ABUSED SLANG WORDS: PLEASE READ AND TAKE NOTES

RATCHET ---  Do you ever want to co-sign with somebody when they make a good point but because of how ignorant they said it you just change your mind?  That's how I feel when I usually see people use this word.  It's popular to say, YES...but sometimes the person doing the accusing sounds just as...well...RATCHET as the person they're insulting.  Hopefully I don't sound ratchet talking about this ratchet a** word.

SWAG ----  Okay, so most of us have seen that quote circulating Twitter and Facebook that said, "Swag isn't going to pay your bills".  And they are RIGHT, but I'm tired of the lamest, no-job, no goals, I'm the CEO of "Scratch-N-Sniff" Records, but I gotta wait for my Momma to get home so I can get a ride to my show tonight at Los Gatos Restaurant on the corner of 5th and Jackass Street" trying to say they are dripping of Swagu.  Huh?  Come again sir?  The only reason why you THINK you have swag is because of a girl who has no goals beside posing with her underclothes in the bathroom telling you you're sexy.  (BUZZER SOUNDS) Wrong answer Craig Wack.

THIRSTY --- This one irks me because it seems to be SOOOOO easy to call someone else out for their behavior but most of the people saying it either ARE or WERE the same exact person themselves.  Sometimes I feel like a word gets popular and then the young public tries to use the word in every other sentence.  Thirsty equals desperate in the urban dictionary right?  Well...it's hard for me to see a chick whose butt cheeks I can recognize better than her face talk about how another booty model is thirsty when sex is the basis of BOTH your talents.  I know though, jump offs are business women too, my bad. 

BASIC ---  This one has the same dynamic as the word "thirsty".  You usually have two "Hot Ghetto Mess Dot Com" members that won't look at themselves in the mirror.  They are calling each other basic about a bunch of nonsense that they are both too old to be dealing with.  And if you're not a hot ghetto mess yourself then you probably just use it too much in a damn sentence.  That's a violation too. (and note, I'm talking about people that ABUSE words...keyword: ABUSE not USE)

GRINDIN' --- SHUT YOUR COUCH LOVIN CHEEKS UP.  If you are "grinding", YOUR WORK WILL SPEAK FOR ITSELF.  There isn't a need to prove anything with what you say.  Yeah, regular convo might have that word come up every once in a while, but broadcasting it means you feel you have something to prove.  And most people who feel they have something to prove know they are fakin' the funk.  Real grinders just work hard.  Period.

WIFEY --- I'll kick you in the throat with this one.  Yeah I said it.  And I think I get more pissed at the women who proudly accept this title because although it can be a very nice expression of love and commitment, it can also be a "dead end zone" for men who will give his main chick that label for the next 10 years.  And hey, some women are fine with being the wifey for 35 years and who am I to knock your hustle?  I just know that if I don't have the ring to seal our level of commitment and a story to tell about how he got down on one knee... I'M NOBODY'S WIFEY.  (folds arms)

HATERS --- People want haters so bad they figure if they talk about it long enough the haters will magically appear to make them look more important or envied.  This is something that is poison to the black community and I'm just going to be real with that one.  YES, haters exist but the biggest reason why they do is because nobody wants to take time to understand one another.  And most of the people who say they have haters on a regular basis are saying it INDIRECTLY.  Most people that talk about haters are really affected by them deep down.  Ol' sensitive, passive-aggressive a**. 

But seriously, all jokes aside...that list was meant to inspire a laugh or two, but I believe there are too many people out here who are in denial about their behavior.  And the only cure to this is to look in the mirror. 

And grown folks over 25...I hope that these words/expressions are kept to a minimum.  We seriously don't understand how we demote our appearance by talking recklessly (especially when we get with our friends, and have a drink or 5)  I'm not the convo police, but if you are a grown woman who has a friend talking about how she's the wifey of a full-time rapper that is grindin' and has so much swag with all these ratchet, thirsty bishes trying to get at him...you are not her damn friend if you don't tell her how "BASIC" she sounds.  I'm just sayin'.

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BUTT CHEEKS ANONYMOUS!!!

It is SUCH a waste when I see attractive people --- doesn't matter if it's a male or a female that are visibly a catch...but that's IT.

THIS IS WHERE I COME UP WITH THE EXPRESSION, "BUTT CHEEKS ANONYMOUS".

You have the attractive ladybug who is obviously a nice arm piece for a guy, but she offers absolutely NOTHING but just that.  The cheeks.  Yep.  The identity is lost...therefore she is a nameless, pointless booty.

And YES...men can be guilty of this as well.  You'll usually find them having weak conversation and the face of Heaven with a dash of glory. 

We can speak about this when it comes to personality, sex, or anything else.  I think there are so many people who think the only thing they need to bring to the table is the visual package.  I get tired of dudes who think that if they are a 6 ft walking display of GQ, cute face, or well-endowed, that this is the basis for being a great catch for a woman.

There was this guy I dated for T-minus 10 seconds of my life that I'll never get back.  He was about 6'3, basketball stature, well-dressed, his cologne was like POW... (also known as...Fine as HELL dude)

BUTTTT!!!!

He had the conversation of a little league MVP.  It was hard for us to really create chemistry because he had little to nothing to talk about with me.  And some would say that he might have just put me in a category and didn't want to pursue anything meaningful with me for whatever reason.  But um...that's just the thing.  I couldn't shake him for about 2 months after my stomach couldn't take anymore of his sleep-inspiring presence.

I doubt very seriously that he lacked interest with me.  I believe he just relied on being attractive to be a good catch.  Now, being pretty or handsome may get you far in life...I mean, look at the Basketball Wives and all the other reality shows out there now!  If you aspire to be a talentless, psuedo-celeb then I guess my argument can go in the dumpster right along with your IQ, but let's just say that you actually want to find someone that you have things in common with.  How the hell would you figure that out by having a 3rd grade conversation?  Well, I guess if both of you do, then you're made for each other.

When I tried to work as a promoter for a couple of months, I met several ladybugs who reminded me of this whole topic.  Not all of them were like that, so don't think I'm saying all chicks who frequent the club are airheads but.....I PERSONALLY know women who have a mentality like their physical attributes will somehow end up paying their way through life.

There are too many people who don't understand that they need to have something OF SUBSTANCE to bring to the table too.  OR they are in denial and refuse to do a self-evaluation.  Take interest in yourself long enough to fine tune your NON-SUPERFICIAL attributes.  I guarantee your conversation will be better along with your self-esteem and your dating/love life.

Just a suggestion.

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1. Olivia the Opponent (aka THE COMPETITOR)

There is NO reason why a true friend would feel the need to keep score about who is doing the "best" in terms of work, school, family life, and etc.  But unfortunately, there are so many people who constantly play the impression game.  A modest amount of competition between friends is healthy, but when someone can't take time to acknowledge their friend's achievements because they are too busy trying to outdo the announcement with an accomplishment of their own, THAT IS NOT HEALTHY AND IT WILL CREATE RESENTMENT.

2. Beggin' Brandon (aka THE BEGGAR)

This is the buddy that has absolutely NO SHAME when it comes to calling you up for $20 bucks every week.  It's not that you don't want to help them, but it would be much easier to help a person who wanted to help themselves.  A good friend will not enable you...they will help to EMPOWER you.  And sadly enough, when you cut the umbilical cord off from Beggin' Brandon, they often disappear or express their disapproval of you choosing to hold on to your own money.  

3. Sticky Fingaz Jones (aka THE THIEF)

You can't leave your dinner plate around this individual because you better believe it'll be gone with homeboy/homegirl flossing their teeth with a toothpick.  They do things like snatch up your clothes, money, or iPod.  They might even buy you something with the very money they stole from you, but believe me --- if they see something of yours they like and they can snatch it without you having eye-witness proof they did it....  #YOURSTUFFGOESBYEBYE (I lost a damn good bottle of J'adore perfume hanging w/ Sticky Fingaz Jones)

4. Manny "YES" (aka THE "YES" MAN)

This person is the one that CANNOT be honest about what they can or cannot do.  DIARY MOMENT:  I used to be FAMOUS for this one.  I was such a "people-pleaser" that I would try to stretch myself paper-thin to put a smile on everyone's face.  I had to realize was that all I was actually doing was creating resentment because most people would rather know upfront what to expect instead of dealing with someone who acts very unreliable at the end of the day.

5. The 5-faced bandit (aka THE PHONY)

This is the person that changes according to who they are around and their environment.  I'm not referring to people who understand how to adapt to their environment.  I mean the person who would diss you or act funny when they get around others.  I mean the person who lets Twitter, Facebook, Melanie, Christine, Natasha, their pet guinea pig and "Man Man" holding a Four Loko down the street know they have a beef with you but when they get around you they flash a fierce Colgate smile with a Red Bull attitude.  (Heyyyyy girl!!!)

6. The discourager  (aka THE DISCOURAGER LOL)

This is the person who lacks imagination and wishes on their life you did too.  They often try to talk you out of doing things and in the same breath explain that they want what's "best" for you.  The problem with the discourager is that the main reason why they try to pump your brakes is LESS about them protecting you and MORE about their own insecurities.  It's not as much about you potentially failing then it is of their fear of you SUCCEEDING.  Many discouragers are very insecure and they want to make sure that the things you do won't take you away from them.  Selfish huh?  Well...I will just say that the energy drain that these types of people cause is MONUMENTAL if you allow it.  

7. The Un-wanted Twin (aka THE IMITATOR)

(Takes deep breath)  I don't know what ignites a fire inside of me more.  A person that copies my demeanor, style, ideas, etc.  OR the thought that they (in fact) might tell someone else that it is I who copy them!!! I'll be 100% honest (I'm not claiming to be perfect by FAR) so I can admit that I do think this way sometimes.  I know I probably shouldn't, but imitators make me think of that chick from the movie, " The Hand that Rocks the Cradle".  I always question the mental stability of a person (especially a grown adult) who would spend time copying things about a person and their attributes.  I have to woo-sah on this one (takes another deep breath).

8. Spotlight Sabrina  (aka THE ATTENTION WH*RE)

It's not really the fact that Sabrina needs front and center attention all the time.  Yeah, it does get annoying, but it might even be entertaining to watch her in action sometimes.  The problem is how catty and attitudnal Sabrina gets when the attention shifts to another direction.  I can say I have personally dealt with people who operate like that and it is an UGLY PMS WHORE watching Spotlight Sabrina lose her lights, camera, and microphone.  Lord help us all, you would think somebody stole her wallet.

9. Opportunity Knock-isha (aka THE OPPORTUNIST)

These people are primarily TAKERS.  They step on others in order to gain something that only benefits them. You will usually find this type of person giving out sexual favors in exchange for opportunities or sleeping with someones' mate.  It is very important to understand that this person separates emotions from what they want.  So they may really love you -- but it has no influence on the fact that if they want to take something you have, they will try.
"I want to surround myself with people who want to be successful and want to help others be successful. People who just want to take and people who will cut in front of you or take an opportunity away from you are not your friends and are not good business partners. And so, I have no time for those people". - Patrick O'Keefe, Public Business Speaker/Motivator

10.  Dominant Denise (aka THE CONTROL-FREAK)

There is nothing wrong with a person who demands order and structure in their own life.  Keywords: Their OWN LIFE.  When a person changes the way they treat you when you do something they don't agree with - it is potentially a selfish behavior.  Now, if you were about to harm someone or do something that affected your overall well-being, that is a totally different circumstance.  A control freak can be pushy, manipulative, self-centered and/or power-hungry because they want to have things their own way.  TOXIC is what these people are.  A healthy relationship requires that we respect all of our differences, whether we agree or not.  If a person has to manipulate you in order to treat you with the respect they would want themselves, THEY ARE NOT A GOOD FRIEND AND IT SHOULD BE BROUGHT TO THEIR ATTENTION.

I made this list for one reason.  It is of EXTREME importance that the subconscious and subliminal energy around you is POSITIVE.  People always wonder why they may be upset often, cranky, or drained and they don't take time to consider who they keep in their space.  Sure, it's cool to talk a good game and say you are cautious of these things, but LIVING that way takes COURAGE because demanding respect isn't always easy.  If you are around any of these people, I would suggest you make a change by either addressing the issue to the person to work through it, or incorporate an action called "Loving You From a DISTANCE".

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SHOULD YOU TAKE YOUR MATE TO THE CLUB???

Is this really like taking sand to the beach?  I would say yes and no.  I feel like a couple should be able to party together without feeling some kind of way but based on my experience I don't know!

I remember in the past going to the club with a few other ladies and our boyfriends were good friends.  The girls drove to the club together and the guys drove together separately so we could all eventually meet up.  First of all, it was New Years Eve so yeah you would think that the occasion was appropriate for couples to embrace each other by the time 12:00 hit.  I didn't see my boyfriend until the last HALF hour the club was open.  Yep.  I wanted to slap the Toaster's Strudel out of him but it definitely made me feel like he really wanted to just do his own thing at the club without his girl cramping his style.  Now, at the same time we were only like 22/23 so can I really hold that against him???  Probably not, we were still really young.

Then there was another time when I was out at the club w/ one of my good friends and she was there with her boyfriend.  Everybody was drinking and at one point of the club I saw her boyfriend exchanging words and getting close in distance to another woman in the club -- not sure what was said but it was obvious that his "party mode" was in full effect.  My friend was pissed though.  She didn't want to speak to him and was visibly upset for the rest of the night.

I also remember myself going to a party with my boyfriend at the time and feeling some kind of way when the chicks who were wearing practically nothing (ie. see-thru clothing, butt cheeks exposed out of shorts, etc.) were dropping it low in there.  Sure, there are plenty of ladybugs who might boast that that type of stuff doesn't phase them but in my opinion, I don't believe that.  Personally, the only reason why I wouldn't mind my guy mingling with half-naked women is if I'm really not that serious about him.  If I knew I wasn't into him that much, heck no I wouldn't care about him checking out someone else or dancing with them.  But if I was in love, I would feel uncomfortable with him being around drunk, barely-dressed women (all fronting aside).  I wouldn't try to stop him from going out or anything, but if I saw it being a regular routine for him to hit the club, I wouldn't accept it.

Now, I remember when feeling uncomfortable at the club resulted in me treating my boyfriend like he had already done something and that wasn't right either.  But I had to grow up and get more comfortable in my skin.  At this point of my life, I can say that even though I wouldn't like it, I wouldn't feel uncomfortable being around women who acted easy in the club, I would probably feel more annoyed.  Especially toward the ones who are noticeably thirsty for attention.

I'd love to hear thoughts on this topic though so if you've read all this...drop me a comment and tell me your experience or opinion about going to the club/party with your significant other!!!!

oh...and PS...I looooove you for reading my blog!!!!  Thank you!!!

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TOO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION!!! (I WANT COMMENTS!!!)

 I had a question pop into my head.  I was thinking, is it better to meet a potential mate online/over the phone and get to know them without physically being in their presence, or is it much better to handle things the old-fashioned way?  Some people might think that question is crazy or a no-brainer, but this is why I'm asking.

I was on one of my good friends' radio show called Sunlight Radio (shoutouts to Adoma and Danielle) last night and we tapped on something that a caller said about the fact that women get into sexual encounters with men way too quickly and/or easily, which affects the overall momentum of making a meaningful connection.  So with that in mind, I ask again...would it be more effective to keep your distance with someone you meet until a respectable amount of knowledge is learned by both parties?

I'm not crazy I swear.  I just feel like maybe it is better to keep more physical distance in the beginning.  If Michelle meets Mike and they start getting to know one another, but Michelle starts to get that "Heyyyy There" feeling...it may be a challenge for her to spend time with Mike knowing she wants to yank his pants off and get her Kentucky Derby off on his Santa Seat. 

I WOULD LOVE INPUT ON THIS PLEASE.  SERIOUSLY...because I have talked to men who say that they have jumpoffs to cool off their steam for the ones that they really want to get to know better.  But what about a woman who does not choose to take that route of Stanksville?  (I'm not judging, I promise) 

AGAIN...FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED FOLKS!!!!

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STOP TRYING TO FORCE A SITUATION

I always wondered what that meant when my ex used to say that to me.  I was about 21...22 and he would always say that I wasn't acting normally.  I kept racking my brain and trying to figure out why he was giving me such a hard time because although my mind was moving at 3000 miles per hour, I felt like I was being myself.  We went out to a party one time and there were a ton of chicks there that I thought looked more voluptuous and prettier than I did.  I tried to be chill about my insecurities and "drink it off", but it came out through my slick remarks and "sideway" comments about how I knew that my boyfriend (at the time) was looking at the other women in the room.  It got even worse the more I drank and I treated my boyfriend like he had already done something because I was insecure deep down and wanted to mentally prepare myself for the worst.

This is one thing I realize now that I am older and more educated (book-wise and about life).  Your subconscious mind is just as powerful as your conscious mind.  Most of what you contain internally comes out in some way and if you are insecure - there is little you can do to truly hide that from a person that knows you.

I'm not saying that you can't fool anybody about what you're thinking or feeling, but I am saying that the things we dwell on in our minds WILL END UP BEING EXPRESSED THRU OUR ACTIONS IN SOME WAY.

This is why it's so important to be honest with yourself about things that you feel.  Negative thoughts DO become negative actions unless you fight negativity with POSITIVE ENERGY.  If you are constantly around someone who feeds you negative emotions or energy, it will impact you and influence you subconsciously.  And like I said before...

Your subconscious mind is just as powerful as your conscious mind.

And why you ask?  Because of THE POWER OF REPETITION.  That's how we memorize information right?  That's how things stick in our head.  And if actions do more than words, why wouldn't repeated acts of negativity do the same thing in our brains?  Our subconscious mind helps us store information. (I'm really not trying to sound like a science book but I'm telling you some good stuff right here so keep reading damn it...)  The more you feed your mind with negative thoughts or insecurities, the more you will act the way you think.  

If this applies to anyone reading...  Ask yourself WHY you don't act naturally?  Or better question, does the person/people you are dealing with make you feel as if you have to be aware of yourself in order to be around them?  

Being comfortable in your skin is communicated by what you do...not what you try to convince others.  Your mouth may say you're being YOU but your body and eyes might be showing others just how afraid you really are.  Think about it.

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THE STRIPPER POLE

Okay so, this was about 2009 or something.  I was desperately trying to find a way to make more money for my family.  I kept thinking my skills that were the strongest outside of my day job weren't going to land me a profit anytime soon.  I also couldn't rely on extra income from recording people in the studio because it was too inconsistent. That's when I found Lil' Mynx.

I decided to invest in a stripper pole to take around to ladies' houses and have pole parties.  I felt like this was the perfect way for me to make quick money by holding events for ladies who wanted a slumber party-esque experience with their friends.  Plus it sounded like fun.

I actually threw a pole party for my 25th birthday so I was like...HEY! I can pocket off of all the birthday girls who want to act up with their friends!  I went online and found Lil' Mynx poles (which definitely have more affordable poles) and ordered mine.

Now there are two types of poles that I'm aware of.  The first pole has a unit that suctions into the ceiling and is easily removable and can be transported to different locations to be used.  The other type of pole has to be mounted into the ceiling - meaning you have to drill a hole into the ceiling to connect the device that the pole attaches to.

Now me being the intelligent African-American that I am, I didn't make sure I knew which pole I had when I made my purchase.  I ended up buying the one that I had to bolt into the ceiling...in my apartment...that I rent.  This also meant that the pole could only be used at my house unless I felt like drilling a hole into everyone else's wall before we got started.

So yeah I know...I should have just sent it back to make an exchange right?  Um...well...that would have worked out for me if I hadn't waited 2 months after it was delivered to me to finally open it.  I was trying to finish out a semester at school so I said I would focus on that before I opened the pole to get started on my new business venture.  The warranty was only for 30 days. (Womp-Womp-Womp)

Okay, so I took it out and used it anyway.  The best use that I got out of the pole after I finally destroyed enough of my ceiling to put it up was for my sister's 21st birthday party.  There's just something about drunk chicks falling off a pole that just makes any night worth having.

Over time the pole began to loosen and stopped being sturdy.  I know there's a weight limit for it but I won't even go there...I'll just say the wear and tear added up fast.  The worst part was that it was a constant reminder that I had made a failed investment.  Minor as it was, it was still almost $400.  I'm not a baller so for all of you that wipe your bootys with that...how about you kiss mine.  (Just kidding.)

I ended up selling the pole a few months later to some pregnant chick. (I'm so sincere...she had to be about 8 months preggo) ::shrug face::

My point is:  Some investments are made to help you thrive.  Some investments are empty.  I honestly think it was meant for me to mess that up so I would understand that sometimes things fail because they weren't meant to be.  Sometimes when we find ourselves struggling to make something work, it really means that our direction may need to take a shift.   Not to say that you don't have to work hard... YOU DO, but if you believe in GOD, he allows things to happen (good and bad) that help us understand the direction we need to take. 

I definitely know he was trying to tell me I have talents that far exceed me trying to use a gimmick to make a living.  No disrespect to anyone making money off of that but we all have to know our individual purpose.  When we are in tune with that...we will succeed.

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“YOUR NA-NA IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE (PART THREE)

"Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON’T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat." - anonymous MAN

Let's define the word KNOW.  Do you know a dude just because you've been talking to him for a while?  He took you out a few times?  Maybe you even met his twin pitbulls?  Fed 'em a few times?  Or maybe you studied ESPN for a week and shot the breeze about his favorite foozeball team so you would win brownie points and get a few laughs out of him?  Hmmm?!

REALITY: You don't know a man just because you believe you've uncovered a few details about him.  You know a man when you get to the core of what his life consists of.

"Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he’s married or engaged? How does he treat other people? Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear." - anonymous MAN

It's called having a high standard.  And not the type of standard where you only deal with guys with money or status (whatever that is).  Having a high standard means ANYONE who wants to achieve a place of intimacy with you (physically AND MENTALLY) needs to meet certain requirements that you have.  (Requirements such as being a good listener, calling several times a day and checking on you, quality time with deep convo, introducing you to his family, being motivated, hard-working and most importantly, HIS WORDS AND ACTIONS MATCH.)

I mean...aren't you worthy of that?  Stop letting your butt cheeks define who you are and let your personality win the love and attention of a man.  Yes...I'm especially talking to the chicks who have pictures online showing every area but their face. (Y'all heffas need a hug).

Can you imagine how the rate of infidelity would decrease if women would have a MORAL requirement for sleeping with a man rather than a financial or physical one?  (I know it's got my head spinnin' too).

It takes TWO TO TANGO.  We all hear how some women say men are dogs...sniffing around and waiting to pounce on the next big butt and a smile.  BUT WAIT...DID HE RAPE HER?  Or did SHE want it just as bad as he did?  Ummhmm...

And honestly...I think that many women who claim to prefer only a physical connection with a man are just afraid of giving away control.  Often times I believe she uses the "get to you before you get to me" mentality.  Only problem is, your sexual high comes down at some point.  And afterwards, your conscience (hopefully you have one of those) rears its head and reminds you that you need to have a seat (and an appointment with your gynecologist).  

Yeah I know hormones are a b*tch, but if you wonder why you can't trust a man's behavior...it's usually because of some woman who LOWERED HER STANDARDS to let him do what SHE ALLOWED HIM TO DO.  Or, he responded to the advances that she threw him.

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“YOUR NA-NA IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE (PART TWO)

DENIAL and more DENIAL.  If I had a penny for how many times I run across a female that believes she has a man (or a situation with a man) figured out I'd have residual income.

He said that "WOMEN WILL DENY THAT THEY THINK LIKE THIS" - "THIS" meaning women who want more from a man emotionally when they only have a physical connection with him.

And how many ladybugs are out here like that???  Hmmmm...a TRILLION GA-ZILLION maybe?  And why is that?  Are all the women who accept meaningless sexual rendez-vous JUST OKAY with being a booty call?  Some women will say YES...they're fine with it.  Some women will say that they can reap the same benefits as a "main chick" aka the woman with the relationship, without having to deal with the emotional stress and drama.

Other women will scream "HELL NO!" right after they just got done washing off bodily juices from a repeated episode of "Lowering Your Standards".   And some of these women not only lie about the fact that they entertain booty calls but they also deny that they have any emotional attachment to the guy in an effort to claim their pride and look like the person in control.


The guy in my previous post said:
"Black men do not have to lie when so many black women are already deaf"

THESE ARE EXAMPLES OF BEING DEAF ~~~~~~

1)  He tells you that he's not ready for a relationship because he's afraid of titles messing up things, or he's been hurt in the past.

YOUR INTERPRETATION:  Oh, he's not ready NOW but I can change that one day.

THE TRUTH:  NO HE WON'T DEAF LADY.  HE SAID THE KEY PHRASE.  I'M NOT READY.  BELIEVE THAT AND KEEP IT MOVING MA'AM.  AND SURE! YOU CAN KEEP SCREWING HIM BUT JUST KNOW YOU ARE SCREWING A DUDE WHO WILL NEVER WIFE YOU.  LIKE, EVER.

2) He tells you that he's eventually leaving his wife but at the moment he can't because he's taking care of her bills, their children or whatever.  He is also telling you this when you see him once or twice a week if you're lucky - mostly at night, and in private.

YOUR INTERPRETATION:  I just need to be patient because I put that "thang" on him and he wouldn't be coming to me if he was so in love with her.

THE TRUTH:  YOU are a SIDE-PIECE.  YOU are something to do when he is bored with being at home.  He has NO intention of leaving his wife and if you are lucky enough to get him to leave, keep a stopwatch ticking to figure out how long it's going to take him to do the same thing to you.  If he sees you in public, he WILL look like a deer in headlights and he WILL either avoid you like the plague or give you the puppy dog eyes pleading you to stay in your place...which is NOT with him.  But oh yeah, that's cool because thanks to denial, "you're not emotionally attached to him anyway".

3) He comes home late often, from "meetings".  Or from being with the "guys".  His phone stays on silent but it's okay, he just doesn't want his Facebook alerts to wake you both up.  He's had a few women calling his phone that you found out about too.

YOUR INTERPRETATION: It's all about me because I have the ring and the last name.  OH YEAH...and the mortgage is paid and whatever else I want.  I think.

THE TRUTH:  Whatever him and his little girl toy do...affects YOU.  If she has crabs or any other seafood situation in her panties....he probably does too...and sadly...so would YOU.  Yeah I know, your man isn't that type of person.  He just works too much.  Yep, you're right.  He humps other chicks for his other full-time job and that can be hard work so yes, I guess you're correct.

And I'm aiming this commentary at the WOMEN more than the men for ONE REASON.  He can't do what you don't LET HIM DO.  But I know, he's too cute, you're too curious, he flashed a little money,  you'll be damned if you pass up free food, you're comfortable, the sex is good, and yadda yadda yadda.  Nobody told you to clap your cheeks for him though.  Nobody told you to be in your own fantasy world and twist his words and actions to fit your agenda. You thought of all that extra-ness on your own.  All by yourself.  Look at the sentence before this one.  Reckless humping usually leads to that.  Especially when it's someone else's man you're doing it to. 

At some point we have to stop using the male to female ratio, gayness among males, incarcerated men and etc. as an excuse to settle for less and (for lack of a more tactful way to say it) being just plain stank.

There is a reason why your rendez-vous with these men are mostly in private and at times where there's nothing open besides 7-11 and legs.  Um...yeah.

I SAY ALL OF THIS WITH LOVE.  I HATE TO SEE MY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OF ALL COLORS HURT BECAUSE THEY SETTLE FOR LESS AND PROLONG THE INEVITABLE HURT THAT THEY WILL FEEL WHEN THEY TURN A BLIND EYE AND DEAF EAR.  IGNORANCE IS BLISS UNTIL REALITY SNEAKS IN UNEXPECTED AND ABRUPTLY ENDS YOUR AIRHEAD PARTY.  START PAYING ATTENTION AND STOP LIVING IN DENIAL.

(special shout-out to my BFF Jay and her father ~  Mr. Ray Brown (RIP) for the "7-11 and legs" expression...I love you.)

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“YOUR NA-NA IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE (PART ONE)

For all the ladybugs that believe that their "na-na" is made of a rare platinum...please read this commentary FROM A MAN about the price of your goods.

AN ANONYMOUS MAN:

Bottom line–if I sleep with a woman I don’t know or care about, SEX is NOT going to make me care. (I stopped doing that years ago) That kind of sex is like scratching an itch. Once a man scratches, he’s through. He ain’t sitting around thinking about that spot that itched or how good it felt scratching it. He’s moving on with his life until that spot itches again and it don’t matter which hand he scratches it.

Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling, but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we’re having a “relationship” when it’s NOTHING but a booty call. Come on, ladies, y’all know I’m telling the truth.

Unfortunately, ladies, you are part of our problem. You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we’re about. Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a “relationship”. Many women will deny they think like this but I’m speaking from personal experience. Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman.

Now, what kind of sense does that make? Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life? IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE. The “other woman” is not breaking up a “happy home”.

Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk down the aisle didn’t change who he was. Why should he change? YOU let him know it was acceptable by sticking around that long.

Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN. Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days. Women have to stop “rewarding” unfaithful men by pretending it ain’t happening. All of us Black Men (BM) do not cheat. I do not cheat on my lady so don’t buy the hype. I know other BM who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it.

Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON’T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat. Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle. Worry LESS about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women. OPEN those ears and listen. Does he put down his ex-women and blame them for everything? And don’t be so vain. You are NOT a better woman than his last. If he dogged her out, you will probably be NEXT.

Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he’s married or engaged? How does he treat other people? Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear. Stop INTERPRETING the meaning of what he says to fit your purposes. If he says, “I’m not looking’ for nothing right now” — DON’T tell yourself, “Aw, he just scared of getting hurt. I can change his mind…” NO YOU CAN’T. He said exactly what the hell he meant. BM don’t have to lie when so many BW are already DEAF.

If you can’t answer BASIC questions about a man DON’T OPEN YOUR LEGS. I could kinda understand back in the days when sex wouldn’t KILL people but now? There’s no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself — sexually AND emotionally.

Show our ass to the door if we pressure you for sex too soon. Don’t be afraid to be alone. After you give our ass some you will probably be alone anyway but now you feel like a fool. In other words, take your time and check us out. If we REALLY like you, we’ll stick around. BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO. We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us.

I have TOO many female friends who give me horror stories that could have been avoided if they’d done their homework first OR moved SLOWER before giving up the panties. I try as a BM to give them the best advice I can but that won’t mean a thing if BW continue to live in a dream world. You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for your own sexual behavior the same as I am. Blaming the man won’t change a damn thing. BW have to look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what’s wrong with BM/BW relationships. Let me end by saying….

SEX DOES NOT = A RELATIONSHIP

GIVING A MAN A READY-MADE FAMILY WILL NOT MAKE HIM COMMIT IF HE DOESN’T WANT TO

A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY

IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF

IF HE DOESN’T TAKE CARE OF HIS OTHER CHILDREN WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HIM?

IF YOU REWARD A DOG WHY SHOULD MEN STOP BEING DOGS?

BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY. NO YOUR ASS IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS.

BW are going to have to raise their standards if they expect BM to do it. The question is, are my beautiful BW up to the challenge? Are you willing to be strong and stop taking the easy way out? Ladies, ladies, ladies, hit me back with some truth, not some bull****. I don’t want to hear: “What you said don’t refer to me ’cause I got my **** together and I’m a proud black woman who intimidates men and I never made no mistakes, it’s those other women who do things like that.”

What are BW going to do about these shady, shaky relationships that wind up in divorce court 60-70% of the time?

Sincerely,

A truthful man. 

(BM and BW = Black men and women in case someone didn't catch that)

I HAVE TOO MANY THINGS TO COMMENT ON WITH THIS ONE...BUT TRUST AND BELIEVE THERE WAS CHURCH ALL UP AND THROUGH THIS COMMENTARY.  I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING A HALLELUJAH RIGHT NOW!  LOL


LADIES LADIES LADIES...YEAH I'M BREAKING THIS DOWN PIECE BY PIECE SO PLEASE STAY TUNED AND IF ANYONE DISAGREES WITH ANYTHING PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HIT ME UP AND SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!

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