He's Just Not Good Enough!!!

Can you learn to love somebody?  I hear tons of men talk about how women don't want to be with "nice guys" and that many of them end up dealing with the jerk who treats them like a second-class citizen - but what about the fact that chemistry and an attraction is needed in order to have a promising connection?

I would argue that it's pretty hard to force yourself to feel a way you naturally don't.  It's almost a "catch 22" situation because what if you naturally have chemistry with a womanizer who tells the best jokes in the damn world? Or a dude who has more PMS than a woman on two birth control prescriptions but his shoulders and smile and walk makes you want to create a sex sandwich out of him?  There's so many complexities when it comes to dating and relationships and honestly, it's so much easier said than done when it comes to avoiding a person that may be "bad" for you, but you are naturally drawn to that person.

So what do you do?  Then there's that saying that there IS no perfect man so does that mean that some of the "bad guys" should be given a break?

Females often get a bad rap when it comes to their selection process and really, in many ways we're damned if we do and damned if we don't.

I say that because nobody seems to address the deeper issue of why so many women make poor choices when it comes to their love lives.  I hear tons of ridicule about a woman who would continue to waste her life away with a "loser", but never look at the fact that many women are damaged, insecure, afraid, or uneducated about the concept of having standards.  They might not have a good example to follow when it comes to self-respect and in turn, their encounters with men reflect that lack of respect.

Take me for example, my miseducation of the opposite sex began early in my teens with a very close male "best friend-like" individual who was the epitome of a womanizer teaching me what men say to get what they want.  That resulted in me being overly cautious of most men and not believing what they say - I thought for the majority of my late teens AND 20s that men are just after your vagina.  Although I still at about 30 years of age find that to be true in many ways, it's not true if your standards are in the right place and you require respect.  But I learned that by the grace of God and after a great deal of heartbreak.

So I ask, is it a balance?  Or is it just that sometimes in life you just have to compromise...ESPECIALLY IN MATTERS OF THE HEART???

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It Takes a LOT More Than Your Body to be Sexy... (PART ONE)

I’m not even hating on Nicki Minaj for real.  She is a paid entertainer.  But some females need to learn the art of being sexy.  Nicki’s pose right here isn’t sexy at all.  Yeah, the majority of dudes would love to see a woman putting her whoo-ha on display (I'm sure it's a scientific fact).  But being sexy has nothing to do w/ how naked you can get for dudes who will obviously buy into your bare body parts. A grown woman understands that truly being sexy has nothing to do with showcasing T&A.  It’s a language that your whole personality communicates.  Being in touch with your body is only part of the recipe.  There are LOTS more ingredients, but too many women focus on this part because it’s instant gratification to get 85 likes on Facebook for being assed out.  How many likes can you get for just being an awesome person?  Just wondering.

REMEMBER THIS ONE?

And let me start by saying that I realize not every woman who "models" fits the type of female I'm addressing in this blog post.  But I am addressing the woman who knows on the inside that she spends endless money, time and energy on her public sexuality rather than something more meaningful.  Am I judging you?  NO.  But I feel like a big sister telling you that you are sincerely doing too much.

To exude sensuality has nothing to do with being raunchy like a porno reject.  Some women are sexy and know how to command attention because they are in touch with who they are and MEN NOTICE IT.   That was the part that some "hard knock life" females didn't get taught.  I feel for a woman who had to practically raise herself and exposing her body is the only way she gets validated, appreciated, or even paid because if she really knew what sexy was, she would know that she was doing entirely too much, for far too little.  

You go and ask any man with a decent personality and standards for his life what type of woman does he want to have around him.  Mind you, he will probably poke his penis out for a wet vagina because if it comes easy enough, why not?  But he damn sure doesn't have to like you to do it and he will probably be hoping deep down in the crevices of his soul that you will magically disappear after he gets his rocks off.  Sexy or not, I know PLENTY of men who can't stand to be around a woman who is fine on the outside, but her personality is like talking to a kid.  He can like every last one of your butt cheek pics (that's part of the pre-game bidding anyway) but I guarantee you that you won't be able to remove that image from his mind or his intentions).  And any woman who says, "shoot I feel the same way about him, he's MY hoe" is emotionally scorned from something.  You should admit it and work on that because that's not a natural feeling from a woman.  It's NOT.

I remember seeing "Flavor of Love" back when it was on and I think it was Buckey who showed Flav a pic of her showcasing her oiled up a** cheeks and in the same second told Flav how she's looking for a man to love her for her mind.  So y'all already know what I was looking like when I heard that one (note the expression below)

(yep...stuck RIGHT ON STUPID)

And the sad part is, the only defense that most of these women throw up when someone who cares tries to school them about this matter is that they have haters.  (Again, check the above picture) Now I ain't Beyonce' or anything, but 'er um....I don't need to hate on ANYONE.  I get attention PLUS RESPECT because I know what I'm worth.  And it's worth a hell of a lot more than strangers telling me what I should already know about myself.   There are TOO MANY WOMEN out here with no purpose who don't feel validated unless someone makes a horny ass comment about them.

PLUS!!! BACK TO MY ORIGINAL POINT...

Sexy is a state of mind.  It's not in your exposed body that makes you a small fish in a HUGE pond of girls doing the exact same thing as you.  Sexy is being in touch with who you are in this world and what you stand for.  What/who do you love, what you can do for others, what/who inspires you, what can you teach other people, what's going to be your legacy?  Your speed of bouncing on a dude's penis?  Or will it be something that means something?  Aren't you intelligent enough for that?  I think you are.  

This isn't about hate.  It's about love.  It's not fair that black women get labeled so many awful things (most of the time by other black men) and to add insult to injury, these women are right there to validate the labels!!!  So it's okay to be naked next to a dude who looks like Gremlins in 3D iMAX calling you a b*tch and a thirsty ho*.  And in the same vein, you say you are a business woman who is getting paid.  Boss, you are NOT.  You are a sex OBJECT while a woman who knows the "Art of Sexy" is far more sophisticated and is considered a sex SYMBOL - there is a BIG difference.

A "YES MAN/WOMAN" who won't tell you the truth doesn't love you.  A "YES MAN/WOMAN" doesn't care about you any more than a dude that just wants to get in your pants and then clown you for being so damn loose. 

But what the hell do I know...I'm just a "hater"... (LOL)  **plays "I'll Be Dat" by Redman**

"FACEBOOK FEMALES YOU DON'T HAVE TO UPLOAD HALF NAKED A** PICTURES TO SHOW PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE SEXY. LOOKS REALLY AREN'T EVERYTHING. BE SEXY BY THE WAY YOU ACT,COMMUNICATE,THINK,ETC.. LEARN TO RESPECT YOUR SELF" - MANNY FROM FACEBOOK <--- I SAW HIS STATUS THE SAME TIME I WAS WRITING UP THIS TOPIC...FUNNY HOW STUFF LIKE THAT HAPPENS.

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The "C" Question --- WOULD YOU DO THIS ON A DATE?

So, I'm out at a restaurant hanging out with a friend and getting to know his family and friends a little better.  I'm checking out the menu being pretty aware of prices of the things I had my eye on because I always try to be respectful when it comes to what I'm ordering if someone else is paying (I mean, that's just me.  I know some of you all wouldn't think twice about ordering that $40 filet mignon and darting your eyes at the dude if he looked like sneering at your choice).

But my friend exchanged looks with his father and then said he wanted to ask me the "C" question.  So I'm like, what the hell is the "C" question?  He then smiles and asks me:

"If you were out on a romantic dinner with me and everything was going great and when it came time to pay for the meal, I pulled out a coupon.  Would you let me take you out again or would you lose interest because you believe that's lame?

And I'm like well shoot, that's an interesting question.  But more so interesting because of the reactions of his lady relatives.  The majority of them were like, "HECK NO...I would dump him.  That's tacky and I would look at him like he's crazy for being that blatantly cheap in public".  And I'm like "DAAAAAAMNNNN!  There was emotion behind these responses!"  So, the father proceeded to give his opinion on this matter after I said "I personally wouldn't mind".  He was basically calling me a "keeper" because I understood the concept of being smart with a dollar.  He looked at the females in his family getting hyped over the question and told them that he can't figure out why they have a man at all.

This brings me to the question stirring in my brain.  Is something like this really a big deal?  Is it that important to appear a particular way when you are courting a woman?  Does this requirement come along with the other sporting events in the early dating stages? Am I not in a high enough tax bracket to even understand why this matters?

If I was on a date at a top-notch restaurant with Mark Zuckerburg and he pulls out a coupon to pay for our meal (ok...nevermind I would slap the far-sided out of his eyes...he could buy the whole restaurant like 100 times... ol' rich bastard).  But seriously, isn't this a classic example of people who try to "keep up with the Joneses"?  If I'm the type of person to use a coupon, why should I have to hide that from a date or anyone just to appear like I'm working with more money?  I believe I have an issue with this more because of how women usually say they want honesty in a man and genuineness, but if he "kept it real" and pulled out a coupon to save a few extra dollars, he's violating?  Soooo...it's okay for him to front in public as long as he doesn't blatantly lie to your face?  I just don't get it.

Help me out everybody.  Maybe I need an etiquette class or something.  

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MICHAEL EALY SPEAKS ON RELATIONSHIPS, LOVE AND THINKING LIKE A MAN.

Michael Ealy visited Howard University to talk about his movie that just dropped over the weekend, "Think Like a Man" and I had the privilege of hearing his thoughts about dating and relationships.

CHECK IT OUT HERE:

I've heard a LOT of people with strong opinions of this movie before it even dropped in theaters.  Most of the opinions that have said that it wasn't worth watching seem to have more of an issue with Steve Harvey, the author of the book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" than knowing if the actual content is worth giving mental space to.

Personally, I feel like anyone could take a lesson from the concept of this movie.  It is difficult for men and women to co-exist and I think half the battle with finding more common ground is to approach different thoughts and perspectives with an open mind.  Most of the time, we all can take life examples from experiences that we've either seen or been through ourselves to help us through our own situations.

Case in point, Michael Ealy thanked Meagan Good for her contribution to the "Think Like a Man" movie right here:

My advice: checking out the movie would make for a great conversational piece.  I also noticed that most people after having watched the movie said it was worth going to see.

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MICHAEL EALY UP CLOSE...YES, HIS FACE.

Michael Ealy stopped by Howard University last week to promote the upcoming movie, "Think Like a Man" that drops on April 20th.  The day before, I couldn't help but to notice that people were tweeting like crazy about him coming into town and I retweeted a mention about him coming myself.  But then I went to his "Twitter Account" and noticed that it only had like 450 followers -- it really didn't make sense to me.  I also know there are plenty of pseudo-celebrity accounts NOT TO MENTION people that have official pages but nobody knows who the hell they are.  I digress.

CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO WITH MICHAEL EALY TALKING ABOUT HIS TWITTER ACCOUNT ON APRIL 10TH, 2012 ------  (of course I had to be the loudest person on the video...)

He actually DOES have a Twitter account now and you can follow him at @MichaelEaly

I did have a "woo-sah" moment after being that close to all his deliciousness.  Ladies, don't slap me, I got you a REEEEALLY close up video of this man.  Don't ever say I didn't do anything for ya!!!!

(I WILL BE POSTING THE INTERVIEW WITH HIM REALLY SOON HERE AND ON DCLIFEMAGAZINE.COM!!!)

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I Want To Feel Secure!!!

Making sure your home is secure at the most vulnerable hours of the night is one of those priceless things that any family takes appreciation for.  The Home Security Family website is a very cost-effective and obtainable way to see that when you are out of your home or sound asleep, your property is in the best of care with motion detectors around various entry areas and alert settings.

The cost of your peace of mind can be as cheap as $1 a day and you also have the possibility of receiving special incentives such as a Visa gift card for your purchase.  

Before I personally invested in an alarm system, I would always hear police sirens outside or any conspicuous sound with anxiety because I did not have anything to reinforce security in my home.  Now that I am an owner of an ADT alarm, I can honestly say that those feelings are past tense and I can sleep easy with the knowledge that I have protection for me and my loved ones.  

Feeling more secure in your home is only one phone call away.

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MARRIAGE KILLS RELATIONSHIPS!!!

 

That's the line I hear all too often.

I know much of my blog directs emphasis on women getting their minds right about relationships.  But one big problem I have with the way men and women operate in relationships is the fact that no one ever wants to take ownership for the part they contribute to a problem.  There is usually a person who sees themselves as a victim and that makes it harder to resolve the situation.

CASE IN POINT: The marriage conversation.  There are so many people who honestly think that MARRIAGE creates problems for relationships and makes life too complicated.  I have heard MEN and WOMEN say this.  Kind of similar to how people will say Facebook ruins relationships when in reality it’s the people on Facebook who fail to conduct themselves like they have good sense.

When a woman is treated poorly by a man she is involved with, many times the blame game will begin with the guy getting a bad wrap for being a liar, cheater, perpetrator, and etc.  SAME FOR THE GUYS – they will often call a baby mom or an ex “crazy” when he probably gave her every reason in the world to lose the last rational brain cell in her head.  WHEN WILL WE UNDERSTAND THAT THE SOLUTION TO THE WAY RELATIONSHIPS FAIL BEGINS WITH LOOKING IN THE DAMN MIRROR?

Why are you mad about finding out a guy you were seeing has this whole life and world that you knew NOTHING about when you never made it a requirement to know certain information about him?  “Never making it a requirement” equals breaking him off with the sexual goods, making time for him, and anything else you prematurely allowed him to take advantage of before you knew BY HIS ACTIONS that he was just as devoted to you.

Fellas, why are you mad at a girl you dogged out and didn’t make a top priority when she decides she deserves better and leaves?  Why are you expecting her to play her role as the leading lady when you still have other chicks auditioning for her part?  And then to add insult to injury, you have the audacity to say that she was supposed to hold you down through thick and thin. 

THE ONLY WAY TO BREAK A CYCLE IS TO BEGIN SOLVING THE PART OF THE PUZZLE THAT YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER AND THAT IS YOURSELF.  REALIZE THAT YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE STANDARDS YOU EXPECT ANOTHER PERSON TO MEET FOR YOU IS THE SAME STANDARD YOU SHOULD BRING TO THE TABLE YOUR DAMN SELF.

And this is not just financially.  This is not just a one-dimensional situation.  If you are the type of person who talks about people behind their backs, what the hell are you upset about linking up with a person who you realize does the same thing?

Think about it like this.  When you decide where you want to live, you are investing money into something that can be permanent if all goes well.  Most people do their homework about the place to make sure they are aware of what they’re getting themselves into.  The same care should be given to someone you are dating – especially if you are looking for a deeper connection or to be HAPPILY married one day. 

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WHO HAS A SHADY CIRCLE???

 We all have heard the saying, "Watch the company you keep".  The problem is that many of us have heard it, but haven't LIVED it.  We often allow things like availability, location and boredom to help us figure out who we keep around.  The problem is our judgment system (or lack thereof) often gets us into trouble.

If you ever want to know where you are headed and what direction your life is going, it is a VITAL thing to check out who you are spending time with.  When I say spending time, I mean in conversation, in face to face time, and overall interaction.  If the majority of the people you connect with are constantly in negative situations, always blaming other people for things, have sneaky behaviors, have stolen from you, lied to you (do I really need to add to this list?) then it is time to re-construct your circle.

Many of us know when something doesn't feel right, but we fail to pay attention to our instincts.  And WHY IS THAT?  Why do many of us spend sooooo much time trying to convince others how much crap we won't take off of someone, but when it comes to actually incorporating that into our real life, we turn into Spongebob talking to Mr. Crabs?

There is an alarm in ALL OF US that goes off when we're dealing with someone who is not good for us.  And if there is no alarm, it is either because you have gravitated towards the right people or maybe the bad influence is really you (just saying).

Ladies, how many of you have a friend right now that you need Red Bull and iron pills just to talk to them because that's how much life they sucked out of you after they share their latest soap opera marathon?  I mean, there's nothing wrong with being there for your friends, but if the sum of their conversation usually involves someone potentially getting scraped up off the ground from a powerful a** kicking, YOU NEED TO RE-EVALUATE YOUR LEVEL OF INTERACTION WITH THAT PERSON.

I had a friend a few years ago who was staying over my house for a few weeks until she moved into her own place.  My boyfriend at the time was about to come over and I let her know that.  This girl proceeds to grab a can of air freshener and sprays it down the hall and straight into her own bedroom before he got there.  I was like (pause....looks around).  Now hell, maybe she just wanted to come across as being clean and fresh, but it is quite a suspect thing to observe when you know they have slept with a married man before.

The point is, you have to be aware of your conscience.  There are so many people who allow their insecurities, fears, inner demons, and other negative things influence them in relationships.  If you have people around you (even family members) who you can't be inspired by and grow from....THEY ARE MEANT TO BE LOVED FROM A DISTANCE.  <~~~~ I can't stress that enough kids.  DO NOT allow someone to hinder your evolution because they are afraid to grow themselves.

Be there for them....LOVE THEM...but love yourself enough to control who you exchange energy with.  Period.

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WHAT GABRIELLE UNION SAID TO ME…

Alright so...I'm at Sirius XM chillin on the Shade 45 side of life with the awesome and fabulous Sway from MTV and Gabrielle Union walks in looking like the beauty queen she has always been (she's even gorgeous in a sweat suit,  I wanted to slap this chick).  Sway was getting his interview situation going with her and in-between air time, I managed to slide in a question with her.  I asked her if she finds herself having to be selective about the work that she accepts as a black actress in Hollywood.

She said, 'YES she does have to be quite selective about the roles she chooses because she thinks of her family, and at the end of the day, it is her legacy that she will leave behind for the next generations.'

So...okay, I know that soooo many people have opinions of Gabrielle Union because of the whole D. Wade divorce situation, but honestly who knows what really happened?  I don't know her anymore than I know an Austrailan go-go dancer from Tokyo, but I do know what she said to me was REAL.

It saddens me to think about the entertainment industry and the people who are willing to compromise their COMPLETE integrity and self-respect in an attempt to be "famous", "envied by their peers", and the like.  This generation (for some sad reason) finds entertainment in so many things that have nothing to do with talent.  And then, if any talent does exist, it gets drowned in a gimmick because that is what will sell and make some "big wig" at the head of the company "filthy rich" instead of "hella rich".  You have chicks who have sold their bodies to men who poke fun at their desperation to be in their world, and then in the same vein call themselves a "Boss B*tch".  I'm sorry, I didn't know Oprah clapped cheeks for ANYONE to be the multi- Ka-Gillionaire she is.  I'm tired of women thinking that the only way for them to get ahead in this industry is if they're bootys are pumped up with Fix-a-Flat and they used a whole bottle of baby oil gel to be naked for some undeserving, ugly ass rapper.

Just think about this.  On TV-One there is a show called, "Unsung".  This show is a direct example of how people who wanted to be in the spotlight so bad STILL had depression, and grief in their life.  Some of them aren't here anymore because they failed to understand what true happiness is.

I'm not here to kill anyone's party, but I feel like so many people don't understand the saying that "everything that glitters, isn't gold".  --- I'm glad that one was taught to me from an early age.  (Thank you Daddy).

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11 YEAR OLD WHO HAS HER OWN BUSINESS!!!

 I was at Hotel Monacco in Washington, DC a few days ago at the Verizon Small Business Empowerment Series hosted by Cathy Hughes, founder of Radio and TV One.  As I waited to go into the ballroom to take my seat I met several ladies with their own businesses.  And while all of these ladies were amazing, the person who stole the show for me was half my height and almost 3 times younger than I am.

Her name is Gabrielle Jordan Williams.  She is 11 years old and happens to be a small business owner.  Her company name is Jewelz of Jordan and she sells custom-made jewelry that she designs herself.  And if that wasn't enough she is also the author of her own book entitled, "The Making of A Young Entrepreneur".   She very eloquently handed me her business card while she was in line and said, "very pleased to meet you Miss Monika".

I was ridiculously inspired by her.  I was even more inspired by her mother because to instill that level of skill to your child at such a young age is something that EACH AND EVERY MOTHER should try to do with their child.  Regardless of how any of us may have been raised without having a business mindset, lack of resources, or the like we should still take every effort we can to give our children and the following generations a BROAD perspective of what the world has to offer them.  So many people have gone about life like their small circles and neighborhoods are the only thing that exists in the world.  If I knew 1/2 about how big the world was at 13 instead of 23, who knows how much further I would be in life.

Check out little Miss Gabrielle's website at Jewelz of Jordan and support her!!!

ALSO check out Gabrielle's brother Daniel!!!  He does movie reviews at The D-Dan Reviews.  I absolutely love the motivation.  Inspired is not even the word.

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