But every time you entertain a woman you either overcompensate and overspend instead of making a genuine connection with your personality.  You hide yourself behind all this shit you have on your resume or in your bank account and then have the AUDACITY to complain because you baited the fish and caught her Flounder lookin a**?!  You get the woman who you either have no chemistry with, or the woman who broke your heart because instead of being authentic, you chose Door Number STATUS.  Your failure is EPIC.


Now for each of these situations, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with being grown and doing what you want to do.  But not understanding the results of what you do is where the disconnect seems to occur.

Ladies, if you decide to get down with a man who isn't attached to you, who you're not sure what or how he feels (not in his words, but in his ACTIONS), that's your choice as a human citizen of the Planet Earth.  BUT, understand that your mindset is one of compensation and neediness when you give yourself in so many ways to a man who you haven't truly connected with.  Unfortunately, we live in a day and age where many men are not in the family mindset of things anyway.  Lots of them will say they're ready for commitment, but cannot handle the temptations of what their surroundings have to offer. Even for a man that's gassing your head up about the possibilities, you need to ask yourself some questions.

Could you call on this person if you were in a bind?
Does he do anything to show he cares for your well-being?
Are you in regular contact with this person? (like, everyday you hear his voice)
Is there a genuine and mutual effort to see one another?
Is he (or has he) opened up parts of his world to you? (his place, friends, relatives, kids if he has them, hobbies, goals, etc.)

Much of the problem we have with the choices we make is that we don't hold ourselves accountable for the outcome of what we do.  Those guidelines above are about setting a standard of who should get the privilege of consuming your emotional space.  Don't settle for less because you're lonely or impatient. No man that wants you will make you question his motives with you.  Period.


Now for the gentleman.  ((Deep sigh)).  Poor Tinkerbell.  First of all,  a man who overcompensates for what his own insecurities are deep down can be just as bad as a womanizing jerk who wants to stick his weenis in every lady hole imaginable.  Why?  Because it's all a facade.  Your representative is putting in a strong bid like you're at an auction and eventually a woman will see through all of it.  If a REAL CONNECTION is what you crave, you have to make one and get out of your own way.  Stop worrying about what is going to happen if you were to just be yourself and DO IT.  Sadly enough, men have just as many insecurities and hang ups as women nowadays.  Things can be so simple if you just learn how to CHILL THE HELL OUT AND TRULY ENGAGE THE WOMAN.  Stop trying to impress her and just take in the moment.  For some, I'm sure it will take practice, but I know there's someone out there this is meant for.  You're welcome dammit.

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Jada Tells Arsenio She's Glad She Didn't Connect With Will On The 1st Opportunity

Jada and her prominent cheek bones were on Arsenio Hall last week and talked much about her connection with TuPac and how they had more of a father-daughter dynamic because of how protective he was with her, but one of the things I found extremely interesting was her talk about how she had an opportunity to work with her hubby Will long before they linked up as grown adults.

Initially, she tried out for the role of (one of) Will's girlfriends and was told she was too short.  Then, later on after her acting career had blossomed a little more, she was offered the role and turned it down.

She said she is so thankful that she did turn it down because she wouldn't be married to him today. Will was married to his first wife, Sheree at this time and she confessed that neither of them were ready for one another.

Which made me think about relationships and the way things evolve.

Many of us spend so much time worrying about the outcome of things that we don't allow ourselves to embrace the present moment and the good things about it.  We get caught up in what other people have to say about things, what we see in the media and it brainwashes us in to thinking we have to act a certain way, look a certain way, have certain things in our lives in order to be happy or fulfilled when the reality is, all of us have to define that for ourselves.

Part of that means to really shut off from the distractions of social media, friends, family, TV, etc. to truly know what makes us happy and what makes us feel alive.

I say all of that because there are a lot of unhappily single people out here who develop a bitter way of thinking because of so many external factors.  They might have hang ups with specific people or situations when really, you have no idea if things are meant to be the way they are at the present moment.

I don't know how many times something may have happened in my past and then in retrospect I am thankful and humbled that I went through it because even though the period may have been difficult, I came out of the situation a better person than before.  I became smarter, sharper, more seasoned to handle the world.

Sometimes it's meant for us to have things or not have things at any given time because for one, we should live in the present moment and enjoy that and secondly, we don't know if the current state of pause with something could be preparation for that golden hour of something anticipated.

I truly appreciate what I lack now because it builds me up to acknowledge and GENUINELY BE THANKFUL what I will gain when the time is right.


Side Note:  She really didn't have to collagen pump those cheek bones.  Damn Jada.  I don't get why the pretty ones mess their faces up like that.

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Strippers: Wifeable or Nah?

I know some people looked at that title like..."what the hell Mo?"  ((chuckles))

Alright so me being in the midst of my Instagram browsing, I stumbled across a promoter I follow that works at a few clubs in the DC area (mind you, I don't know this person beyond Instagram) and he happened to take a picture with a very beautiful woman who I believe was a guest at one of his parties.

When I went to her profile, I realized she was a stripper with about 15,000 followers.  She was into fitness as well, but there were more pole flicks than gym, so I was like alrighty!

The only thing that threw me off was the fact that the dude who was a promoter was talking about how this woman was a "triple threat" because of her brains, personality and beauty.  In the comment thread he was talking about her like he was checking for her.

So a Black person like myself was stuck for a moment like...is he just gassing her to put in "potential na na" points or do dudes really bun up strippers?!

I know everybody says, "Hoes be winning", and this isn't to shade anyone - I know some women have had to pay bills by popping the cheek sandwiches for tuition/book/dorm/rent/food/sitter/car note/survival money.

I'm not here to cast judgment in the least...like, who the f--- am I anyway?  BUT...I am speaking on the fact that a stripper's job is to create a sexual fantasy for a population of men on a nightly basis.

MEANING...men other than your MAN will see the goods and tip you handsomely for lap dances, booty claps, body twerks, and perculations (yes, I'm making up words now).

So with all that being said, is there a man who would really bun up a stripper?  Let me know. Obviously I would say the average man would never in a million years of standing up to do #1 would consider taking a stripper seriously, but I actually do know some exceptions with former strippers. Again, help me out and give me some perspective on this.

Was the Instagram dude just talking or nah?

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Outrage About Lupita Nyong'o Win At the Oscars

I happened to peep a few status updates online about the fact that some felt the only roles Blacks are ever allowed to receive Oscars for are plots where someone is being degraded (i.e. - Lupita (Patsey) and Master/Slave sex relations in "12 Years A Slave" or Halle Berry getting banged in "Monster's Ball"), or playing a stereotypical character such as Denzel Washington in Training Day as a crooked cop.

In many ways I can understand the issues that some have with that, but I don't believe that should diminish the rising of a very bright star (Lupita) who you can look at in a number of ways depending on the way you think as a person.

She made the cover of Essence Magazine as a symbol of redefining beauty (which I posted in the previous article) and even received a letter of appreciation from a fan whose own self-image improved because of her in the spotlight.

One thing I wish the Urban community would do is aim for higher in cinema - even if you don't have the budget, NO ONE CAN TAKE AWAY QUALITY TALENT.  This is an element that is very hit and miss with the low-budget movies we make by the dozens.

Comedy is one thing, but we don't have to be known as one-dimensional in this regard.  I can name countless actors of color who all play the same type of role even within the Urban circuit of film production.

I feel like if we aimed higher with the quality of our scripting and the talent among selected cast members, it would create a platform for greater things.

I can't dismiss the fact that awards have been won for questionable roles in the Black community, but I do believe that there is a responsibility on our side as well to present ourselves with a standard to command respect.

Lupita is a growing force in Hollywood who I commend greatly for her acting skills.  It's just a shame that when a new actress makes such a great achievement it gets shuffled in with all the politics of the society we live in.

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