Your Mate Smells Like a Port-A-Potty. How Do You Talk To Them About It?

What do you do when your mate has an awful situation about them that you know you NEED to address...but you don't know how to go about talking to them on it?


Now, I'm not talking about you ignorant, blunt a**holes that can't WAIT for an opportunity to make your other half feel like sh*t because you really have another issue that you're avoiding so you're going to nitpick about small unimportant crap, thus prolonging your actual issue. ((catches breath)) Damn, that was a long sentence.

But you know.  I mean things like if your other half had a hygiene issue and it smelled like seafood shenanigans on the bottom floor of the body mansion.

OR

If you have a tagalong that is a dear relative or friend of your mate, and they won't go the hell home or stop mooching off the two of you or giving you privacy.

OR

If he keeps buying baggy condoms that look like a deflated balloon on his Jr. Jr. and you keep getting the bastard stuck inside of you because nobody will sit him down and supportively tell him to be proud and purchase some Lifestyle condoms and walk out of Walmart like a boss.  

OR

If he's 42 and is still trying to have you listen to that track he recorded in Ray Ray's basement telling you how many A&Rs from Sony Records he's talked to last week.

OR

If their breath smells like they've been spending the whole day taking deep breaths over public toilets.

OR

Maybe everyone but her notices the dried up line of wig glue to hold on her lacefront weave and no one had the testicular fortitude to approach her with words of wisdom, in the name of love to save her edges.

My point is Lovebugs...we all have issues.  No one is perfect, but the worst thing in the world is to have an alleged supportive cast that enable you to continue acts of WACKtivity (note the word) and they SEE IT and won't help you out.

Is it easy?!  NOOOOOO because I know even for myself, I'm an emotional person, so critiques of me are only taken well if I believe you actually give a sh*t about me.  

Friends don't let friends be wack kids.  That friend could also be your spouse, your sister or brother, your cousin, your ANYONE WHO KNOWS THE INTIMATE DETAILS OF YOUR LIFE.  

It's one thing to not know how to point out embarrassing small things, but talking about (and getting through) substantial things should define the power of your relationship.

If you genuinely care and see something that may hinder them or that takes away from them, you should let it be known unless it's truly overstepping something that would damage the integrity of your bond.

AND FOR YOU INSECURE FRIENDS THAT HOLD OUT ON MEMBERS OF YOUR CIRCLE, I HOPE A SQUIRREL SCRATCHES YOU AND GIVES YOU A TOUCH OF RABIES. 

OR AT LEAST SCARES THE SH*T OUT OF YOU.

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FRIENDS FOR LIFE! (EVEN THOUGH WE ARE MARRIED...)

FOR MY MARRIED LOVEBUGS AND LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS (QUESTION FOR YOU)

Do you believe you can have friends of the opposite sex as long as boundaries are respected within the friendship?  Or do you throw that friendship in the long-distance, I'll send you a postcard category out of respect for your mate?

I asked this because I get mixed reviews from people about whether friendships with taken members of the opposite sex (or your desired sex) is appropriate.

I'll get responses like:

"We can be friends and not cross any boundaries that would affect our intimate relationships"

OR

"HELL NO THEY CAN'T HAVE ANY DAMN FRIENDS, WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS LOOK LIKE?  DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE SHOW FRIENDS AND DO I LOOK LIKE JENNIFER "GOT THE SHORT END OF THE STICK" ANISTON?  (people under 25 are like, huh?) 

OR

They can be friends as long as I'm just as good of a friend to them as my mate.  (THIS ONE I CAN PROBABLY ROCK WITH THE MOST I GUESS)

Honestly, I personally know people who talk that bestie BS but secretly would jump at a moment's notice to whisk off into the sunset if the opportunity presented itself.  I'm not saying that all people who could go there would, but damn it,  I DON'T PLAY THAT SH**!!!!!!!!  

I couldn't even pretend like I would be remotely comfortable with an attractive woman talking about how much of a "friend" she is to my man.  I'd be like, "oh reeeeeaaaally?!"  Does this look like the movie, "Brown Sugar" to you biatch?!   I try to store some "chill" up for rainy days when people piss me off, but I promise if I had started as a snotty nose kid collecting chill, I STILL wouldn't have enough at 31 to stop me from being Daniel Son at the end of the first Karate Kid.  

The only way i'd be cool with this is if I'm not attached and if we're not exclusive.  

((Pauses for about 20 seconds))  NAAAAAAAAA...I'm lying.  I'm stingy regardless.  If you kiss me on the forehead, we go together...EFF THAT!!! 

AND I DON'T SHARE.  (smiles)

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Review of "Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned" at Warner Theatre

So last night was Day 2 of the "Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned" play showing at the Warner Theatre in Washington, DC.

Anddddd...

It was what you would expect (OBVIOUSLY) from Mr. Perry.  (I know, some of you love him...and others...not so much - but I'm assuming if you clicked on the damn blog post, you have some interest in him or the play sooooo ok!)

Patrice Lovely who played Hattie aka everybody's Mama, and she's also on the show "Love Thy Neighbor" was praying and poppin her butt cheeks at the same damn time.  She was hilarious tho.

Cheryl "Pepsii" Riley (Anita) did her thing too, but the gentleman playing her gold digging hubby?! (Ray Lavender as Victor)

((Warning: Ignorant Black Chick Moment))  GOOD GAWD WHY DOES TYLER PERRY TEMPETH ME WITH THESE MAN CANDY SHENANIGANS?!  -- THEN, he had a nerve to sing this song to Anita as he was convincing her to marry him.  I WILL have footage of this tomorrow (you know that uncontrollable Tourette's like twitch you get when the notes a singer hits is just THAT good?!) -- I needed a copy of his mixtape and if actors in plays don't have mixtapes, i'll be happy to stalk him like I do the Starbucks. ((Ignorant moment postponed for now))

One thing I DIDN'T like about the play was the fact that they only knew each other for a short period of time (a week) before they were tying the knot in Vegas.  I just felt like Tyler gets really over the top with detail that makes the plot non-believable at times.  I would have bought the storyline more if Victor was a dude she already knew and then the week long courtship would have seemed more life-like.  I guess I just don't have women in 2014 being that retarded to believe that this masculine creature of godliness would be so ready to settle down after one week to a middle-aged woman without there being a catch.  Not that middle-aged women can't pull 'em...don't shoot me or anything, but you know what the hell I'm saying.

You have money in the bank, so I would think you already have your checkbook pen full of ink for Cougar investments.  A man candy type guy at that?! Am I thinking too much into this?  If you saw my last post about being courted by a man's wallet, you would understand why I feel like most of the people in Anita's position would already be with the program and protective of her investments.  ((shrugs))

The most meaningful part (in my opinion) is this one thing that I can definitely say we all as God's children should take heed to.  Anita questioned God's presence in her life after she almost lost everything and the Pastor in the play said something that reinforced my own faith.

"The Devil wants you to focus on your circumstance, while God wants you to focus on HIS promise". The desires of our hearts.  When we go through things, we often come out of them smarter, better, more prepared for what is next to come.  Of course, some people have shorter times on Earth than others, but who is to say that the missing pieces to the puzzle aren't waiting for the next phase of life? (Anyway...not to go off topic)

WE SHOULD KNOW THAT OUR OBSTACLES ARE USUALLY STEPPING STONES OF THE PROCESS TO MAKE US BETTER.  I CAN PERSONALLY SAY THAT ALL OF THE TIMES I HAVE FALLEN, I LEARNED MANY THINGS THAT ADDED TO MY VALUE.

Of all my criticisms of Tyler Perry's material, one thing is for sure - I am eternally grateful for his punchlines.  They are inspiring and I believe there are so many people who benefit from being reminded of things that will help them to happily move forward.

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I Don't Know How To Say "NO"

 
Many people look at "nice" folks as pushovers.  To be kind is almost a turnoff in society because it communicates weakness or neediness.

Most of the time I'm ranting about nice guys that aren't confident, but I'll leave you delicate bastards alone today.  I'm really directing the spotlight to myself on this one.  One problem I've always had with people in general is that I give off a very friendly vibe early in the game of our connection (friendship, professional or romantic), then I'm forced to re-introduce myself in the event that they don't realize that my gangsta is not to be slept on in these streets. (It's a true story, don't laugh).

In general, I'll share with all you folk who care so deeply for a sista (rolls eyes) that I truly have a hard time saying the word, "NO".  It's something that I've struggled with over the years - not because I don't have a backbone, but more because I genuinely care about people and I always try to find a "win-win" scenario with folks.

But failing to say "no" can open up a can of worms simply for not keeping it 100 in the situation.

At 31 years old, I've learned that's not realistic for life, OR for what I often feel deep down.

So I figured I'd shed some light for people that have a similar problem to me you know? (And for folk that want to say I'm not nice, kiss my ass, you're probably annoying and I'm getting better with dealing with people that annoy the black off my skin.)

1) Realize that an early no beats out a BS, dragged out version of a "maybe, I'm not sure" any day of the week.
People might not like hearing the word "no", but it only gets harder the longer you hold out on the inevitable.

2) Don't give a 3-hour speech explaining why you can't do something.
You might as well went for Door Number Doormat with this approach.  You just look weak and afraid to piss somebody off.

3) Be firm about it, but don't sound defensive.
People need to know that you mean what you say, but there's a balance between being serious and asking for an argument.  Sometimes when we make up in our mind how a person will react to us, we will automatically start acting in relation to our thoughts instead of reality.  Give the person a chance to respond to your answer.


I had to check myself on this subject honestly - if I could go back in a time machine to situations where I should have hit a flat out no I definitely would, but I just remind myself that I'm not perfect.  You live, you learn, you keep it moving.

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You Are Not Courting Me Sir...Your Wallet Is.

It's a sad day in the United States of Niggadom when you have a man who has everything to offer you financially, but in the personality department he makes you want to Hail Mary your entire body over a high balcony.  The survival probability of that sounds more tempting than being subjected to a limited connection.

Take this one guy for example.  He was a great cook, had the house all laid out and impressively designed.  Money was no object and clearly all I had to do was let go and have his bank account take care of the rest.  But wait...

Is that all I'm good for?  An arm piece?  A prop?  I mean, I'm damn sure no Drunk In Love Beyonce' with the wet dog hair (bite me Bey Hive, her hair was wack on the Grammys), but I felt like my purpose was pretty drawn out.  The thing was...the dude was ready to make me his lady without checking my rap sheet, my LadyFax, my background, and probably didn't even know my last name without having to check it on Facebook.

So it was obvious he wanted someone to fill a position, a slot and I was in his radar at that particular time.  I could have been absolutely ANYONE that looked halfway decent in an evening gown to stunt for colleagues and clients.  And for many women, his money would have been more than enough to fake it 'til we make it.

Not La Doodlebug tho.

First of all, I love money like everyone else.  But one of the reasons I like money is that it opens the doors of things that I could do for and with people I actually care about.  There are freedoms that money can't buy, but there are also some that an American Express will gladly take care of.  Personally, my acting skills aren't gangsta enough to pull off faking an intimate connection with a person I didn't find appealing.  And for real, I might have ended up feeling the dude if we had taken more time to connect as opposed to his proposition of making me his woman at the drop of a hat.

And I like spontaneity, especially in a man, but damn dawg...we barely have any real convo and somehow I'm supposed to be convinced that you're the one.  Only real thing that's a match made in heaven is my bucket list to visit Dubai and your bank statement showing my ticket there is paid in full.

But I'm just not built like that.  He got pretty pissed off at the fact that I wanted to slow things down a taste. See how genuinely interested he was in me??? ((rolls eyes while daydreaming of slapping him with a resistance belt from the gym))

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I Am Not Your "FAM"...

Unless you meet the following requirements:


1)  I share intimate details of my life with you.  You know what is going on in my life because I have elected to share that privileged information with you.

2)  I know that I could come to you in the event that I need support of any kind (because you would genuinely be there for me).

3) We share a mutual respect for one another.

4) We genuinely enjoy spending quality time together.  (Keyword: Quality - that doesn't include shit I could do with anyone)


I'm so tired of people lowering the value of words that should be held more sacred. You have chicks calling each other "sis" who can't stand each other, people calling each other "bestie" and humping the life out of them at the same time, and "I love you" definitely doesn't mean a damn to some people - you might as well be saying "hey boo".

That's where the saying, "There's levels to this sh-" truly comes in handy because I might be cool with you, but that DEFINITELY doesn't mean you are my FAM.

I don't confuse the depths of my bonds because that's where things get messy and you get taken advantage of.

Some people only act like they want to be close to you so they can observe you anyway. They just want the intimate details so they'll fake like they rock with you.

This isn't to say that family won't mess up or hurt you, but we all know the difference between people that genuinely give a damn versus people who could take you or leave you.

And for the ones like that just know:

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.  WE ARE COOL, BUT YOU ARE NOT MY FAMILY AND YOU DO NOT HAVE FAMILY ACCESS.  SO BACK UP OFF THE KID. (I FLEXED MY ARM MUSCLE WHEN I SAID THAT TOO)

AND FOR THOSE WHO GIVE FAMILY ACCESS TO PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T EARNED IT, YOU NEED TO STEP BACK AND SEE WHO HAS REALLY SHOWN YOU THEY DESERVE THE INTIMATE DETAILS OF YOUR LIFE.

I MIGHT SOUND PISSED BUT I'M CURRENTLY SMILING AT SOMEONE WHO'S NEVER MADE ME QUESTION THEIR LOYALTY.  Y'ALL BE EASY. (LOL)

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Do Men Truly Appreciate Aggressive Women???

Not according to Mr. Davis. Melvin Davis (author and writer) says,

Aggressive women can be defined as women who: 1. Would ask for a guys number. If a man is interested, he'll ask. 2. Corner you with questions, kind of like a check-off list. For example: a. Where do you work? b. How many kids you have? c. Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Of course these are all plausible questions to ask to gage someone, but not in the first encounter. At least the second or third outing. I've had this happen before. 3. Women who continue to reach out when you've told them you're busy with something. Patience seems to be a issue here. Some women fear they'll lose or miss out if the guy doesn't respond them in the timeframe they see fit.


I was talking to one guy on Melvin's comment thread after he made a status about this and the guy said that he wouldn't have linked with his (now) wife so early if she hadn't made action to pursue him the way she did.  

She basically asked for his phone number and told him she wanted him to take her out - which I think is fine personally. I don't think there is any reason at all to play games if you are genuinely interested in a person. 

I think the problem comes in (however) when a woman plays more of an aggressive role than the man overall. I don't think any of that is natural and I (personally) would not be attracted to a man who would want me to come after him.

I would think most women seek masculine men that would make them feel protected and like a woman. I was raised looking at my dad who straight up goes after what he wants. No ifs, ands or cut cards. That directness is comfort in my eyes and would make me more drawn to a man in terms of a suitor. Indirect behavior is not something I was raised to appreciate, but that's just my preference. I know there are many people who wouldn't hold it against someone, but i'd be lying if I said I entertained it or appreciated it.

In my 20s I was extremely shy so I was very awkward about my feelings and how to express them, but now in my 30s, I feel I show genuine interest in someone special, but still allow a man to be a man.

I know there are lots of men (however) that feel like a woman should go after what they want. I can understand not wanting to guess what a woman feels, but not to the point where she should come after you. That I don't agree with from a biological standpoint or societal. I don't care if it's 2014, ((snaps fingers with the ratchet head roll)).

Here's what my dad had to say when I asked him if he thinks it's cool for a woman to pursue a man:

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Black Women Are More Conservative In The Bedroom

Yep.  I've had some off the record comments about the last blog post in terms of the freakiness levels and I must say...it's very interesting that I've been told by a few different people that they have personally found BLACK WOMEN TO BE THE MOST CONSERVATIVE IN THE BEDROOM.  I broke this down for one of my friends, and he understood where I was coming from.  Now I'm going to break it down for my Diary hustle.  ((Cracks knuckles and neck real quick))  Okie dokie.

I am willing to believe that this is true about Black women being more sexually conservative compared to other races.  

Black women are probably the most conservative for many diverse reasons, but I think one big reason is because they are judged the most harshly in society for their behavior.

Black women are often looked at more as sex OBJECTS, not SYMBOLS - there is a BIG difference. (One big example of this are urban models who are described in many derogatory ways in music).

When someone thinks of a "THOT" (new slang term for hoodrat, scalliwag, whatever, I'm old, so i'll stick to what I know in terms of my SLANGUAGE), they usually think of a BLACK woman.

I believe those factors have helped to put a guard up within black women when it comes to how she responds sexually, or period for that matter.  

I believe it may be different for women that are already taken. Their reasons could be more about being underdeveloped (and honestly a lack of confidence) sexually. Some women may really be dry (in more ways than one) in the bedroom, but with women who aren't officially in a committed relationship, I am willing to bet that more of a guard is up about how much she "lets go" and puts into the connection.

Black women overall have a guard up because of double negatives in society and many of those judgments are by other Black people. Black women are not allowed to be selective in love because they are often accused of being their own worst enemy and deserving of loneliness because they simply have a preference or standards like many other human beings.

If a Black woman is overly emotional, she's deemed unstable or crazy for expressing those emotions. If she doesn't respond in emotion, she's often labeled heartless or a bitch for her detachment.

I'm not here to write a biased rant or complain, but to lie and save face about this topic just to win points for being objective would be a lie to myself - and from me to you. Life just isn't fair like that. Much like a man can sleep with 5,000 women and still be Mr. "Such and Such", but if a woman is known to sleep with more than one man, she's labeled forever in society as trashy.

The guys who commented about this to me were referring to single women, so I'm referring more to those women as opposed to ladies who are in an exclusive relationship.  

Take the movie, "Think Like a Man". The situation with Megan Good's character was all about her being afraid of letting go too soon before the time was right. The movie showed her insecurities and the whole GAME (yes, it's very much a game) that is played in the early stages of linking up with a person you're interested in. She spent so much time worrying about how she would be viewed by a potential mate that she couldn't just be herself and be free. That's almost a perfect example of what it is in the dating realm of sexuality. You could say well, other races of women can be called bimbos, sluts or any of the like, but those other classes of women aren't dealing with a statistic of 70% of women in their race who file as SINGLE on their taxes. Clearly there's something here to be reluctant about.

Now to be fair, a woman who is sleeping around with multiple men is definitely asking for some permanent "Magic" in her "Johnson" cave, but unless she's aiming for that level of Stankonia with Andre and 5000 of his friends and past sex partners, she's probably just a regular single woman who may be unsure of her comfort level with the guy she's into.

You all can let me know if I'm off base though. I think I'm brilliant to be quite honest. (I kid, I kid).

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How Open Minded Are You in the Bedroom???

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY YOU BASTARDS!!!!

AHHH...FOR A LOT OF US ON THE EAST COAST WE'RE TRYING TO DIG OUR ASSES OUT OF ALL OF THIS SNOW, BUT STILL THANKFUL FOR THE DAY OFF (AT LEAST, MOST OF US ARE - THEY SHUT PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING DOWN THIS TIME).

((THINKS TO SELF)) WHY THE HELL AM I WRITING IN ALL CAPS????

Okay, that's better.  But anyway...

There's going to be a whole lot of shenanigans going on in the bedroom this weekend if you haven't dried each other out from being snowed in together.  I'm seriously anticipating a LOT of November/December babies from all the snow closings!!!

So, I remember when I turned 30 I had a party with my girlfriends and we did the whole sex toy demo and had drinks, food and girl talk.  We opened up a forum about how open minded everyone was in the bedroom and got on the topic of watching porn with your mate.  I was really surprised at hearing how many ladybugs weren't doing this!!! And I don't know if it was because they really don't like it or need it, but I guess I was wondering if it was an intimidation there or if it's more of a turn OFF for some people.

I really want you to tell me what you think about this one (males and females) leave me a comment - (YOU CAN POST ANONYMOUSLY TOO).

Also, with the sex toys.  I get that many men are like HELL NO when it comes to toys being used on them, but are there guys who wouldn't prefer their lady to use them either?  I've heard stories about this as well and wondered how most guys felt about them being used or watching.

Personally, I feel like people who are secure with themselves and the person they're with are the most confident people with these extra things.  I definitely feel like some people just feel threatened by things being introduced or that it means in some way that they're not doing their job - which isn't true.  I don't think.  LOL...

Help me out on this one though.  What do you all think about this?!


PS - Vibrators though.  I'm just saying everyone should have them.  Men and women.  It's not just for single ladies.  Imagination people.  Yep.

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Marriages That Last Are Because The Other Person Is FORGIVING!!! (A FORMER WIFE'S STORY)

THIS STORY IS BASED ON A PERSON I KNOW WHO WAS MARRIED FOR ALMOST A DECADE. WE CHOPPED IT UP AND SHE SPILLED HER EXPERIENCE AS A MARRIED WOMAN. PLEASE LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS, REACTIONS, QUESTIONS, COMMENTS...I'D LOVE TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS ONE.

((HER BEGINNING QUOTE THAT STARTED THE WHOLE CONVO!!!!))

"Marriages that last are usually because one or the other partner is very forgiving!!! They chose to suck up and ignore the other person's faults rather then see their family fall apart!!!!"

HER STORY:

I was was married for 8 years and I trusted the guy blindly for a long time until one day I got a phone call. It was a girl that he had lied to and told he was single. She kindly told me she had slept with him. I thanked her, and began packing my shit.

As I was crying and packing, a friend of mine (male) called me and I told him what happened. He convinced me to stop packing and take it step by step.

((This was the convo with my friend)) He told me to calm my ass down and said that I should not ask him (my husband) anything right away. I should let him come home as usual and wait until he was relaxed and then mention the phone call with out starting an argument.

He said that if I was calm, I could focus on his reaction more and that would tell me more of the situation way more then the words that were going to be said.

So I did that.

And of course my husband denied everything, but his body language and defensiveness towards the entire conversation made it obvious that the girl had told me the truth.

You see at that moment, all I could think of was my son. So I gave him options.

1) Me and my son would leave.

2) He could be honest with me and see how we could work on the marriage.

3) Two can play that game (aka an open marriage) - that way he could do him, I could do me, and we would stay together mainly for my son.

He said he would do anything to keep us together, so I gave him the benefit of doubt and stayed. BIG MISTAKE. Once you lose trust, you lose everything. If you're looking for something and begin to dig, eventually you will find something.

But I was young and dumb, so I had to learn.

Even if he was telling the truth, I imagined the worst.

I wasn't myself anymore.

I became a crazy ass woman.

The FBI and CIA had nothing on me.

That was he biggest mistake I made. I refused to get hurt, so all love was lost.

I refused to be the fool, and began to do things that aren't in my character.

When I found proof that the girl who called me wasn't the only female he dealt with, that’s when things got real.  I made the choice for him.  Remember, my friend was the one who convinced me to stay.

His wife cheated on him around the same time. This is where the fun began.

I clearly told my husband that we would be in an open relationship, but he didn't believe me because he knows, that's just not me. I did (however) start going out more often, and we would take turns with that. He had one weekend, I had the next.  We completely stopped going out together as a couple.

The guy who convinced me to stay became my best friend.

We would spend all day and night talking and texting.

I talked to him more then I talked to my own husband.

We were both hurt and angry at our significant others, so we had that common ground.

Any free time we had, we would spend with each other.  We were there for each other mentally, emotionally, and sexually.

I guess he was my comfort and I was his.

Being cheated on fucked my head up really bad to the point that I began to have self-esteem issues - something I never had, but having my best friend around made it so much easier to deal with.

I can't lie, the physical part of cheating was nice - we enjoyed the connection we shared. He picked at my brain as much as I picked at his. The worst way a woman can cheat is emotionally, and I did both.

I ended up leaving my husband without him knowing that I cheated. Unfortunately, that was a mistake as well. He had not given up on us for some odd reason and did everything to get me to come back home.   (Side note: I still kept in touch with my friend).

So fast forward about a year after we had been separated and living apart, he was still trying to win me back.  I had told the other guy (best friend) he needed to go make his marriage work for his kids.  At the end of the day, I couldn’t continue what we were doing.  I know his kids, and love them. I couldn't keep taking part in breaking up their family.  His wife ended up finding out about the situation.

Then I ended up giving in to my husband.  I wanted another baby.  I told my husband that I was going to have another one with or without him.  He was all for it.  So we tried to work our marriage out again.  I was really coming back with the idea that I had forgiven him and would wipe the slate clean.

He took me to Puerto Rico, and I came back expecting! Unfortunately, I lost the baby. Too much stress probably caused it.  We talked about it and decided not to wait long before trying again and a few months after, I was pregnant again.

I was miserable most of my pregnancy. I still felt like I couldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.  I began to dig for dirt again.  Like I said before, I never stopped talking to my friend, but he didn't know I was pregnant.  He asked me to meet him for lunch one day to catch up.  And I did.

He told me his wife had moved out and that he had physical custody of his kids. He kept glancing down at my stomach though.  When I told him I was pregnant, he congratulated me, but the look on his face, I will never forget.

Things with my husband got worse and worse.

My baby was born on my best friends’ youngest sons birthday, and when I began to feel contractions, I told him before I told my own husband.  After I gave birth, I really couldn't take living in the same house as my husband, but he refused to let me move out at the time.

So I intentionally left my email open one day.  It was open to all the messages I had exchanged with my friend (for years by that point).

 His brother was staying with us and found them.  My husband did not forgive me for what he found, which was me playing the same game he had played on me.  When he first confronted me about it, I denied it.  I told him that it was just emails when I was hurt by the things he had done.

After the fact, I felt awful.  I felt dirty.  I had lost myself.  I was very unhappy with life.  I had not forgiven him, nor had I forgiven myself.

Little by little, I had to find myself again!!!

He let me leave with the idea that we just needed time away from each other to sort out our feelings.

I knew I couldn't go back though, and he was very angry. He ended up moving in with one of the girls he cheated on me with and now, she's the one getting cheated on.  He has not changed at all.  I know he’s cheating on her because of his mom telling me and he’s pretty open about doing it himself.  My kids also come back telling me about the arguments they have.

As for my (at one time) best friend, I still talk to him. His wife came back to him.

He (the best friend) would sometimes send me, "you know I love you messages".  His Instagram would show them going out to dinner and a few minutes after dinner, I would get a message saying he's thinking about me, it’s crazy.

It's not physical though because he's not getting anything from me.

But I go back on my original statement.

They recently had an anniversary. He posted a picture of her and wrote: everyone asks what's the secret for us being together for so long, the secret is no secret.  My wife just happens to be a forgiving wife.

I've seen how my aunts, cousins or friends get cheated on and how they stay to keep their families together.

They just happen to be forgiving people, and if that's what it takes to keep a marriage, I honestly don't want one.

I'm not single because I can't find anybody.  I'm single because I'm not going to settle for just “being forgiving”.  F**k that.  I'll buy my own roses for Valentine’s Day gosh darn it!!! But I refuse to settle for less then I know I deserve.  (END OF HER STORY)

So, what do you think about that????

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