Robin Thicke's Apology to Paula On Stage...Should She Take Him Back?

So, Mr. Thicke was out performing around my neck of the woods (Northern VA) to perform and dedicate his songs to his newly made ex, Paula Patton.  He appears to be pulling all the stops in an effort to win back her affection.

I don't know how sincere of an apology this is obviously (meaning, if there would be change if they worked out their marriage) but I can definitely respect the fact that he's admitting his wrong like a man.  

Do I think it takes back the VMA performance or him attending to his groupie population?  Of course not but the least he could do is let everyone know he realizes he's a jackass.

I think because in my past I dealt with people in general who would do you wrong and then get mad at you for being upset about it, I get soft on apologies easily.  Call it a personality flaw.

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Biggest Mood Killers In The Bedroom

Laziness in bed - Like, why even bother if you're going to act like it's pulling teeth trying to do it?  I get the fact that you're tired, your head hurts, people pissed you off at work, your back feels like somebody did a black belt ninja kick to the lower region (shout out to my "old lady back" crew), but when you make a half assed effort in bed, that's the biggest part of what your mate sees AND remembers.  Enthusiasm is mostly communicated through your body language and is MORE THAN 1/2 the battle.


Gas -  Ewww.  That's all I have to say.  It's one thing to break one loose around your mate because you're comfy and you should be.  But when we're getting intimate?!  Like, REALLY?!  For real?!
I believe there are actually some people who believe this is "cute" or "adorable" to fart or "poot" randomly.  PLEEEEAAAASSSEEEE don't do this while you're trying to create a sexy moment with your other half.  Rotten booty asses.


Wack Ass Music -  I'll speak to the men on this one.  I believe that some of you will have the proper sense to actually play something slow and sensual for your lady - get your "love, talk, and slow jams" vibe going right.  THEN, some of you will play E-40 or Lil' Boosie.  If you are with a woman who is cool with riding the rodeo to those bastards, you both deserve to be deprived of a productive orgasm. Yes, I'm judging.


Lock The Door If You Have Kids -   Don't traumatize the babies, PLEASE.  And more importantly, try to plan ahead to give them quality time before you lay them down.  This is when them having a bed schedule counts the most outside of school because there is nothing worse than having to contain juices and explain looking like you got in a fight when you go to check on your 5 year old.  If they're a baby...just hang in there, all parents know your struggle.


Feeling Stressed Out -   Try to cure this problem by giving each other massages.  USE some type of attractive-smelling lotions or oils for the aromatherapy effect.  Start out slow so you can gradually and naturally build up excitement and intimacy.  DEFINITELY ask questions during this time and allow the stressed party to vent.  Make them say it in a soft voice too.


Being Too Tired -   The older you get, the more this becomes a factor.  Trying to juggle so much and not leaving room in your schedule for that intimate exchange is recipe for an awful experience.  Try to consider your mate - ESPECIALLY THE FELLAS!  You may be alright, but seriously think about this sometimes.  Lack of sleep affects your man candy too.


Too Much To Drink - Aside from the fact that you could throw up on me and get a potential elbow to the esophagus, I never understood why people drink to become vegetables.  I thought the whole point was to unwind?  Some of you all use the bottle as an excuse to die and resurrect as the Zombie Apocalypse and think someone wants to lay the smack in bed after that?  If you're in a committed marriage or relationship and the person wants to please you, sure.  But they probably won't enjoy satisfying your whino looking ass.


Ticking Time Bombs -  Okay Sugafoot...Poor baby.   We all know our bodies and sometimes we know we could finish before the party even gets started.  If you know you're backed up or can feel the potential eruption in your panties/boxers...you should consider masturbating beforehand.
Now, for the ones who like to reserve their initial orgasm as the "most powerful one" because you get somewhat numb or lose your drive afterward, either give yourself enough time before you get in bed or prepare to compensate your partner in other ways.  ((snort laughs))


Sex Toys -  Ladies, make sure you and your man are on the same page with this.  He might not be game for everything you may have in your night stand arsenal.


Porn -  Gents, make sure you know she's cool with this as well.  Reassure her if she's apprehensive.  Some women like porn and some don't.  If you care about who you're about to give it to (hopefully you do dammit), just make sure she's comfortable and in a good space.  When she is, the sex will be much better for you both.


Getting Yours and We're Done -  There's a special place in hell for you bastards.  If you're trying to figure out why your other half may not be so quick to jump in the sack for some action, think about if you're giving them a reason to keep coming back for more.  We have a LOT of people in the world who stay in their own bubble and are so consumed with their own needs and wants that they forget to leave a lasting impression.  This is valid for people whether you are MARRIED, DATING, OR SINGLE.

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GLADIATORS UNITE!!! (DISCLAIMER TO THE SCANDAL HATERS)

AND FELLAS,

BEFORE YOU GO WITH THE SIDE CHICK TALK AGAIN, I'LL SAY THIS:

UNLESS YOU WERE MAKING FUN OF SARAH JESSICA PARKER AND KIM CATTRALL OF SEX AND THE CITY FOR MESSING AROUND WITH MARRIED MEN AMONG THE OTHER THOUSANDS THEIR CHARACTERS HAD ON THE SHOW, HAVE SEVERAL UNCOMFORTABLE SEATS AND SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT KERRY WASHINGTON COLLECTING HER PAYCHECK.  THE DOUBLE STANDARDS IN LIFE ARE SO REAL.

PEOPLE DON'T EVEN REALIZE HOW IGNORANT THEY ARE ABOUT THIS TOPIC.  SO OTHER ACTRESSES GET A PASS FOR ANY CHARACTER THEY PLAY, BUT NOT KERRY!  SHE BETTER BE CLAIR HUXTABLE - (SIDE NOTE: HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW PHYLICIA RASHAD WAS IN REAL LIFE?!  IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY IF SHE SLEPT AROUND BACK IN THE DAY, BUT I WONT SHADE MAMA HUXTABLE...I LOVE HER LONG TIME).

BLACK WOMEN WILL NEVER WIN WITH SOME OF YOU MISERABLE FOLK THOUGH.

ANYWAY...LET'S GO LADIES AND GENTS!!!


((POPCORN WILL BE IN THE DAMN MICROWAVE!!!)

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"Don't Publicly Disrespect Me"

Can we all agree to say that this is the ultimate form of betrayal?

According to TMZ, Paula Patton was reported to have been at the height of embarrassment by husband Robin Thicke's performance w/ Miley Cyrus last year at the VMAs. Apparently everything went downhill from there with constant arguing and Robin being seen with other women at various clubs.  Obviously most of us knew she would be pissed, but she finally admitted to the root of where the problem began.

Does the disrespect become worse when it's public?  I know some people who LIVE BY handling their business behind closed doors - which I agree, but does it become an unforgivable violation when the whole world gets to see your spouse practically cheating on you?

Is there anyone who believes what he did should NOT be considered cheating?  Just wondering...

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Melanie Fiona: "Don't Settle For Less Just To Be In A Relationship"

Necole Bitchie had a "Girl Talk Chat" with 30-year-old Melane Fiona who talked about her recent break up with Adam Rodriguez (that edible-looking Hispanic dude from CSI Miami).

Madame Noire covered this story as well and quoted her on the smartest method to part ways when you break up with your man.

"Remaining calm is generally the best way to approach the situation".  It's so easy to fly off the handle and throw stuff outside, burn stuff, but there is nothing good that comes from that.  There's more strength and power in remaining calm because you've done the work to know what is for you and what is not for you."

I feel like, this situation is always two-fold in my eyes.  Most people will try to play the, "I have no f*cks to give" approach in many break up situations because most people try to save face and look unaffected.  OR, you might actually see the volcano erupting depending on who you're dealing with.

Ms. Fiona's mentality (IMO) is honestly the best mindset to have in a situation that will undoubtedly test your levels of chill.  Especially if there was cheating or lying involved.

But it's definitely more important for you to be okay on the INSIDE.  And the best thing that can help you remain cool during a rough split would be to have the right people around you (aka a DOPE SUPPORT SYSTEM).

Don't start talking to your bitter friends that can't wait for drama to pop off so they can get animated about telling you what you should do - even though all of their advice has NEVER worked in their own situation.

You need to be around the people who will push you to keep moving, to do better, and to vent, but to ultimately let it go and move on.

Most importantly, don't short change yourself.  There are a TON of people who have filed for divorce because they married for all the wrong reasons.  There are also people who married because they were trying to prove something.  Who (exactly) are you proving anything to?  Do you get full off of what these people eat?  Do they pay your electric bill and if they do can you tell them to take a crack at mine real quick?!  After all, behind closed doors, THAT will be the person you have to co-exist and go through this thing called life with.

That brings me into my next topic about women who feel they have "earned a ring".  Oh yes dammit, let's explore this shit.  (Look, I cursed.)

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How To Tell If A Man Is NOT Into You....

The fact of the matter is, there are too many women who play themselves dealing with guys who could give two damns about anything going on with you beyond the treasure chest between your legs.

So I've compiled a thoughtful list from the male side of my Doodle Family that illustrates a man who could take you or leave you:

1. There is no consistency in communication.

2. If the girl initiates the communication like texting, there is a huge delay in the response. Or if its via phone, he says 'let me call you back' frequently.

3. They both talk about the same subjects all the time, and he never talks to her about anything that requires feelings/emotions.

4. He gives her little to no eye contact when they are face to face.

5. He does not compliment her. If he does, it's rarely and definitely not consistent.

6. He is only affectionate in PRIVATE with you. PUBLIC affection is slim to none.

7. You barely know anyone who he is close to (i.e. friends, parents, siblings, etc.)

8. He cancels plans very easily with you (if he makes them at all) - you are more on HIS schedule than a mutual collaboration.

9. Your rendez-vous are usually more convenient for him than for you.

10. He doesn't remember anything significant that relates to the two of you.

The fact is, a man will always provide all the signs to see where his head is. It's up to you to get hip. If there is a question of what he's thinking, it's probably because he's not thinking much of you. Fellas, let me know if I left out anything.

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Advice from A Guy Who Gets Laid Every Night (Mature Content)

DISCLAIMER:  I HAVE FRIENDS IN MY DOODLE WORLD.  I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO ROB AKA CRAZYBUG.  (I JUST MADE THAT UP...HE'LL LOVE THE NICKNAME, I'M SURE.)  ANYWAY, THIS IS WHAT HE HAS TO SAY ABOUT MEN WHO TAKE THE GENTLEMAN APPROACH TO FINDING A LADY.  HIS WORDS, NOT MINE...BUT THAT'S MY NINJA 5000.  ALRIGHTY?!  ALRIGHTY.  LET'S GO.

Dear Mr. Nice guy,

First, allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Rob. R to the ob. I used to move snowflakes with a shovel when it snowed in New Jersey. Second, fuck you for rolling your eyes at my intro; that shit was clever. Thirdly, I’m a natural born hater, and I think that your beta male mentality is fucking pathetic.

Let us begin…

Sir, you do realize that nice guys always finish last? That putting yourself in the homegirl/homeboy situation will always get you second runner up? You must be one of those super faithful guys who sends “good morning beautiful” text messages to every cute bitch you meet. That shit is played out son. Stop it. I remember fucking this girl and she got six good morning text from six different dudes. Six texts! She’s gargling my balls while you assholes are sending her a “good morning beautiful” text with the kissie face emoticon. Ugh. You make me sick. And I feel sorry for you because I was just like you.

Yes, a younger Rob was a nice guy. I wasn’t always the strapping bearded lad who had his way with the ladies. Nope, I once believed that chivalry was the best way and man whores were evil. I bought flowers, took chicks on dates, wrote poems, etcetera etcetera. I did all that Drake shit and thought it would work. But more often than not, I found myself holding my dick after a date or a night out at the club.

Why? Because I was corny. Because I didn’t engage their vaginas. Because I thought that saying all the right things would get me somewhere.

“But Rob, I got a gang of bitches I hang with. Suzy with the fat ass. Shanel with the perfect figure. I got pictures with these girls all on my Instagram and Facebook.” Cool. Real cool. Nothing wrong with having female friends playa. But real quick? How many text do you get at 11 pm that say “Gimme the dick?” None. (Quick note. Fuck you for thinking that fat/ugly chicks counts. They’re always available. To everyone.)

See, I’m not advocating that you do anything but be yourself. But there must come a time when enough is enough. Are you not a man? Be a man! Conquer that pussy! Make her want you! I remember asking a number of women “Why aren’t we fucking? Pure and simple. What makes you want that asshole and not me?” Truth be told, they thought I was too safe. Too comfortable. Too boring. I was squeaky clean on paper and did everything right, but not giving them any reason to drop the drawls. Even worse, when I eventually did get some cootch after weeks of waiting, it was a 15 minute romp and she never called me again.

I wasn’t sexy and I didn’t stimulate women to want me.

Being sexy and being attractive are entirely different things. And it isn’t physical at all. Can you command her inner freak with words? When you tell jokes, are they flirtatious and intelligent with slight double entendres? Do you even tell jokes? Comedy and liquor are the quickest ways to having sex. Hell, comedy and liquor are the quickest ways out the friend zone. Tease her ever so slightly and she’ll give you that playful “Stop it!” with a grin and a shove. Then she’ll fix her hair and look at you with her beautiful brown eyes and think “I want his penis.”

Being sexy is wearing your button up and jeans with confidence. Roll up a sleeve and add a cheap watch and a bracelet. Stay away from a fucking blazer and jeans. You don’t stand out. Stop it. Wear a cheesy t-shirt from Spencer’s and dare her to be offended. And when she asks you what you do for a living, give a cool but crazy answer; “I’m a professional athlete who’s never played for a sports team. In the meantime, I make cat porn in my mother’s basement. What do you do?” Are you lying? I sure hope so. But that shit is interesting. Be interesting. Exude interesting. Be the penis she wants. Fuck her brain you moron.

Mr. Nice Guy, it is your duty to please that booty. Don’t be a creep, but be a creep. Don’t be an asshole, but be an asshole. Make her want you. She should go home and think “man, that guy was the shit.” Every non platonic female interaction you have should leave her thinking about you. Wanting you. You need to be the envy of all without even trying.

I’m rooting for you man. I hung up my player card and I’m passing my wisdom and knowledge to the younger generations. I know that you can do it. Call that broad up and tell her to meet you at a museum.  Bitches love museums. And when you get there, change plans and watch a hockey game followed by bar hopping at different strip clubs. Trust me, it works. Shit is interesting and fuck you for disagreeing. I’m getting my dick licked tonight. You think that hookah lounge date is going to get your dick licked? Didn’t think so.

With hatred and love,

Rob

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Signs A Woman Is GENUINELY Interested In You

Because I think some people get this confused on a regular basis -  I know women do too, but both are equally annoying.

I truly understand the fact that many men would love for women to be more forward in 2014 (it's just a different day and time for some who don't want to guess what the woman is thinking), but since you can't always read her mind or get her to come to you, you should at least know the SIGNS.
1) SHE STALKS YOU ON FACEBOOK OFTEN -
You usually know when she mentions something about your activity or maybe a comment she questions you about.

2) HER JEALOUSY COMES OUT -
Most women that are genuinely interested in you will show her disapproval when someone else appears to be lurking.  And definitely if you are entertaining them.  This will likely come out in the form of questions or smart a** comments.

3) SHE STAYS IN KISSING DISTANCE OFTEN -
Most women that want you will give you both the opportunity to create that aura of intimacy.  If she's distant, it probably means she'd prefer it that way.

4) SHE STARTS TO SAY THINGS YOU SAY -
A woman that starts to mirror your language and mannerisms is someone who probably wants to get closer to you (or already feels close to you) in the back of her mind.

5) YOU RARELY CATCH HER SLIPPING -
A woman should definitely feel comfortable in her skin around you, we all know this. But if you can tell she always smells nice and looks edible around you...I would bank on the fact that she's doing this on purpose to heighten your attraction for her.

6) SHE WILL TRY TO DO DOMESTIC THINGS FOR YOU -
A woman wants to show her tender, caring side to a man she's feeling attached to.  And while there are some women who give boyfriend/husband benefits to anyone...there are those women who reserve that special treatment for a man she is into.  She will also boast her skills (if she has them lol) in the earlier phases of interest.

7) SHE LAUGHS AT YOUR STUPID JOKES -
A woman who wants you will always receive your attempts at connecting with her with open arms.  That simple.

8) SHE IS EASY TO FIND -
If you have to put out the SWAT Team, Police dogs, smoke signals, and holla at Olivia Pope to find a woman you're into, I'm willing to bet the bank on the fact that she's not trying to be found.  At all.  It's one thing if she's genuinely busy and apologizes but a woman will rarely disappear on a man she wants a deeper connection with.




(I'M POSTING THE MEN NEXT....)

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You THINK I Want You, or You KNOW I Want You?

When you're nice and people take it for more than just common courtesy.

Fellas, you guys are NOT the only ones who have this issue.  I've found myself in a situation before where someone assumed that because I opened my mouth to utter syllables that resulted in a sentence, that it obviously meant I was checking for them.  ((Family Feud Buzzer sound))  Negative champ.

I truly don't understand why things can't just be face value with some people.   Did I SAY I wanted you?!  Did I compliment the globe like structure of your cranium cavity?  Or maybe the slope shape forehead view I have whenever I catch you at a sideways angle?  ((cue the video please))

Anywhoo...

You can call me a jerk that's fine, but women are sick of men that think they're God's Gift just like men get tired of women who are always acting like a man who acknowledges their presence wants to get with them.

Honestly, I blame you sneaky bastards though.  If it wasn't for so many people who live the creep life and have to ease their way into dealing with a person (because being STRAIGHT THE F*** UP IS OBVIOUSLY A 1995 TYPE OF THING), we could just have cordial connections without all the extra nonsense.

Yep, we live in the days of Catfish on MTV and BlackPeopleBEAT.com (meet my ass)

(Can you tell I'm a tad perturbed by this BS?!)

If I'm nice to you, THAT DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING BESIDES THE FACT THAT WE ARE COOL AND I HAVE HOME TRAINING!!!  MMMM...KAY?!?!

When I was in my twenties, I definitely didn't understand that people can't read minds and you have to enunciate your vowels when you want to be on the same page with someone.  But now that I'm older, I lose my mind when I come across people that assume stuff without sufficient evidence.

You don't know what the hell I'm thinking.  Chances are if you're in the position of not knowing what's on my mind it's probably because the f**ks I give about you knowing are slim to none.  

Damn that was mean.  But so true.

Why can't we just get to a place in society where COMMON COURTESY is a normal, everyday practice?  We're so brainwashed in the urban community and most of the crap we preach about is all shit that divides us.

From the basics to the elites.

We stay judging one another and talking shit.  And yes, I'm talking shit right now, but my current hypocrite moment is irrelevant.  Listen to what the hell I'm saying.

How powerful would we all be if we actually started living in REALITY and taking things at FACE F***ING VALUE?!  

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

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Sex Has Changed The Upper Hand...

My friend sent me this video that at first I wasn't sure if I wanted to watch because it was 10 minutes long (my ADD and fatigue were on full blast), but I was really glad I did.

YOU NEED TO SEE THIS THO!!!  There are so many factors to add to what they were trying to say in this video, but a lot of it is valid.

My question after watching it would be is this change RIGHT or WRONG?  One thing that is certain is that things will always evolve and change over time.  Is this a good example of the times we live in? (That last sentence I just said is clear proof that I'm getting OLD - only old people say "the times we live in").  Anywhoo...




I feel like in some ways, we should respect the changes and the way our freedoms have evolved, but I have one big question when it comes to the freedom of sex without commitment.

Are the lack of families helping us?  Do they hurt us?  Or does it matter?  Because throughout my years and meeting people that had an unstable family dynamic, I have always have heard from THEIR OWN MOUTH how not having a completion of family made things hard for them in terms of emotions and development.

Or is the relationship directly with the parent the only important factor?  I would say no because children are always going to observe and take notes about the way a parent treats other people and if that child sees negative behavior from the mother or father towards each other, what does that in itself communicate?

Are we all a product of our environment who have been influenced or do we instinctively have built in desires like companionship and belonging when it comes to having a mate?  Because you find more and more people who have personal issues with religious practices going completely against things like marriage being a sacred/respected obligation or practice.  But let's remove religion and talk biology.  We all get horny right?  Now whether it's heterosexual or homosexual you still desire another person right?  So what does it all mean?  Why do people get jealous?  Is that a societal condition that was subliminally instilled or can we all agree with the fact that most of us genuinely want love, companionship, and ultimately a significant other who we wouldn't want to share if we were GENUINELY ATTACHED TO THEM?  

Please talk to me on this one.  And keep in mind, I wrote this for everyone.  People who believe in marriage and family values, as well as ones who are open to all the possibilities.

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Name a Hollywood Couple Who You Believe is Faithful....

CAN ANYONE THINK OF A HOLLYWOOD MARRIAGE WHERE THEY HONESTLY BELIEVE THERE IS NO INFIDELITY???  SERIOUSLY, NAME ONE DAMMIT!!! I NEED TO HEAR THIS (LOL)

The only one I could think of off the top of my head would be Brad Pitt and Angelina or Denzel and his wife.  And I ONLY SAY THAT because they seem so genuinely attached in the public eye (or clean besides the whole Jenn Aniston situation in the beginning).

So when I think about Robin Thicke and Paula Patton, I (like everyone else) am not really shocked at the situation. Disappointed maybe, but not shocked.

But one thing I've always wondered is the mindset of most Hollywood couples and if many of them have a pact or understanding about people they may come across outside their relationship.  Or do any of them have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy?  Can that even exist when you have paparazzi times infinity nowadays with journalists on a large scale and bloggers from the highest and lowest of viewers? (Shoutout to DoodlebugDiaries.com and whoever that broad is writing for 'em).

But for real.  You have dudes that are complete and utter BUMS with a capital WTF who get booty without even asking for it or doing anything to get it.  So what the entire hell would a celebrity who makes nothing but child conceiving music do with all the scattered ass in the Hollywood world?  Seems like logic that most women would already be hip to the program.  Paula was married to Robin for nearly a decade (around the time he blew completely in 2005), but even before that he was doing production and writing/co-writing for Christina Aguilera and Brandy, etc.  - meaning, he was in that loop with all the various options of street booty.

I feel like, it's probably good that now Ms. Patton doesn't have to remain "PC" anymore about the fact that ol' boy was clearly channeling his inner Quagmire one too many times.

And that's where I feel like if it was flipped and Paula was the one with pics of someone squeezing her cakes, their relationship would've been over at LEAST a year ago.  Just saying.

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Your Mate Smells Like a Port-A-Potty. How Do You Talk To Them About It?

What do you do when your mate has an awful situation about them that you know you NEED to address...but you don't know how to go about talking to them on it?


Now, I'm not talking about you ignorant, blunt a**holes that can't WAIT for an opportunity to make your other half feel like sh*t because you really have another issue that you're avoiding so you're going to nitpick about small unimportant crap, thus prolonging your actual issue. ((catches breath)) Damn, that was a long sentence.

But you know.  I mean things like if your other half had a hygiene issue and it smelled like seafood shenanigans on the bottom floor of the body mansion.

OR

If you have a tagalong that is a dear relative or friend of your mate, and they won't go the hell home or stop mooching off the two of you or giving you privacy.

OR

If he keeps buying baggy condoms that look like a deflated balloon on his Jr. Jr. and you keep getting the bastard stuck inside of you because nobody will sit him down and supportively tell him to be proud and purchase some Lifestyle condoms and walk out of Walmart like a boss.  

OR

If he's 42 and is still trying to have you listen to that track he recorded in Ray Ray's basement telling you how many A&Rs from Sony Records he's talked to last week.

OR

If their breath smells like they've been spending the whole day taking deep breaths over public toilets.

OR

Maybe everyone but her notices the dried up line of wig glue to hold on her lacefront weave and no one had the testicular fortitude to approach her with words of wisdom, in the name of love to save her edges.

My point is Lovebugs...we all have issues.  No one is perfect, but the worst thing in the world is to have an alleged supportive cast that enable you to continue acts of WACKtivity (note the word) and they SEE IT and won't help you out.

Is it easy?!  NOOOOOO because I know even for myself, I'm an emotional person, so critiques of me are only taken well if I believe you actually give a sh*t about me.  

Friends don't let friends be wack kids.  That friend could also be your spouse, your sister or brother, your cousin, your ANYONE WHO KNOWS THE INTIMATE DETAILS OF YOUR LIFE.  

It's one thing to not know how to point out embarrassing small things, but talking about (and getting through) substantial things should define the power of your relationship.

If you genuinely care and see something that may hinder them or that takes away from them, you should let it be known unless it's truly overstepping something that would damage the integrity of your bond.

AND FOR YOU INSECURE FRIENDS THAT HOLD OUT ON MEMBERS OF YOUR CIRCLE, I HOPE A SQUIRREL SCRATCHES YOU AND GIVES YOU A TOUCH OF RABIES. 

OR AT LEAST SCARES THE SH*T OUT OF YOU.

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FRIENDS FOR LIFE! (EVEN THOUGH WE ARE MARRIED...)

FOR MY MARRIED LOVEBUGS AND LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS (QUESTION FOR YOU)

Do you believe you can have friends of the opposite sex as long as boundaries are respected within the friendship?  Or do you throw that friendship in the long-distance, I'll send you a postcard category out of respect for your mate?

I asked this because I get mixed reviews from people about whether friendships with taken members of the opposite sex (or your desired sex) is appropriate.

I'll get responses like:

"We can be friends and not cross any boundaries that would affect our intimate relationships"

OR

"HELL NO THEY CAN'T HAVE ANY DAMN FRIENDS, WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS LOOK LIKE?  DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE SHOW FRIENDS AND DO I LOOK LIKE JENNIFER "GOT THE SHORT END OF THE STICK" ANISTON?  (people under 25 are like, huh?) 

OR

They can be friends as long as I'm just as good of a friend to them as my mate.  (THIS ONE I CAN PROBABLY ROCK WITH THE MOST I GUESS)

Honestly, I personally know people who talk that bestie BS but secretly would jump at a moment's notice to whisk off into the sunset if the opportunity presented itself.  I'm not saying that all people who could go there would, but damn it,  I DON'T PLAY THAT SH**!!!!!!!!  

I couldn't even pretend like I would be remotely comfortable with an attractive woman talking about how much of a "friend" she is to my man.  I'd be like, "oh reeeeeaaaally?!"  Does this look like the movie, "Brown Sugar" to you biatch?!   I try to store some "chill" up for rainy days when people piss me off, but I promise if I had started as a snotty nose kid collecting chill, I STILL wouldn't have enough at 31 to stop me from being Daniel Son at the end of the first Karate Kid.  

The only way i'd be cool with this is if I'm not attached and if we're not exclusive.  

((Pauses for about 20 seconds))  NAAAAAAAAA...I'm lying.  I'm stingy regardless.  If you kiss me on the forehead, we go together...EFF THAT!!! 

AND I DON'T SHARE.  (smiles)

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Review of "Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned" at Warner Theatre

So last night was Day 2 of the "Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned" play showing at the Warner Theatre in Washington, DC.

Anddddd...

It was what you would expect (OBVIOUSLY) from Mr. Perry.  (I know, some of you love him...and others...not so much - but I'm assuming if you clicked on the damn blog post, you have some interest in him or the play sooooo ok!)

Patrice Lovely who played Hattie aka everybody's Mama, and she's also on the show "Love Thy Neighbor" was praying and poppin her butt cheeks at the same damn time.  She was hilarious tho.

Cheryl "Pepsii" Riley (Anita) did her thing too, but the gentleman playing her gold digging hubby?! (Ray Lavender as Victor)

((Warning: Ignorant Black Chick Moment))  GOOD GAWD WHY DOES TYLER PERRY TEMPETH ME WITH THESE MAN CANDY SHENANIGANS?!  -- THEN, he had a nerve to sing this song to Anita as he was convincing her to marry him.  I WILL have footage of this tomorrow (you know that uncontrollable Tourette's like twitch you get when the notes a singer hits is just THAT good?!) -- I needed a copy of his mixtape and if actors in plays don't have mixtapes, i'll be happy to stalk him like I do the Starbucks. ((Ignorant moment postponed for now))

One thing I DIDN'T like about the play was the fact that they only knew each other for a short period of time (a week) before they were tying the knot in Vegas.  I just felt like Tyler gets really over the top with detail that makes the plot non-believable at times.  I would have bought the storyline more if Victor was a dude she already knew and then the week long courtship would have seemed more life-like.  I guess I just don't have women in 2014 being that retarded to believe that this masculine creature of godliness would be so ready to settle down after one week to a middle-aged woman without there being a catch.  Not that middle-aged women can't pull 'em...don't shoot me or anything, but you know what the hell I'm saying.

You have money in the bank, so I would think you already have your checkbook pen full of ink for Cougar investments.  A man candy type guy at that?! Am I thinking too much into this?  If you saw my last post about being courted by a man's wallet, you would understand why I feel like most of the people in Anita's position would already be with the program and protective of her investments.  ((shrugs))

The most meaningful part (in my opinion) is this one thing that I can definitely say we all as God's children should take heed to.  Anita questioned God's presence in her life after she almost lost everything and the Pastor in the play said something that reinforced my own faith.

"The Devil wants you to focus on your circumstance, while God wants you to focus on HIS promise". The desires of our hearts.  When we go through things, we often come out of them smarter, better, more prepared for what is next to come.  Of course, some people have shorter times on Earth than others, but who is to say that the missing pieces to the puzzle aren't waiting for the next phase of life? (Anyway...not to go off topic)

WE SHOULD KNOW THAT OUR OBSTACLES ARE USUALLY STEPPING STONES OF THE PROCESS TO MAKE US BETTER.  I CAN PERSONALLY SAY THAT ALL OF THE TIMES I HAVE FALLEN, I LEARNED MANY THINGS THAT ADDED TO MY VALUE.

Of all my criticisms of Tyler Perry's material, one thing is for sure - I am eternally grateful for his punchlines.  They are inspiring and I believe there are so many people who benefit from being reminded of things that will help them to happily move forward.

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I Don't Know How To Say "NO"

 
Many people look at "nice" folks as pushovers.  To be kind is almost a turnoff in society because it communicates weakness or neediness.

Most of the time I'm ranting about nice guys that aren't confident, but I'll leave you delicate bastards alone today.  I'm really directing the spotlight to myself on this one.  One problem I've always had with people in general is that I give off a very friendly vibe early in the game of our connection (friendship, professional or romantic), then I'm forced to re-introduce myself in the event that they don't realize that my gangsta is not to be slept on in these streets. (It's a true story, don't laugh).

In general, I'll share with all you folk who care so deeply for a sista (rolls eyes) that I truly have a hard time saying the word, "NO".  It's something that I've struggled with over the years - not because I don't have a backbone, but more because I genuinely care about people and I always try to find a "win-win" scenario with folks.

But failing to say "no" can open up a can of worms simply for not keeping it 100 in the situation.

At 31 years old, I've learned that's not realistic for life, OR for what I often feel deep down.

So I figured I'd shed some light for people that have a similar problem to me you know? (And for folk that want to say I'm not nice, kiss my ass, you're probably annoying and I'm getting better with dealing with people that annoy the black off my skin.)

1) Realize that an early no beats out a BS, dragged out version of a "maybe, I'm not sure" any day of the week.
People might not like hearing the word "no", but it only gets harder the longer you hold out on the inevitable.

2) Don't give a 3-hour speech explaining why you can't do something.
You might as well went for Door Number Doormat with this approach.  You just look weak and afraid to piss somebody off.

3) Be firm about it, but don't sound defensive.
People need to know that you mean what you say, but there's a balance between being serious and asking for an argument.  Sometimes when we make up in our mind how a person will react to us, we will automatically start acting in relation to our thoughts instead of reality.  Give the person a chance to respond to your answer.


I had to check myself on this subject honestly - if I could go back in a time machine to situations where I should have hit a flat out no I definitely would, but I just remind myself that I'm not perfect.  You live, you learn, you keep it moving.

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You Are Not Courting Me Sir...Your Wallet Is.

It's a sad day in the United States of Niggadom when you have a man who has everything to offer you financially, but in the personality department he makes you want to Hail Mary your entire body over a high balcony.  The survival probability of that sounds more tempting than being subjected to a limited connection.

Take this one guy for example.  He was a great cook, had the house all laid out and impressively designed.  Money was no object and clearly all I had to do was let go and have his bank account take care of the rest.  But wait...

Is that all I'm good for?  An arm piece?  A prop?  I mean, I'm damn sure no Drunk In Love Beyonce' with the wet dog hair (bite me Bey Hive, her hair was wack on the Grammys), but I felt like my purpose was pretty drawn out.  The thing was...the dude was ready to make me his lady without checking my rap sheet, my LadyFax, my background, and probably didn't even know my last name without having to check it on Facebook.

So it was obvious he wanted someone to fill a position, a slot and I was in his radar at that particular time.  I could have been absolutely ANYONE that looked halfway decent in an evening gown to stunt for colleagues and clients.  And for many women, his money would have been more than enough to fake it 'til we make it.

Not La Doodlebug tho.

First of all, I love money like everyone else.  But one of the reasons I like money is that it opens the doors of things that I could do for and with people I actually care about.  There are freedoms that money can't buy, but there are also some that an American Express will gladly take care of.  Personally, my acting skills aren't gangsta enough to pull off faking an intimate connection with a person I didn't find appealing.  And for real, I might have ended up feeling the dude if we had taken more time to connect as opposed to his proposition of making me his woman at the drop of a hat.

And I like spontaneity, especially in a man, but damn dawg...we barely have any real convo and somehow I'm supposed to be convinced that you're the one.  Only real thing that's a match made in heaven is my bucket list to visit Dubai and your bank statement showing my ticket there is paid in full.

But I'm just not built like that.  He got pretty pissed off at the fact that I wanted to slow things down a taste. See how genuinely interested he was in me??? ((rolls eyes while daydreaming of slapping him with a resistance belt from the gym))

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I Am Not Your "FAM"...

Unless you meet the following requirements:


1)  I share intimate details of my life with you.  You know what is going on in my life because I have elected to share that privileged information with you.

2)  I know that I could come to you in the event that I need support of any kind (because you would genuinely be there for me).

3) We share a mutual respect for one another.

4) We genuinely enjoy spending quality time together.  (Keyword: Quality - that doesn't include shit I could do with anyone)


I'm so tired of people lowering the value of words that should be held more sacred. You have chicks calling each other "sis" who can't stand each other, people calling each other "bestie" and humping the life out of them at the same time, and "I love you" definitely doesn't mean a damn to some people - you might as well be saying "hey boo".

That's where the saying, "There's levels to this sh-" truly comes in handy because I might be cool with you, but that DEFINITELY doesn't mean you are my FAM.

I don't confuse the depths of my bonds because that's where things get messy and you get taken advantage of.

Some people only act like they want to be close to you so they can observe you anyway. They just want the intimate details so they'll fake like they rock with you.

This isn't to say that family won't mess up or hurt you, but we all know the difference between people that genuinely give a damn versus people who could take you or leave you.

And for the ones like that just know:

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.  WE ARE COOL, BUT YOU ARE NOT MY FAMILY AND YOU DO NOT HAVE FAMILY ACCESS.  SO BACK UP OFF THE KID. (I FLEXED MY ARM MUSCLE WHEN I SAID THAT TOO)

AND FOR THOSE WHO GIVE FAMILY ACCESS TO PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T EARNED IT, YOU NEED TO STEP BACK AND SEE WHO HAS REALLY SHOWN YOU THEY DESERVE THE INTIMATE DETAILS OF YOUR LIFE.

I MIGHT SOUND PISSED BUT I'M CURRENTLY SMILING AT SOMEONE WHO'S NEVER MADE ME QUESTION THEIR LOYALTY.  Y'ALL BE EASY. (LOL)

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Do Men Truly Appreciate Aggressive Women???

Not according to Mr. Davis. Melvin Davis (author and writer) says,

Aggressive women can be defined as women who: 1. Would ask for a guys number. If a man is interested, he'll ask. 2. Corner you with questions, kind of like a check-off list. For example: a. Where do you work? b. How many kids you have? c. Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Of course these are all plausible questions to ask to gage someone, but not in the first encounter. At least the second or third outing. I've had this happen before. 3. Women who continue to reach out when you've told them you're busy with something. Patience seems to be a issue here. Some women fear they'll lose or miss out if the guy doesn't respond them in the timeframe they see fit.


I was talking to one guy on Melvin's comment thread after he made a status about this and the guy said that he wouldn't have linked with his (now) wife so early if she hadn't made action to pursue him the way she did.  

She basically asked for his phone number and told him she wanted him to take her out - which I think is fine personally. I don't think there is any reason at all to play games if you are genuinely interested in a person. 

I think the problem comes in (however) when a woman plays more of an aggressive role than the man overall. I don't think any of that is natural and I (personally) would not be attracted to a man who would want me to come after him.

I would think most women seek masculine men that would make them feel protected and like a woman. I was raised looking at my dad who straight up goes after what he wants. No ifs, ands or cut cards. That directness is comfort in my eyes and would make me more drawn to a man in terms of a suitor. Indirect behavior is not something I was raised to appreciate, but that's just my preference. I know there are many people who wouldn't hold it against someone, but i'd be lying if I said I entertained it or appreciated it.

In my 20s I was extremely shy so I was very awkward about my feelings and how to express them, but now in my 30s, I feel I show genuine interest in someone special, but still allow a man to be a man.

I know there are lots of men (however) that feel like a woman should go after what they want. I can understand not wanting to guess what a woman feels, but not to the point where she should come after you. That I don't agree with from a biological standpoint or societal. I don't care if it's 2014, ((snaps fingers with the ratchet head roll)).

Here's what my dad had to say when I asked him if he thinks it's cool for a woman to pursue a man:

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Black Women Are More Conservative In The Bedroom

Yep.  I've had some off the record comments about the last blog post in terms of the freakiness levels and I must say...it's very interesting that I've been told by a few different people that they have personally found BLACK WOMEN TO BE THE MOST CONSERVATIVE IN THE BEDROOM.  I broke this down for one of my friends, and he understood where I was coming from.  Now I'm going to break it down for my Diary hustle.  ((Cracks knuckles and neck real quick))  Okie dokie.

I am willing to believe that this is true about Black women being more sexually conservative compared to other races.  

Black women are probably the most conservative for many diverse reasons, but I think one big reason is because they are judged the most harshly in society for their behavior.

Black women are often looked at more as sex OBJECTS, not SYMBOLS - there is a BIG difference. (One big example of this are urban models who are described in many derogatory ways in music).

When someone thinks of a "THOT" (new slang term for hoodrat, scalliwag, whatever, I'm old, so i'll stick to what I know in terms of my SLANGUAGE), they usually think of a BLACK woman.

I believe those factors have helped to put a guard up within black women when it comes to how she responds sexually, or period for that matter.  

I believe it may be different for women that are already taken. Their reasons could be more about being underdeveloped (and honestly a lack of confidence) sexually. Some women may really be dry (in more ways than one) in the bedroom, but with women who aren't officially in a committed relationship, I am willing to bet that more of a guard is up about how much she "lets go" and puts into the connection.

Black women overall have a guard up because of double negatives in society and many of those judgments are by other Black people. Black women are not allowed to be selective in love because they are often accused of being their own worst enemy and deserving of loneliness because they simply have a preference or standards like many other human beings.

If a Black woman is overly emotional, she's deemed unstable or crazy for expressing those emotions. If she doesn't respond in emotion, she's often labeled heartless or a bitch for her detachment.

I'm not here to write a biased rant or complain, but to lie and save face about this topic just to win points for being objective would be a lie to myself - and from me to you. Life just isn't fair like that. Much like a man can sleep with 5,000 women and still be Mr. "Such and Such", but if a woman is known to sleep with more than one man, she's labeled forever in society as trashy.

The guys who commented about this to me were referring to single women, so I'm referring more to those women as opposed to ladies who are in an exclusive relationship.  

Take the movie, "Think Like a Man". The situation with Megan Good's character was all about her being afraid of letting go too soon before the time was right. The movie showed her insecurities and the whole GAME (yes, it's very much a game) that is played in the early stages of linking up with a person you're interested in. She spent so much time worrying about how she would be viewed by a potential mate that she couldn't just be herself and be free. That's almost a perfect example of what it is in the dating realm of sexuality. You could say well, other races of women can be called bimbos, sluts or any of the like, but those other classes of women aren't dealing with a statistic of 70% of women in their race who file as SINGLE on their taxes. Clearly there's something here to be reluctant about.

Now to be fair, a woman who is sleeping around with multiple men is definitely asking for some permanent "Magic" in her "Johnson" cave, but unless she's aiming for that level of Stankonia with Andre and 5000 of his friends and past sex partners, she's probably just a regular single woman who may be unsure of her comfort level with the guy she's into.

You all can let me know if I'm off base though. I think I'm brilliant to be quite honest. (I kid, I kid).

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