THIS STORY IS BASED ON A PERSON I KNOW WHO WAS MARRIED FOR ALMOST A DECADE. WE CHOPPED IT UP AND SHE SPILLED HER EXPERIENCE AS A MARRIED WOMAN. PLEASE LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS, REACTIONS, QUESTIONS, COMMENTS...I'D LOVE TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS ONE.
((HER BEGINNING QUOTE THAT STARTED THE WHOLE CONVO!!!!))
"Marriages that last are
usually because one or the other partner is very forgiving!!! They chose to
suck up and ignore the other person's faults rather then see their family fall
apart!!!!"
HER STORY:
I was was married for 8
years and I trusted the guy blindly for a long time until one day I got a phone
call. It was a girl that he had lied to and told he was single. She kindly told
me she had slept with him. I thanked her, and began packing my shit.
As I was crying and
packing, a friend of mine (male) called me and I told him what happened. He
convinced me to stop packing and take it step by step.
((This was the convo with
my friend)) He told me to calm my ass down and said that I should not ask him
(my husband) anything right away. I should let him come home as usual and wait
until he was relaxed and then mention the phone call with out starting an
argument.
He said that if I was
calm, I could focus on his reaction more and that would tell me more of the
situation way more then the words that were going to be said.
So I did that.
And of course my husband
denied everything, but his body language and defensiveness towards the entire
conversation made it obvious that the girl had told me the truth.
You see at that moment,
all I could think of was my son. So I gave him options.
1) Me and my son would
leave.
2) He could be honest
with me and see how we could work on the marriage.
3) Two can play that game
(aka an open marriage) - that way he could do him, I could do me, and we would
stay together mainly for my son.
He said he would do
anything to keep us together, so I gave him the benefit of doubt and stayed.
BIG MISTAKE. Once you lose trust, you lose everything. If you're looking for
something and begin to dig, eventually you will find something.
But
I was young and dumb, so I had to learn.
Even if he was telling
the truth, I imagined the worst.
I wasn't myself anymore.
I became a crazy ass
woman.
The FBI and CIA had
nothing on me.
That was he biggest
mistake I made. I refused to get hurt, so all love was lost.
I refused to be the fool,
and began to do things that aren't in my character.
When I found proof that
the girl who called me wasn't the only female he dealt with, that’s when things
got real. I made the choice for
him. Remember, my friend was the
one who convinced me to stay.
His wife cheated on him around
the same time. This is where the fun began.
I clearly told my husband
that we would be in an open relationship, but he didn't believe me because he
knows, that's just not me. I did (however) start going out more often, and we
would take turns with that. He had one weekend, I had the next. We completely stopped going out
together as a couple.
The guy who convinced me
to stay became my best friend.
We would spend all day and
night talking and texting.
I talked to him more then
I talked to my own husband.
We were both hurt and
angry at our significant others, so we had that common ground.
Any free time we had, we
would spend with each other. We
were there for each other mentally, emotionally, and sexually.
I guess he was my comfort
and I was his.
Being cheated on fucked
my head up really bad to the point that I began to have self-esteem issues - something
I never had, but having my best friend around made it so much easier to deal
with.
I can't lie, the physical part of cheating was nice - we enjoyed
the connection we shared. He picked at my brain as much as I picked at his. The
worst way a woman can cheat is emotionally, and I did both.
I ended up leaving my husband without him knowing that I
cheated. Unfortunately, that was a mistake as well. He had not given up on us
for some odd reason and did everything to get me to come back home. (Side note: I still kept in touch with my friend).
So fast forward about a year after we had been separated and
living apart, he was still trying to win me back. I had told the other guy (best friend) he needed to go make
his marriage work for his kids. At the end of the day, I couldn’t continue what we were
doing. I know his kids, and love them. I couldn't keep taking
part in breaking up their family. His
wife ended up finding out about the situation.
Then I ended up giving in to my husband. I wanted another baby. I told my husband that I was going to
have another one with or without him.
He was all for it. So we tried to work our marriage out again. I was really coming back with the idea that I had forgiven him
and would wipe the slate clean.
He took me to Puerto Rico, and I came back expecting!
Unfortunately, I lost the baby. Too much stress probably caused it. We talked about it and decided not to wait long before trying
again and a few months after, I was pregnant again.
I was miserable most of my pregnancy. I still felt like I
couldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. I began to dig for dirt again. Like I said before, I never stopped talking to my friend,
but he didn't know I was pregnant.
He asked me to meet him for lunch one day to catch up. And I did.
He told me his wife had moved out and that he had physical
custody of his kids. He kept glancing down at my stomach though. When I told him I was pregnant, he
congratulated me, but the look on his face, I will never forget.
Things with my husband got worse and worse.
My baby was born on my best friends’ youngest sons birthday, and
when I began to feel contractions, I told him before I told my own
husband. After I gave birth, I
really couldn't take living in the same house as my husband, but he refused to
let me move out at the time.
So I intentionally left my email open one day. It was open to all the messages I had
exchanged with my friend (for years by that point).
His brother was staying with us and found them. My husband did not forgive me for what
he found, which was me playing the same game he had played on me. When he first confronted me about it, I
denied it. I told him that it was
just emails when I was hurt by the things he had done.
After the fact, I felt awful. I felt dirty. I
had lost myself. I was very
unhappy with life. I had not
forgiven him, nor had I forgiven myself.
Little by little, I had to find myself again!!!
He let me leave with the idea that we just needed time away from
each other to sort out our feelings.
I knew I couldn't go back though, and he was very angry. He
ended up moving in with one of the girls he cheated on me with and now, she's
the one getting cheated on. He has
not changed at all. I know he’s
cheating on her because of his mom telling me and he’s pretty open about doing
it himself. My kids also come back telling me about the arguments they have.
As for my (at one time) best friend, I still talk to him. His
wife came back to him.
He (the best friend) would sometimes send me, "you know I love you
messages".
His Instagram would show them going out to dinner and a few minutes after
dinner, I would get a message saying he's thinking about me, it’s crazy.
It's not physical though because he's not getting anything from
me.
But I go back on my original statement.
They recently had an anniversary. He posted a picture of her
and wrote: everyone asks what's the secret for us being together for so long,
the secret is no secret. My wife just happens to be a forgiving wife.
I've seen how my aunts, cousins or friends get
cheated on and how they stay to keep their families together.
They just happen to be forgiving people, and if that's what it
takes to keep a marriage, I honestly don't want one.
I'm not single because I can't find anybody. I'm single because I'm not going to
settle for just “being forgiving”.
F**k that. I'll buy my own
roses for Valentine’s Day gosh darn it!!! But I refuse to settle for less then I know I deserve. (END OF HER STORY)
So, what do you think about that????
